Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

I've never had a problem sleeping or falling asleep when someone is snoring (could be because I grew up with a snoriphicus step dad).

If I'm having nights that sleep isn't coming, my mind keeps running, and I'm focusing on noises. Be they dogs barking, cows mooing, a fan blowing... then I stick my iPod on a short playlist. Think there's ten songs on it, I never make it to the end.

Greenbeast said:

Having just finished A Guide to the Good Life by William B Irvine, i cannot recommend it highly enough. It is a comprehensive, modern, distillation of the teachings of the ancient Stoics. It is full of useful insights and wisdom. It is a worthy read for anyone that experiences excesses of anger, fear, worry, anxiety or merely not enough joy in their lives. For me, it builds on or eclipses other such recommendations i have made over the last few months.

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I bought it after reading your post. I could not agree more, fantastic read, I got extra copies and gave them out as Xmas presents. Thank you for recommending it

Blaithin said:

I've never had a problem sleeping or falling asleep when someone is snoring (could be because I grew up with a snoriphicus step dad).

If I'm having nights that sleep isn't coming, my mind keeps running, and I'm focusing on noises. Be they dogs barking, cows mooing, a fan blowing... then I stick my iPod on a short playlist. Think there's ten songs on it, I never make it to the end.

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Snorficus is that even a real word ... anyway im loving it and its henceforth added to my vocabulaire

could be a first second date question I suppose "are you snorphicus "

DrWazzock said:

I don't know quite where to put this so I'll put it here.

I often struggle with sleep. My wife snores and it winds me up greatly. Yet I can sleep through a noisy TV program or a talk on "making tax digital".

So it occurs to me that it isn't noise that keeps me awake but the thoughts and insecurities and disappointments that arise from it. I can "let go" of the TV noise.

I am learning that if I can also "let go" of the wife's snoring then I can also sleep through that as well.

I struggle with neurosis. But I am learning to "let it go".

Chris Packham's CBE can be "let go" and drift off into outer space never to be seen again. Forget it.

I often find I lack all motivation completely and entirely since dad passed away. The farm was the people who were here, not its value, or the profit it generated. The whole thing seems absolutely pointless at times. I have no kids, nobody to pass it on to. That's it now. Why bother about honing agronomy etc to the nth degree. It will do. It doesn't really matter.

Just have an enjoyable moment over a drink or two now and again with friends sometimes with deep insight and profound looking into the soul.

I think 2019 will be the year of "letting things go".

Best wishes.

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I love this little poem & some of the lines in it ( courtesy of my yoga teacher )

She let go.

Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of fear. She let go of the judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely,
without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a
book on how to let go… She didn’t search the scriptures.

She just let go.
She let go of all of the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go.
She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her day-timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.

She just let go.
She didn’t analyse whether she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.
She didn’t call the prayer line.
She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.

No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.

Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort. There was no struggle.
It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.
A light breeze blew through her.
And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.

— Reverend Safire Rose

i'll get my coat

I think George Straight has a song like that.

Blaithin said:

I think George Straight has a song like that.

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this ?

Farmer Roy said:

I love this little poem & some of the lines in it ( courtesy of my yoga teacher )

She let go.

……..

And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.

— Reverend Safire Rose

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Excellent - - and then what happened? Perhaps the 'phone rang and brought her from her imagined world where the sun shone all year round and there were daisies growing - permanently.
I can't speak for others, and I am grateful to you for the uplifting lines, but the problem though, is that life just aint like that.

Farmer Roy said:

this ?

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Yep, that's it.

Farmer Roy said:

I love this little poem & some of the lines in it ( courtesy of my yoga teacher )

She let go.

Without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of fear. She let go of the judgments.
She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head.
She let go of the committee of indecision within her.
She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely,
without hesitation or worry, she just let go.

She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a
book on how to let go… She didn’t search the scriptures.

She just let go.
She let go of all of the memories that held her back.
She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward.
She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go.
She didn’t journal about it.
She didn’t write the projected date in her day-timer.
She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper.
She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope.

She just let go.
She didn’t analyse whether she should let go.
She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter.
She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment.
She didn’t call the prayer line.
She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.

No one was around when it happened.
There was no applause or congratulations.
No one thanked her or praised her.
No one noticed a thing.

Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort. There was no struggle.
It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad.
It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be.
A small smile came over her face.
A light breeze blew through her.
And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.

— Reverend Safire Rose

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When you posted this before, I thought it was about her suicide

dstudent said:

I bought it after reading your post. I could not agree more, fantastic read, I got extra copies and gave them out as Xmas presents. Thank you for recommending it

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Oh that is great to hear I'm thinking about a second reading even this soon. The daily stoic newsletter reminded me yesterday that the stoics would treat their teachings as something to reread and work on daily.

Thinking of snoring; both my self and the wife were quite loud snorers but it never became too much of a problem. The snoring became less noticeable when we moved to twin beds in the same room, due to my wife's disabilities. As time as passed, we have hade raise the pillows at the head of my wife's bed to make her breathing easier and I can't remember the last time I heard her nocturnal snoring.

Try Olbas oil .

There used to be a paperback that was titled 'Stop Snoring-the easy way-and the real reason you need to! I can't yet tell you the name of the author or the publisher. The said book could probably be available at Bibliophile Books at a very reasonable price. I will see if I can track it down.

Blaithin said:

I've never had a problem sleeping or falling asleep when someone is snoring (could be because I grew up with a snoriphicus step dad).

