Can farmers relax or is it just me?

[Chae1]

Just choose, it is your life and you control it

I think the main problem with relaxation is that we don't choose it, eg we are obliged to or feel like we should be, but don't actually "choose to relax" or "choose to leave it for tomorrow" and then it eats us

sometimes it's the story, too, "Daddy always started early and came home late" but Daddy isn't living our life

My dad does more hours than me.

He doesn't have anyone at home since mum passed away. Just seems to want to work when he's still able to. A couple of his close friends have passed away with cancer and some getting treatment just now.

I appreciate the amount of work he does and will miss him when he's not around. But I do feel guilty when we go up with kids and he's just getting in.


I think the inability to not switch off is linked to mental health problems in agriculture. Your mind needs time to reset and shutdown.

I've had a couple near death experiences and when you come back to it after with a fresh mindset, you do actually wonder what the point of all the stress and panic is. Unfortunately it seems to come back again.

 

[Fendt516profi]

Nothing I like better than sitting in the house with a pot of coffee and a floor full of toys and messing about with the kids. You will never spend better time in your life, work will still be there tomorrow

Exactly the work will still be there tomorrow but the kids will have grown up.

 

[Sheepykid]

My dad does more hours than me.

He doesn't have anyone at home since mum passed away. Just seems to want to work when he's still able to. A couple of his close friends have passed away with cancer and some getting treatment just now.

I appreciate the amount of work he does and will miss him when he's not around. But I do feel guilty when we go up with kids and he's just getting in.


I think the inability to not switch off is linked to mental health problems in agriculture. Your mind needs time to reset and shutdown.

I've had a couple near death experiences and when you come back to it after with a fresh mindset, you do actually wonder what the point of all the stress and panic is. Unfortunately it seems to come back again.

I think it’s trying to get a perspective on things. Regarding the worrying or the inability to relax.
I remember when I went on my honeymoon I had hell of a job to relax. Took a good few days to realise your thousands of miles away. What can you do about any of it.
But that said it’s very difficult when your at home.
That and quite often farming being a thing that’s handed from generation to generation generally. So I think you normally feel a pressure even if it’s subconsciously to do better or work harder than the previous. Especially as well if you’ve ventured a lot in developing the farm business.
I do sometimes envy friends of mine though. Similar age that literally don’t give a monkeys about the family business. They take two weeks off a Xmas. Don’t work weekends. Or return any phone calls.
What it would be like to have the financial freedom (that is brought on by selling development land or inheriting a fortune) to do nothing. Or possibly the mindset where you just bumble along day to day with no ambition. Although I think I would be bored to tears after a while. It’s still would be nice to try it for a few days!

 

[Kiwi Pete]

My dad does more hours than me.

He doesn't have anyone at home since mum passed away. Just seems to want to work when he's still able to. A couple of his close friends have passed away with cancer and some getting treatment just now.

I appreciate the amount of work he does and will miss him when he's not around. But I do feel guilty when we go up with kids and he's just getting in.


I think the inability to not switch off is linked to mental health problems in agriculture. Your mind needs time to reset and shutdown.

I've had a couple near death experiences and when you come back to it after with a fresh mindset, you do actually wonder what the point of all the stress and panic is. Unfortunately it seems to come back again.

Good post

yes, I think you are dead right there. We have a complex system that basically just needs someone to let the cattle into the next paddock at about the right time, so it is very easy to delegate that job to someone else.

However, when you have layers and layers of complication added on top of the basic complexity, then it becomes much harder to not think about stuff - worry is optional - but that is the nature of the beast?

I've lost count of the number of farmers who say they "don't have time to shift stock 2 or 3 times a day" which really makes me wonder what the other 12-14 hours are filled with that seems more important than that.... best not go down that rabbit hole

 

[DRC]

Same here. If i find myself at a loose ebb start to think about what i can fix now or is there any wee bita fence thatl pass the next couple of hours. If OH knew this she wouldnt be best pleased as shed think i should come home to see her and the kids but i feel guilty if im not workin so just tell her am flat out and go find somethin to be at. I always feel good if i get somethin fixed. Last 2 days it was a few gates mended

And I bet you will feel guilty when you realise your children have grown up and you didn’t spend enough time with them.

 

[daveydiesel1]

And I bet you will feel guilty when you realise your children have grown up and you didn’t spend enough time with them.

Probably. Its not that i dont like spendin time with them but i find it hard to beat the guilt of not doin work. Mental illness

 

[Chae1]

Good post

yes, I think you are dead right there. We have a complex system that basically just needs someone to let the cattle into the next paddock at about the right time, so it is very easy to delegate that job to someone else.

However, when you have layers and layers of complication added on top of the basic complexity, then it becomes much harder to not think about stuff - worry is optional - but that is the nature of the beast?

