Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[Christoph1945]

Perhaps today is when organisations like the Samaritans come into their own! Sometimes those closest to us can seem indifferent to what we are telling them and our mountain, to them, can appear to be a molehill. Although it can be discouraging when others appear to be indifferent to what we tell them, our having verbalised our troubles can assist in reducing their power over us.

There are times, of course, when some folk just wouldn't like their nearest and dearest know about what internal turmoil is haunting them and this again is where the Samaritans can be of real value to some of the despairing.

It is a great pity that we were not taught mental hygiene at school but then would we have listened? Break our legs and most of us realise that healing (with help, support, and nursing) will take time and there may be lasting effects for some considerable time afterwards. Break our minds and many of us want instant healing, without the required factors that will best induce it.

Within this thread, I imagine that farming overload may be one of the greatest factors leading to anger/anxiety/depression and FCN would have folk that better understand the tribulations caused by the multitude of trials that beset struggling farmers and their families. As well as being active listeners FCN will more than likely be able to propose possible actions to assist in easing a farmer's general burdens but being a farm ignorant towny
I don't really know.

Stay safe, stay well, and pick up the phone

PS...........for anyone trying to support family and friends with psychological problems please try to realise that what you say may not be what they hear and an active listening ear may be one of the best things that you can offer them. I know that it isn't always easy and you yourself may require help, advice and support.

Chis

 

[Christoph1945]

My original post, above, has now been edited.

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

I'm just back from listening to a talk on behalf of Farm Community Network by Doug Avery, "the Resilient Farmer". It was a good event and left us with plenty to think about, both about managing our own attitudes and reaching out to others.

 

[Christoph1945]

Sounds interesting; was it taped?

 

[Kiwi Pete]

I'm just back from listening to a talk on behalf of Farm Community Network by Doug Avery, "the Resilient Farmer". It was a good event and left us with plenty to think about, both about managing our own attitudes and reaching out to others.

Reaching out is really important, especially when we haven't heard from someone in a while; I'm guilty of thinking "I haven't heard much from old mate" and putting it off for another day.
I try to do it when I think of it, even if I suspect it won't be an ideal time, sometimes the thought really counts, especially at lambing/calving/harvest time.

I've had a couple of our clients (through my day job as a rural truckie) ring me, as instructed, just for a yarn to take a load off. Lambing can be pretty tough, "death everywhere" despite plenty of effort.... I'm really pleased to be "a person they might call" but also realise that plenty never will

 

[Bury the Trash]

Sounds interesting; was it taped?

@scholland has a good thread running
https://thefarmingforum.co.uk/index.php?threads/doug-avery.247408/page-2

there are a few vids there and at #32 a link to a pod cast 'rockandrollfarming' which is a good listen.

 

[Christoph1945]

Just had a quick look at that thread and watched the clip where the geese flew over, right on cue. You couldn't have scripted it better! Interestingly, I believe that on long flights other birds in the group will take over from the lead bird and give it rest; something to do with the aerodynamics of bird flight I believe.

Perhaps I should have written that...…..the lead bird drops back and allows one of the other birds to move up and take it's place for a time.

Doug's willingness to talk about the breaking of his mind nearly brought a tear to my eye. Well it did actually but it didn't brim over.

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

I have been watching/listening to this woman lately. She is amazing definitely worth a listen to. She gives techniques to use and tells her own backstory, a true inspiration.

 

[Robt]

I told a white lie a few pages back. About 2 years ago I registered on here under another user name. I asked for help and got lots of support... it didn’t work as I was still lying to myself and others. I haven’t used that login for over 15 months. I feel stupid and it actually put me back. BUT that’s me and we are all different. So what I’m trying badly to point out is. You need to try different ways and find the one that suits you.
My best mate ignored me when I first opened up to him on the golf course a few months ago. Well I thought he had ignored me. He truly hadnt. He just needed his own time to process and find a way in which he could help. He did and I’m the best I’ve been for years. Don’t give up on someone if you at first think they don’t care.
Cheers, Rob T

 

[Chae1]

I told a white lie a few pages back. About 2 years ago I registered on here under another user name. I asked for help and got lots of support... it didn’t work as I was still lying to myself and others. I haven’t used that login for over 15 months. I feel stupid and it actually put me back. BUT that’s me and we are all different. So what I’m trying badly to point out is. You need to try different ways and find the one that suits you.
My best mate ignored me when I first opened up to him on the golf course a few months ago. Well I thought he had ignored me. He truly hadnt. He just needed his own time to process and find a way in which he could help. He did and I’m the best I’ve been for years. Don’t give up on someone if you at first think they don’t care.
Cheers, Rob T

Wasn't stupid. You did the right thing asking for help. Realising you've got a problems the first step.

