Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

holwellcourtfarm said:

Straying from tight theme of this thread (sorry!) But have you seen that Purdue Pharmaceuticals have now admitted to lying, bribery and misrepresentation to boost sales of their Oxycontin opioid painkiller to people for whom it was inappropriate, hence driving the American opioid addiction crisis? Large numbers of people have died to inflate their profits.

It must have done untold damage to American mental health and lies behind a proportion of their suicides.

Click to expand...

Only drugs will win "the war on drugs" in any case

Farmer Roy said:

So - ultimately - WHAT is the point of our existence ?
It all seems so pathetic & pointless . . .
no one really cares . . .

Click to expand...

You’re right,no one specifically cares except maybe family around you.

However its not about the destination,it’s all about the journey.

When you are younger you want to get to your goals,as you get older you want the journey never to end.

Farmer Roy said:

So - ultimately - WHAT is the point of our existence ?
It all seems so pathetic & pointless . . .
no one really cares . . .

Click to expand...

When depression really sets in and we pass the point of very little chance of any return the thought of our existence being pointless is accompanied by
'I am going to be dead anyway'.

It was a very hard lesson for me to learn but I firmly believe that we are here to make a difference and in so doing will begin to find the contentment that we once sought in possesions, finance, public acclaim, and dare I say carnal gratification.

Who was it that wrote 'It is far better to travel hopefully than to arrive'? The actor, and film star, George Saunders committed suicide when he grew to believe that he had done everything but sadly he still had so much to give to the many young and upcoming actors and actresses.

We, I believe, are her to function as a conduit for loving kindness and in so doing make a real difference in the lives of others and the greater world but I do realise just how painful that can be for my ego.

Kiwi Pete said:

View attachment 917602

Click to expand...

Every drop counts!

Farmer Roy said:

View attachment 917872

Click to expand...

Kiwi Pete said:

Hmmm. not just that form of "connection"

think, when you are out on the bike, who are you connecting with?

Click to expand...

On a bike the connection is with your environment, not sure if your talking motorbike or pedal bike, but I feel far more part of the "it" than in a 4 wheeled vehicle. Bit like the energy from leaning on a tree I guess.

Farmer Roy said:

So - ultimately - WHAT is the point of our existence ?
It all seems so pathetic & pointless . . .
no one really cares . . .

Click to expand...

To make small improvements to the world we live in in some way. The definition of improvement can be difficult at times and what we’d do when we’d finished the improvements I’m not sure. But it will be a long while before we get to that state here!
Being social animals I think it’s about more than just breeding and passing on genes. We serve to improve the general working of society, environment etc.
Back on planet Earth I fixed a downspout last week. Small thing and only I notice it but feels like a small victory. I have served some small purpose. I find solace in small stuff like that. Something fairly easily and quickly achievable......that’s needed doing for about 20 years. I think they call it occupational therapy down at the medical centre.

I don’t know about the breeding stuff. Too late for that now but no regrets. Happy being a worker bee. I’ll leave the breeding to the queens and drones.

DrWazzock said:

I don’t know about the breeding stuff. Too late for that now but no regrets. Happy being a worker bee. I’ll leave the breeding to the queens and drones.

Click to expand...

I feel a quip coming on but best not!

Christoph1945 said:

I feel a quip coming on but best not!

Click to expand...

Yep!

They say confession is good for the soul; perhaps it is time for me to fess up.

In a public forum? Well, I suppose!

Despite my grand old age of 75 and with fifty years of marriage, I have allowed my self to be seduced and mislead by a much younger woman. Since lockdown began we have been having the bulk of our shopping delivered by Tesco, Iceland, or Morrisons but occasionally, just occasionally, I get to make a quick sortie to the shops for a few bits and pieces. A little jaunt to the shops helps to blow away the cobwebs of isolation and also give the wife a break from my company.

My downfall began with a car ride to morrisons and well protected from the possible onslaught of the viruses I entered the shop masked up and allowed entry by the security guy on the door.

