Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[DrWazzock]

Aren’t there things that your wife could wear to help with the snoring?
I think they help with breathing at night. Otherwise the spare room!

my wife doesn't snore but i often wake up ...get up ...have a cup of coffee.....and go back to sleep on sofa

i must be the only husband who gets wrong for sleeping on the sofa

This is the crux of the problem. My wife gets very very upset if I sleep in the spare room, to the point of saying we should separate if I won't sleep in the same bed. So I am placed in a very difficult position. Stay in the bed with her and struggle to sleep or just move into the spare room and risk divorce which I don't want.

I have found some earplugs work very well which is good, but for some reason they lose effectiveness after a couple of nights. New plugs work well. Hence I have ordered a large amount of them.

We went away at Christmas to my in laws and I ran short of ear plugs. I wasn't sleeping well. I think this brought on a particularly low mood and clouded my judgement.

It's somewhat disappointing that my wife won't take measures to reduce her snoring such as losing weight or trying some anti snoring devices but can't seem to do much about that. I don't blame her entirely as I think I am particularly sensitive to noise and am a light sleeper. I also snore like a hog as well, apparently.

Anyway, I hope to resolve this problem one way or another but hopefully with ear plugs.

It's a curious thing. I love my wife but struggle to sleep in the same bed as her. I'd rather sleep alone any day. I didn't think of this before I got married. But there again if I wasn't obsessing about this, it would be some other stupid thing.

 

[spin cycle]

This is the crux of the problem. My wife gets very very upset if I sleep in the spare room, to the point of saying we should separate if I won't sleep in the same bed. So I am placed in a very difficult position. Stay in the bed with her and struggle to sleep or just move into the spare room and risk divorce which I don't want.

I have found some earplugs work very well which is good, but for some reason they lose effectiveness after a couple of nights. New plugs work well. Hence I have ordered a large amount of them.

We went away at Christmas to my in laws and I ran short of ear plugs. I wasn't sleeping well. I think this brought on a particularly low mood and clouded my judgement.

It's somewhat disappointing that my wife won't take measures to reduce her snoring such as losing weight or trying some anti snoring devices but can't seem to do much about that. I don't blame her entirely as I think I am particularly sensitive to noise and am a light sleeper. I also snore like a hog as well, apparently.

Anyway, I hope to resolve this problem one way or another but hopefully with ear plugs.

It's a curious thing. I love my wife but struggle to sleep in the same bed as her. I'd rather sleep alone any day. I didn't think of this before I got married. But there again if I wasn't obsessing about this, it would be some other stupid thing.

tough spot m8

 

[DRC]

This is the crux of the problem. My wife gets very very upset if I sleep in the spare room, to the point of saying we should separate if I won't sleep in the same bed. So I am placed in a very difficult position. Stay in the bed with her and struggle to sleep or just move into the spare room and risk divorce which I don't want.

I have found some earplugs work very well which is good, but for some reason they lose effectiveness after a couple of nights. New plugs work well. Hence I have ordered a large amount of them.

We went away at Christmas to my in laws and I ran short of ear plugs. I wasn't sleeping well. I think this brought on a particularly low mood and clouded my judgement.

It's somewhat disappointing that my wife won't take measures to reduce her snoring such as losing weight or trying some anti snoring devices but can't seem to do much about that. I don't blame her entirely as I think I am particularly sensitive to noise and am a light sleeper. I also snore like a hog as well, apparently.

Anyway, I hope to resolve this problem one way or another but hopefully with ear plugs.

It's a curious thing. I love my wife but struggle to sleep in the same bed as her. I'd rather sleep alone any day. I didn't think of this before I got married. But there again if I wasn't obsessing about this, it would be some other stupid thing.

Separate beds in the same room or the biggest king size you can get.

 

[DrWazzock]

We have the biggest kingsize at home. Reduces the problem. Problem is when you go away it's often a small double, then a "holiday" can be more tiring than staying at home.

I am working on it. Trying my best.

