Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

Texel Tup

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
North Norfolk
I wish. What are these holidays people talk of ? 😂😂
When I farmed and kept sheep, I didn't really want holidays ~ I mean who could I leave my sheep with, who would care for my brood mares and the youngsters and who would look at them as I did?

In 2003 I had a week's stalking at Kingairloch and in 2015 I had 10 days hunting in South Africa ~ and that was about it. :D I was cool with work ~ "Find yourself a job that you want to do and you'll never do another day's work in your life" an old man said to me once and when I was young ~ he was right too! :)
 
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When I farmed and kept sheep, I didn't really want holidays ~ I mean who could I leave my sheep with, who would care for my brood mares and the youngsters and who would look at them as I did.

In 2003 I had a week's stalking at Kingairloch and in 2015 I had 10 days hunting in South Africa ~ and that was about it. :D I was cool with work ~ "Find yourself a job that you want to do and you'll never do another day's work in your life" and old man said to me once and when I was young ~ he was right too! :)

I guess that most farming folk didn't choose to enter into farming but were born into it and know nothing different. For some, I imagine that it becomes a life of bondage and they can see no escape.

Many years ago I read a book by an the American author, Dale Carnegie, and he advocated that if you can't do that which you would like to do, learn to like that which you have to do; it works but does require some effort and imagination. I have, only recently, come across a detailed report by a Scottish chemist concerning the affects of acts of human kindness on our body chemistry and how such acts can improve the balance of our thinking and outlook on a daily basis. Some food for thought?
 
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@Christoph1945 ~ performing simple acts of kindness has most of us liking ourselves a little bit more, which can't be a bad thing. I suspect that it's inherent in most of us, which explains this worthwhile section of TFF.

According to doctor David Hamilton (not diddy David Hamilton), chemist and scientist, the feelgood factor from acts of human kindness has basis in the production of a chemical by our body when we do such acts of kindness. Both the book by Dale Carnegie and David Hamilton's lectures on the acts of human kindness can be obtained (for free) here on the internet.
 

Texel Tup

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
North Norfolk
@Christoph1945 ~ curiously perhaps and opposing the acts of kindness, I also feel a sense of worth when I get pushed just a bit too far, and the giver gets their just desserts too! :D
[edit] Do we feel a sense of justice when we refuse to be trodden on and when we stand our ground ~ perhaps when we demand that we're treated as we treat others and in a fair and equitable manner?
 
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Texel Tup

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
North Norfolk
I suppose that many nasty and irritating people get very little, or no, sympathy when they fall into depression?
I suppose that if I don't care for someone, then I don't and whilst not being vengeful by nature, then I put behind me the injustices, eventually!
I return annually to an Old-boy's reunion at my last boarding school and quite why I put myself through it, I'm not quite sure ~ perhaps it's to do with the laying of ghosts, but every year I'm reminded of the appalling physical beatings, not just the meted out punishment with a cane, but the physical assaults with fists and feet and being dragged along by our hair whilst being kicked to the point of being unconscious …….. the scars remain, which is why I tend to wear long sleeves and why I rarely explain.
 
I suppose that if I don't care for someone, then I don't and whilst not being vengeful by nature, then I put behind me the injustices, eventually!
I return annually to an Old-boy's reunion at my last boarding school and quite why I put myself through it, I'm not quite sure ~ perhaps it's to do with the laying of ghosts, but every year I'm reminded of the appalling physical beatings, not just the meted out punishment with a cane, but the physical assaults with fists and feet and being dragged along by our hair whilst being kicked to the point of being unconscious …….. the scars remain, which is why I tend to wear long sleeves and why I rarely explain.

I attended a Christian school which was attuned to the principle of 'spare the rod and spoil the child' and boy didn't their unjust beatings breed bitterness, and hatred within my heart! But alas my inner hatred had no effect whatsoever on my torturers and dwelled within me to distort my daily life for many many years.

Tup,

have you ever thought of writing down all that you have experienced and perhaps that way truly laying the ghosts once and for all? The more detailed and expressive your writings, maybe the more effective at ghost laying they will be.

