Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

waterbuffalofarmer

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
Penzance
Just an option Eirene:

You could choose 2 or 3 contributors on this thread that you feel you could trust to open up to and set up a private message conversation with them. That way you can open up completely but only the people you've invited can see it. I strongly suspect that, with the support of the others in the thread, one of the Mods could completely delete the message thread afterwards as well if you wanted. I know even the Mods can't read the content of PMs.
Ah it's ok :)
But thank you for the advice. I think I'd love to be able to but if it came to it I couldn't really do it. I tried so hard with my friend the other day and he was so patient and attentive but I couldn't get it out.... I just went dumb and started changing subject and such. I have tried my utmost and it won't come out, it doesn't want to so I guess I'll leave it at that. I told my younger brother and we spoke about it and it was good. The thing is I can't trust anyone completely with anything, only my younger brother I can tell everything, also my mother and my older brother. Even my father I can't tell that much to.
 

DrWazzock

Member
Arable Farmer
Location
Lincolnshire
Past couple days have been a bit depressing, to say the least, had 2 heart to heart talks with a close mate about my life and such and his life. There's just some things I wanted to say and I couldn't and although he said he wouldn't judge me at all and that he felt like I didn't trust him enough I just said to him I don't trust anybody, because I don't. I have found the more I go on in life the less I am beginning to care about anyone else's lives. I pretend to care and listen but deep down I can't give a single shred of sympathy to anyone else. Maybe that's wrong I dunno, but I used to be able to help/counsel others and now I just think I don't wanna get involved, I don't wanna know, I don't need drama, I'm just going to live my life and screw everyone else. Should I be concerned about this lack of sympathy to others? I guess I built it up cos I'm fed up with others using that as a weapon against me so now I really can't give a crap about anyone else but myself...... Eeek

Like many things it's all about finding the right balance between not giving a toss or taking so much of other people's problems on that it gets you down. I see many of my feelings from an engjneering mindset, as that's what I am, an engineer. When setting electronic systems up its best to turn the dial to somewhere in the middle rather than have it at either extreme.

So what I do is I help in so far as I can, but can only do so much. I don't worry about all this stuff that social media drops on our doorsteps either. Not my problem. I have enough on my plate. I don't worry if I have suggested things to other people that might help them and they take no notice and can't get out of a mess. It's their lookout ultimately even with my partner and friends. They lead their own lives and I am not entirely responsible for their happiness.

I think you aren't wrong to put yourself first. It's a kind of realisation that comes up as we get older, though it doesn't mean we don't care and it doesn't me we don't do what we can as far as is realistic.

In other words it's normal and it's a kind of innate survival mechanism.
 

DrWazzock

Member
Arable Farmer
Location
Lincolnshire
Something else I've learnt from years working in family partnerships.
Sometimes best to say nowt no matter how much things rile you. Best to let it blow over rather than say a load of stuff that's difficult to take back. Negative thoughts externalised in the auditory loop are so much more vivid and magnified. If they aren't externalised they can fade and heal much faster, especially if they haven't also been etched in the memories of others who constantly remind you of what you said.

Sometimes things do have to be said and a frank discussion is necessary but always best to cool off for as much as a fortnight and think carefully before talking about it rather than shoot from the hip.

Sometimes, even though we know we are right, the other party will never accept it for one reason or another so no point even mentioning it. Been there with the older generation.

Sometimes we think and are utterly convinced we are right, but we aren't, and only the passage of time brings us to this realisation, so sometimes even if we think we are right, best to say nowt.

Life's a journey. We never arrive, but you never know what's round the next corner.
 

DrWazzock

Member
Arable Farmer
Location
Lincolnshire
A trap I have fallen into is making a mountain out of a molehill. Some irritating thing occurs and suddenly my brain magnifies it into a giant problem to the exclusion of all other thoughts. Maybe they call it a neurosis or something. Best way round it is to force myself to be a bit busier and have more varied interests to dilute the neurosis. And also understand it for what it is. It's your brain wrongly focussing on one negative thing like its the be all and end all. I picked it up from my parents which was something else I realised lately. It does no good to keep churning over unsolvable negative problems. Just leave them on the back burner, right at the very back. One day something might crop up that solves them or they might just go away.
 

Kiwi Pete

Member
Livestock Farmer
One of the things I've learned about my mental health is part of it is illness, and part of it almost seems like a sadistic tendency
Like having cramp in your feet, you almost 'play with it to see if it's still there', then regret your mistake :inpain:

So developing your own philosophy and beliefs can be quite life-changing, it puts more on you (important) and less onto others (less important).
And most importantly, celebrate any small victory or shred of positivity, rather than place emphasis on what life chucks your way.
Have belief in yourself and your ability to be in control - the feelings of inadequacy or futility are dangerous triggers.

Like many of you, I can only talk about my state of mind when in a good place, in a bad place I cannot (without being cornered) put words to any of it - far too abstract to verbalise effectively.

However counsel is very important, many GP's try to approach the problem head-on and I found that to be ultimately worse than keeping it inside - whereas it's often better to talk 'around' it, as counsellors are trained to do :)
 

dt995

Member
Location
Carmarthenshire
How do you do it? How do you not focus on the negative thoughts when the negative thoughts are "it's raining again"? Every time you look out of a window, rain.

