Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[ski]

Many of us have black dog days, weeks even. To anyone struggling try reading 12 rules for life by Dr Jordan Petersen. Plain, simple, basic not "self help touchy feely' but very insightful, revealing and helpful to anyone. (even if you're doing Ok it's very worthwhile)

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

I don't suppose many of you read Private Eye so I thought I'd share this:

 

[primmiemoo]

I don't suppose many of you read Private Eye so I thought I'd share this:

View attachment 718966

This isn't a comment I'd expect to make, but, in a very particular way, MD (the author) is something of a National Treasure, isn't he.

On impulse - because sometimes you just have to buy a book - I bought some of his books earlier this year, and have begun to read them. They're insightful, thought provoking, and one especially is rather rude.

 

[Christoph1945]

Depression, I have begun to think, is a destination that we all arrive at from many different routs. Or should I write 'roots'? For some it will be an inbalance of body chemistry; whilst for others it may be poor self immage, alcohol or drugs abuse, shame, or perhaps guilt; either imagined or real.

The depression it's self may be like unto a crater with slightly sloping sides, where we gently slip into ever deeper zones, at the bottom of which is an ever deepening pit with unimaginable 'unscaleable' sides. The initial signs that we have 'perhaps' arrived at our destination may just be those regular early wake up moments, the lack of self essteem, untidy appearance, and loss of interest in things.

Early intervention can, of course, save us an awfull lot of pain and suffering but even if you ( or someone you love ) have slipped right down to the bottom of that dark, almost unimaginable place, with help and support it is survivable and one can come through stronger and wiser than before.

Hang on in there! Help is close by. Perhaps far closer than you are able to see, just now.

Stay safe, reach out, and you will come to realise that you are far greater and more beautifiul than you presently imagine.

Chris

 

[Christoph1945]

I don't suppose many of you read Private Eye so I thought I'd share this:

View attachment 719082

A superb piece of writing and a well timed post.

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Its been a while since I last posted when feeling down. Not suicidal, although did have some thoughts about it quite a few times over the course of this year

Past couple of weeks have been really tough on everyone in the house, un-vented frustrations seem to have been building all year long with problem after problem. Things came to a head yesterday for us all, massive family row. Not all of us in the house have been pulling our weight work wise and we have a little time to do stuff before dads operation, which is worrying us all sick. The lads are not interested in farming really, only do it because its like a job. Mum and dad have always given us free choice, if we don't wanna farm they are happy for us to pursue what we wanna do, they would like us to work here if possible, to choose the farm. Out of all the family, mum said, its only me and my oldest brother that love farming. Yesterday when things came to a head, the buffalo had gotten into a place which should have been fenced off and trashed over half a dozen bales, yes they were crap ones that needed composting but still, they made an absolute mess. Dad went ballistic and ik he says stuff like this when hes in a foul temper, but talking about selling the whole herd. For some reason, I don't know why, but it just really got to me. The blood, sweat and tears I have thrown into helping my father build up the genetics of the herd and flock, well flock mostly, for him to just throw it all away when we are this close to achieving what we need to do, what we wanted to do all along., All we need is an extra shove and we will be there... I tried to talk to my brothers but they basically laughed in my face. Something that I care so much about, something that I can see so near to hand and it may very well all be gone soon. They don't care about the farm, I realise that now, they only do it because they have to whilst they live here. I asked them what they want to do in life to which my older brother just took it lightly and said how naive a question that was and they both refused to answer. It is long overdue for a family meeting, I am just really dreading what will happen, they don't see what I can see and they don't care and in the future they may very well regret it, but if they drag everyone down because of their laziness that's not something I can forgive them for

If they at least were honest about stuff instead of denying stuff and laughing/taking everything lightly instead of having a reasonable adult discussion about things... then it wouldn't be so bad. At my current state I am not in a good enough mental situation to begin taking over the family farm/business, I need some time to properly learn all the ropes and alas that time may not be possible. Ik its probably selfish of me to want them to help me to achieve what I would like, but I would like it to be for their benefit also. If the business takes off, which it will with enough hard work, the income may be rather a tidy sum, which would benefit them too.
Sorry for the rant.

 

[czechmate]

Its been a while since I last posted when feeling down. Not suicidal, although did have some thoughts about it quite a few times over the course of this year

