Ploughing Banter - aka did the earth move for you ;)

massey765 said:

You suggesting I would be ok in that
class


..
barsteward

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Eyup agin Benje
Both wed n'wats more - tiv each uther! Dunt git maudlin ower it an dunt try blamin that there spell checker - appen itint allus at fault if tha were t'be perfectly oppen' n above booard

According ter't local hysterical s'ciety. point is tha mayn't be ivver thatsofar off wi Tongue Norton, appen nutsofar offen as Lord Stokes woodavus bileeve!

Just abaht time Adam wer a lad, yon King Vertigern, having conned them Pendragons inter goin back ter Cornwall, set Hengist ( a mea'n who i' ther reet mind u'd' call a yungun Hengist) on ter sort yon Picts an Scots out. Now im bein yon o'them Saxons want' satisfied wi his reward an demanded mooer. Vertigern, im nut beeint' straightest o' new kids ont' block ses tivim - tha's a pagan thee n' it mightent go dahn owerwell wit' rest ont' nobility - but seeinas ow tha's gi'en abuv n' beyond't call'o duty - tha kin av a bit mooer!

Nathen - eeres weere it gits complicatid- Hengist - knowing yon Vertigerns eeys wer a bit close tergither, had mooer oil in is lamp n' what yon Vertigern reckoned!
Im being Saxon, ad bin rount' block a time or two. When yon Vertigern offerd I'm more - ee offered I'm 'as much ground as't skin ofen en ox'ed covver'
"Av I eeared thee reet" e ses shekkin is ead "as much as't skin offen'n ox'ed cover?" "By eck thas tight" but im being Saxon ad summat up is sleeve . W'it sharpest knife i't drawer it wernt long afoor e ad t'ox skin cut inter thongs as thin as yer like n' tied em all tergither. Vertigern wer fair capped w'it ingenuity on it all n' gied I'm all o'wat e cud surround wi it all tied tergither!

So tha sees - eers weere t'name Tong started n'all cos them Saxons were too lazy ter talk proper n' pronounce 't silent aitch. Shoulda known t'ony place that's allowed is ere in Gods County

Nathen - gerrin back ter't point on all this' - owert yers Tong as bin called Tonge, Twange, Thange, Toang, Tunge n' Thang so tha sees Benje - mebbee tha want so'far off after all.

(Extracted with Viking Veracity and artistic licence from archive.org "A history of Tong, Shropshire, its Church, manor, parish & college)

Tonym said:

Wat thee hastna bort a cart oss to ploo with hast thee Roy?

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Not at all old bean, one finds diesel power so much more controllable and easier on ones bank balance as when parked the nags still have an appetite

Howard150 said:

Eyup agin Benje
Both wed n'wats more - tiv each uther! Dunt git maudlin ower it an dunt try blamin that there spell checker - appen itint allus at fault if tha were t'be perfectly oppen' n above booard

According ter't local hysterical s'ciety. point is tha mayn't be ivver thatsofar off wi Tongue Norton, appen nutsofar offen as Lord Stokes woodavus bileeve!

Just abaht time Adam wer a lad, yon King Vertigern, having conned them Pendragons inter goin back ter Cornwall, set Hengist ( a mea'n who i' ther reet mind u'd' call a yungun Hengist) on ter sort yon Picts an Scots out. Now im bein yon o'them Saxons want' satisfied wi his reward an demanded mooer. Vertigern, im nut beeint' straightest o' new kids ont' block ses tivim - tha's a pagan thee n' it mightent go dahn owerwell wit' rest ont' nobility - but seeinas ow tha's gi'en abuv n' beyond't call'o duty - tha kin av a bit mooer!

Nathen - eeres weere it gits complicatid- Hengist - knowing yon Vertigerns eeys wer a bit close tergither, had mooer oil in is lamp n' what yon Vertigern reckoned!
Im being Saxon, ad bin rount' block a time or two. When yon Vertigern offerd I'm more - ee offered I'm 'as much ground as't skin ofen en ox'ed covver'
"Av I eeared thee reet" e ses shekkin is ead "as much as't skin offen'n ox'ed cover?" "By eck thas tight" but im being Saxon ad summat up is sleeve . W'it sharpest knife i't drawer it wernt long afoor e ad t'ox skin cut inter thongs as thin as yer like n' tied em all tergither. Vertigern wer fair capped w'it ingenuity on it all n' gied I'm all o'wat e cud surround wi it all tied tergither!

So tha sees - eers weere t'name Tong started n'all cos them Saxons were too lazy ter talk proper n' pronounce 't silent aitch. Shoulda known t'ony place that's allowed is ere in Gods County

Nathen - gerrin back ter't point on all this' - owert yers Tong as bin called Tonge, Twange, Thange, Toang, Tunge n' Thang so tha sees Benje - mebbee tha want so'far off after all.