Smarty pants Christians teach that we shouldn't keep looking over our shoulder because if we do we just can't plough a straight furrow in life. But alas, they forget that when one is pursued by savage ghosts looking over one's shoulder is an automatic reflex. :eek:
 

holwellcourtfarm

Member
Livestock Farmer
I attended a Christian school which was attuned to the principle of 'spare the rod and spoil the child' and boy didn't their unjust beatings breed bitterness, and hatred within my heart! But alas my inner hatred had no effect whatsoever on my torturers and dwelled within me to distort my daily life for many many years.

Tup,

have you ever thought of writing down all that you have experienced and perhaps that way truly laying the ghosts once and for all? The more detailed and expressive your writings, maybe the more effective at ghost laying they will be.

Smarty pants Christians teach that we shouldn't keep looking over our shoulder because if we do we just can't plough a straight furrow in life. But alas, they forget that when one is pursued by savage ghosts looking over one's shoulder is an automatic reflex. :eek:
Some of these abusers are actually getting their 'cone-uppence' these days though as their past crimes are publicly revealed and they are being held to account.....
 

bumkin

Member
Mixed Farmer
Location
pembrokeshire
Some of these abusers are actually getting their 'cone-uppence' these days though as their past crimes are publicly revealed and they are being held to account.....
we had a teacher that was a sadist when we were at primary school he seemed to pick on me and my desk partner perhaps it was because we were the only country boys in the class he used to either slap us across the head or poke the top of our arms with the ends of his fingers so it went you don't (slap)spell (slap) because(slap) and so on it was a slap with every syllable it made our ears ring or our arms black and blue then one day we had a spelling test he said here is one for you two idiots at the back -antidisestablishmentarianism we were only ten years old anyway with a little help from a girl in front we got it correct some twenty years later i met up with my former desk mate at a function and who should be sat at the bar but our old nemesis he was surprisingly small about five three so we went and stood either side of him both of us six feet tall and seventeen stone we put our arms around his shoulders and said good evening sir do you remember us we remember you we then had a very quiet discushion about education and made the nasty little git squirm
 
we had a teacher that was a sadist when we were at primary school he seemed to pick on me and my desk partner perhaps it was because we were the only country boys in the class he used to either slap us across the head or poke the top of our arms with the ends of his fingers so it went you don't (slap)spell (slap) because(slap) and so on it was a slap with every syllable it made our ears ring or our arms black and blue then one day we had a spelling test he said here is one for you two idiots at the back -antidisestablishmentarianism we were only ten years old anyway with a little help from a girl in front we got it correct some twenty years later i met up with my former desk mate at a function and who should be sat at the bar but our old nemesis he was surprisingly small about five three so we went and stood either side of him both of us six feet tall and seventeen stone we put our arms around his shoulders and said good evening sir do you remember us we remember you we then had a very quiet discushion about education and made the nasty little git squirm

Remembering the vicious delivery of the rod across my my fingers and the numb, enlarged, sausage like fingers I looked at the small hands of my eleven year-old grandson and wondered how people could deliver such vicious punishment upon such small hands. :(
 

Texel Tup

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
North Norfolk
……..

Smarty pants Christians teach that we shouldn't keep looking over our shoulder because if we do we just can't plough a straight furrow in life. But alas, they forget that when one is pursued by savage ghosts looking over one's shoulder is an automatic reflex. :eek:

I'm all for Faith and from what ever direction anyone wants, but I struggle with the concept of any form of acceptance ~ I cannot accept what happened, it was needless and wrong ~ from here, forgiveness and acceptance share the same bed, perhaps my completeness isn't sufficiently developed ……..
I always lectured my children that a grudge was heavy and it has no handles, and here am I …….. such is my sense of injustice and anger that I don't want to let go ~ and it's a failing that I live with, it's a burden that I simply can't put down.
I entered that school as a damaged child and all that they achieved was to worsen matters. I left in a worse state than when I arrived.
I'm out of here ~ I'm grateful to you for you kindly thoughts Christoph.
 

