Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[Texel Tup]

He'll have to go for compulsary counselling by the rail company, normally 6 months to a year out of the seat, then it will be supervised driving for a time when he gets the all clear, whats made this one worse is he is an instructor and had a trainee in the cab as well. There was also another train involved, so in total 3 drivers now off, the girl jumped in front of 1 then got thrown into the train coming in the opposite direction, it wasn't pretty by how he described it to me

I hope that this won't be seen or considered as insensitive, but I just wonder - - the shock and upset come in various parts - Firstly dealing with the fact that another previously lucid human being has committed what many would see as the ultimate sin, Secondly that they have visited their thoughtless act upon an individual, and Thirdly the inevitable aftermath and remains.
The last (The Third) is the easiest to deal with, it's only blood and body parts - go get a job in an abattoir, you'll get used to it - - once life has gone, it is no more than flesh and blood. The second aspect - the suicidee didn't give a second thought to those lives which they would change - perhaps forever.
Firstly, and here's the important point - when the victim, the train driver gets his head around the fact that he is not to blame, that the poor soul who appeared in front of him had no evil intent, and that he (the victim train driver) is an innocent bystander, then he may perhaps be heading to a peace, of sorts.
[edit] It's a curious aspect to humanity, just how often we blame ourselves for something which is beyond our control.

 

[JCMaloney]

So surprising how everything can appear to turn so quickly. Thought i'd been doing really well recently despite our serious lack of funds. Felt like i had had a good morning then my OH came home and we had a small misunderstanding/disagreement about my plan to move some pigs and also a seeming disparity between what she thought i was doing today and what i thought i was doing (throw in some disparity about what is actually possible on a farm where everything is f**king broken and there's no money to fix it and where i can only spend 2.5-3 days out of 7 actively working)

Subsequent to that i had to feed the farm and find myself picking up every bloody negative aspect of the place and the life we're living. Wondering what we're even doing it all for?!

Its my own simplistic view but you are doing something, with someone that you love and there are far worse places to be. Maybe in mid-Jan it looks muddy,cold & miserable but Spring & Summer are not far away.
I`ve found putting notes on a wall planner helps disagreements over the who,what when stuff. Often saying "Its on the planner" defuses a sparky situation....not always practical but one little tool to help.

 

[glasshouse]

I hope that this won't be seen or considered as insensitive, but I just wonder - - the shock and upset come in various parts - Firstly dealing with the fact that another previously lucid human being has committed what many would see as the ultimate sin, Secondly that they have visited their thoughtless act upon an individual, and Thirdly the inevitable aftermath and remains.
The last (The Third) is the easiest to deal with, it's only blood and body parts - go get a job in an abattoir, you'll get used to it - - once life has gone, it is no more than flesh and blood. The second aspect - the suicidee didn't give a second thought to those lives which they would change - perhaps forever.
Firstly, and here's the important point - when the victim, the train driver gets his head around the fact that he is not to blame, that the poor soul who appeared in front of him had no evil intent, and that he (the victim train driver) is an innocent bystander, then he may perhaps be heading to a peace, of sorts.
[edit] It's a curious aspect to humanity, just how often we blame ourselves for something which is beyond our control.

The "thoughtless act"
Is usually because someone else has treated them without thought.
Four people i know who did it were tenant farmers who were either facing eviction or had been evicted.

 

[Greenbeast]

Its my own simplistic view but you are doing something, with someone that you love and there are far worse places to be. Maybe in mid-Jan it looks muddy,cold & miserable but Spring & Summer are not far away.
I`ve found putting notes on a wall planner helps disagreements over the who,what when stuff. Often saying "Its on the planner" defuses a sparky situation....not always practical but one little tool to help.

yeah we've subsequently talked about having a daily discussion on what i'm to work on.
Just an example of how one exchange can colour the rest of your day for better or worse. The broken sh*t around the farm was there yesterday but today i was suddenly almost enraged by stupid leaking drinking troughs, etc....

 

[Chae1]

Your customer has my sympathy and understanding. The most intensely selfish act which we can perform, is to leave voluntarily - - the problem is, it pays no regard, whatsoever, to the fallout - the aftermath.

