Coronavirus Humour (And conspiracy Theories)
- Thread starter Bald Rick
- Start date
- Location
- S E Glos
Oh FFS
**Government update**
On Friday the 84th ofWhenever new restrictions will come into play.
We will sound a kazoo from the top of the angel of the north to start the new rules.
Do not mix with anyone from other households, unless there’s only 5 of them, in which case fill your boots.
If you need to see loved ones or friends, go to the pub. Weatherspoons open about 8am so you only have 14hrs to mix because theymust be shut at 10pm however, go straight home, no parties or anything like that, and straight to bed. And don’t forget to turn your lights off so corona knows you’re sleeping.
Remember to set your alarm to get up and go grouse shooting with up to 30people...that’s ok...but you MUST...listen to the benny hill theme music on your way to the shoot.
Work is fine, school is fine, eating out is fine, shopping is fine, but if we catch you in a park in groups of anymore than 6....KERCHING!!!!....your getting fined. There’s new Marshall’s who will be on patrol to enforce this, most probably wearing power ranger costumes.
If you do have symptoms get a test, if you live in Durham then the closest test centre is probably Cornwall, and even when you take the test it’s most definitely probably maybe wrong.
We are trying our hardest to get a test from somewhere that will work, the last few haven’t been great and we can only get our hands on a few thousand at a time but Boris wants 1/2 a million a day so we need to pull our finger out. Matt Hancock’s brother was on a grouse shoot and his mates uncle said he could sort him some tests out for cash, so the government have set aside a further 3billion pounds - which will have to be taken out over the counter at Barclays for matts mates brothers uncle.
Remember that you need to play your part too....wash your hands...stay 2m apart...wear a mask...I know it hasn’t worked up to now but keep doing it anyway.
From Monday, wear a blindfold as well as a mask, wear headphones with or without music, wear gloves and a scarf and a hat, any hat you want but preferably a cowboy hat.
If we follow these rules we can beat this together.
On Friday the 84th ofWhenever new restrictions will come into play.
We will sound a kazoo from the top of the angel of the north to start the new rules.
Do not mix with anyone from other households, unless there’s only 5 of them, in which case fill your boots.
If you need to see loved ones or friends, go to the pub. Weatherspoons open about 8am so you only have 14hrs to mix because theymust be shut at 10pm however, go straight home, no parties or anything like that, and straight to bed. And don’t forget to turn your lights off so corona knows you’re sleeping.
Remember to set your alarm to get up and go grouse shooting with up to 30people...that’s ok...but you MUST...listen to the benny hill theme music on your way to the shoot.
Work is fine, school is fine, eating out is fine, shopping is fine, but if we catch you in a park in groups of anymore than 6....KERCHING!!!!....your getting fined. There’s new Marshall’s who will be on patrol to enforce this, most probably wearing power ranger costumes.
If you do have symptoms get a test, if you live in Durham then the closest test centre is probably Cornwall, and even when you take the test it’s most definitely probably maybe wrong.
We are trying our hardest to get a test from somewhere that will work, the last few haven’t been great and we can only get our hands on a few thousand at a time but Boris wants 1/2 a million a day so we need to pull our finger out. Matt Hancock’s brother was on a grouse shoot and his mates uncle said he could sort him some tests out for cash, so the government have set aside a further 3billion pounds - which will have to be taken out over the counter at Barclays for matts mates brothers uncle.
Remember that you need to play your part too....wash your hands...stay 2m apart...wear a mask...I know it hasn’t worked up to now but keep doing it anyway.
From Monday, wear a blindfold as well as a mask, wear headphones with or without music, wear gloves and a scarf and a hat, any hat you want but preferably a cowboy hat.
If we follow these rules we can beat this together.
Boohoo
Member
- Location
- Newtownabbey
You mean there isnt
- Location
- Scottish Highlands