I don't think we've had a single dry day this month. We ran out of bales some weeks back and now we have to buy them in and there's no prospect of anything going out because everything is wet and squelchy and it won't stop bloody raining.

I've been on antidepressants for nearly a year, and the family all just think it's silly getting upset about the weather. Someone make it f**king stop.
 

waterbuffalofarmer

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
Penzance
How do you do it? How do you not focus on the negative thoughts when the negative thoughts are "it's raining again"? Every time you look out of a window, rain.

I don't think we've had a single dry day this month. We ran out of bales some weeks back and now we have to buy them in and there's no prospect of anything going out because everything is wet and squelchy and it won't stop bloody raining.

I've been on antidepressants for nearly a year, and the family all just think it's silly getting upset about the weather. Someone make it fudgeing stop.

It's ok, it will be ok.... Ik it's probably not what you wanna hear right now. It's been the same here, we have been buying in food for a while and I don't know how we are going to make it to the next feed bill. But we have to keep soldiering on. I find when everything's just getting to me, just switch off my brain, go talk to some online friends or listen to some music and it usually helps to put things in perspective. This year should be better than last year. Although everything is really wet now it will clear up and there will be better days ahead. If you like you're welcome to PM me for a chat :) hang in there ma lad
 

Bury the Trash

Member
Mixed Farmer
How do you do it? How do you not focus on the negative thoughts when the negative thoughts are "it's raining again"? Every time you look out of a window, rain.

I don't think we've had a single dry day this month. We ran out of bales some weeks back and now we have to buy them in and there's no prospect of anything going out because everything is wet and squelchy and it won't stop bloody raining.

I've been on antidepressants for nearly a year, and the family all just think it's silly getting upset about the weather. Someone make it fudgeing stop.
constant rain /wet is misery making its to do with negative ions or something :unsure:
the forecast is for a couple of dry days ? and drier next week it seems at least the wind has dropped and its milder....grass will start to grow again if thats the case....
 

Texel Tup

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
North Norfolk
How do you do it? How do you not focus on the negative thoughts when the negative thoughts are "it's raining again"? Every time you look out of a window, rain.

I don't think we've had a single dry day this month. We ran out of bales some weeks back and now we have to buy them in and there's no prospect of anything going out because everything is wet and squelchy and it won't stop bloody raining.

I've been on antidepressants for nearly a year, and the family all just think it's silly getting upset about the weather. Someone make it fudgeing stop.

Is the rain really the problem of is it the last straw, the one that we and the camel struggle with?
 

primmiemoo

Member
Location
Devon
It's the rain. ... Forecast was for dry, but the forecast is wrong.

They often get it wrong for here, too. Yesterday was bone achingly damp instead of a bit on the cloudy side as predicted.

It's improving next week out your way, from the forecast I've looked at. Overcast with mist and drizzle (not knowing how high your place is, or how near sea, I can't say if that means a spot more rain, sorry) to around Saturday, then it will pass, and be more like Spring.
That will help lift weight from your shoulders, and make the grass to grow (y)

There's a French saying: Après la pluie, le beau temps (sorry for my dreadful accent), which loosely translates as: The sun shines after the rain.

It'll come ...
 
A trap I have fallen into is making a mountain out of a molehill. Some irritating thing occurs and suddenly my brain magnifies it into a giant problem to the exclusion of all other thoughts. Maybe they call it a neurosis or something. Best way round it is to force myself to be a bit busier and have more varied interests to dilute the neurosis. And also understand it for what it is. It's your brain wrongly focussing on one negative thing like its the be all and end all. I picked it up from my parents which was something else I realised lately.

You are starting to sound like me when I have consumed gluten containing products.
 

Bury the Trash

Member
Mixed Farmer
It's the rain. Sure there are a million other problems, but when it's raining every day I can't get past that to think about anything else. Forecast was for dry, but the forecast is wrong.
The Jetstream has moved back up over .the forecasters cant tell where that's going to be these days .. things should settle with higher pressure for awhile
Constant wet gets too me as well as I have little concrete and few usable buildings.outside lambing that coincides with a bad spell is a bit difficult
The Sw is a bit like Wales in the rain and wind stakes. :rolleyes:....

Nothing like the Cyclone in Mozambique though :cry:
 

waterbuffalofarmer

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
Penzance
Been a bad evening tbh. You know that feeling that you are getting a repeat of something really horrible again? Well it happened yet again... Someone I was/am close to, we argued about my beliefs, he brought them up, and he called them bulls**t and stupid and yeah.... We fought verbally and it ended with myself in tears and him feeling awkward and then I asked him to leave me alone, that I wanted to be alone and so I ended our call. I just..... I feel everything and nothing all at once.... I found a group of friends and now it's going to be split up because 1 does not respect me at all. I can't have a friendship built up on zero respect and downright rudeness. I know what I have to do and rn I wish I could stay in limbo forever. I love him so much that I don't want to let him go but.... Ik it's the right thing, because one-sided love and respect is bad and I no longer respect him. I just didn't think it would happen again, not after last time.....
 

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Red Tractor drops launch of green farming scheme amid anger from farmers

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As reported in Independent


quote: “Red Tractor has confirmed it is dropping plans to launch its green farming assurance standard in April“

read the TFF thread here: https://thefarmingforum.co.uk/index.php?threads/gfc-was-to-go-ahead-now-not-going-ahead.405234/
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