 

[glow worm]

For me the most stress being caused is my family really, especially that of my mother. I'm trying to see why she's doing it, because she wouldn't do it wis lostthout reason... She's had a really tough year and the lads really don't help. Problem is I often get the shouting at which theit to puts me in a foul mood. Yesterday I felt in a bad place in my head again I suggested she needs a break from everything, really I need a break from her if am honest. I love my mother very much I just see the bad parts of her at the moment and I'm struggling to unsee and understand why. There are times I want to tell her to stop acting like a child but I don't. I will have to talk to her about things and it will undoubtedly upset her, but at the moment, harsh as it may seem, I couldn't really care less if it does or not. Today to try and resolve stuff I'm going to call a family meeting. Here's hoping it goes well because this can't go on any longer

Just a suggestion .. sometimes a face to face talk just won't work, either because the people concerned just dont want to hear or emotions take over and rational two way discussion is lost .. so have you ever tried writting a letter .. preferably on the computer so you can edit it over and over again .. and present it to the people concerned for them to digest when calm? i've done it just the once so far when at my wits end and it made a world of difference.

 

[Christoph1945]

That is a superb idea but I would suggest writing it when sober!

 

[Elpresidente]

Tried vitamin d3 supplementation on recommendation of a snake oil enthusiast friend just to shut him up and it might be placebo but have to admit - it does seem to make a difference

Vitamin d3 works really well for me. My problem was I thought I didn't need it during the summer but as my wife pointed out I was spending the majority of time in the tractor cab. I was on an incredible downward spiral with severe anxiety and rampant fatalistic overthinking every situation. I decided one night to go back on the vitamin d3 supplements I'd been taking in the winter, my body responded immediately and within 3 days I was feeling a different person and a side effect seemed to be a significant improvement in my creaking knees. I've come to the conclusion I was suffering a severe lack of vitamin d3 and I'll keep taking the supplements indefinitely.

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

It is the best advice. And probably the advice that's hardest to follow. In the heat of the moment one's more likely to get caught up in reacting instead of thinking.

Damn emotions.

As an aside about womanly hormone troubles (tune out now guys, if you aren't a woman issue discusser kind of man ), I was recommended a book called The Period Repair Manual that addresses how women can work their way out of more extreme PMS symptoms, including large emotional swings. Most of it is as simple as supplementing vitamins. Which honestly, on a farming forum, doesn't that make sense? We make sure our livestock have the proper minerals available but for some reason don't think of applying that to ourselves often.

Very true this. Diet plays a massive part in women's cycle. Particularly leafy greens like spinach and such. Essential vits and minerals to keep both body and mind in check. I'll take a look at that book, sounds interesting

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

This is the crux of the problem. My wife gets very very upset if I sleep in the spare room, to the point of saying we should separate if I won't sleep in the same bed. So I am placed in a very difficult position. Stay in the bed with her and struggle to sleep or just move into the spare room and risk divorce which I don't want.

I have found some earplugs work very well which is good, but for some reason they lose effectiveness after a couple of nights. New plugs work well. Hence I have ordered a large amount of them.

We went away at Christmas to my in laws and I ran short of ear plugs. I wasn't sleeping well. I think this brought on a particularly low mood and clouded my judgement.

It's somewhat disappointing that my wife won't take measures to reduce her snoring such as losing weight or trying some anti snoring devices but can't seem to do much about that. I don't blame her entirely as I think I am particularly sensitive to noise and am a light sleeper. I also snore like a hog as well, apparently.

Anyway, I hope to resolve this problem one way or another but hopefully with ear plugs.

It's a curious thing. I love my wife but struggle to sleep in the same bed as her. I'd rather sleep alone any day. I didn't think of this before I got married. But there again if I wasn't obsessing about this, it would be some other stupid thing.

Could it actually be your own snoring that is waking you up? It might be worth attending a sleep clinic to investigate.

Just a thought.

 

[DrWazzock]

Could it actually be your own snoring that is waking you up? It might be worth attending a sleep clinic to investigate.

Just a thought.

It could be. But it's definitely her snoring that stops me getting off to sleep/back to sleep unless I am very tired or have had a few.