DrWazzock

Member
Arable Farmer
Location
Lincolnshire
Following the death of my father in May 2018, the summer was perfect from a farming point of view. An easy dry sunny harvest followed by an easy autumn.
But since that time it feels like a black cloud and perpetual twilight has hung over us.
The passing of my father was like the setting of the sun. Even when the sun goes below the horizon, the light continues for another hour or so before blackness envelopes all.
I don’t think we fully realise the gap left by those departed till some considerable time after they’ve gone. One less person to discuss the days events with who actually understood what you were talking about. People make farms and farms make people and I don’t think things will ever be like they used to be. End of an era
I feel now there is nobody on my wavelength work wise, Nobody who gets it. And our fiercely independent self reliance has fallen below critical mass. We have to partially rely on outside help now and that feels like a defeat, a slippery slope etc.
That’s life though I suppose. Adjustment takes time.
 
Following the death of my father in May 2018, the summer was perfect from a farming point of view. An easy dry sunny harvest followed by an easy autumn.
But since that time it feels like a black cloud and perpetual twilight has hung over us.
The passing of my father was like the setting of the sun. Even when the sun goes below the horizon, the light continues for another hour or so before blackness envelopes all.
I don’t think we fully realise the gap left by those departed till some considerable time after they’ve gone. One less person to discuss the days events with who actually understood what you were talking about. People make farms and farms make people and I don’t think things will ever be like they used to be. End of an era
I feel now there is nobody on my wavelength work wise, Nobody who gets it. And our fiercely independent self reliance has fallen below critical mass. We have to partially rely on outside help now and that feels like a defeat, a slippery slope etc.
That’s life though I suppose. Adjustment takes time.

Knowing when to seek help or support is a major strength. Although it, too can take time for us to appreciate it.
 
Following the death of my father in May 2018, the summer was perfect from a farming point of view. An easy dry sunny harvest followed by an easy autumn.
But since that time it feels like a black cloud and perpetual twilight has hung over us.
The passing of my father was like the setting of the sun. Even when the sun goes below the horizon, the light continues for another hour or so before blackness envelopes all.
I don’t think we fully realise the gap left by those departed till some considerable time after they’ve gone. One less person to discuss the days events with who actually understood what you were talking about. People make farms and farms make people and I don’t think things will ever be like they used to be. End of an era
I feel now there is nobody on my wavelength work wise, Nobody who gets it. And our fiercely independent self reliance has fallen below critical mass. We have to partially rely on outside help now and that feels like a defeat, a slippery slope etc.
That’s life though I suppose. Adjustment takes time.

Despite the sadness at the loss of your father, that harvest must have been almost magical; ignoring the pancake like bleakness of the Norfolk countryside I can almost feel the warmth of the sun and the harvest dust that must have invaded your every moment. I don't know why it is but from my days of travelling down to Hemsby and back I was always struck by the name Kimbolton but in the same respect I was always moved by the American War Cemetery near Cambridge.
 
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Indeed
but that's not quite what his post refers too, there's a subtle difference.

I think that there may be a couple of subtle differences taking place in the op and our supportive replies. We can seek support and help when bereaved, when depressed, and when the work load is too much for us alone. Of course we can be hit by grief, depression, and over work all at the same time!

I'm guessing, mind you only guessing, that Doc is suffering heart ache at the loss of his dad and probably just now every thing, place, and person reminds him of the moments shared with him.

I would love to read more about Doc's dad; what made him laugh, angry, and contented and what pearls of wisdom he shared over the years.
 

SFI - What % were you taking out of production?

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    Votes: 79 42.7%
  • Up to 25%

    Votes: 64 34.6%
  • 25-50%

    Votes: 30 16.2%
  • 50-75%

    Votes: 3 1.6%
  • 75-100%

    Votes: 3 1.6%
  • 100% I’ve had enough of farming!

    Votes: 6 3.2%

Red Tractor drops launch of green farming scheme amid anger from farmers

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As reported in Independent


quote: “Red Tractor has confirmed it is dropping plans to launch its green farming assurance standard in April“

read the TFF thread here: https://thefarmingforum.co.uk/index.php?threads/gfc-was-to-go-ahead-now-not-going-ahead.405234/
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