You appear to be very critical of people who commit suicide. Have you ever been in that state of mind or dealt with someone in that mindset?

Many people do it because they feel like there a burden to others and by taking there own life, they are making the life of others better. So could be seen as a selfless act not selfish as you seem to think.

I know this doesn't make sense, but having dealt with someone in this state of mind i know they can't see things for what they are.

 

[Texel Tup]

You appear to be very critical of people who commit suicide. Have you ever been in that state of mind or dealt with someone in that mindset?

Many people do it because they feel like there a burden to others and by taking there own life, they are making the life of others better. So could be seen as a selfless act not selfish as you seem to think.

I know this doesn't make sense, but having dealt with someone in this state of mind i know they can't see things for what they are.

Indeed I have, but I'll send you a PM, if I may.

 

[milkloss]

So surprising how everything can appear to turn so quickly. Thought i'd been doing really well recently despite our serious lack of funds. Felt like i had had a good morning then my OH came home and we had a small misunderstanding/disagreement about my plan to move some pigs and also a seeming disparity between what she thought i was doing today and what i thought i was doing (throw in some disparity about what is actually possible on a farm where everything is f**king broken and there's no money to fix it and where i can only spend 2.5-3 days out of 7 actively working)

Subsequent to that i had to feed the farm and find myself picking up every bloody negative aspect of the place and the life we're living. Wondering what we're even doing it all for?!

I find myself doing the same, seeing an uncut hedge, blown drain or a rough cow, really puts you down. Everywhere you look just seems like you’re onto a loser. Trick is, and I know this is old hat, to do smaller jobs that you can finish with a quick result. I resealed the scv slices on the old 956 the other day. Didn’t need doing right now but it made me feel successful and useful.........for a while! Walking round the odd field picking up fallen branches, torching up the bonfire all little jobs that give me a bit of a spring in my step and make me feel better when I walking round.

One thing the OH and I mange to do is to push a reset button every now and again if things get tetchy. Nothing lasts more than a day or two of disliking each other and then we have an unspoken reset to default situation.

Sounds like I’m sorted eh? Far from it I can assure you!

 

[Texel Tup]

I find myself doing the same, seeing an uncut hedge, blown drain or a rough cow, really puts you down. Everywhere you look just seems like you’re onto a loser. Trick is, and I know this is old hat, to do smaller jobs that you can finish with a quick result. I resealed the scv slices on the old 956 the other day. Didn’t need doing right now but it made me feel successful and useful.........for a while! Walking round the odd field picking up fallen branches, torching up the bonfire all little jobs that give me a bit of a spring in my step and make me feel better when I walking round.

One thing the OH and I mange to do is to push a reset button every now and again if things get tetchy. Nothing lasts more than a day or two of disliking each other and then we have an unspoken reset to default situation.

Sounds like I’m sorted eh? Far from it I can assure you!

Few will ever be truly sorted - but those like you who are able to rationalise and who can at least feel the path, won't be bamboozled because of the big wide screen, they will make their bed, make that pot of tea, feed the dog and they'll build a bedrock on which to build every single day. What we did and achieved yesterday is an irrelevance - it's what we do today which defines us - - some of us take it for granted, it's what we do - - some of us struggle.

 

[milkloss]

Few will ever be truly sorted - but those like you who are able to rationalise and who can at least feel the path, won't be bamboozled because of the big wide screen, they will make their bed, make that pot of tea, feed the dog and they'll build a bedrock on which to build every single day. What we did and achieved yesterday is an irrelevance - it's what we do today which defines us - - some of us take it for granted, it's what we do - - some of us struggle.

That’s what makes it all so difficult, to understand each other’s troubles that are so different. Lord knows what my thinking would be if I’d had someone jump in front of a machine I was operating. There must be so different many ways the human mind could process a situation like that.

 

[Greenbeast]

I find myself doing the same, seeing an uncut hedge, blown drain or a rough cow, really puts you down. Everywhere you look just seems like you’re onto a loser. Trick is, and I know this is old hat, to do smaller jobs that you can finish with a quick result. I resealed the scv slices on the old 956 the other day. Didn’t need doing right now but it made me feel successful and useful.........for a while! Walking round the odd field picking up fallen branches, torching up the bonfire all little jobs that give me a bit of a spring in my step and make me feel better when I walking round.

