Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
Love, and only love, can heal the tribes of man!
Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)
- Thread starter Andyrob
- Start date
Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
I told her that I loved her.
She said...…..Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres!
I said...……..Oh!
She said...…..Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres!
I said...……..Oh!
Farmer1001
Member
Not wishing to undermine those few previous posts, but for many the showing up bit or the feeling of being loved is all they desire, yet something holds them back that makes both seem impossible. The point we need to get across is both are within your grasp and we can and will help you grab it.
Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
There are some who, for reasons known only to them selves, feel that they are not, or never were, lovable. Broken hearts and broken minds can distort our vision of who we truly are and inhibit us from progressing to contentment and happiness.
Many who both contribute and read this thread are already learning the value of sharing their troubles with a trusted other and learning how it can help to bring perspective to some of the thing that may haunt us.
Many who both contribute and read this thread are already learning the value of sharing their troubles with a trusted other and learning how it can help to bring perspective to some of the thing that may haunt us.
had e nuff
Member
- Location
- Durham
Just had too do the hardest thing I've done in a long while. Been too visit my best friend who's son committed suicide last week. 21 years old from a good farming family. Can't believe how it has affected me. I hadn't realised until tonight how ill he had been.
Always seemed to be the life of the party. Anyway we had a good chat and saw off the best part of a bottle of whiskey. Funeral is going to be a hard day.
Always seemed to be the life of the party. Anyway we had a good chat and saw off the best part of a bottle of whiskey. Funeral is going to be a hard day.
Jesus mate that must have been hard, its tough enough without such tradgidies. They say the highest rate of suicides is in young men in there late teens and early twenties the expectations set by the schooling system of today and the constant peer pressure to conform to what society expects puts far to much pressure on the young of today, yes life was tougher in the past but the scrutiny and pressure on you was no where near what it is today, What you did for your friend is immeasurable, he would have so desperately needed to talk to some one and expel his grief, losing a child is so hard especially under such circumstances
Farmer1001
Member
Good grief, I wish I could say something to help but I know anything at this point amounts to nothing more than noise. I think your friends will need their friends more than ever. Take care all of you.
- Location
- Glen Clova, Angus, DD8 4RD
Half way through college a mate from Lincolnshire, Pete Richardson, was fatally hit by a car when walking his dog. He was 21. That was the most dificult funeral I've had to attend yet.
Friesianfan
Member
- Location
- Cornwall
Awful
Lili
Member
- Location
- Aberystwyth hinterland
Just being with him will be a huge support. Being able to share his grief and showing how much you care.
Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
There are times when proactive listening can far outweigh anything that we may say and I truly believe that an attentive caring listener can assist in the early stages of the healing process that can take place following great losses, or suffering.
Be swift to listen and slow to speak! A well meaning friend of my wife's family, when I was slipping deeper into depression many years ago, said not to worry too much, In two or three years I would look back at the situation as being of little or no account. Two or three years, TWO OR THREE BLOODY YEARS!! At that precise moment in time I didn't think that I could make it to the end of the week; let alone to the end of the year and onwards. Of course he meant well, and of course he was almost right.
Stay safe, stay well, and win your victories one day at a time.
Chris
Be swift to listen and slow to speak! A well meaning friend of my wife's family, when I was slipping deeper into depression many years ago, said not to worry too much, In two or three years I would look back at the situation as being of little or no account. Two or three years, TWO OR THREE BLOODY YEARS!! At that precise moment in time I didn't think that I could make it to the end of the week; let alone to the end of the year and onwards. Of course he meant well, and of course he was almost right.
Stay safe, stay well, and win your victories one day at a time.
Chris
Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
Had e nuff,
as I have gone about my day I have contemplated your post, the situation you find your self in, and your friend's loss of his son. I have been reminded of a time when I attended a Pentecostal church service and the young guy that was preaching talked about an other address he had given and how he had talked about how he had suffered from depression and all that went with it and to his surprise, after the service many came to him and talked about how they also had been in similar situations but because they were Christians they had kept things to their selves, afraid that they would be thought less of.
As you attend the funeral and talk with others, there will the opportunity to discuss depression, suicide, and also the young man who has gone from your lives. You may be surprised by those who may say that they also had times when they wanted to opt out!
WWI took the flowers of our youth; English, German, Russian, French, and a host of other countries. WWII also sent the Grim Reaper to harvest the children of men but now the silent enemy 'Depression' knows no border, nationalities, or tongues.
Sorry for prattling on but may you be given the wisdom to help support your friend in his hour of need.
Chris
as I have gone about my day I have contemplated your post, the situation you find your self in, and your friend's loss of his son. I have been reminded of a time when I attended a Pentecostal church service and the young guy that was preaching talked about an other address he had given and how he had talked about how he had suffered from depression and all that went with it and to his surprise, after the service many came to him and talked about how they also had been in similar situations but because they were Christians they had kept things to their selves, afraid that they would be thought less of.
As you attend the funeral and talk with others, there will the opportunity to discuss depression, suicide, and also the young man who has gone from your lives. You may be surprised by those who may say that they also had times when they wanted to opt out!
WWI took the flowers of our youth; English, German, Russian, French, and a host of other countries. WWII also sent the Grim Reaper to harvest the children of men but now the silent enemy 'Depression' knows no border, nationalities, or tongues.
Sorry for prattling on but may you be given the wisdom to help support your friend in his hour of need.