If I'm having nights that sleep isn't coming, my mind keeps running, and I'm focusing on noises. Be they dogs barking, cows mooing, a fan blowing... then I stick my iPod on a short playlist. Think there's ten songs on it, I never make it to the end.

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When I had a bad case of insomnia the only thing that helped me was listening to audio books or radio dramas. I just put on some short Agatha Christie or Nero Wolfe and I m out. It s become an habit now and I don t even have sleeping problems anymore!!!
My only problem is that I get so engrossed in the story that I would try to stay up so I can listen till the end

Finding something,.... anything thay you can quitely listen too does help you drift off to sleep.

I'd typed out quite a long reply about it but then deleted it.

But genuinely it does help

Texel Tup said:

Excellent - - and then what happened? Perhaps the 'phone rang and brought her from her imagined world where the sun shone all year round and there were daisies growing - permanently.
I can't speak for others, and I am grateful to you for the the uplifting lines, but the problem though, is that life just aint like that.

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I never said it was easy . . .

there is no miracle cure, silver bullet or happily ever after . . .
I firmly believe a big problem with society now is the expectation that life has to be happy & perfect & safe & wonderful. But - of course it isn't. It is hard & painfull & it hurts. But - the sooner we accept that & understand it, the better for us. Its a bit like death - its no where near as scary if we accept it as part of our existence. Its interesting that depression seems to be SOOOO prevalent amongst modern western society . . .

I am fully aware that life "just aint like that", having suffered depression for at least 15 years & probably a lot longer. It ruined one marriage, cost me relationships, I have lost years out of my life due to it & god only knows the financial cost of it. I have tried medication, therapy, & self medication with alcohol, sex, work etc. I have held the shotgun in my hand. I have worked out many suicide scenarios, depending if I want it to look like an accident, if I want to send a message, or if I don't want my body to ever be found. I have wallowed in the very pit of despair & I have also learnt how to be self aware, recognise my mental condition & ( generally ) manage it reasonably well & drag myself up again. Even though I am relatively stable now, I still think about suicide at least a few times a month. When I am in a low spot, it is daily & constant . . . Death itself has no fear to me, it is the way we die ( or the way we live ? ) that holds greater fear or misery. From a suicide point of view, my biggest fear is the effect it may have on ones left behind ( that is the ONLY reason I never pulled the trigger. I have regretted that decision at times to . . . ). Anyway, I am comfortable enough with death & have seen enough of it to know that it will be MY choice ( barring a car accident or something ) when I go, wearing boots & while still reasonably fit & active - no slippers or nursing homes for me. That is not depression or suicidal tendencies talking, just my "end of life plan"

anyway - back to "she let go"
no, that moment in time she creates for herself IS going to be disrupted at some point, all the sh!t from life will still be there & its not about pretending everything is wonderful & perfect.
it is telling us to make the time to just stop. Stop thinking. Stop worrying. Stop working. Just let go. Even if for a moment, to give yourself a break
just like mindfulness, meditation, yoga, exercise, running - whatever, just take the time every now & then to actually, relax, enjoy something, focus on positives or just clear the mind of everything
In many ways, that is what we are trying to do when we self medicate with drugs, alcohol, sex, over working or whatever, its trying to blank out the pain & sadness with pleasure, instant gratification, distractions etc. However, these tend to be negative & ultimately lead to a massive downwards spiral if not pulled up soon enough.

she let go

of all the thoughts, the stress, the people, the situations that were toxic to her
if only for a moment, but that moment gives her the strength to face them again or more importantly, to make permanent changes

early on I had a very good psychologist who taught me mindfulness & meditation techniques & who showed me I could gain self awareness & the tools to manage my mental condition. Mostly it works, but sometimes I get tired or lazy & just need to retreat into that dark space for a few days, I bit like pulling the blankets over your head & hiding from the world. I can feel the cycles, the downwards spin, but sometimes I just let it happen, stay there for a few days & then pull myself out again. Generally by doing something positive or very physical.

talking of medication, I was on anti depressants for many years. One positive side effect of this particular drug was it delayed ejaculation ( apparently there was a black market trade in them to enhance sexual ability ) & made my other forays of using sex as a distraction / self medication much more sustained & athletic . I have never tried Viagra or similar, but I can see the attraction . A few years ago I went through a particularly sustained bad patch. I would go to work & spend most of the day sitting in the Toyota under a shady tree & cry. Day after day. Constant suicidal thoughts & lack of interest or enthusiasm for anything. Anyway, I was still on medication & thought to myself - whats the f**king point of taking any pills if this is how I feel ? So - I went cold turkey, went back to trying to actively manage my mental health & being aware of it.
Now, regular exercise & yoga is hugely important to me & is my number one advice to everyone. No, it doesn't fix anything, but at least for an hour a day or whatever it is, you are doing something positive & focussing all your attention on the MOMENT & what you are doing right now - not yesterday or tomorrow or the fight with your wife or the overdue bills or lack of rain . . .
in that yoga class, or that hour of circuit training, I have just "let go" of everything else. And by having that moment, it gives me the strength to make it through the rest of the day

exercise
health / nutrition ( fascinating research about how the gut biome can affect mental health )
being self aware & recognising your own moods & trigger point
being pro active in removing yourself from negative situations, or removing toxic people from your life

there is no silver bullet, but all the above are about as close as you can get

czechmate said:

When you posted this before, I thought it was about her suicide

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yes, I can see how it could be interpreted that way
however - I much prefer the view that she let go of all the sh!t that was clogging her mind

seeing as how I played a George Strait clip earlier & post poetry, I feel the need to play a few songs that really "speak" to me at times