Don't know if theres any presentations near you, but doug avery's talk on his mental health, breakdown and recoveries really good. If not his books worth reading. Helped me a lot. Might read it again soon.

 

[Christoph1945]

Public Health England have eventually woken up and are saying that 'every' mind matters and you are not alone. Do you concur?

Watch for the tv ads and the campaign.

 

[DrWazzock]

I am reading "Stop Thinking, Start Living" by Richard Carlson.

Fair enough it might not help somebody who has a serious mental illness, but for somebody like myself who regards prevention as better than cure, then I think its a good read. Woke me up to the futility of negative thinking. Problems don't just go away but my attitude to them can be better.

He does seem to repeat himself quite a bit but that's no bad thing as it reinforces the points he is making in the book.

 

[CopperBeech]

Life can be a real barsteward sometimes, no matter how much you try to be positive, sometimes it’s just too damn hard. And everyone tells you that you just need to be positive, think positive ..... it’s all about you and your mind set.

Sometimes it just isn’t that easy.

I suffer with depression, I try really hard to hide it, fight it and beat it, in equal measures. I have pushed away / lost everyone I have ever loved or cared about because of it..... and worse, the ones who can’t see what’s really going on, just think I’m a horrible person.

Its Sunday, it’s raining, and I’m sat trying to figure out what the hell to do. I live on a farm, farmed as part of a share farming deal.

The day I started lambing, they told me they were selling the farm. ..... they told me lots of stuff, most of it lies.

Anyhow, in two weeks, I have to have all stock cleared off farm, and four weeks after that (a month before Christmas) me, the dogs and all of my stuff are being evicted. And there is no where else to go, no where will rent a house to a single male, six dogs and occupation farmer. I was only told this at the start of this month.

At best half the dogs have to go, the sheep get scattered on bits of rented grazing all over with no security of tenure, and no plan for where they go after the winter keep period ends, and I get to live in a caravan, hidden away somewhere, starting in a wet winter from hell.

Stay positive they say!

 

[MB Trac]

Life can be a real barsteward sometimes, no matter how much you try to be positive, sometimes it’s just too damn hard. And everyone tells you that you just need to be positive, think positive ..... it’s all about you and your mind set.

Sometimes it just isn’t that easy.

I suffer with depression, I try really hard to hide it, fight it and beat it, in equal measures. I have pushed away / lost everyone I have ever loved or cared about because of it..... and worse, the ones who can’t see what’s really going on, just think I’m a horrible person.

Its Sunday, it’s raining, and I’m sat trying to figure out what the hell to do. I live on a farm, farmed as part of a share farming deal.

The day I started lambing, they told me they were selling the farm. ..... they told me lots of stuff, most of it lies.

Anyhow, in two weeks, I have to have all stock cleared off farm, and four weeks after that (a month before Christmas) me, the dogs and all of my stuff are being evicted. And there is no where else to go, no where will rent a house to a single male, six dogs and occupation farmer. I was only told this at the start of this month.

At best half the dogs have to go, the sheep get scattered on bits of rented grazing all over with no security of tenure, and no plan for where they go after the winter keep period ends, and I get to live in a caravan, hidden away somewhere, starting in a wet winter from hell.

Stay positive they say!

I'm really the last person to be handing out advice tbh. You are in a place I wouldn't on anyone. That uncertainty really gets to you, I have been in a similar situation.
Are you a religious person? Not that it makes a difference tbh. Just from my experience is that He has our lives planned out for us, even if it doesn't seem like it right now.
You don't have to stay positive, just try to keep on going. Keep posting on here, maybe someone will be able to help. Don't underestimate the support we get from here, even only reading about some of the things other people go through sometimes makes our troubles seem less bad. Not that I'm trying to make your situation seem less stressful.

 

[DrWazzock]

Life can be a real barsteward sometimes, no matter how much you try to be positive, sometimes it’s just too damn hard. And everyone tells you that you just need to be positive, think positive ..... it’s all about you and your mind set.

Sometimes it just isn’t that easy.

I suffer with depression, I try really hard to hide it, fight it and beat it, in equal measures. I have pushed away / lost everyone I have ever loved or cared about because of it..... and worse, the ones who can’t see what’s really going on, just think I’m a horrible person.

