11 yr old lad new school few friends - is there any hope?

[Lili]

Any martial arts - Judo, karatI classes local to you? Not available at the moment but they could be worth considering if things get back to 'normal' Theyre very good for building confidence and he'd make some friends hopefully.

 

[Mc115reed]

Buy him a few pedigree sheep or pedigree calves and get him in too the local young farmers... rural kids need too mix with other rural kids if you ask me townie kids just want too play Xbox and FaceTime each other on there posh iPhones they Definatly shouldn’t have at that age

 

[MRT]

Any martial arts - Judo, karatI classes local to you? Not available at the moment but they could be worth considering if things get back to 'normal' Theyre very good for building confidence and he'd make some friends hopefully.

I was going to suggest boxing, there will be clubs not too far from you. I coach in one a couple of evenings a week and it is an atmosphere that some children really enjoy (often those who don't enjoy team sports, often the quieter types)

 

[Jackov Altraids]

It is good that you are aware of the situation but please be careful not to imprint your interpretation of the circumstances on him. It is all normal and most boys may seem aggressive, rude and obnoxious but the vast majority are perfectly good lads.
Encourage any and every activity as they all lead to friendship groups.
In particular, I would hope he has access to online gaming. It really does help find friends and removes the issue of remoteness when you can chat and play with anyone in the world and could be a good way of keeping in touch with primary school friends and will be unaffected by any lockdown.

 

[Frodo]

It is good that you are aware of the situation but please be careful not to imprint your interpretation of the circumstances on him. It is all normal and most boys may seem aggressive, rude and obnoxious but the vast majority are perfectly good lads.
Encourage any and every activity as they all lead to friendship groups.
In particular, I would hope he has access to online gaming. It really does help find friends and removes the issue of remoteness when you can chat and play with anyone in the world and could be a good way of keeping in touch with primary school friends and will be unaffected by any lockdown.

I agree with you on the online gaming. During lockdown it was great for the kids keeping in touch. As with everything moderation is the key.

 

[MRT]

I agree with you on the online gaming. During lockdown it was great for the kids keeping in touch. As with everything moderation is the key.

Beware online bullying, and any other online things... if they don't think to search for it thier friends will send them a link!

 

[Frodo]

Beware online bullying, and any other online things... if they don't think to search for it thier friends will send them a link!

Totally agree. Just some parents attitude is they are bad full stop., which in my opinion is not the case.

 

[farmerm]

Poor lad. Its tough, some kids find it really easy to make friends and fit in for others it is harder, and that is without the current additional challenges! Perhaps it might not hurt to have a quiet word with his form tutor, not all will be helpful but a good teacher making a few measured interventions might make a world of difference... A few small tweaks in class might just help seed a potential new friendships or two or the teacher may offer you some other useful advice or insight. I am no expert on Instagram, have not got to that point with our kids just yet, they are a bit younger... the obsession in our house seems to be minecraft videos on youtube I think for some people the material being viewed on Instagram can have an inspirational and aspirational effect and be a source for good but for other people it can be a harmful, morale sucking vampire which is best avoided.

 

[MRT]

Totally agree. Just some parents attitude is they are bad full stop., which in my opinion is not the case.

The attitude on my two and motivation levels certainly fall after more than an hour on the screens, I try to limit it. As you say there may be silver linings

 

[capfits]

i know, but she doesn’t like private schools

Neither do many of the kids that have attended them.

 

[teslacoils]

In seven years of primary, not one single other parent has made any effort to ask my children over. I'm forever ferrying other people's children here to play, where they have ace fun building dens and being in the woods. Tictok, YouTube and Xbox is all these other children do.

I'd get them involved with a local scouting group or similar. Lockdown has made it crappy but they still do plenty here.

Both my boys have plenty of friends, but getting their parents to do anything is simply a waste of time.

 

[49801]

Just some further ideas for sports and hobbies.... surfing body boarding diving windsurfing kite surfing
Woodworking. Egg mini business chicken ducks. Climbing mountain walking. Young scientists project

Really is about what sparks an interest at all.

