Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[waterbuffalofarmer]

So surprising how everything can appear to turn so quickly. Thought i'd been doing really well recently despite our serious lack of funds. Felt like i had had a good morning then my OH came home and we had a small misunderstanding/disagreement about my plan to move some pigs and also a seeming disparity between what she thought i was doing today and what i thought i was doing (throw in some disparity about what is actually possible on a farm where everything is f**king broken and there's no money to fix it and where i can only spend 2.5-3 days out of 7 actively working)

Subsequent to that i had to feed the farm and find myself picking up every bloody negative aspect of the place and the life we're living. Wondering what we're even doing it all for?!

I'm sorry to hear that communication is essential between partners/spouses/family, in indeed every aspect of life. I think the reason why we do a lot of things can be because (a) we have always done it and we know we are very good at what we do... Or (b) we haven't tried other venues of what we might like to be doing instead. I think sometimes it's good to re-evaluate everything that we do and if certain things cause us a lot of displeasure we need to think of ways to making it easier or more interesting. It'll be ok you know, one bad day isn't the end of the world, we just have to soldier on and things will start to gradually come good again. Maybe best thing here would be to have a sit down and talk with your spouse about things TC x

 

[Juggler]

I remember someone referring to suicide as 'A permanent solution to a temporary problem' that's always struck me as being so true.

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

You appear to be very critical of people who commit suicide. Have you ever been in that state of mind or dealt with someone in that mindset?

Many people do it because they feel like there a burden to others and by taking there own life, they are making the life of others better. So could be seen as a selfless act not selfish as you seem to think.

I know this doesn't make sense, but having dealt with someone in this state of mind i know they can't see things for what they are.

Can't agree enough with this. TBH everything we do we want to do because we think it's selfless, for another's benefit, whereas in fact it's really for our own benefit. I hope the person you're referring to came out ok

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

I find myself doing the same, seeing an uncut hedge, blown drain or a rough cow, really puts you down. Everywhere you look just seems like you’re onto a loser. Trick is, and I know this is old hat, to do smaller jobs that you can finish with a quick result. I resealed the scv slices on the old 956 the other day. Didn’t need doing right now but it made me feel successful and useful.........for a while! Walking round the odd field picking up fallen branches, torching up the bonfire all little jobs that give me a bit of a spring in my step and make me feel better when I walking round.

One thing the OH and I mange to do is to push a reset button every now and again if things get tetchy. Nothing lasts more than a day or two of disliking each other and then we have an unspoken reset to default situation.

Sounds like I’m sorted eh? Far from it I can assure you!

At least you're making a lot of progress and looking forward to more things and better times. One thing I found that helped me through depressive States is to try to have a non caring attitude. Like if something bad happens resign yourself to thinking well if it turns out well it'll turn out well, if not then it wasn't meant to be. If say you have an animal dying and you do your utmost for it but it still dies... It's because it gave up not because you didn't do enough for it. If one day doesn't go correctly you always have tomorrow, or future consecutive days where it may

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Please can we re-phrase it as "taking your/their own life" rather than "committing suicide", especially in this thread. The words we use to describe something subtly affect how we think about it. It hasn't been a crime you can "commit" in England and Wales for many years.

One has to be very deeply damaged inside to see taking your own life as the way out. That and feeling completely unable to ask others for help. In that state it is impossible NOT to be selfish about it.

Yes one must be. However there is no difference between the saying *comitting suicide* or *taking their own life* it's really the same thing. You're committing to do something. I don't really see the problem in saying either of them tbh

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

 

[jondear]

Well I've noticed this thread but never looked until now !
Brother in law tried to top him self on Monday but didn't succeed to say it was a shock was an understatement!
Now whole family is coming to terms with it .He wouldn't let anyone see him in hospital! Elderly parrents are in bits!
Not sure how it's going to end!
I've got a bad feeling .!

 

[Gong Farmer]

He needs to talk to someone whether he wants to or not. Someone may have to force themselves on him (?)

 

[Christoph1945]

The term 'selfish' frequently crops up on this thread and some of the recent posts have set me thinking. Is it then, the self that actually causes most of our anxieties and suicides? Is it the self that hurts us and not all the nasty actions and words of others? The Germans call suicide "self murder"! Is suicide, for some, the only way of stopping the intolerable pain of self?

How, do you suppose, can we improve and strengthen the self not to be so hurt by slights and disappointments? Very often, the bruised and damaged child that we once were still dwells within us and influences our thoughts and actions to this very day, creating sensitive selves that buckle under intolerable burdens that others just shrug off?

Is there a better word than selfish that we can use?

 

[jondear]

He needs to talk to someone whether he wants to or not. Someone may have to force themselves on him (?)

My wife is visiting today .He's staying with a friend of his .

