Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[Christoph1945]

Chris
You do have a bit of farming background after all !!!

Never thought of it like that Bob! As a young teen I took some riding lessons at a local riding establishment and also spent some time there helping out with the horses; grooming, mucking out, and doing a bit of work with the pigs that they kept on site. I never really thought of it as being farming. I have spent some time in my late teens following a tractor and picking spuds; amazing what we will do for beer money.

 

[Christoph1945]

Not one specific one just so down I don’t know where to go or what’s best course of action

How's your work load Steve and how are you sleeping?

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

I need to find a 3 job to get by money has gone I’m 51 no one wants a fully experienced old person
The feed bin is empty and Ive tried all the usual routes except Samaritans and they Carnt help yet
rabi can send some one from promar to look at the business to see what can be improved I’m not stupid I need more output less costs rocket scientist is not needed to tell me that stock numbers that don’t pay are being sold at a loss of capital on a depressed market so really I’m f@@k@d

What about selling them privately through a dealer? Or get someone in to value the ones you no longer need and have an on farm sale of things to raise money to improve what you're doing? That could be a possibility

 

[Christoph1945]

How many in your team Steve; wife, kids, employees? Arable and mixed stock?

 

[Boohoo]

The struggle is finally getting some airtime on mainstream media. Not an easy watch when you know them.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-47888402/farmers-struggling-with-mental-health

 

[Rossymons]

The struggle is finally getting some airtime on mainstream media. Not an easy watch when you know them.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-47888402/farmers-struggling-with-mental-health

Bawled my eyes out watching that on the news last night.

I know exactly how they all felt.

I also know theres help out there - lots of it and some of it very useful.

But its difficult to ask for help when you dont know what help you're asking for. If I could make sense what happens to me then I would be able to explain it to anyone else. But I can't....or should say couldn't...it just sits there like tha Black Dog.

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Bawled my eyes out watching that on the news last night.

I know exactly how they all felt.

I also know theres help out there - lots of it and some of it very useful.

But its difficult to ask for help when you dont know what help you're asking for. If I could make sense what happens to me then I would be able to explain it to anyone else. But I can't....or should say couldn't...it just sits there like tha Black Dog.

Depression is indeed a horrible thing, sometimes unexplainable. It's like you can see clearly but there's just this blackness hanging over you, like a shadow wherever you go. It's like you're tired but you are not tired for sleep, you don't know what's wrong and you can't snap out of it, as much as you try. It's frustrating, tiring/exhausting and foggy. I hope everyone's feeling bit better today. Keep typing peeps for anyone just reading... We are all here for you and we won't judge.

 

[Rossymons]

Depression is indeed a horrible thing, sometimes unexplainable. It's like you can see clearly but there's just this blackness hanging over you, like a shadow wherever you go. It's like you're tired but you are not tired for sleep, you don't know what's wrong and you can't snap out of it, as much as you try. It's frustrating, tiring/exhausting and foggy. I hope everyone's feeling bit better today. Keep typing peeps for anyone just reading... We are all here for you and we won't judge.

Ive said it to others that when someone suffers from depression then they truly suffer.

 

[primmiemoo]

But you certainly know the difference when it does lift or dissipate, even a little @Rossymons , and you can start to cope - even when at the first wobbly totterings phase. (Well I know that's how I have felt, and do feel.)

 

[SilliamWhale]

The struggle is finally getting some airtime on mainstream media. Not an easy watch when you know them.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-47888402/farmers-struggling-with-mental-health

I dont want to come across as flippant and I know it wouldnt be a "cure"but if you look in the first example that guys got paperwork all over the kitchen - doesnt even seem room to prepare a meal - all little things like that cant help you live for each day. Im sure its symtomatic of the malaise they no doubt feel.

I would think it would help to try and get some of that sorted out as that cant help see the wood for the trees and not have a decent place to prep a meal and . And dont jump down my throat about this comment if you dont agree.

 

[milkloss]

I dont want to come across as flippant and I know it wouldnt be a "cure"but if you look in the first example that guys got paperwork all over the kitchen - doesnt even seem room to prepare a meal - all little things like that cant help you live for each day. Im sure its symtomatic of the malaise they no doubt feel.

I would think it would help to try and get some of that sorted out as that cant help see the wood for the trees and not have a decent place to prep a meal and . And dont jump down my throat about this comment if you dont agree.

I have never been diagnosed with depression but, whilst I’m sure you’re right, that is part of depression. This is where people could help: someone non invasive and with the right attitude could go in there and have a tidy up and it would surely help. It’s just getting there that’s the problem.

 

[Bury the Trash]

Its having an understanding, knowing, kindly neighbour or relation, or friend(s) is the key ?

Depression in all its various forms of seriousness is debilitating , to say the least.

 

[Christoph1945]

When anxiety/depression takes hold of our beings we find our selves waking at unearthly times and being unable to drift off again whilst thoughts run wild within our minds. Washing, brushing teeth, shaving, and all personal care can fly out o' the window, along with keeping the home and work place tidy.