 

[melted welly]

Neither do many of the kids that have attended them.

yeah, I was one of them, left as soon as got my grades for college, but in hindsight it probably did me a lot of good.

 

[Estate fencing.]

I was one of those kids that just couldn't make friends at school. All i wanted to do at secondary school was be a home with my chickens or helping my dad. We where the only family that where from a farm and lived 20 miles from a town school. Dad was my only friend really, and I had 2 nasty brothers who bullied me at school and came home a bullied me.
Chickens where my savour, bred and raised 1000s of them when I was at school, I could go out at 6 in the morning to do them and spend until it was dark at night. 5 years at school I never had one friend over but I got through it, when I went to go collage to do ag things where very different and I was the life and sole of the party.

 

[Sprig]

Another vote for getting him some animals. My son has his own sheep and ducks and absolutely loves them.
Would he like a pen pal? My son is about to turn ten and would be very happy to write to him.

 

[Chasingmytail]

we are very busy on the farm (stock) and to be fair they help a lot. Im not sure he has the maturity to take on his own flock etc. We had a lot of chickens etc and he just did what he had to at the time. But you have to watch him he's a swine for rushing things and not doing a good job he's not focused enough to take on responsibility. We have bought a few cars to do up and sell on with the prem that the better job we do the more money we make to buy all the bikes and toys.

Private school would be nice as there is a pleasant small independent school close by but we just cant afford it. With Covid and our massive mortgage no way do we have funds to meet it half way.

No ponies again, its too costly and its like any pet be interested at first then that would be it with him. It would be mine then.

I do agree, we've already had issues with him posting silly stuff on Whatsapp which taught him a lesson (agree to young for all this stuff) he does play on intendo and PC but we try to keep it to 1hr however this in itself is a battle as when our back is turned he's on the PC playing and watching youtube all day. The trouble with the youtube type of thing is watching silly videos of amercian kids doing stupid stuff also cocky and ridiculous stuff which he gets sucked into. Too much stupid banter on these youtubes.

 

[Chasingmytail]

In seven years of primary, not one single other parent has made any effort to ask my children over. I'm forever ferrying other people's children here to play, where they have ace fun building dens and being in the woods. Tictok, YouTube and Xbox is all these other children do.

Both my boys have plenty of friends, but getting their parents to do anything is simply a waste of time.

This has been my exact problem with this so called Christian school he attended. Honestly all those years and he must of been invited to 2 birthday parties and only a couple invited over! What the hell is this about? We gave them so much experience over here on quad, tractors, picking up animals, going down the woods....the insult for the parent not to bother asking us back! Some stuck up arrogant parents for a so called Christian school. Such a clique too again seemed with the boys around the football. Could of died once when I was scrolling through FB and noticed one kid had birthday party to invite most of the boys and my son saw it! Fecking hateful behaviour. Also never met such two faced women in a class. Blanking me most of the time. It was a horrible time to be honest I was told to move him out but transport was the issue. I think he would of blended in better in a rougher bigger school than this clique of a small school. One of the reasons I didnt want him to go to the faith comp with some spiteful stuck up kids on a bus. I wanted away from it to be honest. I think its so sad these years are supposed to be special but frankly it was 7 years of misery plus they didnt notice his slight Dyslexia or processing issue (mild).

There was an incident in April when one mum turned on me (and the whole family farm on FB) started slating us made some accusations and really really nasty. beyond awful. She also went on to post anonymous on other closed groups making up stupid untrue stuff as an attention seeker. I had to get legal advice as I was worried for the farm/business and our family. I had to get the school involved. She turned a simple comment into a police matter and had a policeman turn up. It made me realise the dangers of social media. I had to threaten her with legal action to shut her up. The sadest sadest thing as when she was posting all this vile stuff not one mum from the school messaged me to see if I was ok. Seeing that most saw this post after that I was finished with the school. I was seriously ill for weeks after this. It was the beginning of lockdown just an awful time. So much for a Christian school.