 

[Christoph1945]

Well I've noticed this thread but never looked until now !
Brother in law tried to top him self on Monday but didn't succeed to say it was a shock was an understatement!
Now whole family is coming to terms with it .He wouldn't let anyone see him in hospital! Elderly parrents are in bits!
Not sure how it's going to end!
I've got a bad feeling .!

Being in hospital he is presently in a safe place and given time will perhaps be more ready to see family or friends but there are times when an individual just can't open up to family and close friends for fear of loss of face or shame. Has he got a mobile phone with him? Perhaps a very short compassionate text may help and I do mean "very short".

 

[Christoph1945]

Oops I should have gone to Specsavers! Missed your last post Jon.

 

[Christoph1945]

You could still send a text though!

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

The term 'selfish' frequently crops up on this thread and some of the recent posts have set me thinking. Is it then, the self that actually causes most of our anxieties and suicides? Is it the self that hurts us and not all the nasty actions and words of others? The Germans call suicide "self murder"! Is suicide, for some, the only way of stopping the intolerable pain of self?

How, do you suppose, can we improve and strengthen the self not to be so hurt by slights and disappointments? Very often, the bruised and damaged child that we once were still dwells within us and influences our thoughts and actions to this very day, creating sensitive selves that buckle under intolerable burdens that others just shrug off?

Is there a better word than selfish that we can use?

I think one great fault of humanity is that because we love ourselves so much, ik there will be those who say they don't but in the end everyone does to a degree, that admittedly we also hate ourselves the most too. We live with ourselves day in day out, like an old married couple (forgive the term) we will get on our own nerves from time to time. You can't not be "selfish" and selfishness isn't a bad thing, many a times it has saved lives one thing we can do is to stop thinking that by looking after our own needs above others that it is somehow bad/wrong, because it's not. I think once humanity realises that sometimes selfishness is a good thing and a needful thing then things will be a lot better. It can only influence us if we let it do so. Remember, anyone can recondition their mind if they have the strong enough will power to do so. We have to learn to get past the disappointments and slights of things that happened, we have to move on, it's unhealthy to dwell permanently within the past. Ik it's easy enough for me to say, I do it often, but everything is a work in progress. Treat what people say "nastily to us" lightly. Try to take on a non caring attitude for others horrid opinions, what you know is what you do, their opinions don't matter. Focus on our own lives and how we can make them better. Whatever we do someone will be offended, not your problem.

 

[Lili]

The term 'selfish' frequently crops up on this thread and some of the recent posts have set me thinking. Is it then, the self that actually causes most of our anxieties and suicides? Is it the self that hurts us and not all the nasty actions and words of others? The Germans call suicide "self murder"! Is suicide, for some, the only way of stopping the intolerable pain of self?

How, do you suppose, can we improve and strengthen the self not to be so hurt by slights and disappointments? Very often, the bruised and damaged child that we once were still dwells within us and influences our thoughts and actions to this very day, creating sensitive selves that buckle under intolerable burdens that others just shrug off?

Is there a better word than selfish that we can use?

Difficult questions @Christoph1945. Nothing is straightforward and we all carry the baggage of life experiences which have shaped who we are and how we think and feel.
If we don't value ourselves as human beings how can we value others. A sense of worth in that we do 'matter' however small and insignificant we seem to be. Selfishness seems to me to be more self-interest with no thought for others?

 

[Christoph1945]

We were always taught to consider one's own situation before going to the aid of an other. Initially the instructions sounded a little crass but once you discovered that the guy who was prone on the floor was there because of the invisible toxic gas in the area and the cleaning lady slumped on the floor of the laboratory was there because of the electrical fault on her cleaning machine that was still live.

I still think that we need a better word than selfish for those despairing souls who leave early.

 

[Christoph1945]

Difficult questions @Christoph1945. Nothing is straightforward and we all carry the baggage of life experiences which have shaped who we are and how we think and feel.
If we don't value ourselves as human beings how can we value others. A sense of worth in that we do 'matter' however small and insignificant we seem to be. Selfishness seems to me to be more self-interest with no thought for others?

Unbalanced, perhaps?

 

[Gong Farmer]

Inward, or inwardly focused?

 

[Juggler]

The term 'selfish' frequently crops up on this thread and some of the recent posts have set me thinking. Is it then, the self that actually causes most of our anxieties and suicides? Is it the self that hurts us and not all the nasty actions and words of others? The Germans call suicide "self murder"! Is suicide, for some, the only way of stopping the intolerable pain of self?

How, do you suppose, can we improve and strengthen the self not to be so hurt by slights and disappointments? Very often, the bruised and damaged child that we once were still dwells within us and influences our thoughts and actions to this very day, creating sensitive selves that buckle under intolerable burdens that others just shrug off?

Is there a better word than selfish that we can use?

I think it is undoubtedly the self that creates all our anxieties, the ancients seemed to think so too.

 

[primmiemoo]

Inward, or inwardly focused?

Or shrouded within a fog of despair?