Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

teslacoils

Member
Arable Farmer
Location
Lincolnshire
Today I am supposed to be going to buy a car. I very much don't like sales, or being rushed. So I've told Mrs teslacoils a fib; got the bus into Lincoln; and am hiding in the bookshop drawing pictures. Bus back home at 12:30 and will say the car, which I'm not going to look at, wasn't quite right.

I've worried about this damned car all week. Now I'm worrying about not having a car to get to places. It's all very silly.
In sad car news, it lasted four days before lots of error lights went on. It has been returned and I await the refund. Thus ends my bad car history. Added to my cancelled COVID holiday etc it seems I'm not destined for nice things.
 
Nothing compares with getting off the bloody farm for a bit.
... or getting someone in to work with you for a day a week as I did last November. He's now with me three days a week and its been a game changer for putting the fun back in my farming. Works hard a good to chat with as we go, I save all the shitty or two person jobs for when he's with me. Made such a difference. I'm having my first proper family holiday in five years this week!
 
In sad car news, it lasted four days before lots of error lights went on. It has been returned and I await the refund. Thus ends my bad car history. Added to my cancelled COVID holiday etc it seems I'm not destined for nice things.

Hurry up and buy the Volvo man.

Hammered with rain this morning, so loud on the roof I think it might have woken me up. But out for a brief wander up the village this afternoon and the sun is out, shiny and bright and the countryside is loving it. Green as the eye can see. can't help but think maybe life isn't so bad after all.
 
How about a part time job doing something just to experience another part of life, generate some cash/heart rate and maybe had some kind of impetus or commitment to get up and get going? What sort of work turns you on and gets you motivated in a morning?

Wasn't it that US president, John F Kennedy, said to ask not what my country can do for me but what can I do for my country? I know that JFK turned out to be quite a naughty boy, but I suppose that his quote is still worth contemplating and giving some serious thought.

When the light is disappearing from our lives and we see only dark days ahead, whilst the black dog of depression is snapping at our heels, are thoughts of me, mine, self, and ours counterproductive to progressing onto brighter days and focusing on you, yours, and theirs could greatly assist us in outrunning the big bad black dog?

Not preaching but thinking out loud and wondering how I can better shift my focus onto serving others and also develop an improved attitude of gratitude.

I do hope that our visitors notice that the sun never sets on TFF and the light is never turned off.

Chris (y)
 

DrWazzock

Member
Arable Farmer
Location
Lincolnshire
Wasn't it that US president, John F Kennedy, said to ask not what my country can do for me but what can I do for my country? I know that JFK turned out to be quite a naughty boy, but I suppose that his quote is still worth contemplating and giving some serious thought.

When the light is disappearing from our lives and we see only dark days ahead, whilst the black dog of depression is snapping at our heels, are thoughts of me, mine, self, and ours counterproductive to progressing onto brighter days and focusing on you, yours, and theirs could greatly assist us in outrunning the big bad black dog?

Not preaching but thinking out loud and wondering how I can better shift my focus onto serving others and also develop an improved attitude of gratitude.

I do hope that our visitors notice that the sun never sets on TFF and the light is never turned off.

Chris (y)
You are right Chris to some extent but here’s a cautionary tale.
Today I was nearly arrested by the police.
The story is as follows. Newcomer moved into area and rents paddock for horse. Contacts me for hay as somehow got my number. Supplied hay, was paid. All good. Then can she borrow a battery and electric fence unit. Alright. Roll on a year and she rings up to say she’s doing a runner, but good enough to tell me to go and get my fencer and battery before the landlord swoops. Toddle over and pick up battery and fencer. Plod screeches up to field gate. Ello ello what’s going on here then. Just recovering my loaned equipment officers. Likely story. Luckily had the text in my phone proving she’d instructed me thus so convinced them to let me away with my own equipment.
I should have known really. Next time I’ll be damn sight more careful who I “help out”.
All a bit sad though. Said lady not very bright at all. Just lost husband. Works as a cleaner. Paying huge huge rent for tiny house. I tried to advise that it wasn’t wise to keep a horse and rent a field if struggling with debts. But it got to crisis point and she does a runner. Will probably repeat same mistake somewhere else. She did say though I was the only person who’s really helped her. Everybody else just encouraged her to take on more debt than she could sustain. Her free choice ultimately but don’t we all bear some responsibility for helping others keep out of bother rather than just point the finger at those less able to make right decisions.
A funny sort of day.
 

bumkin

Member
Mixed Farmer
Location
pembrokeshire
just shows the state of local policing when they turn up and don't know who you are, these days they all go around in their cars and don't know the local population perhaps there needs to be more bobbies on the beat, also what is the fascination with women and horses there are so many of them keeping horses they cant afford?
 

DrWazzock

Member
Arable Farmer
Location
Lincolnshire
just shows the state of local policing when they turn up and don't know who you are, these days they all go around in their cars and don't know the local population perhaps there needs to be more bobbies on the beat, also what is the fascination with women and horses there are so many of them keeping horses they cant afford?
Horses and pets of different kinds are a massive drain on folks resources yet often the last thing to go or the thing that finally sinks the ship.
 

DrWazzock

Member
Arable Farmer
Location
Lincolnshire
It was particularly poignant that the horse was very well looked after and sad to see a bag of treats there as I recovered my fencer. The horse is now in safekeeping, the owner goodness knows where but last time I heard from her in a very distressed state. There actually seems more support in place for the horse than the owner, such is the screwed up world we live in.
Oh well. None of my business. Thousands like it.
 

DrWazzock

Member
Arable Farmer
Location
Lincolnshire
I suppose the acid test is would you offer one less fortunate a room in your own house? Honest answer , no I wouldn’t. They’d be a complete nightmare. But I do think Social Services or whoever is supposed to sort these things out don’t really do enough to keep folks on the straight and narrow. Should be no pets until finances on an even keel, that sort of thing. But nothing ever seems to be done as early intervention, a bit like the NHS. Maybe a local overseer of the poor would be better, with local knowledge and clout, but that would be infringing human rights or something.
A very difficult and not straightforward problem - saving people from themselves.
 

DrWazzock

Member
Arable Farmer
Location
Lincolnshire
Something that comes out of this for me :
I have observed in myself and others, when in a depressed state, that I tend to be either completely paranoid about others intentions or I swing to the other extreme and become far too sympathetic. I’ll either trust nobody or be too sympathetic to those who should have been told to “sling their hook.”
Depression tends to make judgement go completely haywire on many things. This is something worth remembering in my opinion and its worth asking yourself if you really are seeing things objectively when in a low mood.
 

wrenbird

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
HR2
Just making a decision when you are low is difficult, making the right one nigh impossible, or perhaps I am just indecisive. I have made some pretty crap decisions when I have been at the other end of the scale too, when your mind is buzzing and you are convinced you’re invincible, what could possibly go wrong? Everything 🙄
 

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