- Location
- Penzance
I think, because we are used to ourselves we know ourselves too well so we can be nasty and hurtful to ourselves, we have that right as it were. When others do it it's almost like a validation of what we already think about ourselves and we hate that, because if we say it there's a chance we could be wrong, but when others say it we know that we were right and deep down, because everybody loves themselves, It hurts. At least that's my own spin on it. We expect reassurance from others instead of agreement and when it's not given we take it personally.We get to choose our friends but not our families. We sometimes drop people because of the way they treat or talk to us but how do we talk to our selves? If someone talked to us the same way that we talk to our selves we would very soon drop them!
I have a very close friend who, upon committing a small error, will say to her self, out loud...………."Stupid Bitch!". It is said with venom and I bet if others voiced the same opinion of her she would very soon start to avoid them. How, I wonder, can I persuade her to be kinder to her self? Perhaps if she was kinder to others she would be kinder to her self; do you think? Or perhaps her vocalisation is an echo from her past? We all vocalise mentally but what do we say when we talk to our selves?
Spot on waterbuffalofarmer!!!! This is how my counsellor explains things. We look for validation and when it's not given, we/I take it to heart and stew on it.......I think, because we are used to ourselves we know ourselves too well so we can be nasty and hurtful to ourselves, we have that right as it were. When others do it it's almost like a validation of what we already think about ourselves and we hate that, because if we say it there's a chance we could be wrong, but when others say it we know that we were right and deep down, because everybody loves themselves, It hurts. At least that's my own spin on it. We expect reassurance from others instead of agreement and when it's not given we take it personally.
Guys, honestly, did not expect to find this topic here. And, frankly speaking, I never understood how to bring myself to such a state. It seems to me that this is not all. Suicide? No excuse me somehow without me .. sorry for my english..a slav
Yes enjoyable book, and i too would reccomend it to anyone struggling in life, thanks @Greenbeast for reccomending itHow did you get on in the end?
We get to choose our friends but not our families. We sometimes drop people because of the way they treat or talk to us but how do we talk to our selves? If someone talked to us the same way that we talk to our selves we would very soon drop them!
I have a very close friend who, upon committing a small error, will say to her self, out loud...………."Stupid Bitch!". It is said with venom and I bet if others voiced the same opinion of her she would very soon start to avoid them. How, I wonder, can I persuade her to be kinder to her self? Perhaps if she was kinder to others she would be kinder to her self; do you think? Or perhaps her vocalisation is an echo from her past? We all vocalise mentally but what do we say when we talk to our selves?
Don’t have a party then. I certainly didn’t have a 50th. I told my ex if she organised a 40tn we would be finished. She did and we were finished just before my 41st.
Particularly if you’re feeling fragile, you should be doing whatever pleases you, and the people closest to you should be happy with that. It’s your birthday after all.It's been a funny old week but by doing one thing at a time with mental blinkers on so I am not overwhelmed by all the stuff that has piled up I have actually got a fair bit done.
50 th birthday coming up and it's daunting, like Christmas was, which I've just recovered from. I like my routine of feeding the stock and pottering on the farm at this time of year, catching up on repairs and wot not. I have no desire to throw a big party or go on holiday but the pressure and expectation to do that is building and I don't like it if I'm honest. Holidays bore me senseless and stress me more than work as I am unsociable and the bad thoughts and doubts start coming into my mind. I'd rather keep nicely occupied with my work which is actually also my hobby and leisure pursuit as I do it in moderation and I am not forced to do it. I dont mind a day out now and again for change of scenery but flights and hotels and all that drive me nuts with all the waiting around wasting time etc, and for what? Searching for something I already have at home. Inner peace and contentment that I won't find abroad. There is just tourist tat there. Not real life. Over priced tat and nonsense. Maybe it's too good at home.
I have always had difficulties with social interaction. I don't know why but I have. Shyness, awkwardness etc. I think it ran in the family. Grandad wouldn't even answer the phone. Booze helps greatly but that's not a route I want to go down. So I come across as a miserable old git if I'm sober at a party. That's how it is. I can't really fathom it. If I'm not peed at a party then I'm depressed because I struggle to interact. I take things too seriously generally. I don't really understand why I'm like I am. Sometimes I'm not really sure what I'm really like. Maybe it's parental influence that stifles out true self. Maybe I'm only just finding out what I'm really like as parental influence recedes.Particularly if you’re feeling fragile, you should be doing whatever pleases you, and the people closest to you should be happy with that. It’s your birthday after all.
I’m pretty much the same, unfortunately it can make ‘life’ hard work at times. It takes all sorts to make a world, so don’t be too hard on yourself.I have always had difficulties with social interaction. I don't know why but I have. Shyness, awkwardness etc. I think it ran in the family. Grandad wouldn't even answer the phone. Booze helps greatly but that's not a route I want to go down. So I come across as a miserable old git if I'm sober at a party. That's how it is. I can't really fathom it. If I'm not peed at a party then I'm depressed because I struggle to interact. I take things too seriously generally. I don't really understand why I'm like I am. Sometimes I'm not really sure what I'm really like. Maybe it's parental influence that stifles out true self. Maybe I'm only just finding out what I'm really like as parental influence recedes.
Just rambling folks. No worries.
Have you done a personality test? They are crude but group you into general types, which can be helpful in terms of understanding ones self (ps. I did them and came out as really flipping weird!)I have always had difficulties with social interaction. I don't know why but I have. Shyness, awkwardness etc. I think it ran in the family. Grandad wouldn't even answer the phone. Booze helps greatly but that's not a route I want to go down. So I come across as a miserable old git if I'm sober at a party. That's how it is. I can't really fathom it. If I'm not peed at a party then I'm depressed because I struggle to interact. I take things too seriously generally. I don't really understand why I'm like I am. Sometimes I'm not really sure what I'm really like. Maybe it's parental influence that stifles out true self. Maybe I'm only just finding out what I'm really like as parental influence recedes.
Just rambling folks. No worries.