Past couple of weeks have been really tough on everyone in the house, un-vented frustrations seem to have been building all year long with problem after problem. Things came to a head yesterday for us all, massive family row. Not all of us in the house have been pulling our weight work wise and we have a little time to do stuff before dads operation, which is worrying us all sick. The lads are not interested in farming really, only do it because its like a job. Mum and dad have always given us free choice, if we don't wanna farm they are happy for us to pursue what we wanna do, they would like us to work here if possible, to choose the farm. Out of all the family, mum said, its only me and my oldest brother that love farming. Yesterday when things came to a head, the buffalo had gotten into a place which should have been fenced off and trashed over half a dozen bales, yes they were crap ones that needed composting but still, they made an absolute mess. Dad went ballistic and ik he says stuff like this when hes in a foul temper, but talking about selling the whole herd. For some reason, I don't know why, but it just really got to me. The blood, sweat and tears I have thrown into helping my father build up the genetics of the herd and flock, well flock mostly, for him to just throw it all away when we are this close to achieving what we need to do, what we wanted to do all along., All we need is an extra shove and we will be there... I tried to talk to my brothers but they basically laughed in my face. Something that I care so much about, something that I can see so near to hand and it may very well all be gone soon. They don't care about the farm, I realise that now, they only do it because they have to whilst they live here. I asked them what they want to do in life to which my older brother just took it lightly and said how naive a question that was and they both refused to answer. It is long overdue for a family meeting, I am just really dreading what will happen, they don't see what I can see and they don't care and in the future they may very well regret it, but if they drag everyone down because of their laziness that's not something I can forgive them for

If they at least were honest about stuff instead of denying stuff and laughing/taking everything lightly instead of having a reasonable adult discussion about things... then it wouldn't be so bad. At my current state I am not in a good enough mental situation to begin taking over the family farm/business, I need some time to properly learn all the ropes and alas that time may not be possible. Ik its probably selfish of me to want them to help me to achieve what I would like, but I would like it to be for their benefit also. If the business takes off, which it will with enough hard work, the income may be rather a tidy sum, which would benefit them too.
Sorry for the rant.

Oh my. Family businesses! Your post brings it all back. Sorry to hear that but I am sure your dad was only talking about selling in the heat of the moment, rather than a family meeting it might be better that the dust settles?
Wishing you the best of luck

 

[Bear101]

Its been a while since I last posted when feeling down. Not suicidal, although did have some thoughts about it quite a few times over the course of this year

Past couple of weeks have been really tough on everyone in the house, un-vented frustrations seem to have been building all year long with problem after problem. Things came to a head yesterday for us all, massive family row. Not all of us in the house have been pulling our weight work wise and we have a little time to do stuff before dads operation, which is worrying us all sick. The lads are not interested in farming really, only do it because its like a job. Mum and dad have always given us free choice, if we don't wanna farm they are happy for us to pursue what we wanna do, they would like us to work here if possible, to choose the farm. Out of all the family, mum said, its only me and my oldest brother that love farming. Yesterday when things came to a head, the buffalo had gotten into a place which should have been fenced off and trashed over half a dozen bales, yes they were crap ones that needed composting but still, they made an absolute mess. Dad went ballistic and ik he says stuff like this when hes in a foul temper, but talking about selling the whole herd. For some reason, I don't know why, but it just really got to me. The blood, sweat and tears I have thrown into helping my father build up the genetics of the herd and flock, well flock mostly, for him to just throw it all away when we are this close to achieving what we need to do, what we wanted to do all along., All we need is an extra shove and we will be there... I tried to talk to my brothers but they basically laughed in my face. Something that I care so much about, something that I can see so near to hand and it may very well all be gone soon. They don't care about the farm, I realise that now, they only do it because they have to whilst they live here. I asked them what they want to do in life to which my older brother just took it lightly and said how naive a question that was and they both refused to answer. It is long overdue for a family meeting, I am just really dreading what will happen, they don't see what I can see and they don't care and in the future they may very well regret it, but if they drag everyone down because of their laziness that's not something I can forgive them for

If they at least were honest about stuff instead of denying stuff and laughing/taking everything lightly instead of having a reasonable adult discussion about things... then it wouldn't be so bad. At my current state I am not in a good enough mental situation to begin taking over the family farm/business, I need some time to properly learn all the ropes and alas that time may not be possible. Ik its probably selfish of me to want them to help me to achieve what I would like, but I would like it to be for their benefit also. If the business takes off, which it will with enough hard work, the income may be rather a tidy sum, which would benefit them too.
Sorry for the rant.

Sorry to hear about your troubles. As @czechmate said, let the dust settle, things will be clearer. People say things they don't mean when emotions are running high. But the most important thing, by far, is your mental health. Do your family know what effect this is having on you? If not, perhaps you should let them know at some point, when things have calmed down.

 

[CornishRanger]

As said above now is not the time for anything that may become confrontational, your sat on a powder keg of emotions from the looks of it so best to make allowances for now until it has defused, then at that point you can consider if things need to addressed. Hope all works out for you

 

[Christoph1945]

I don't know why Dad is to undergo surgery but I'm betteing that he is presently feeling verry vulnerable and could possibly even be worried about his future life expectancy and that 'could' be part of why he feels like chucking the towel in.

Be patient with him and try listening to him about his fears and inner anxieties. And don't forget that we are all here for you.

