Boss with early stages of dementia

[Hfd Cattle]

Dementia is very difficult . My FIL has it and knows it but still refuses to accept that he can possibly be wrong .
He lost his workshop key a few weeks ago and blamed everyone for moving it but nobody had touched it .
We eventually found it in his bathroom on a shelf . There was no way he was going to admit to putting it there ...but he must have cos it's always in his pocket .

Keep notes like you have been doing but I wouldn't only do it in my personal diary but write it separately as well .
I'm sure the family would have noticed his decline and it sounds like you have been there for quite some yrs . Surely you would have built up enough of a relationship with one or other members of the family with whom you can have a quiet word about your concerns . .....
Difficult for you and I wish you all the best

 

[TheTallGuy]

I would suggest a casual first approach to someone in the family you can trust, trying not to make a big thing of it - along the lines of "It may be nothing, but have you noticed that he seems to be getting a bit forgetful these days?" Depending on how aware they already are of the changes it should lay the ground work for future conversations. I know that when a member of my family started showing certain signs of deterioration that it wasn't really until someone else made a similar comment that the penny began to drop for us.

 

[Boysground]

I feel one of the biggest issues with early dementia is acceptance by the family. My mum has never accepted that dad had dementia. He didn’t speak for a year and I am sure he didn’t know who I was for much longer. Mum still doesn’t accept he had dementia, and has never said the word. Dad went into a home because we couldn’t cope and mum thought he would return.

My point @Red dogs is that if the family haven’t or don’t want to see what’s happening it is going to be difficult. I don’t think as the employee you should take this on alone. It’s not easy but I think you should have a word, perhaps start with a “have you noticed ?” Conversation. The write a diary idea is brilliant, it could help to show a decline.

I am sure your boss won’t even suspect there could be something wrong.

Bg

 

[Kentishfarmer]

The longer you leave it without saying anything at all the more difficult it will be when something eventually does have to be said. If you could sow the idea in your bosses head that he has to consider demetia before anyone openly says as much it may help. I often think with older farmers they have to join the dots in their own mind - they won't be told!
Keep mentioning your dad's case and how old he was when it started, neighbouring farmers who had dementia etc. I feel there is a chance your boss will get very defensive if confronted out of the blue with an uncomfortable truth

 

[kiwi pom]

What would happen if you leave?
Are the family going to use you as a bit of an excuse for them to move in and take over?
Cover your arse with all his cock ups, some of them could get you/him in serious trouble.

I'd start looking for another job but that's just me.

 

[Exfarmer]

Be wary of making too strong a case, nobody likes being told the obvious. If they are aware, and it is most likely they are, your comments may only make things worse for their concerns.
There is a big difference between age related short term memory loss and dementia. The very term dementia will strike fear into many people who will certainly have seen how some types have destroyed older ands sometimes younger friends and relations

 

[Dry Rot]

I have just had a quick re-read of the thread and can't see what age your boss is. As we get older, things don't work so well, both mental and physical. My BIL had dementia. I am in my 80s and increasingly aware of memory loss. Stupid things, like not remembering the names of my own animals! I think I'd prefer it if it was discussed with me if I get really bad, but I'm told it's "normal" I think of my own mind as a rather untidy over full filing cabinet. I know it's here somewhere, but I just can't find it right now!

I suppose consulting the "family doctor" doesn't work these days? I know even getting to see a doctor down south is a problem and it will probably be a health centre with a different doctor each time. I think we are lucky up here in the north as we do know doctors by sight and by name (if I can remember them!). But when I did mention memory loss in the surgery, the doctor offered to put me through a test. We both laughed when I said I think I'd rather not know. But they do seem to give me at least annual health checks, PSA for prostate and bladder cancer for two, then there's blood pressure.

Encourage the family to have a word with his doctor. A note can be put on file and maybe a check done when called in for a routine examination. As for losing workshop keys, that's routine as one gets older. Where is the bloody workshop, while we're at it?