The worst time is if I wake at say 2am and she is snoring loudly. Then I am no longer tired enough to get back to sleep. I have even heard her snoring while I am dreaming that I am working with the chainsaw and wake to realise it's her making the noise not the saw.

Anyway, decent ear plugs are a blessing. It's just getting the right ones and using them properly. For some reason they degrade their sound blocking capability over a few days then it's time to change them.

 

[Christoph1945]

Picked me Mrs up from the hospital this morning and they told me she will probably be four to six weeks recuperating, so I suppose this is where the really hard work begins!

Glad to see that something of a think tank is developing in here and progress is on the up.

Stay safe, stay well, and look after each other.

Chris

 

[Lili]

Picked me Mrs up from the hospital this morning and they told me she will probably be four to six weeks recuperating, so I suppose this is where the really hard work begins!

Glad to see that something of a think tank is developing in here and progress is on the up.

Stay safe, stay well, and look after each other.

Chris

It will be good to have her home. All the best to you both.

 

[Cowcorn]

It could be. But it's definitely her snoring that stops me getting off to sleep/back to sleep unless I am very tired or have had a few.

The worst time is if I wake at say 2am and she is snoring loudly. Then I am no longer tired enough to get back to sleep. I have even heard her snoring while I am dreaming that I am working with the chainsaw and wake to realise it's her making the noise not the saw.

Anyway, decent ear plugs are a blessing. It's just getting the right ones and using them properly. For some reason they degrade their sound blocking capability over a few days then it's time to change them.

Doc ,i hope you get a few decent nights sleep, lack of sleep is a form of torture and will fry your head in no time . Maybe when snoring wakes you grab a spare duvet and head for the couch .

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Just a suggestion .. sometimes a face to face talk just won't work, either because the people concerned just dont want to hear or emotions take over and rational two way discussion is lost .. so have you ever tried writting a letter .. preferably on the computer so you can edit it over and over again .. and present it to the people concerned for them to digest when calm? i've done it just the once so far when at my wits end and it made a world o

Picked me Mrs up from the hospital this morning and they told me she will probably be four to six weeks recuperating, so I suppose this is where the really hard work begins!

Glad to see that something of a think tank is developing in here and progress is on the up.

Stay safe, stay well, and look after each other.

Chris

I'm very glad she is on the mend x hope everything goes well and will be thinking of you both

 

[Chae1]

It could be. But it's definitely her snoring that stops me getting off to sleep/back to sleep unless I am very tired or have had a few.

The worst time is if I wake at say 2am and she is snoring loudly. Then I am no longer tired enough to get back to sleep. I have even heard her snoring while I am dreaming that I am working with the chainsaw and wake to realise it's her making the noise not the saw.

Anyway, decent ear plugs are a blessing. It's just getting the right ones and using them properly. For some reason they degrade their sound blocking capability over a few days then it's time to change them.

Could you tape her mouth shut so she breathes through her nose. I'm in exactly the same situation except I'm the snorer! If I breathe through my nose it's much better. The breathease strips for nose are a waste of time.

 

[Christoph1945]

A baby doll nighty may just stop you both snoring!

 

[DrWazzock]

Could you tape her mouth shut so she breathes through her nose. I'm in exactly the same situation except I'm the snorer! If I breathe through my nose it's much better. The breathease strips for nose are a waste of time.

I don't think that would go down very well!! We both tried the breathe ease strips and found little difference.

Losing weight would help here for both of us.

I do sometimes resort to the spare room but she doesn't like that and at this time of year it's freezing, but as sleep has a huge impact on my state of mind then the spare room can sometimes be the only option if the plugs don't work.

What interests me is why I can sleep through certain noises but not others. I can sleep through the TV, through visiting relatives droning on and even out in the yard at times but snoring during the night just winds me up and I can't really understand why. I had hoped to detune my reaction to it but that seems just about impossible. I have a sort of stress reaction to snoring which is stupid but it happens. Maybe I learned it from mother when I was a child. She always reacted badly to dad snoring. Dad could sleep through anything since his 2 years in national service living in a hut next to a runway where bombers took off day and night,

Brains are wonderful things but at times they don't half cause us some unecessary aggravation.