Things were going swimmingly well when she suddenly caught my attention from the corner of my left eye. Her shoulder length blond tresses rested gently on her tangerine coloured jacket; the sparkle in her eyes, peachy complexion, lips and smile were sufficient to stir a young mans heart and I could certainly see why she had been chosen to adorn the cover of the magazine. Her head was crowned by the title PSYCHOLOGIES and she was surrounded by headings such as ....... Lost your sparkle? Discover your authentic self! ......Overcome bullying at work. ......LESSONS IN CALM, a year in a Buddhist monastery …….. Activate your full potential, with Iceman Wim Hof. ...... and so on.

In the past I had been seduced by such titles, only to discover the contents to be the shallow offerings of ego filled individuals seeking to make a buck but hopefully this time was going to be somewhat different; perhaps fate was answering some of my most recent thoughts and questions.

Initially unimpressed by the contents of the magazine I stumbled upon an advertisement on page 12 for a book by author Dr David Hamilton, titled 'More Kindness Less Judgment'. With the title of the book harmonising with my most recent thinking I decided to buy a copy but try as I might I just couldn't track the book down but finished up on David Hamilton's web site and no he isn't the same David Hamilton of ITV's Diddy David Hamilton fame.

From what I can see, and understand, of David's web site he appears to be quite a self help guru and has published a number of books and self help courses. One course 'The biology and Contagiousness of Kindness' runs for several weeks and is free to sign up for and use. With David echoing much of my own general thinking I decided to sign up and see just how valuable the course is to doing some self discovery.

You may like to drop by and take a peek at 'Dr David Hamilton on line courses' and see what you think.

Chris

PS You will find a lot of talks by Dr David Hamilton on YouTube!

Today hit home as I heard the conversation to the doctor by my OH and all the stress and tears rolled down her cheeks.Her illness and the big black dog in her head she had been hiding so well ,oh how those words rang in my head .She does so much and stresses over everything and everyone,I try to help but how do you help someone who is constantly worrying over everyone and everything,and I mean everything from the minute she gets up ,infact sleep brings no rest.This all started because of the actions of someone causing us trouble .Never let your guard down and keep those loved ones safe

@nelly55 hopefully this is a corner turned, talking to the doctor can only be a good start.

Its hard, I know, especially where the stress is caused by a third party as it leaves us feeling powerless to help. Look after yourself too, feel free vent on here whenever you feel the need

nelly55 said:

Today hit home as I heard the conversation to the doctor by my OH and all the stress and tears rolled down her cheeks.Her illness and the big black dog in her head she had been hiding so well ,oh how those words rang in my head .She does so much and stresses over everything and everyone,I try to help but how do you help someone who is constantly worrying over everyone and everything,and I mean everything from the minute she gets up ,infact sleep brings no rest.This all started because of the actions of someone causing us trouble .Never let your guard down and keep those loved ones safe

Click to expand...

I think this year's challenges in particular have hit many women hard. We're brought up to be the caring focus of the home, worrying about everyone else's well-being and often putting ourselves at the bottom of the list.

I'm not certain whether your question about how to help her is rhetorical but there are practical things you can do for her. Her GP may have already mentioned it but if not, get clued up on CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) which can help calm the anxiety 'what if's' and catastrophising thinking patterns. She will have to do some self-help and practice it herself but you can support her by also learning CBT and encouraging her to use it.

One other thing that might help is if you share her worry burden. Actions speak louder than words and if she's anxious over family elsewhere, could you make a call yourself to check all is well, or arrange a zoom or skype chat for you both with them? It sounds like she feels she has to be the family pit-prop all by herself so anything you can do to show her you've got her back and can take some of the weight... which reminds me, this sounds a bit woo-woo but check out weighted blankets for helping with anxiety-riddled sleep.

This link gives a brief explanation of why they work https://www.psychreg.org/weighted-blankets/

If she's 'crafty' with a sewing machine and would find a project calming she could make her own https://www.weightedblanketguides.com/guide-diy-weighted-blankets/

Or they are easily available ready-made online. The most important thing is getting the weight right, there's a useful chart here https://www.weightedblanketguides.com/guide-how-to-choose/

Chopsy Varmint said:

I think this year's challenges in particular have hit many women hard. We're brought up to be the caring focus of the home, worrying about everyone else's well-being and often putting ourselves at the bottom of the list.

