Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[Bury the Trash]

Once it's got to that stage then yes, it's unhelpful.

However, certain people during my career at particularly low and desperate points did give me a sort of wake up call to get my life in order before I went any further down the spiral and I believe that though it sounded like harsh advice at the time it steered me back on track and avoided a worse outcome. I remember one time sitting at my computer in utter despair at being able to sort out the mess on the screen in front of me. I had no experience of that programming language and it looked like mission impossible. I told my boss that I just couldn't do it and was extremely distressed about it which added to my humiliation in the open plan office. He told me I could walk out the door and don't ever come back or I could get on with it as they "didn't carry passengers." There was no sympathy whatsoever and I am not sure it would have helped me. I pulled myself together and got on with it but thereafter felt my boss never really trusted me again and my standing in the departmeng was at rock bottom. But hey ho. If I had completely crumpled and left the office in tears to go God only knows where would that have been classed as a nervous breakdown. I suppose I will never know.

Looking back now on my life it is apparent I went through many phases of untreated depression just as I now see the same had occurred for my grandmother and mother.

50 years to establish this much.

Best wishes.

You did and handled, that situation well. and you should've been told that by someone at the time.

Really what needed doing to that bullying twit was the computer key - board picked up and rammed sideways up his arse

 

[DrWazzock]

They called it a graduate training programme. You spent about 6 weeks in each department of the company. Most of the managers did not know what to do with graduate trainees as they often hadn't even been warned of their arrival such was the dysfunctionality of British industry. Usually you were given some photocopying to do or the task that nobody else in the department would or could do. You were given no guidance whatsoever but expected to get on with it. I survived it then left the company and moved to another that was actually quite similar. Always makes me laugh when they say said that they couldn't attract graduates into engjneering. The way they were treated, it was hardly suprising. My mate, who was Indian, was constantly being asked to "put the kettle on char wallah." He took it well but left after 6 months to do a job on 3 times the salary in the City,.....and they wondered why. I eventually made it to the top of my engineering profession and always took care to help trainees as I remembered how sh!t I had been made to feel. Thanks to some good eggs I had persevered.

I once met Dame Margot Fonteyn when she was chancellor of the university. I asked her what her recipe for success was. She was at the time continuing to run a ranch in Argentina after her husband had been paralysed in an assassination attempt while she herself was battling cancer.

"Tenacity" is what she said. How right she was. She appeared small and frail but had a self assured core of steel.

I don't know quite where that fits in but there it is.

 

[Bury the Trash]

They called it a graduate training programme. You spent about 6 weeks in each department of the company. Most of the managers did not know what to do with graduate trainees as they often hadn't even been warned of their arrival such was the dysfunctionality of British industry. Usually you were given some photocopying to do or the task that nobody else in the department would or could do. You were given no guidance whatsoever but expected to get on with it. I survived it then left the company and moved to another that was actually quite similar. Always makes me laugh when they say said that they couldn't attract graduates into engjneering. The way they were treated, it was hardly suprising. My mate, who was Indian, was constantly being asked to "put the kettle on char wallah." He took it well but left after 6 months to do a job on 3 times the salary in the City,.....and they wondered why. I eventually made it to the top of my engineering profession and always took care to help trainees as I remembered how sh!t I had been made to feel. Thanks to some good eggs I had persevered.

I once met Dame Margot Fonteyn when she was chancellor of the university. I asked her what her recipe for success was. She was at the time continuing to run a ranch in Argentina after her husband had been paralysed in an assassination attempt while she herself was battling cancer.

"Tenacity" is what she said. How right she was. She appeared small and frail but had a self assured core of steel.

I don't know quite where that fits in but there it is.

That's quite something , to have met Dame Margot .oops Edit

 

[DrWazzock]

To have met her, yes!

 

[DrWazzock]

Sick to death of the spraying tyranny.

Spray it when it's not stressed, not too windy, not too hot, not too cold, not too dry, not too wet, at just the right growth stage.......in other words Sunday teatime is the only time this week when it can be sprayed if the forecast is right.

Well not this time. It can eff off and takes its chance later in the week.

We visiting mother for tea and mother has done us 75 years of good service. All the farm has ever done is created hard work, pain and frustration.

Hear that ye believers in rural idylls. Rural idylls are mostly bollox.

 

[BobGreen]

Just say fuk it. It will be there tomorrow or Tuesday. And if some clever beggar says you’re a day late so be it. At least you had tea with mother. Much more important

 

[spin cycle]

Sick to death of the spraying tyranny.

Spray it when it's not stressed, not too windy, not too hot, not too cold, not too dry, not too wet, at just the right growth stage.......in other words Sunday teatime is the only time this week when it can be sprayed if the forecast is right.

Well not this time. It can eff off and takes its chance later in the week.

We visiting mother for tea and mother has done us 75 years of good service. All the farm has ever done is created hard work, pain and frustration.

Hear that ye believers in rural idylls. Rural idylls are mostly bollox.

i know EXACTLY how you feel...bet you're spraying right now...i'm off to lambing shed then drilling in order to make family bbq.....just remember though there are thousands of ppl that would love to have what we have but will never have the chance/opportunity

 

[Wornshoe]

New to this forum and don’t know where to post, not related to anything else, I am not in a good place right now. 3 years of misfortune a stroke and sever bad back as put me out of action at this time. Cows to milk and all other work to do, son working 15 hours 24/7 my wife helping him . The work is wearing them out and I feel like a dead weight and totally useless. After 35 years of work feel like we could lose it all . My son is under great pressure and I am very worried about him, he does not cope well with stress. Don’t know what I’m expecting from this post just need to put down my situation in words maybe

 

[Greenbeast]

New to this forum and don’t know where to post, not related to anything else, I am not in a good place right now. 3 years of misfortune a stroke and sever bad back as put me out of action at this time. Cows to milk and all other work to do, son working 15 hours 24/7 my wife helping him . The work is wearing them out and I feel like a dead weight and totally useless. After 35 years of work feel like we could lose it all . My son is under great pressure and I am very worried about him, he does not cope well with stress. Don’t know what I’m expecting from this post just need to put down my situation in words maybe

Thanks for coming in and saying that. Are there any options for relief workers? Or downsizing if this is going to be a longer term problem?

