Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

Greenbeast

Member
Location
East Sussex
We are approaching a time when serious thinking needs to be done. The machinery is old and more and more serious and expensive breakdowns occur which take more and more time to fix. Most of the buildings are going the same way, though half aren't so bad.

The land drainage system is 50 years old and some it requires extensive rework and / or renewal.

There is hardly enough money in the job to cover day to running costs never mind the sort of investment needed to sort out the problems listed above.

Myself and my brother are getting older and there has never been so few of us on the farm. 200 acres is becoming top heavy with overhead costs for the sales we generate.

And to be honest my enthusiasm and energy has never been lower. With no more in the bank than we had at this time last year I wonder what is the point of ordering next year's fertiliser. Money goes out, money comes in, we do get a small living but actually accumulate nothing,

I'd probably be better off letting the arable and doing something else.

Better get outside and do something. No shortage of jobs. List as long as my arm. Most will incur costs that see little or very slow payback, but if I don't do them then the business slips a bit further down into chaos.
I know a little of how you feel, we are fairly new to the game but money is so tight that everything is gradually declining here. Every time i think of a little job there's a machine to be fixed to do it, or parts and materials to buy and no money. We can;t even cover our overheads, certainly no money for replacing and repairing things. It does get you down, i don't want to be rich, i just want to eek out a living and not have the place rot around me
 
I know a little of how you feel, we are fairly new to the game but money is so tight that everything is gradually declining here. Every time i think of a little job there's a machine to be fixed to do it, or parts and materials to buy and no money. We can;t even cover our overheads, certainly no money for replacing and repairing things. It does get you down, i don't want to be rich, i just want to eek out a living and not have the place rot around me
It’s a hateful place to be with your back to the wall. I’ve been there done that.
 

DrWazzock

Member
Location
Lincolnshire
I know a little of how you feel, we are fairly new to the game but money is so tight that everything is gradually declining here. Every time i think of a little job there's a machine to be fixed to do it, or parts and materials to buy and no money. We can;t even cover our overheads, certainly no money for replacing and repairing things. It does get you down, i don't want to be rich, i just want to eek out a living and not have the place rot around me
You are not alone.
 

itsalwaysme

Member
Location
Cheshire
You are not alone.
I think there are a lot of people in similar situations working all hours just to make a living etc etc, some will admit it, others bury their heads in the sand, some just ignore big losses, hoping things improve next year. It's not just the farming industry it affects, many small businesses just "make a living" all it takes is an illness or something and things can get very difficult.
I've been running my own business/self employed or one man band most of my working life, but when I look at two of my mates, who both choose the route of employee, both have well paid jobs with pensions sick pay etc etc. I often think did I choose the right path (the choice was partly due to tractors, being in the outdoors etc, but that alone doesn't pay the bills)
You are far from alone.
 
Good morning Doc,

an interesting post, that set me thinking and wondering if you have always been a farmer and where would you place people within that list? As an outsider looking in, I suppose that a good stockman has to be somewhat clinical and a little distant from the animals temporarily in his care; a bit like doctors and nurses.

Chris :)
I think there are a lot of people in similar situations working all hours just to make a living etc etc, some will admit it, others bury their heads in the sand, some just ignore big losses, hoping things improve next year. It's not just the farming industry it affects, many small businesses just "make a living" all it takes is an illness or something and things can get very difficult.
I've been running my own business/self employed or one man band most of my working life, but when I look at two of my mates, who both choose the route of employee, both have well paid jobs with pensions sick pay etc etc. I often think did I choose the right path (the choice was partly due to tractors, being in the outdoors etc, but that alone doesn't pay the bills)
You are far from alone.
Remember an awful lot of employees are also "just about managing" and are miserable with their jobs/life. I've been both employed (public and private sectors) and self-employed. I now consider myself unemployable as I'm too independent minded. It's never automatically better on the other side of the fence.
 

Christoph1945

Member
Location
Cheshire
You are what you are and it is what it is, suck it up and get on with it, is what I hear all around me these days and my son used to say sh!t happens dad get over it. Personally, I prefer the Kabbalistic approach that says do not react, but respond constructively and see the light come into your life.