I'm not certain whether your question about how to help her is rhetorical but there are practical things you can do for her. Her GP may have already mentioned it but if not, get clued up on CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) which can help calm the anxiety 'what if's' and catastrophising thinking patterns. She will have to do some self-help and practice it herself but you can support her by also learning CBT and encouraging her to use it.

One other thing that might help is if you share her worry burden. Actions speak louder than words and if she's anxious over family elsewhere, could you make a call yourself to check all is well, or arrange a zoom or skype chat for you both with them? It sounds like she feels she has to be the family pit-prop all by herself so anything you can do to show her you've got her back and can take some of the weight... which reminds me, this sounds a bit woo-woo but check out weighted blankets for helping with anxiety-riddled sleep.

This link gives a brief explanation of why they work https://www.psychreg.org/weighted-blankets/

If she's 'crafty' with a sewing machine and would find a project calming she could make her own https://www.weightedblanketguides.com/guide-diy-weighted-blankets/

Or they are easily available ready-made online. The most important thing is getting the weight right, there's a useful chart here https://www.weightedblanketguides.com/guide-how-to-choose/

Click to expand...

Thank you ,yes she has a few hobbies and trying to get her riding her horse again.

Hopefully the GP is now aware of her anxiety and is able to help. Encourage her to talk and share how she is feeling. Reassure her constantly. What may seem a minor problem might feel totally overwhelming to her. Feeling that she's losing the ability to 'cope any more '. Knowing that you are there to support her whatever, will give her confidence. Try and find something your can do together or share. Look after yourself as well. Best wishes

I haven't been keeping up with this thread. The statistics that are being churned out in the resultant fallout from this persistent virus lockdown doom-cationing are pretty intense. Domestic abuse, in particular has rocketed in the UK. It's a very peculiar circumstance for people to be in. All I can suggest is that people make a big conscious effort to totally avoid reading any news or media- it's all useless doom and gloom and little of it genuinely applies to rural folk.

I've been busy as fudge with work. Thrown myself into it for two reasons. Firstly, I was bored of being at home and being a kept husband isn't my idea of how life should really work. Particularly when the only thing staring me in the face at home is the endless 'house list' the bulk of which involves DIY and I only do that in small doses. Secondly, I truly and honestly wanted to see if I could stick a career in healthcare as everything revolves around 12 hour shifts and being busy as fudge. I leave at 6.30am and don't get home until 9.30 usually. It's a long day and a long drive but feel quietly pleased with myself and it's made a big difference to me on a lot of levels.

The way things stand I can see it being a very peculiar Christmas for many families. It will be for us as much as anyone. Will be doing our utmost to keep the family ties going in these strange times.

It's always good to read that folk have gotten around to realizing that they have a problem and are actively seeking help/support and talking to someone. Or should I have written that as talking to someone and seeking help and support? Either way round, it's good news!

Chris

I've just started reading this thread as I recently have been having some therapy to try to sort myself out, I was you typical male, I didn't think I had depression because I wasn't "sad" all of the time but it turns out I have ! I'm basically "burnt out" and after speaking to someone I feel better and have a greater understanding of what has been happening to me. Basically my head is clouded with a million things going on all the time in there and a inability to relax and switch off coupled with anxiety has made me exhausted. Not physically exhausted but emotionally exhausted. The therapist explained that it's something very common for a man of my age (early 40s) and it could have been at one time called a mid life crisis but instead of drinking/affairs/fast cars etc some people suffer what I'm going through. Lots of worries (elderly parents, busy work, kids at school, problems with siblings, I could go on) and it leaves you with no time to relax and be yourself and switch off from life for a little time now and again. Sorry for the length of the post but please if anyone is feeling that way tell someone a problem shared is one halfed and it's nothing to be ashamed of !