Child with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) - could it be?

Searchingforutopia

Member
Livestock Farmer
My 12 yr old has had mixed personalities since starting nursery. A bit of a challenging toddler but not extreme but since reception things have been bad. Constantly naughty, teachers not liking him. Issues with other parents because of his verbal inappropriates. Schooling not been great really struggled. Had initial phycologist report when in yr 1 which same back nothing. Struggling in school. He can be so obnoxious. If things are going well he can be good but as soon as its not going his way he gets verbal, rude, shouting and generally gets so angry. Note: he has never physically lashed out at anyone.

He will go out on farm and say hes done certain chores like feeding - next day I go out and realise he hasnt done it.
Ask him to put clothes away and he freaks out.
He does lie about a lot of things
He seems to be ok working one to one with a teacher
He was put in extra additional needs in comp but the other pupils were extreme and behaviour. I didnt see that helping him.
He class charts are mainly red
He over eats then complains he's tubby
Extremely argumentative
Cant get him to read or do anything to help him catch up
Poor friendship choice

Ive found this extremely hard, tried all sorts of ways of praising him, improving his negativity, building up his confidence, buying him learning aids.

Junior school was no help whatsoever, no one mentioned getting him properly assessed, but constant drip feed of naughty child, cant do anything, really poor confidence - miserable 5 years.

He has another assessment in 2 weeks but I have the feeling could be the same edu phycologist as when age 6. If Im not happy with this assessment where do I go from here? I know there is something wrong and feel its been left too long. Its really got me down over the years.

Any help or thoughts?
 

Dry Rot

Member
Livestock Farmer
I was loosely associated to Dartington Hall many years ago which had some very progressive ideas and occasionally spectacular success with difficult kids. I remember hearing about one with similar problems to the OPs.

Apparently, he was interested in pigs so they put him on the college pig farm and after a brief introduction made him responsible for a pen of pigs. So far, so good. Next thing, they had him responsible for feeding "his' pigs which involved calculating how much feed they needed. From that developed the need to buy the food, calculate their requirements, measure rates of growth, etc., etc. It was then explained to him that perhaps going to maths class would be beneficial. Anyway, you get the drift.

Another teacher mentioned in passing that if you want people to be responsible, you have to give them responsibility. It is something most of us come to realise as we mature. Force doesn't really work. Anyway, I thought I'd mention it.
 

flowerpot

Member
Didn't want to read and run, even though I haven't any immediate ideas. I can appreciate how difficult it must be.

Can you get in touch with the Local Authority for schools to get an assessment if the school doesn't seem to be able to help.

When children are labeled as "just naughty" I always think/hope there must be a key somewhere.
 

melted welly

Member
Arable Farmer
Location
DD9.
My 12 yr old has had mixed personalities since starting nursery. A bit of a challenging toddler but not extreme but since reception things have been bad. Constantly naughty, teachers not liking him. Issues with other parents because of his verbal inappropriates. Schooling not been great really struggled. Had initial phycologist report when in yr 1 which same back nothing. Struggling in school. He can be so obnoxious. If things are going well he can be good but as soon as its not going his way he gets verbal, rude, shouting and generally gets so angry. Note: he has never physically lashed out at anyone.

He will go out on farm and say hes done certain chores like feeding - next day I go out and realise he hasnt done it.
Ask him to put clothes away and he freaks out.
He does lie about a lot of things
He seems to be ok working one to one with a teacher
He was put in extra additional needs in comp but the other pupils were extreme and behaviour. I didnt see that helping him.
He class charts are mainly red
He over eats then complains he's tubby
Extremely argumentative
Cant get him to read or do anything to help him catch up
Poor friendship choice

Ive found this extremely hard, tried all sorts of ways of praising him, improving his negativity, building up his confidence, buying him learning aids.

Junior school was no help whatsoever, no one mentioned getting him properly assessed, but constant drip feed of naughty child, cant do anything, really poor confidence - miserable 5 years.

He has another assessment in 2 weeks but I have the feeling could be the same edu phycologist as when age 6. If Im not happy with this assessment where do I go from here? I know there is something wrong and feel its been left too long. Its really got me down over the years.

Any help or thoughts?
Have you noticed any correlation between behaviour and food?

sugary stuff, bread, junk food, fizzy drinks, that all changes our sons behaviour for the worse, he’s like a different child.
 

Kidds

Member
Horticulture
Sounds like ADHD or whatever the label is now. Son was similar and it wasn't until ritolin was prescribed as any progress was made.
None of it was easy but he is a herd manager now so the above comment on fitting in right here is about right.
Good luck but it is all down to very hard work from you fighting to get the right answers, it is very difficult to get someone that knows what they are looking at and how to deal with it.
 

Flatlander

Member
Arable Farmer
Location
Lorette Manitoba
There are lots of pampered, overfed, underworked horses that are difficult to manage, and generally poorly behaved. When you stop feeding them grain, ride them 16 hours a day every day, the behavior problems completely disappear.
Totally agree. Have a stepson that’s 17 and won’t be told anything do anything or even put a plate in the sink. If asked to help his mum it’s a barrage of abuse for her. Lazy rude dumb as a post and looking for an excuse to get what he wants. lack of the No word early in life has fed the issue. He’s as nice as can be until he gets wat he wants then reverts back to being a a55hole. Personally counting down the days until he leaves.
 

BAF

Member
Livestock Farmer
Mum and dad took up fostering about 8 years ago. They got a group of 3 sibling boys dumped on them just before Xmas. The oldest boy was 12 coming 13 I think. He had a reputation for going out all night, bricking buses, setting bins on fire and when he bothered to go to school he spent as much time sat talking to the head teacher as actually in class. I took to him a little bit. First weekend of having them me and my grandad took him up to the hen run to burn some brash, the massive pyre we built and burnt scared the life out of him. Same with buggering off in the dark, took him out lamping and again scared the life out of him - he'd never been out in the real dark. I had a business breaking horses and so he ended up learning to ride because he wanted to come hunting with me. He was supposed to be adhd and we definitely butted heads a lot but he's turned into a very successful young lad now. You might just need to find someone he looks up to to take him under their wing. With our lad fresh air, exercise and decent food made a massive difference - salt and sugar were like heroin for the whole of their family - but definitely the work managed to knock the edge off him.
 

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