11 yr old lad new school few friends - is there any hope?

Eden.Agri.AD

Member
Mixed Farmer
This sounds so familiar to my little brother, really struggled to make "real" friends.
He struggles with asperger syndrome and is socially awkward, but get him on the PC with the headset.. he's a different person, chats daily with gamers from around the world.
But the problem with that is.. he still has no real friends, no one that he can go out on a sat night with anyway, it's something I worry about.
He seems happy but I know he's a mid 20's good looking fit lad, should be out on running after girls, not sitting with a headset on every night of the week.

Is funny you said that his older brother is his best friend, I would have been my little brothers best friend when growing up but he defiantly wasn't mine (Something I regret looking back, I really should have made more of an effort to include him).

When the whole Covid thing is over, get him to join as many clubs as possible.
Is there running & mountain biking clubs in your area?
Even scouts or duke of Edinburgh?

Even if he's playing with the lads from school on a online multiplayer, is that really such a bad thing? (In moderation) At least he is interacting with them.
 
It’s been an especially crap year for kids, so many of them are at a loose end and changing schools will only compound it.
If he’s not being welcomed into school groups does he have any inclination to join local a cycling club / hockey team / rugby team/ cadets or other such group activity to make friends at?
One thing his new school has at least taught him: footballs for tossers.
my son told me, that the Chavey English boys played football, and the Welsh lads played rugby
 
Any martial arts - Judo, karatI classes local to you? Not available at the moment but they could be worth considering if things get back to 'normal' Theyre very good for building confidence and he'd make some friends hopefully.
funny enough, i was just thinking the same, our local aikido club (which has stopped due to covid) is great for building confidence, our sensi Heidi is really good with young people. There are a whole group of Shin gi Tai aikido clubs throughout South Wales. We have had lots of young people in the club who have really blossomed during their years in the club.
 

teslacoils

Member
Location
Lincolnshire
This has been my exact problem with this so called Christian school he attended. Honestly all those years and he must of been invited to 2 birthday parties and only a couple invited over! What the hell is this about? We gave them so much experience over here on quad, tractors, picking up animals, going down the woods....the insult for the parent not to bother asking us back! Some stuck up arrogant parents for a so called Christian school. Such a clique too again seemed with the boys around the football. Could of died once when I was scrolling through FB and noticed one kid had birthday party to invite most of the boys and my son saw it! Fecking hateful behaviour. Also never met such two faced women in a class. Blanking me most of the time. It was a horrible time to be honest I was told to move him out but transport was the issue. I think he would of blended in better in a rougher bigger school than this clique of a small school. One of the reasons I didnt want him to go to the faith comp with some spiteful stuck up kids on a bus. I wanted away from it to be honest. I think its so sad these years are supposed to be special but frankly it was 7 years of misery plus they didnt notice his slight Dyslexia or processing issue (mild).

There was an incident in April when one mum turned on me (and the whole family farm on FB) started slating us made some accusations and really really nasty. beyond awful. She also went on to post anonymous on other closed groups making up stupid untrue stuff as an attention seeker. I had to get legal advice as I was worried for the farm/business and our family. I had to get the school involved. She turned a simple comment into a police matter and had a policeman turn up. It made me realise the dangers of social media. I had to threaten her with legal action to shut her up. The sadest sadest thing as when she was posting all this vile stuff not one mum from the school messaged me to see if I was ok. Seeing that most saw this post after that I was finished with the school. I was seriously ill for weeks after this. It was the beginning of lockdown just an awful time. So much for a Christian school.
Not sure of the Christian nature of the school has much impact. We're five miles from school and we'll out of the village, so it's not like anyone can just knock on the door to go to the park....and tbh all they would do is watch YouTube on another child's phone.

It's the nature of the beast now. I've had children of divirced parents who spend every weekend with dad, so can never come and play. I offered to bring them over, feed them, let the children play, then drive the child to his dad's......in Birmingham. But parents not interested.

It's a trouble to know what to do when you know that there is not much you can do. There's no excuse for bullying. That wants nipping in the bud now. I'd strongly suggest taking it straight to the chair of govs a f you don't feel it's been addressed well enough.

Pen pals are a good idea. Best to find one through another parent. Otherwise local cup / scout group post-covid, or similar group like cadets or sporting club.
 
I can give you the solution to this but it requires time and money on your part.

Get him to invite a couple of school would-be friends to your place for a the day. During that day make sure they have a chance to do cool stuff. Air guns, bon fires, quad bikes, what-have-you. Stuff that would not be normally done by 12 year old urban kids but perfectly normal on a farm. I am sure he will become more popular or at least cement a friendship with a couple of them this way.
 

flowerpot

Member
I haven't read all the threads, but completely sympathetic regarding your boy's situation. Hopefully the ban on after school clubs will be lifted in December and you can get back to cycling and swimming.

The only thing I thought of, does he have a dog? A dog that he could train up and be obedient and do agility, or just be a friend. A dog is always pleased to see you.

My son did something like Judo for two or three years and it came in useful when one school bully picked on him when he was about 10. (He is the least argumentative or aggressive person ever). It came to a head in the changing rooms and my son was able to defend himself but let the other boy go when he started shouting! He walked home from the bus still in tears, but in the meantime a teacher had telephoned me to explain what had happened and said it had been brewing for a while. Luckily they moved the other boy to keep them apart - but my son never had any bullying problems after that they just left him alone.
 

kfpben

Member
Location
Mid Hampshire
Take him along to a Young Farmers club when restrictions are lifted- there will be plenty of like minded kids there.
You will need to find one which has plenty of juniors though as many clubs are more 18-26.
 
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I can give you the solution to this but it requires time and money on your part.

Get him to invite a couple of school would-be friends to your place for a the day. During that day make sure they have a chance to do cool stuff. Air guns, bon fires, quad bikes, what-have-you. Stuff that would not be normally done by 12 year old urban kids but perfectly normal on a farm. I am sure he will become more popular or at least cement a friendship with a couple of them this way.
This is exactly what I was going to right. Your sons way of life has huge benefits and many would be envious. Get him to invite a few round, its hard for a young lad to put himself out there but if he takes that step and then you facilitate a day to be proud of, there will be no looking back. If you want help with ideas, let me know. I manage a commercial farm that provides residential stays for teenager who are at risk of being expelled from school, you would be amazed at what kids get stuck into!
 
off school for 2 weeks now as Covid case. Seems to never end.
I came from a rural sort of area and went to a urban school. Very few people who had the same interests as me. Always got on with everyone, but had few really close friends and never interested in football.

Finished school, and decided I wanted to join the army (16). Made some of the best friends you could ever want and still speak to them 7 years later.

I honestly look back at when I was at school and you had the "popular" kids who haven't achieved anything in life as all there friends stayed in that area so they never went anywhere either.

I agree with other posters though, YFC or cadets will definitely help his confidence and gain friends that have more interests that match his.
 

Clive

Staff Member
BASE UK Member
Location
Lichfield
limit the gaming imo

it’s important kids have access but it shoukd be strictly limited or interest in anything else will quickly disappear

the games are designed to be more interesting than anything else
 

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