(Extracted with Viking Veracity and artistic licence from archive.org "A history of Tong, Shropshire, its Church, manor, parish & college)

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One simply has no witty answer for this, might ask the butler to take a quick look to see if he can come up with something suitable

Roy Stokes said:

One simply has no witty answer for this, might ask the butler to take a quick look to see if he can come up with something suitable

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Port Out, Starboard Home then eh!

Howard150 said:

Eyup agin Benje
Both wed n'wats more - tiv each uther! Dunt git maudlin ower it an dunt try blamin that there spell checker - appen itint allus at fault if tha were t'be perfectly oppen' n above booard

According ter't local hysterical s'ciety. point is tha mayn't be ivver thatsofar off wi Tongue Norton, appen nutsofar offen as Lord Stokes woodavus bileeve!

Just abaht time Adam wer a lad, yon King Vertigern, having conned them Pendragons inter goin back ter Cornwall, set Hengist ( a mea'n who i' ther reet mind u'd' call a yungun Hengist) on ter sort yon Picts an Scots out. Now im bein yon o'them Saxons want' satisfied wi his reward an demanded mooer. Vertigern, im nut beeint' straightest o' new kids ont' block ses tivim - tha's a pagan thee n' it mightent go dahn owerwell wit' rest ont' nobility - but seeinas ow tha's gi'en abuv n' beyond't call'o duty - tha kin av a bit mooer!

Nathen - eeres weere it gits complicatid- Hengist - knowing yon Vertigerns eeys wer a bit close tergither, had mooer oil in is lamp n' what yon Vertigern reckoned!
Im being Saxon, ad bin rount' block a time or two. When yon Vertigern offerd I'm more - ee offered I'm 'as much ground as't skin ofen en ox'ed covver'
"Av I eeared thee reet" e ses shekkin is ead "as much as't skin offen'n ox'ed cover?" "By eck thas tight" but im being Saxon ad summat up is sleeve . W'it sharpest knife i't drawer it wernt long afoor e ad t'ox skin cut inter thongs as thin as yer like n' tied em all tergither. Vertigern wer fair capped w'it ingenuity on it all n' gied I'm all o'wat e cud surround wi it all tied tergither!

So tha sees - eers weere t'name Tong started n'all cos them Saxons were too lazy ter talk proper n' pronounce 't silent aitch. Shoulda known t'ony place that's allowed is ere in Gods County

Nathen - gerrin back ter't point on all this' - owert yers Tong as bin called Tonge, Twange, Thange, Toang, Tunge n' Thang so tha sees Benje - mebbee tha want so'far off after all.

(Extracted with Viking Veracity and artistic licence from archive.org "A history of Tong, Shropshire, its Church, manor, parish & college)

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Bleddy hell...bet it's teken longer fer me ta read that post than thee ta write it

massey765 said:

Bleddy hell...bet it's teken longer fer me ta read that post than thee ta write it

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Wrote it slowly cos I know tha dunt read very fast!

Howard150 said:

Eyup agin Benje
Both wed n'wats more - tiv each uther! Dunt git maudlin ower it an dunt try blamin that there spell checker - appen itint allus at fault if tha were t'be perfectly oppen' n above booard

According ter't local hysterical s'ciety. point is tha mayn't be ivver thatsofar off wi Tongue Norton, appen nutsofar offen as Lord Stokes woodavus bileeve!

Just abaht time Adam wer a lad, yon King Vertigern, having conned them Pendragons inter goin back ter Cornwall, set Hengist ( a mea'n who i' ther reet mind u'd' call a yungun Hengist) on ter sort yon Picts an Scots out. Now im bein yon o'them Saxons want' satisfied wi his reward an demanded mooer. Vertigern, im nut beeint' straightest o' new kids ont' block ses tivim - tha's a pagan thee n' it mightent go dahn owerwell wit' rest ont' nobility - but seeinas ow tha's gi'en abuv n' beyond't call'o duty - tha kin av a bit mooer!

Nathen - eeres weere it gits complicatid- Hengist - knowing yon Vertigerns eeys wer a bit close tergither, had mooer oil in is lamp n' what yon Vertigern reckoned!
Im being Saxon, ad bin rount' block a time or two. When yon Vertigern offerd I'm more - ee offered I'm 'as much ground as't skin ofen en ox'ed covver'
"Av I eeared thee reet" e ses shekkin is ead "as much as't skin offen'n ox'ed cover?" "By eck thas tight" but im being Saxon ad summat up is sleeve . W'it sharpest knife i't drawer it wernt long afoor e ad t'ox skin cut inter thongs as thin as yer like n' tied em all tergither. Vertigern wer fair capped w'it ingenuity on it all n' gied I'm all o'wat e cud surround wi it all tied tergither!