 

[Huno]

To be honest I haven’t even tried to talk about the situation as it hasn’t been to much of a problem until a right balls up with some cattle paperwork, I know my job and home are safe in the long run ( I am very happy here) it’s just dealing with the here and now, I just don’t want my boss thinking I am trying to push him out in any way, like my father it was the first part that was the hardest in getting him to understand something wasn’t right, my boss is still out and about and is a great help and support but you can just see what is happening, the funny thing is he was great with me and very helpful when my father was ill but I just think he can’t/ doesn’t want to see it in himself

If he needs you to help with the paperwork then volunteer to do the paperwork for him and next time he shouts at you due to early onset dementia it wont be personal..approach his family at the same time as you speak with him àt a meeting round the kitchen table.. accept his pride might lead to a negative few days but within a week he will be right behind you or if not he will lose a caring employee..
Our industry is full of old people who should have retired at 65 but just cant or wont ease back and deligate.. this often results in dementia as an output.. communicate and arrange that meeting

 

[2wheels]

I have just had a quick re-read of the thread and can't see what age your boss is. As we get older, things don't work so well, both mental and physical. My BIL had dementia. I am in my 80s and increasingly aware of memory loss. Stupid things, like not remembering the names of my own animals! I think I'd prefer it if it was discussed with me if I get really bad, but I'm told it's "normal" I think of my own mind as a rather untidy over full filing cabinet. I know it's here somewhere, but I just can't find it right now!

I suppose consulting the "family doctor" doesn't work these days? I know even getting to see a doctor down south is a problem and it will probably be a health centre with a different doctor each time. I think we are lucky up here in the north as we do know doctors by sight and by name (if I can remember them!). But when I did mention memory loss in the surgery, the doctor offered to put me through a test. We both laughed when I said I think I'd rather not know. But they do seem to give me at least annual health checks, PSA for prostate and bladder cancer for two, then there's blood pressure.

Encourage the family to have a word with his doctor. A note can be put on file and maybe a check done when called in for a routine examination. As for losing workshop keys, that's routine as one gets older. Where is the bloody workshop, while we're at it?

you are lucky to have a good practice.

 

[Princess Pooper]

You sound like a really decent chap and it's a difficult situation you find yourself in. The Jubilee may, strangely, present you with an opportunity to raise your concerns, with a general chit chat about the celebrations, the fact that although the Queen is in frailer physical health, she still seems to be bright as a button mentally. Perhaps even make up a fictional 'friend' who started to show a few issues but that family helped them to work out a way forward.

I do think a discreet word with family is the best option. Mention FCN as a source of support for them if they need some help, it is fairly common in farming families because so many farrmers don't retire. DO contact FCN yourself if it is preying on your mind and you just want to talk things through - you needn't mention who the farmer is, although if things got bad then they would be happy to help if you asked them to, but I think that would be overstepping the mark (given that there are family around) at this stage.

 

[wdah/him]

From a job prospect could you and him have a work record diary for each day. Record numbers etc dosing used etc for reference, not as proof u were wrong but as check for the business and clear records easy to hand.
Also can a whiteboard be put up somewhere for stuff to be ordered or delivery times etc of stuff that can be reviewed between both of u to follow up on each morning after tea.

Might sound stupid but we have this in a factory with 2 of us and we update it and remove stuff as we go and generally have a catch up once a day to follow thing s up. Doesn't prove things but might help things run better and he might catch on he is more forgetful, other family members maybe also see it. I don't like the idea of keeping notes of the person I see this as a more upfront way of dealing with it and issues will be seen by him, ie he forgets numbers it's there in the book to take with him, also takes pressure of if something else comes up you can take the book and work from there or vi's versa, be better if he notices himself and sort of make a joke of it, more often it happens the penny might drop.

Truth was often said in jest and taken better.

 

[Dry Rot]

you are lucky to have a good practice.

Yes, I suspect that is the problem in much of the country. If so, sometime jumping up and down and screaming helps!