Life's challenges also take on ginormous proportions beyond all, or any, hope of overcoming them. Personally, I found that some of my depression came in waves and then vanished like mist on a summers morning. I often likened it to being how I imagined it was for a chicken laying an egg. One day I would be psychologically crippled and haunted by any number of troubling thoughts and memories and then on an other day I could deliberately bring to mind all those things and they wouldn't disturb me in any way whatsoever.

It was only after many years that I discovered a dietary link to some of my psychological problems.

SilliamWhale, flippant no! You raise a very valid point.

 

[SilliamWhale]

When anxiety/depression takes hold of our beings we find our selves waking at unearthly times and being unable to drift off again whilst thoughts run wild within our minds. Washing, brushing teeth, shaving, and all personal care can fly out o' the window, along with keeping the home and work place tidy.

Life's challenges also take on ginormous proportions beyond all, or any, hope of overcoming them. Personally, I found that some of my depression came in waves and then vanished like mist on a summers morning. I often likened it to being how I imagined it was for a chicken laying an egg. One day I would be psychologically crippled and haunted by any number of troubling thoughts and memories and then on an other day I could deliberately bring to mind all those things and they wouldn't disturb me in any way whatsoever.

It was only after many years that I discovered a dietary link to some of my psychological problems.

SilliamWhale, flippant no! You raise a very valid point.

Out of interest what dietary issues?

 

[DrWazzock]

I dont want to come across as flippant and I know it wouldnt be a "cure"but if you look in the first example that guys got paperwork all over the kitchen - doesnt even seem room to prepare a meal - all little things like that cant help you live for each day. Im sure its symtomatic of the malaise they no doubt feel.

I would think it would help to try and get some of that sorted out as that cant help see the wood for the trees and not have a decent place to prep a meal and . And dont jump down my throat about this comment if you dont agree.

A very valid point. Its easy to let a few things slip on the work or domestic front and end up with what feels like an overwhelming mountain to climb. I have done it myself and still do it.

The problem with farming in particular is that it doesn't wait and stuff that gets put off generally gets more and more difficult to deal with or in a bigger mess.

I now try to keep up to date with the jobs and the paperwork which although it is fairly relentless, at least avoids being overwhelmed.

I think though that if you are needing to work constantly without a break to keep on top of things then its time consider a change of direction or approach before you burn yourself out.

 

[primmiemoo]

Um ... There are those of us who simply have a different filing system. I had someone well meaning help tidy and found it downright distressing, actually. I'm sufficiently organised to know where things are, but my way of doing that doesn't conform to somebody else's notions. I'd give Mary Poppins short shrift if she turned up here

So I'd advise caution on superficial judgements, kind TFFers, and to look for deeper tanglements - sometimes within excessive neatness.

 

[Christoph1945]

Out of interest what dietary issues?

I discovered that wheat/gluten, caffeine, alcohol, and some artificial additives trigger a somewhat psychological sensitivity to events and magnify things that would normally be taken in my stride. Turned out that it had been a lifelong problem and it only served to make life more intolerable; for me and those around me.

Chris

 

[Rossymons]

I dont want to come across as flippant and I know it wouldnt be a "cure"but if you look in the first example that guys got paperwork all over the kitchen - doesnt even seem room to prepare a meal - all little things like that cant help you live for each day. Im sure its symtomatic of the malaise they no doubt feel.

I would think it would help to try and get some of that sorted out as that cant help see the wood for the trees and not have a decent place to prep a meal and . And dont jump down my throat about this comment if you dont agree.

Not having a go but I put up a stone wall when I wasnt well. Its very easy to say you're ok, you're alright etc. help may be offered but its frightening letting people in to something you dont understand yourself.

Took me ages to say the 3 magic words "i need help" - to the point that I was on the brink.

 

[Christoph1945]

Ever heard the expression pull your self together? Thinking back to a time many years ago, my answer should have been............'I would if I could!'

 

[DrWazzock]

Ever heard the expression pull your self together? Thinking back to a time many years ago, my answer should have been............'I would if I could!'

Once it's got to that stage then yes, it's unhelpful.

However, certain people during my career at particularly low and desperate points did give me a sort of wake up call to get my life in order before I went any further down the spiral and I believe that though it sounded like harsh advice at the time it steered me back on track and avoided a worse outcome. I remember one time sitting at my computer in utter despair at being able to sort out the mess on the screen in front of me. I had no experience of that programming language and it looked like mission impossible. I told my boss that I just couldn't do it and was extremely distressed about it which added to my humiliation in the open plan office. He told me I could walk out the door and don't ever come back or I could get on with it as they "didn't carry passengers." There was no sympathy whatsoever and I am not sure it would have helped me. I pulled myself together and got on with it but thereafter felt my boss never really trusted me again and my standing in the departmeng was at rock bottom. But hey ho. If I had completely crumpled and left the office in tears to go God only knows where would that have been classed as a nervous breakdown. I suppose I will never know.

Looking back now on my life it is apparent I went through many phases of untreated depression just as I now see the same had occurred for my grandmother and mother.

50 years to establish this much.

Best wishes.