 

[Bear101]

I think it's good to give everyone a clearly defined job(s). It gives people responsibility and avoids the "that was your job. No, it was yours" secnario. There's nowhere to hide then If something is not done. People will usually step up or leave.

 

[Christoph1945]

Anyone seen or read anything from Alicecow lately?

 

[Bury the Trash]

Anyone seen or read anything from Alicecow lately?

Yes, she is posting regularly on another forum.

 

[Christoph1945]

Good to hear and glad she is ok.

 

[Blod]

Its been a while since I last posted when feeling down. Not suicidal, although did have some thoughts about it quite a few times over the course of this year

Past couple of weeks have been really tough on everyone in the house, un-vented frustrations seem to have been building all year long with problem after problem. Things came to a head yesterday for us all, massive family row. Not all of us in the house have been pulling our weight work wise and we have a little time to do stuff before dads operation, which is worrying us all sick. The lads are not interested in farming really, only do it because its like a job. Mum and dad have always given us free choice, if we don't wanna farm they are happy for us to pursue what we wanna do, they would like us to work here if possible, to choose the farm. Out of all the family, mum said, its only me and my oldest brother that love farming. Yesterday when things came to a head, the buffalo had gotten into a place which should have been fenced off and trashed over half a dozen bales, yes they were crap ones that needed composting but still, they made an absolute mess. Dad went ballistic and ik he says stuff like this when hes in a foul temper, but talking about selling the whole herd. For some reason, I don't know why, but it just really got to me. The blood, sweat and tears I have thrown into helping my father build up the genetics of the herd and flock, well flock mostly, for him to just throw it all away when we are this close to achieving what we need to do, what we wanted to do all along., All we need is an extra shove and we will be there... I tried to talk to my brothers but they basically laughed in my face. Something that I care so much about, something that I can see so near to hand and it may very well all be gone soon. They don't care about the farm, I realise that now, they only do it because they have to whilst they live here. I asked them what they want to do in life to which my older brother just took it lightly and said how naive a question that was and they both refused to answer. It is long overdue for a family meeting, I am just really dreading what will happen, they don't see what I can see and they don't care and in the future they may very well regret it, but if they drag everyone down because of their laziness that's not something I can forgive them for

If they at least were honest about stuff instead of denying stuff and laughing/taking everything lightly instead of having a reasonable adult discussion about things... then it wouldn't be so bad. At my current state I am not in a good enough mental situation to begin taking over the family farm/business, I need some time to properly learn all the ropes and alas that time may not be possible. Ik its probably selfish of me to want them to help me to achieve what I would like, but I would like it to be for their benefit also. If the business takes off, which it will with enough hard work, the income may be rather a tidy sum, which would benefit them too.
Sorry for the rant.

Here in Wales we have access to Agrisgôp and the Advisory Service available through Farming Connect. The first is a series of meetings in a group of at least three farming or forestry businesses where you are facilitated to explore your options and opportunities, develop your business or improve your personal development skills. All three if you like!

Agrisgôp is full y funded. The advisory service is at least 80% funded, 100% if you work with 2 other businesses. Through that you have access to various consultants one of whom is Sîan Bushell, a specialist in succession mediation. You can access her privately though if your farm is registered with FC why would you?

Info on the advisory service is on the F.C. website. Sian can be found under Agriplan Cymru. She works all over the UK and was mentioned recently on Farming today when they interviewed the McConchie family in Dumfries. Have a look at

 

[Christoph1945]

An interesting post; even for me, a none agricultural townie. Most people just don't think about dying and the great muddle that can be left behind if they don't leave a legally binding will and their wishes clearly defined within it.

I suppose not the best subject if one is feeling anxious and depressed!

 

[Blod]

An interesting post; even for me, a none agricultural townie. Most people just don't think about dying and the great muddle that can be left behind if they don't leave a legally binding will and their wishes clearly defined within it.

I suppose not the best subject if one is feeling anxious and depressed!

Well maybe not at first thought however, ...... a depression may be a result of assumptions made. By conversations unsaid that would be better out in the open and not in our minds.

Bringing new partners into a farming business can be fraught with the cost of housing or lack of privacy. Then there is the outgoing partner whether through divorce or ill health. Whilst it may not be thought of as succession in the strictest sense, making sure that everyone involved is in agreement as to the process or structure of events makes for far Happier people who can make plans for their future and be in control. Autonomy is a wonderful thing.

 

[Milkcow365]

caught my brother attempting to take his life today, was just about to step over the edge when I came into the yard by luck, not sure how I feel to be honest not sure what happened has sunk in

 

[Christoph1945]

Have you both talked about it yet?

 

[Milkcow365]

Have you both talked about it yet?

Not overly I made some jobs up to do with him, he’s a fairly big thinker as in over thinks, im not like that I’m the man up it will be right enough kind, I’ve told him we will get him help tomorrow, it’s been a tough 2 years for us but things are on the up this last few months, he just doesn’t seem happy with life in general,