I've lost count of the number of farmers who say they "don't have time to shift stock 2 or 3 times a day" which really makes me wonder what the other 12-14 hours are filled with that seems more important than that.... best not go down that rabbit hole

Yes I know a few very busy people!

Its quite obvious from the outside that there running around like headless chickens, not achieving anything.

It's all self inflicted.

 

[DRC]

Probably. Its not that i dont like spendin time with them but i find it hard to beat the guilt of not doin work. Mental illness

That’s a shame . I never missed a sports fixture or play that my two were in at school. I miss them now they are grown up . Never regretted not pushing long hours on the farm or expanding for the sake of it.
don’t have any stock now, other than tack sheep, so this time of year is quiet. Have been out on the digger today , which I find very relaxing . Otherwise pottering, selling some forage and other stuff we don’t use via Facebook .
we’ve been lying in until 8am. I think humans are meant to work with daylight and half the mental health problems are caused by sleep deprivation .

 

[Whitewalker]

Probably. Its not that i dont like spendin time with them but i find it hard to beat the guilt of not doin work. Mental illness

It took me a lot of time to get myself out of the guilt feeling after working with my dad . Like @silverfox i never missed my kids activities , many’s a time I could have been at other things . One year we were on holidays the only good weather week for the second cut . The world didn’t end though. Imagine if the wife and kids weren’t there to go home to , that would be worse . Also imagine how they feel when you appear to spend time with them. They must be over the moon .

 

[glasshouse]

I would be feeling guilty about doing nothing except I am checking cattle passports.
Had a phone call from the cattle movement service and got an inspection of my records 9am sharp tomorrow.
Why can't the French civil service shut down for two weeks like the UK?

Did u not say you were away skiing?

 

[kiwi pom]

Probably. Its not that i dont like spendin time with them but i find it hard to beat the guilt of not doin work. Mental illness

Perhaps change what you are doing so you don't need to be working as many hours, that way you can take the kids out for the day without feeling guilty.
Chap I used to work for always said if you don't take time to look after your misses/partner someone will be along to do it for you.

 

[Campbell]

Not only Farmers. I've noticed that Military types always like to be doing something outdoors and physically challenging, they don't seem comfortable relaxing. Certainly as you age, moving about is essential for good health.

 

[glasshouse]

Probably. Its not that i dont like spendin time with them but i find it hard to beat the guilt of not doin work. Mental illness

I take the kids out to fix fences, check sheep etc
They enjoy it
Spent last two days fixing field shelter wrecked by arwen

 

[daveydiesel1]

I take the kids out to fix fences, check sheep etc
They enjoy it
Spent last two days fixing field shelter wrecked by arwen

Mines a little too young to go out yet but in a couple of years the oldest 1 will be in the parlour

 

[Kiwi Pete]

Probably. Its not that i dont like spendin time with them but i find it hard to beat the guilt of not doin work. Mental illness

You called it out, that's a good start
Not the mental illness bit, perhaps, but you identified that not doing work has you landing on feeling guilty - land it on something else

 

[Fendt516profi]

Mines a little too young to go out yet but in a couple of years the oldest 1 will be in the parlour

What age are they? One of mine was up every morning in lambing time to come out with me to look round sheep. Jumped out of gator one morning to catch a sheep to lamb it left her strapped in passenger seat, got sheep laid down started to lamb it and two little hands appeared one side of sheep holding it down. She was only 21month old.

 

[daveydiesel1]

What age are they? One of mine was up every morning in lambing time to come out with me to look round sheep. Jumped out of gator one morning to catch a sheep to lamb it left her strapped in passenger seat, got sheep laid down started to lamb it and two little hands appeared one side of sheep holding it down. She was only 21month old.

Oldest is 4. I thought id leave it til shes about 6

 

[Hooby Farmer]

For me its not that I can't relax, its the week between Christmas and New Years that really messes with my routine. Having the time off where I've not been physically or mentally stimulated, absolutely ruins me. I've only slept about 3ish hours a night since Saturday.

 

[Fendt516profi]

Oldest is 4. I thought id leave it til shes about 6

To be fair I don't have a choice they won't let me out of house without them if they want to go. Dont know if palour is best place to have them, heard of one chap took his lad out to milk while his wife was looking after baby, must of taken his eyes off him for a minute or two and he's no longer with us

 

[nxy]

Did u not say you were away skiing?

They rang me on my mobile phone so didn't have time to think about it. Rather get it out of the way than put them off though.

Its the second time I have had a ministry check this year, the last time was the chemical store and spray records, I put that one off for a week because I was somewhere else that day and didn't get much sleep till we got it over with. These two checks were probably the first in 5 years.

Failure of these inspections results in loss of subsidy, its not just a slap on the wrist. There is a percentage scale according to how bad the failure is. For example I asked the cattle guy what the most common failure was and he said retaining the passport of an animal that the knackerman had taken. He said 3 passports still in the farm records that related to dead animals was 5% off the subsidy.