When I was a year old I was sat out in my pram in the field while the parents hoed beet. A Vulcan bomber came over at low level then went almost straight up at full throttle. (So my parent told me , obvious,y I couldn't remember the details). The noise was immense. From that day on I'd wake at night in terror at the slightest hint of aircraft noise, particularly the thunder like rumble or whine of the engines, and living in Lincolnshire between three active airbases this was quite a regular occurrence. Pairs of lightnings would fly in over our house up till 10 at night coming into land with their air brakes squealing. I was 5 or 6 years old before I got over the fear of this aircraft noise by which time I could rationalise it and actually enjoyed seeing and hearing the aircraft locally. Whether it was this that hard wired my brain to night time noise sensitivity I'll never really know but it often makes me wonder, though I'm not saying my OH's snoring is anything like a Vulcan at full throttle.

Anyway, C'est la vie. Apologies for diverting the thread a bit off course. I'm not seriously depressed but can appreciate how I could get there through lack of sleep.

Best wishes and thanks for the support.

 

[JCMaloney]

@DrWazzock ...... there are plenty of snoring solutions out there from little plugs that go up your nose through to taping a tennis ball to the snorers back to stop them rolling onto their back.
Mrs M also snores, so do I...however she also produces a very high pitched "liquid pop" and that is what wakes me up!!
Luckily a gentle nudge moves her and stops it and I get off back to sleep easy enough.
You need to talk about the problem and the solutions for both your sakes.
Good luck.

 

[DrWazzock]

I appreciate there are all sorts of gadgets, but what I seek to do is readjust my thinking to deactivate my sensitivity to the sound of snoring. This would be a much neater solution. I think it needs work at the cognitive level. It isn't noise per se that stops me from sleeping, it is what comes with that noise, what that noise signifies subconsciously that affects me, particularly at that time of night when the brain is processing in a sensitive state. I think I have a fair degree of perceived but unfounded anxiety about my marriage and the snoring triggers, heightens and amplifies that anxiety. I don't really need to be anxious about my marriage and so if I could deal with and rationalise the anxiety, then I believe the snoring would then cease to bother me. There would no longer be a train of negative thought for the snoring to set in motion.

I think I need to look at the way I perceive, react to, view and treat people generally, and my wife in particular.

 

[Bury the Trash]

I appreciate there are all sorts of gadgets, but what I seek to do is readjust my thinking to deactivate my sensitivity to the sound of snoring. This would be a much neater solution. I think it needs work at the cognitive level. It isn't noise per se that stops me from sleeping, it is what comes with that noise, what that noise signifies subconsciously that affects me, particularly at that time of night when the brain is processing in a sensitive state. I think I have a fair degree of perceived but unfounded anxiety about my marriage and the snoring triggers, heightens and amplifies that anxiety. I don't really need to be anxious about my marriage and so if I could deal with and rationalise the anxiety, then I believe the snoring would then cease to bother me. There would no longer be a train of negative thought for the snoring to set in motion.

I think I need to look at the way I perceive, react to, view and treat people generally, and my wife in particular.

You could be overthinking it.

Snoring is very annoying, it can be really quite loud or not so variable noise but pretty regular and constant.. but always annoying and when woken up in the middle of the night especially the mind seems to be in negative or even dark mode. there must be a chemical reason as well as a mental one I guess
It is miserable not sleeping that's for sure. no advice really im sorry other than the holiday .I know what you mean about crappy beds too small...try and /find .book somewhere that has the biggest bed ..lodge we stayed in once had a massive camp style bed in the lounge best few days ive had sleep restful / wise

A baby doll nighty may just stop you both snoring!

Could you tape her mouth shut so she breathes through her nose. I'm in exactly the same situation except I'm the snorer! If I breathe through my nose it's much better. The breathease strips for nose are a waste of time.

good idea , but it maybe wise to ask first

seriously tho as said above a measured 'nudge' on the leg can stop it for a while ….