 

[Dry Rot]

My lil lad is into mountain biking, walking, running, swimming & food.

I don't know if the libraries are open where you are at the moment, but they are a great resource and the librarians are trained to find relevant books. Any book published in the UK should be available through Inter Library Loan for, at most, the cost of postage.

The library should be able to find books on the subjects suitable for your child's interests and age group. Not so many read books these days which is a pity. At that age, I was either wandering the countryside or had my head stuck in a book! I tended to avoid anything I was "encouraged" to take an interest in.

 

[JP1]

Been a tough year on our youngest. Being semi-rural, new comp started in Sept (most of the other children went further out to faith school) Him and his brother prob only farming children in the huge school. With boys its all sweaty football and Xbox. Aggressive on the playground rude and obnoxious boys cant possibly just kick a ball around it all serious so any time he want to join in they push him off. Then what other hobbies or interests do they have? Its seems its all staring at the phone or xbox. My lil lad is into mountain biking, walking, running, swimming & food. Now that any extra circ is cancelled at school there is little room for him to even find new friends in other years as well. Even in Junior his abilities at running and cycling were not given anything like the football kids were getting accolades in assemblies etc which really wound me up. Everything is now cancelled.

I see my poor 11 yr old who has struggled with schooling as it is have no real friends. His older brother is his best friend but his brother wants to spend time with his other biking friends. This afternoon gone off on a walk on his own. When I compare it to my childhood makes mine look marvellous (even though it was more likely ok).

His father takes him in the workshop so he's not alone that much but rather see him making friends with things in common. He spends a lot of time on Instagram which imo is not good for mental health and Roblox. I cant get him to read or drawer or do anything to help him focus on improving his schooling either.

With this Covid his childhood at this stage is really sad to watch. He can walk over the fields to the outskirts of the town but then no one is out.

Not really sure why Im saying this really but its not helped by Covid. I just hope when he goes back to school next week there is hope of building new relationships with others.

Try not to worry although Secondary schools can be incredibly tough for some. He will be a decent human being and much of the fault lies with those that have to conform . I almost feel sorry for them as much of it is conditioning and those boy's upbringing

 

[Hampton]

This has been my exact problem with this so called Christian school he attended. Honestly all those years and he must of been invited to 2 birthday parties and only a couple invited over! What the hell is this about? We gave them so much experience over here on quad, tractors, picking up animals, going down the woods....the insult for the parent not to bother asking us back! Some stuck up arrogant parents for a so called Christian school. Such a clique too again seemed with the boys around the football. Could of died once when I was scrolling through FB and noticed one kid had birthday party to invite most of the boys and my son saw it! Fecking hateful behaviour. Also never met such two faced women in a class. Blanking me most of the time. It was a horrible time to be honest I was told to move him out but transport was the issue. I think he would of blended in better in a rougher bigger school than this clique of a small school. One of the reasons I didnt want him to go to the faith comp with some spiteful stuck up kids on a bus. I wanted away from it to be honest. I think its so sad these years are supposed to be special but frankly it was 7 years of misery plus they didnt notice his slight Dyslexia or processing issue (mild).

There was an incident in April when one mum turned on me (and the whole family farm on FB) started slating us made some accusations and really really nasty. beyond awful. She also went on to post anonymous on other closed groups making up stupid untrue stuff as an attention seeker. I had to get legal advice as I was worried for the farm/business and our family. I had to get the school involved. She turned a simple comment into a police matter and had a policeman turn up. It made me realise the dangers of social media. I had to threaten her with legal action to shut her up. The sadest sadest thing as when she was posting all this vile stuff not one mum from the school messaged me to see if I was ok. Seeing that most saw this post after that I was finished with the school. I was seriously ill for weeks after this. It was the beginning of lockdown just an awful time. So much for a Christian school.

This might sound ridiculous, but there is an excellent dry ski slope down near Newport and some nice families that are involved with the training and racing. Dry slope isn’t expensive and the kids love it. Worth a try?