One thing the OH and I mange to do is to push a reset button every now and again if things get tetchy. Nothing lasts more than a day or two of disliking each other and then we have an unspoken reset to default situation.

Sounds like I’m sorted eh? Far from it I can assure you!

Yeah i get that, sometimes i just say f*ck it and tidy the yard up or the tool shed because it's been waiting to be done and always feels satisfying. I guess today i was so short of time before taking on the girl for the afternoon that that exacerbated the negativity because i knew couldn't just go and fix this thing or that thing.
Oh well, she came home, it hadn't been a big blow up so all fine on that front. Tomorrow is another day, only got the morning on the farm so a suitably achievable job list has been agreed

 

[glasshouse]

I find myself doing the same, seeing an uncut hedge, blown drain or a rough cow, really puts you down. Everywhere you look just seems like you’re onto a loser. Trick is, and I know this is old hat, to do smaller jobs that you can finish with a quick result. I resealed the scv slices on the old 956 the other day. Didn’t need doing right now but it made me feel successful and useful.........for a while! Walking round the odd field picking up fallen branches, torching up the bonfire all little jobs that give me a bit of a spring in my step and make me feel better when I walking round.

One thing the OH and I mange to do is to push a reset button every now and again if things get tetchy. Nothing lasts more than a day or two of disliking each other and then we have an unspoken reset to default situation.

Sounds like I’m sorted eh? Far from it I can assure you!

Comcentrate on the positives, a sunny day, a fence repaired etc
Ignore the stuff you cant do or cant influence.
Stop watching the bollox on the news too.

 

[WRXppp]

Its my own simplistic view but you are doing something, with someone that you love and there are far worse places to be. Maybe in mid-Jan it looks muddy,cold & miserable but Spring & Summer are not far away.
I`ve found putting notes on a wall planner helps disagreements over the who,what when stuff. Often saying "Its on the planner" defuses a sparky situation....not always practical but one little tool to help.

Yep we have a calendar which all such things are put on so no surprises for anyone, i’m 49 this year, same age my dad died and so no extra off farm harvest work this year it’s time to tick some things off the bucket list and it has really brightened my mood as of late that I finally have the chance to enjoy life and actually be a little selfish!

 

[Texel Tup]

……… I owe my eventual healing and recovery to a great many people and would say that people are going to be your greatest allies in achieving recovery from anger/anxiety/depression; whether it be induced by imbalance of body chemistry, bereavement, historic abuse, or isolation. ……..

Chris

Very well said. 'People' may only be another pill, but for many of us, they're vital.

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

The housing crisis is at the back of most peoples troubles, whether they are being made homeless or getting screwed into the ground on rent.
Humans can stand a lot, but losing your home and possessions can drive many over the edge.
I always cringe at those who blame homelessness on mental problems, when its the opposite way round usually.

It's hard fro most of us, thankfully, to imagine what it is like to not know where you will sleep tonight and in future. Society can be incredibly uncaring these days.

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

Please can we re-phrase it as "taking your/their own life" rather than "committing suicide", especially in this thread. The words we use to describe something subtly affect how we think about it. It hasn't been a crime you can "commit" in England and Wales for many years.

One has to be very deeply damaged inside to see taking your own life as the way out. That and feeling completely unable to ask others for help. In that state it is impossible NOT to be selfish about it.

 

[Hilly]

Euthanasia should be a legal option, if you want to die so be it i say, why rule you have to live for ever ?

 

[Texel Tup]

Please can we re-phrase it as "taking your/their own life" rather than "committing suicide", especially in this thread. The words we use to describe something affects subtly affect how we think about it. It hasn't been a crime you can "commit" in England and Wales for many years.

One has to be very deeply damaged inside to see taking your own life as the way out. That and feeling completely unable to ask others for help. In that state it is impossible NOT to be selfish about it.