Chris
- Location
- Glen Clova, Angus, DD8 4RD
All you can do is be there for him. The day after may be harder when it goes quiet again.
Princess Pooper
Member
- Location
- East Mids
A friend's son took his life a few years ago aged 21 at Uni with no warning of any troubles. Devastating and it must be so horrendous for family. Funeral the hardest I have ever been to, such a waste of a young life, packed out as everyone wants to show their support plus a young person always has more contacts than someone in their dotage. Initially the husband was strong and the wife struggling, she kept baking as she felt all their visitors would want a cuppa and cake. A few months down the road the husband was struggling and she had rallied. A time for friends and family to rally round, let them cry and rage if that is what makes them feel better. There will be difficult times for many years ahead with constant triggers of memories.
- Location
- Penzance
a lot of people I have heard have said that committing suicide is one of the most selfish acts any human being can do, this is indeed correct. But in order to be able to say this you must first understand why the person was thinking this way and very often not many people can understand truly unless they have been there themselves, but we can try to understand through listening to the person in question. There have been times that I myself wanted to do that unthinkable act, because I couldn't see the point anymore. Very often what goes through their minds is that the world would be better off without them and nobody cares about their existence anyway. This is because we are wanting something, needing something. Its good to tell someone how special they're to you, to always be there for them when they need you most, or at least try to be. I hate it when people I know say oh I'm gonna kill myself because I don't wanna live anymore, when they are not even feeling suicidal and that angers me because if a lot of people say that when they're not even serious about it, it can take the focus off someone who is serious about it. If someone is that set on doing something you literally cannot stop them and they need serious mental help. Mostly we want to do it because its something we have never experienced before, very often we would regret it in the moment, like a guy who hanged himself and as he was dying he regretted what he had done but it was too late. Very often we don't know if someone is feeling that way unless they show signs and such, or speak about it, the worst thing about this is that the father will be kicking himself because "he should've seen the signs" believe you me its hard to see the signs because unless the person wants to be helped they will make damned sure not to give any signs that they're suffering. I hope that your friend comes through and I will be thinking of him and his family. Support him best you can and always be there for him. Its the hardest thing, which I can not even begin to imagine, losing someone so young to something so cruel as suicide.
Greenbeast
Member
- Location
- East Sussex
This is my first post in this thread, although i have considered it before, never felt bad enough.
On this occasion it's because i think i can see a light at the end of the tunnel for my issues.
A recent read (or rather listen) of mine was Mind Hacking Happiness (vol. I) by Sean Webb. I don't think it would be wrong (i hope not) to classify it as life-changing. In it he describes the interaction of the true self and the false self (ego), the dynamic between them, how emotions are generated and to what degree they exhibit themselves. Most importantly on the last point, how one can view and affect these emotional reactions, and move towards a happier existence. As someone who suffers with anger, stress, frustration and depressive emotional reactions way too much this was a 'light bulb' moment. He was (or is) a Christian but approaches spirituality from a secular perspective, it's definitely a bit 'out there' at times (vol. II even more so!) but i'm implementing his techniques in day-to-day life now. I figured it was only right to put this recommendation here because there is too much negativity in the world, to no good end, and i'm sure some here, or friends of members, could use the advice contained in this book.
Look after yourselves.
On this occasion it's because i think i can see a light at the end of the tunnel for my issues.
A recent read (or rather listen) of mine was Mind Hacking Happiness (vol. I) by Sean Webb. I don't think it would be wrong (i hope not) to classify it as life-changing. In it he describes the interaction of the true self and the false self (ego), the dynamic between them, how emotions are generated and to what degree they exhibit themselves. Most importantly on the last point, how one can view and affect these emotional reactions, and move towards a happier existence. As someone who suffers with anger, stress, frustration and depressive emotional reactions way too much this was a 'light bulb' moment. He was (or is) a Christian but approaches spirituality from a secular perspective, it's definitely a bit 'out there' at times (vol. II even more so!) but i'm implementing his techniques in day-to-day life now. I figured it was only right to put this recommendation here because there is too much negativity in the world, to no good end, and i'm sure some here, or friends of members, could use the advice contained in this book.
Look after yourselves.
Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
Thank you Greenbeast.
Greenbeast
Member
- Location
- East Sussex
Thank you Greenbeast.
I just hope it helps someone else. I wish i could afford to gift a copy to anyone vaguely interested but alas, i cannot.
Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
Just a thought!
Perhaps you could gift just one copy to someone on here (not me) and that person would perhaps then gift a copy to someone else and so-on, ad-infinitem.
As people read and discuss the ideas within the book maybe it will give people the opportunity to share more deeply their inner lives.
I will buy me own!
Chris
Perhaps you could gift just one copy to someone on here (not me) and that person would perhaps then gift a copy to someone else and so-on, ad-infinitem.
As people read and discuss the ideas within the book maybe it will give people the opportunity to share more deeply their inner lives.
I will buy me own!
Chris
Greenbeast
Member
- Location
- East Sussex
Well ok, we could do a simple pass around then.
Mine is an audio book but i will buy a paperback copy and post it to any member that wants it. Then can send it on when they're done with it (whether they finish and enjoy it or think it's a pile of sh!te half way through.
Let me know
Mine is an audio book but i will buy a paperback copy and post it to any member that wants it. Then can send it on when they're done with it (whether they finish and enjoy it or think it's a pile of sh!te half way through.
Let me know