I was deeply saddened this week, when I read of the young woman who was accepted for assisted suicide in Holland, because (as a child of eleven) she had been raped by two men and officialdom accepted that she was totally unable to get over it and was caught up in major anorexia.

Me n the Mrs have been watching Seven Up and would smile as we watched and listened to the seven year olds as they chatted and sparkled upon sharing their childhood thoughts and dreams. Some became quite successful in life but that childhood sparkle appeared to have died, or become jaded; not a criticism, rather an observation!

The child within all of us is still alive, despite perhaps having been wounded, hurt, disappointed and in some cases psychologically handicapped by the events and hurts of everyday life. Perhaps that Jesus fellah was on the ball when he said that we should become as little children! Was he saying that we must reawaken the child within us?
 

primmiemoo

Member
Location
Devon
I love this. Nothing trumps a bit of life’s experience

V glad it is of help. A few words with a pinch of magic.

The context for me is that I was privileged to have known my youngest great-gran, and to have heard her say that to her son (my grandpa) when he was (history relates) juggling three busy businesses, a poorly wife, and their two youngest children (both rather stroppy teenagers, as I recall). My Mum would quote the same when her life felt a bit fraut, but I feel she found it difficult to apply to herself.
 
You are what you are and it is what it is, suck it up and get on with it, is what I hear all around me these days and my son used to say sh!t happens dad get over it. Personally, I prefer the Kabbalistic approach that says do not react, but respond constructively and see the light come into your life.

I was deeply saddened this week, when I read of the young woman who was accepted for assisted suicide in Holland, because (as a child of eleven) she had been raped by two men and officialdom accepted that she was totally unable to get over it and was caught up in major anorexia.

Me n the Mrs have been watching Seven Up and would smile as we watched and listened to the seven year olds as they chatted and sparkled upon sharing their childhood thoughts and dreams. Some became quite successful in life but that childhood sparkle appeared to have died, or become jaded; not a criticism, rather an observation!

The child within all of us is still alive, despite perhaps having been wounded, hurt, disappointed and in some cases psychologically handicapped by the events and hurts of everyday life. Perhaps that Jesus fellah was on the ball when he said that we should become as little children! Was he saying that we must reawaken the child within us?
The child within us is really important.
(Just don't let him at the chequebook)

Has anyone on here had the time to read up on P-A-C?
Transactional analysis?

I just found it really helpful to "listen" to which one of my recorders was replaying.

Long story short,
Our Parent is the one we never question, because we "trust" this recording we don't evaluate it - prejudice

Our Child, is the collection of "A-ha!" moments that we have learnt for ourself

And our Adult, that's our computer; it needs data, thus to turn it on we need to ask questions.
 

DrWazzock

Member
Location
Lincolnshire
Just can't seem to break through the "crap barrier" this year. Get one thing sorted out and something else falls over.

Went to look at the beet tonight for a leisurely walk and the sheep were breaking out. Electric fence trashed. Traced fault to breakdown of insulated wire under gate hole. Lashed it up and put the fence back up. Underground wire will need replacing. Another job adds to the list. This year the list just seems to get longer. Spent a week last week getting the ended year info ready for the accountant. Transition to Quickbooks was January so a lot of overlap and stuff to sort out there. By no means simple. Not exactly a bumpless transfer as we used to say in the control systems engineering department.
 
Just can't seem to break through the "crap barrier" this year. Get one thing sorted out and something else falls over.

Went to look at the beet tonight for a leisurely walk and the sheep were breaking out. Electric fence trashed. Traced fault to breakdown of insulated wire under gate hole. Lashed it up and put the fence back up. Underground wire will need replacing. Another job adds to the list. This year the list just seems to get longer. Spent a week last week getting the ended year info ready for the accountant. Transition to Quickbooks was January so a lot of overlap and stuff to sort out there. By no means simple. Not exactly a bumpless transfer as we used to say in the control systems engineering department.
Any chance of getting away for a few days or even a day out somewhere? A few hours a week doing something you really enjoy and can get totally absorbed in? Anything that gives you a chance to take a break from things will help . Best wishes
 

dragonfly

Member
Arable Farmer
Location
Lincolnshire
Just can't seem to break through the "crap barrier" this year. Get one thing sorted out and something else falls over.