So tha sees - eers weere t'name Tong started n'all cos them Saxons were too lazy ter talk proper n' pronounce 't silent aitch. Shoulda known t'ony place that's allowed is ere in Gods County

Nathen - gerrin back ter't point on all this' - owert yers Tong as bin called Tonge, Twange, Thange, Toang, Tunge n' Thang so tha sees Benje - mebbee tha want so'far off after all.

(Extracted with Viking Veracity and artistic licence from archive.org "A history of Tong, Shropshire, its Church, manor, parish & college)

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Bet this rant tested the spell checker. At some time there could have been a Dong Norton perhaps.
That hos plowen must ha bin a rum ole job. Thas wun thing cumen hum smellun loik an oily rag but sniffen grit ole hos farts orle day musta bin a hull lot was.
Suffen else. They allus put tha ole stallion in a quiet corner cos he cors a rare lot less bother there.

arcobob said:

Bet this rant tested the spell checker. At some time there could have been a Dong Norton perhaps.
That hos plowen must ha bin a rum ole job. Thas wun thing cumen hum smellun loik an oily rag but sniffen grit ole hos farts orle day musta bin a hull lot was.
Suffen else. They allus put tha ole stallion in a quiet corner cos he cors a rare lot less bother there.

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Sorted that bugger - tonned it off. Were gunna tell Benje ow its dun but whats tha reckon?

S'far as't osses goes, tawd uns allus reckoned nut gie'in em owermich oats when t'weather were too bad for em ter be out werkin. Reckon noen onem cud be hanneld. Would that be't same in Lord Stokes'es stable... just wunderin
Appens as could start summat such as't Archers .. life in Twange

Rekon this thread wants crossing with the sop thread. .......a lot of hoss sh1t written. ......missed spelling. .....and most of it mekkin little sense

Bout them thar Vikuns Mister Rootavater. Fancy rowen orle way cross North Sea then causen orle that bother wid em rearpen und pilludgen. If that gin yer a curly digit that sarve yer roit.

arcobob said:

Bout them thar Vikuns Mister Rootavater. Fancy rowen orle way cross North Sea then causen orle that bother wid em rearpen und pilludgen. If that gin yer a curly digit that sarve yer roit.

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Think thats as might be yan o' me cousins thas on about!

massey765 said:

Rekon this thread wants crossing with the sop thread. .......a lot of hoss sh1t written. ......missed spelling. .....and most of it mekkin little sense

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Nivver a truer word said -
Tha can please summat folk summat' time but tha can nivver ivver please all'ot folk all'ot time!

Just no pleasin summon em any'ot time ister!

Howard150 said:

Think thats as might be yan o' me cousins thas on about!

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Them Vikuns agin. Lucky ther unny got a curly finger arter all that argy bargy.

Howard150 said:

Nathen - gerrin back ter't point on all this' - owert yers Tong as bin called Tonge, Twange, Thange, Toang, Tunge n' Thang so tha sees Benje - mebbee tha want so'far off after all.

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Whatto Chaps ! butler asks if this has anything to do with cunnilingus, he also thinks you may have missed out THONG, I say, what a thought

Roy Stokes said:

Whatto Chaps ! butler asks if this has anything to do with cunnilingus, he also thinks you may have missed out THONG, I say, what a thought

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T' butler needs tekkin down a peg er two. 't ox skin cut inter thongs as thin as yer like' ... ower lazy to pronounce t'silent aitch'

Roy Stokes said:

Whatto Chaps ! butler asks if this has anything to do with cunnilingus, he also thinks you may have missed out THONG, I say, what a thought

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Anyroad ... cunnilingus.. what kind o'dilect is that. Might I ask? Sounds like sum kind'o fungal thing but tha can git stuff fer that now, anyroad if all else fails Fullers White Earth might be just what tha needs - Whativver appens a doubt that butler o'thine'll ave sum smart reply or uther!

Anyroad - like a wer sayin afore yon smart alec butler got i't road, one o them young upstarts I as puttin sheds up wer tellin me t'other day that yon girl on is as started avin theses ere organisms..... I teld im in no uncertan terms .... "tha needs ter gerrer t't docters n' sooiner ratheran later afoor it turns inter summat serious! There's' summat else ter keep an eeye out fer in Thong - appen that theer butler mebbees could keep a lookout fer yer out on that scooer If tha's ower busy wi all them jobs o' thine!

Allus summat goin round int' ther!

Av fun a need tiv edit this ere post!

Far as ah sees after avin a bit on a dig inttert'background o'this ere post, that theer Benje were definitely right wi is TONGUE Norton. All Aah can se is if thats what avin yan o' them theere butlers dus fo thi......tha mayaswell just eeat thi cap!