 

[Wornshoe]

Thanks for coming in and saying that. Are there any options for relief workers? Or downsizing if this is going to be a longer term problem?

Not sure how long , I’m having treatment, we have ordered anew milking plant which will help cut down the hours but that’s months away, then there’s the debt off that but rather have that than wear them out. Set a lad on but he’s not that experienced but can’t pay for experience , he’ll be paid more than me or my son as it is , long term we could cu young stock numbers, we have a lot of heifer at the moment.

 

[DrWazzock]

You have already made a huge contribution to that business and sounds like you have given it 110%.

You have already put measures in place to try to ease the workload.

You are doing all the right things.

Keep talking especially to one another and leave all options open.

Can't really offer any advice other than to say I have the utmost respect for you and your family and wish you all the best.

 

[Lili]

Hope it's helped writing it down
Is it possible to find time to sit down with your wife and son and discuss the situation as a family and how everyone is feeling about things? Once you've got some sort general ideas of everyone's view you may find things a bit clearer to manage.
As always - the helplines listed on the first page of this thread are there to offer advice and just listen. Make use of them - thats what there there for.

 

[Christoph1945]

Wornshoe,

Contacting the 'Farming Community Network' may bring forth some ideas that may presently have escaped you; they may also know of support that will be available to folk in your position.

I would also suggest that you keep posting and continue to share as many details of your circumstances that you are comfortable with sharing. I imagine that your present situation 'must' be putting your whole family under considerable stress.

Watch out for the blame game and don't let it creep into your situation. Even self blame can be most corrosive and debilitating.

Personally, I think that you have taken a very big step by posting in here and being so open with us.

Being something of a dumb townie, I am unable to offer any farming advice but I know that there are plenty of good folk on TFF who are only too willing to share their experience and even accept personal messages concerning any information that you may not wish to share in open forum.

Chris

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

@Wornshoe

RABI May be able to help as well.

https://rabi.org.uk/need-help/

 

[Wornshoe]

Not sure how long , I’m having treatment, we have ordered anew milking plant which will help cut down the hours but that’s months away, then there’s the debt off that but rather have that than wear them out. Set a lad on but he’s not that experienced but can’t pay for experience , he’ll be paid more than me or my son as it is , long term we could cu young stock numbers, we have a lot of heifer at

Hope it's helped writing it down
Is it possible to find time to sit down with your wife and son and discuss the situation as a family and how everyone is feeling about things? Once you've got some sort general ideas of everyone's view you may find things a bit clearer to manage.
As always - the helplines listed on the first page of this thread are there to offer advice and just listen. Make use of them - thats what there there for.

glad I posted, writing it down as helped and I have found everyone very helpful and supportive, speaking up may keep me level headed. Will talk more to the family

 

[fiat 9090]

glad I posted, writing it down as helped and I have found everyone very helpful and supportive, speaking up may keep me level headed. Will talk more to the family

I'm also in a bad place with anxiety and the same as you my son and wife are doing it all but if they are in good health they will get through it ,you probably feel guilty and worry about all they have to do that brings you down ,also in my case I have too much time to think and worry about things but I have had to stop cos it was only making me worse your wife and son will be ok

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Been feeling really bad this evening, some suicidal thoughts, but I texted a mate and we talked bout stuff that made me feel bit better and in perspective somewhat. Anxiety still here tho. If anyone is feeling same please text a mate or call somebody to talk to about it or anything really, even if just a distraction. It can sometimes mean a world of difference
All the best guys
Buffy

 

[Christoph1945]

Hi Buffy,

were there any precursors to your very recent suicidal thoughts? Perhaps a personal dispute, or deep anger?

Chris

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

Hi Buffy,

were there any precursors to your very recent suicidal thoughts? Perhaps a personal dispute, or deep anger?

Chris

More it's been an exhausting and emotionally debilitating day and I was feeling emotional too..... I then watched something on iPlayer that reminded me of stuff that has always troubled me since i was little, could never handle watching stuff to do with gore or anything... And I felt really sick. Then on top of that I was just feeling really depressed, brought on by strong bleach from deep cleaning after the chickens had been in, cos of storm Hannah, coupled with lack of sleep.... Tipped me over the edge a bit. I'm ok now, just feeling bit sick still. Think being out in the rain didn't help matters today, fixing fences, sorting sheep out and the fact something's been attacking my lambs ah well a new day tomorrow, it'll be dandy am sure

 

[Greenbeast]

More it's been an exhausting and emotionally debilitating day and I was feeling emotional too..... I then watched something on iPlayer that reminded me of stuff that has always troubled me since i was little, could never handle watching stuff to do with gore or anything... And I felt really sick. Then on top of that I was just feeling really depressed, brought on by strong bleach from deep cleaning after the chickens had been in, cos of storm Hannah, coupled with lack of sleep.... Tipped me over the edge a bit. I'm ok now, just feeling bit sick still. Think being out in the rain didn't help matters today, fixing fences, sorting sheep out and the fact something's been attacking my lambs ah well a new day tomorrow, it'll be dandy am sure

A long string of the most inconsequential issues can knock you back surprisingly. Taken on their own they're nothing