 

[Bongodog]

He has close family yes , but as much as I hate to say it we all know what families can be like when there’s money involved, the farm will stay and with it my job, it’s just going to be a case of navigating things in the near future

i'm slightly confused by your statement that the farm will stay and with it your job, this suggests that there are other members of the farmers family closely involved in the day to day running of the farm. If the family aren't involved on a day to day basis the chances would be that the end of active farming is quickly drawing closer.
If the family are involved they must surely be seeing the same signs you are

 

[Lincsman]

You need to have a word with the family, there is medication to halt or slow the decline.

 

[fudge]

He has close family yes , but as much as I hate to say it we all know what families can be like when there’s money involved, the farm will stay and with it my job, it’s just going to be a case of navigating things in the near future

My late father suffered from dementia and mum has an increasingly poor memory. I cannot believe that your boss’s close family haven’t noticed a decline in his memory. I would say you should talk to them. I certainly wish you and him luck in this difficult situation.

 

[flowerpot]

My mother-in-law, who was really the driving force, slowly became forgetful. My husband noticed most as he was working alongside her every day, whereas I kept saying that she wasn't too bad. Maybe the family haven't noticed so much. People can and do cover it up. No one likes to admit that they are in decline.

MIL was taken to see a doctor and she said "I am loosing my memory, not my mind" which was a pretty good answer. It took several years before she got really bad.

The idea of your keeping a diary is a very good one.

 

[Cowabunga]

Well,when the day comes that he accepts he has early dementia you can be a big help and support with your first hand experience, but there’s going to be some difficult days between now and then by the sounds of it

It may be that he already realises that he has a problem. Depending on the person, it may be OK and welcome to bring the subject up, possibly as a question of some sort with him. I think everyone realises they are declining when in the early to mid stages and that is the best time to discuss it. Later on, and the decline may become very rapid depending on the type of issue involved, it is too late.
Just a thought, not having been in that situation but believing that it is good to talk.

 

[xmilkr]

Sorry to hear of your situation l know how difficult it must be for you, some people know things are wrong but are afraid to admit it, some do not realise the problem is there but l think in your case his own family must know somethings is not right, l must be the lucky one, my memory is crazy has been the past two years, my wife played up with me "go and see a doctor" so on my annual blood test l just said to the nurse "were do l go for advice on dementia" she handed me a peace of paper and told me a doctor will ring you on that time and date, he rang on the correct time but a day early, told him wife said l had dementia, he asked was it ok to do test on line, asked me a load of questions than said they scored from 1 to 10 your score is 0 you have no dementia just old age is your wife at home ??? l am 80 next but know l have problems memory wise but if you use it properly it can get you out of all sorts of trouble.!

 

[Dry Rot]

Sorry to hear of your situation l know how difficult it must be for you, some people know things are wrong but are afraid to admit it, some do not realise the problem is there but l think in your case his own family must know somethings is not right, l must be the lucky one, my memory is crazy has been the past two years, my wife played up with me "go and see a doctor" so on my annual blood test l just said to the nurse "were do l go for advice on dementia" she handed me a peace of paper and told me a doctor will ring you on that time and date, he rang on the correct time but a day early, told him wife said l had dementia, he asked was it ok to do test on line, asked me a load of questions than said they scored from 1 to 10 your score is 0 you have no dementia just old age is your wife at home ??? l am 80 next but know l have problems memory wise but if you use it properly it can get you out of all sorts of trouble.!

I write notes. I used to use reporter note pads but that gets expensive, so it is scraps of paper now....which I then lose or forget to take with me! Yes, at 82, it is probably just old age. Thank god for TTF and a sense of humour.

 

[Dave645]

A lot of good advice, on a practical front, maybe if the issues are not ordered fuel etc, some forgetting, instigate a black board in the farm house, or shed, where, you can add things to a list, make it a reminder list for you. . . Or everyone’s job list.
Order fuel etc.
While I am sure if your correct, things will not get better, but the fact there is a list will act as a reminder for everyone. And act to make it more noticeable if his jobs don’t get done to family.
If they could see, order fuel, on the list and they know it’s his job, and it gets missed, then everyone is going to know what’s going on.
It will also act as a reminder to him, to get it done as he walks in. It’s a good way to keep things running smoothly without you having to remind him.