You are entirely right. It is such a complex and multifaceted ball and there are no answers which do any more than cover the myriad of people and their influences - and I hope that it's accepted that to suggest otherwise, was never my intention.
[edit] …….. It seems unthinkable now, doesn't it, that not so long ago, Suicide was considered a criminal offence. Perhaps that was the only way that Society felt able to deal with it, I'm not sure.
The term often used was - 'Whilst the balance of the mind was disturbed ….' - and on occasions, that can be true today, the taking of one's own life can as easily be an aberration as it can a planned and logical, and in the case of the terminally ill, a justified action.

 

[Texel Tup]

Euthanasia should be a legal option, if you want to die so be it i say, why rule you have to live for ever ?

Presumably, we're to assume that by Euthanasia, you're referring to assisted suicide? I'm not sure that it will ever be a legally accepted option, whilst it's considered to be the thin end of a wedge.

My partner is a chronic (20 year) sufferer with Rheumatoid Arthritis. Her hands and her feet are so badly buckled out of shape that it continues to amaze me as to how she functions daily. In the early days and before we were together, she was at the stage, several times where morphine was administered. About 2 years ago, she was taken off all her meds because of a major chest infection and she had a relapse - she had a full blown attack and she was in a frightful and pitiful state. One evening she said "If this is how the rest of my life is going to be, I can't and I won't continue". Thankfully after emergency attention and treatment the severity lessened and eventually she returned to her norm.
Now I've always argued for the right to assisted suicide for those who have no chance of normality - but faced with it - or its possibility, it was an entirely different matter.

 

[Juggler]

So surprising how everything can appear to turn so quickly. Thought i'd been doing really well recently despite our serious lack of funds. Felt like i had had a good morning then my OH came home and we had a small misunderstanding/disagreement about my plan to move some pigs and also a seeming disparity between what she thought i was doing today and what i thought i was doing (throw in some disparity about what is actually possible on a farm where everything is f**king broken and there's no money to fix it and where i can only spend 2.5-3 days out of 7 actively working)

Subsequent to that i had to feed the farm and find myself picking up every bloody negative aspect of the place and the life we're living. Wondering what we're even doing it all for?!

You aren't alone, had many days like that myself. It's frustrating how a minor disagreement can put me in a very negative frame of mind but it doesn't happen often thankfully.

Everything looks at its worst round a farm this time of year, and it's only compounded by lack of money and time to sort things out in a way you're happy with, trying to juggle a farm, young family and a full time job isn't the easiest thing in the world to do, this I know first hand, for me it took a very difficult decision four years ago next month to make things better and I felt for a long time that I had failed, given up, still do some days but I remind myself that I still have the ability to jump back in if I ever want to in the future

Hang on in there, spring is round the corner and the days are lengthening slowly, don't give yourself too ambitious a list of jobs to do and keep telling yourself it will get better.

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

What a G-d awful mess one individual can make! Someone has to move in and clear up the bits and pieces and the rolling stock has to be taken out of service for repairs and service. Some poor fitter has to check out all the fittings and parts and on some occasions remove body parts. A friend of mine once told me that one would be amazed by the damage a human body can do upon impacting a train moving at speed.

So many lives will have been touched and, no doubt, damaged by the actions of one individual but (I wonder) how emotionally damaged was the person who chose to take their own life in that way?

Sometimes, the manner in which the media reports such suicide cases can promote others to do likewise. Some places become magnets for suicides; lovers leap, Beachy Head, motorway flyovers, and the railways. How, I wonder, are we going to turn things around and start to see reductions in the number of suicides? How can we start to give people hope?

Alas when people are in that mindset it's almost impossible to convince them otherwise. If someone is that committed there is little you can do to stop it without physically restraining them it's really sad that killing themselves that way caused others to suffer too. Suicide is a selfish act, in that we don't think of anyone else, we can't think of anyone else, we only see our own pain. That's possibly the saddest thing about it is that we can't see the wood for the trees, as it were. In order to fix every persons life... You would have to be able to know each and every individual and alas no one can know that. Where there's life sadly there is also death. Where there's humanity there is sickness. We can only look after our own welfare and those dearest/closest to us.