Went to look at the beet tonight for a leisurely walk and the sheep were breaking out. Electric fence trashed. Traced fault to breakdown of insulated wire under gate hole. Lashed it up and put the fence back up. Underground wire will need replacing. Another job adds to the list. This year the list just seems to get longer. Spent a week last week getting the ended year info ready for the accountant. Transition to Quickbooks was January so a lot of overlap and stuff to sort out there. By no means simple. Not exactly a bumpless transfer as we used to say in the control systems engineering department.
I am having a similar year!
 
So.....

I heard this week from a friend he was scared and too manly to talk about his issues and that he felt so out of place.

Ill be honest 9 weeks ago i had a massive piece of my life ripped from me and tbh i did go to some dark places and i didnt wanna be here

but opening up to people pushed me to where i am now...

on the verge of my first strongman comp of the season, invites to official strongman europes.

this is the short version but im always a pm away!

never be afraid to speak about your problems
 

Christoph1945

Member
Location
Cheshire
When we are prepared to talk to someone we are shining a light into dark places and perhaps putting some things into proportion and beginning to see which way we should perhaps go.

Being alone in a dark forest, on a cloudy moonless night, the senses are acutely accentuated and fear can commence to unsettle our minds. A decent torch and a companion to share the forest journey puts a totally different light onto our situation and progress can be surely made.

If only people could realise that they are not alone and realise that talking to someone will give them the opportunity to see things in a better perspective. Having been there, I do realise how difficult it can be to make those first steps and open up to people about our deepest troubles.

Stay safe, stay well, and have a good day.

Chris :)
 

DrWazzock

Member
Location
Lincolnshire
Living in the shadow of parents working on the farm for years entirely skews your own idea of who you really are.

Just because they decided that this or that was a good idea or morally right or wrong doesn't mean we have to follow that indefinitely.

It's taken me 50 years to learn this. Dads passing was obviously a sad episode, but now many things, both business and personal, can be seen by me for what they are, rather than skewed by his opinion of them. He wasn't wrong. But his frame of reference was different to mine. So out of a sad time, we emerge with a new refreshing clarity though we still miss those who have departed.
 
Location
Wales
Couldn't agree with you more @DrWazzock
I hope that now you can do things the way you see as them needing to be done. I will also say that sometimes we can also project that onto our own children, as our parents did us, which is what we also need to be careful of. Hope you're doing well :)

Also @Andyrob I'm glad you're doing better than you were, we all do go throughout really dark points and remember if you need we are all here for you. Just try be there for your friend, sometimes just listening or being there is more help than giving advice :)

Tc people's :)
 
Living in the shadow of parents working on the farm for years entirely skews your own idea of who you really are.

Just because they decided that this or that was a good idea or morally right or wrong doesn't mean we have to follow that indefinitely.

It's taken me 50 years to learn this. Dads passing was obviously a sad episode, but now many things, both business and personal, can be seen by me for what they are, rather than skewed by his opinion of them. He wasn't wrong. But his frame of reference was different to mine. So out of a sad time, we emerge with a new refreshing clarity though we still miss those who have departed.
Dr wazz that’s exactly how I feel, no disrespect and maybe he wasn’t wrong in how he viewed the world but it was his era , his time but that clears and you realise you can view the world as you see it and more importantly do things that is what’s important to you . In saying that it takes a while to get your head round changing what your doing
 

DrWazzock

Member
Location
Lincolnshire
Has the pain of dad's passing now been fully healed?
Never fully healed. Memories catch me now and again, but we are at peace with the situation and are moving forward.

Dr wazz that’s exactly how I feel, no disrespect and maybe he wasn’t wrong in how he viewed the world but it was his era , his time but that clears and you realise you can view the world as you see it and more importantly do things that is what’s important to you . In saying that it takes a while to get your head round changing what your doing
It does take time to adjust but we are getting there.

Best wishes all.
 

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MFF discussions pushing small increase in CAP budget compared to Commission proposal

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