Howard150 said:

Anyroad ... cunnilingus.. what kind o'dilect is that. Might I ask? Sounds like sum kind'o fungal thing but tha can git stuff fer that now, anyroad if all else fails Fullers White Earth might be just what tha needs - Whativver appens a doubt that butler o'thine'll ave sum smart reply or uther!

Anyroad - like a wer sayin afore yon smart alec butler got i't road, one o them young upstarts I as puttin sheds up wer tellin me t'other day that yon girl on is as started avin theses ere organisms..... I teld im in no uncertan terms .... "tha needs ter gerrer t't docters n' sooiner ratheran later afoor it turns inter summat serious! There's' summat else ter keep an eeye out fer in Thong - appen that theer butler mebbees could keep a lookout fer yer out on that scooer If tha's ower busy wi all them jobs o' thine!

Allus summat goin round int' ther!

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Them organisms ken be a lotta bother, specially if thares a lot on em. I think they call them multiplyuns. Hint sin much on em leartly merself cos I think they dwindle away ter northen venturely.
Keep a troshen

arcobob said:

Them organisms ken be a lotta bother, specially if thares a lot on em. I think they call them multiplyuns. Hint sin much on em leartly merself cos I think they dwindle away ter northen venturely.
Keep a troshen

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What thy needs is a poke wi'an osses ead annle, thattle liven thi up, just like what young Albert gied Wallce t' lion a poke int eer wi. Mebbe a good thing for thee ter ave permanent like!

T'ony thing tha needs ter remember (cos tha stan's a better chance on ittin't reet spot) is that whativver thas pokin needs to be in a somnulent posture (whativver that means) an just mek sure that tha dunt poke whativver it is thas pokin eether in't eeye or't eere. (Dyer consequeces fer young Albert wen't lion ett im)

Who said "yon lions etton r Albert "

A bit sin I heard that

massey765 said:

Who said "yon lions etton r Albert "

A bit sin I heard that

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Stanley Holloway. Brilliant - Marriott Edgar wrote it. Can remember listening to things like this on't radio before we got a television!

THE LION AND ALBERT

There’s a famous seaside place called Blackpool,
That’s noted for fresh air and fun,
And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
Went there with young Albert, their son.

A grand little lad was young Albert,
All dressed in his best; quite a swell
With a stick with an ‘orse’s ‘ead ‘andle,
The finest that Woolworth’s could sell.

They didn’t think much to the Ocean:
The waves, they was fiddlin’ and small,
There was no wrecks and nobody drownded,
Fact, nothing to laugh at at all.

So, seeking for further amusement,
they paid and went into the Zoo,
Where they’d Lions and Tigers and Camels,
And old ale and sandwiches too.

There were one great big Lion called Wallace;
His nose were all covered with scars-
He lay in a somnolent posture,
With the side of his face on the bars.

Now Albert had heard about Lions,
How they was ferocious and wild-
To see Wallace lying so peaceful,
Well, it didn’t seem right to the child.

So straightway the brave little feller,
Not showing a morsel of fear,
Took his stick with it’s’orse’s ‘ead ‘andle
...And pushed it in Wallace’s ear.

You could see that the Liion didn’t like it,
For giving a kind of a roll,
He pulled Albert inside the cage with ‘im,
And swallowed the little lad ‘ole.

Then Pa, who had seen the occurence,
And didn’t know what to do next,
Said “Mother! Yon Lion’s ‘et Albert”,
And Mother said, ‘Well I am vexed!”

Then Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom-
Quite rightly, when all’s said and done-
Complained to the Animal Keeper,
That the Lion had eaten their son.

The keeper was quite nice about it;
He said “What a nasty mishap.
Are you sure that it’s your boy he’s eaten?”
Pa said “Am I sure? There’s his cap!”

The manager had to be sent for.
He came and he said “What’s to do?”
Pa said “Yon Lion’s ‘et Albert,
And ‘im in his Sunday clothes, too.”

The Mother said, “Right’s right, young feller;
I think it’s a shame and a sin,
For a lion to go and eat Albert,
And after we’ve paid to come in.”

The manager wanted no trouble,
He took out his purse right away,
Saying “How much to settle the matter?”
And Pa said “What do you usually pay?”

But Mother had turned a bit awkward
When she thought where her Albert had gone.
She said “No! someone’s got to be summonsed”-
So that was decided upon.

Then off they went to the P’lice Station,
In front of the Magistrate chap;
They told ‘im what happened to Albert,
And proved it by showing his cap.

The Magistrate gave his opinion
That no one was really to blame
And he said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms
Would have further sons to their name.

At that Mother got proper blazing,
“And thank you, sir, kindly,” said she.
“What waste all our lives raising children
To feed ruddy Lions? Not me!”

MARRIOTT EDGAR

Same as that

Watched Billy Conanly last night ,still bleddy funny even with Parkinson's