Its Sunday, it’s raining, and I’m sat trying to figure out what the hell to do. I live on a farm, farmed as part of a share farming deal.

The day I started lambing, they told me they were selling the farm. ..... they told me lots of stuff, most of it lies.

Anyhow, in two weeks, I have to have all stock cleared off farm, and four weeks after that (a month before Christmas) me, the dogs and all of my stuff are being evicted. And there is no where else to go, no where will rent a house to a single male, six dogs and occupation farmer. I was only told this at the start of this month.

At best half the dogs have to go, the sheep get scattered on bits of rented grazing all over with no security of tenure, and no plan for where they go after the winter keep period ends, and I get to live in a caravan, hidden away somewhere, starting in a wet winter from hell.

Stay positive they say!

It does not have to pan out like that. Its actually within your power to create a different outcome.
Frank advice. Maybe not what you want to hear, maybe very difficult to take, but from me looking in.
Sell the sheep and most of the dogs. Bloody hard decision, yes, but trying to make a living keeping sheep on rented ground is about one of the hardest jobs there is. All respect to you for getting this far.
Maybe find work with somebody who wants a good shepherd if you want to continue working with sheep.
Or maybe even change career entirely.
Farming isn't compulsory though it can feel like it at times. It isn't all its cracked up to be either. There are good alternatives.
You are absolutely right. No amount of positive thinking is going to help if you carry on as you are. You need to make a radical change.
Sometimes you have to take the bull by the horns.
All the best whatever you do. Hope you get a lucky break. You deserve one.

 

[CopperBeech]

It does not have to pan out like that. Its actually within your power to create a different outcome.
Frank advice. Maybe not what you want to hear, maybe very difficult to take, but from me looking in.
Sell the sheep and most of the dogs. Bloody hard decision, yes, but trying to make a living keeping sheep on rented ground is about one of the hardest jobs there is. All respect to you for getting this far.
Maybe find work with somebody who wants a good shepherd if you want to continue working with sheep.
Or maybe even change career entirely.
Farming isn't compulsory though it can feel like it at times. It isn't all its cracked up to be either. There are good alternatives.
You are absolutely right. No amount of positive thinking is going to help if you carry on as you are. You need to make a radical change.
Sometimes you have to take the bull by the horns.
All the best whatever you do. Hope you get a lucky break. You deserve one.

Its interesting - people often tell me to sell the sheep and sell the dogs. I do get it, although obviously people dont understand the full extent of the business / situation. Problem is, the sheep and the dogs are just about the only thing that makes me keep going and are just about the only thing that I have that is mine, and which makes me feel like me. I dont really struggle to make a living from them (in terms of the actual pounds and pence), but I do struggle with all of the politics and bulls**t that goes along with it in this country.

I already shepherd a couple of other peoples sheep - and although this is successful to a point, i.e it pays the bills and its enjoyable enough at times. Working for someone else has a lot of pitt falls, we dont need to go into them too much here, but we all know what they are. Also when you have worked for yourself, and run your own business, going back to be a rich estates lackey, with little route for progression. . . . . is not the easiest thing to get your head around.

With regard to the compulsory thing - I dont come from a farming background, I decided to do it myself, and have built up a half decent business. I own some ground, I rent lots more. I own a bunch of sheep, and some cattle, a load of equipment and some good dogs. I have done other things, and I have other qualifications (a degree and two masters amongst others). However, interestingly, its in farming that I have found the only place where I get some peace inside my head. Its just a shame that I farm in a part of the world, where the noise from all of the people kind of shatters that sometimes. Ive done other things - I've counselled kids, run a record label, lectured, amongst other things. But like i said, ironically farming is the only thing I've found where I've managed some semblance of happiness and peace!

I know it looks like I'm throwing all of your kind words and suggestions back at you. But I dont mean to be, i'm listening and I'm taking them in.

But I just needed to say what I said in my initial post as its going round and round inside my head.

 

[Alternativedairy]

I've read through this thread and can't comprehend how you guys carry on through the hardships you do, and can only take my hat off to you.

I'm sure some of you have probably come across my thread, but you are all more than welcome to pm me and bend my ear if you just want a chat.

 

[DrWazzock]

Its interesting - people often tell me to sell the sheep and sell the dogs. I do get it, although obviously people dont understand the full extent of the business / situation. Problem is, the sheep and the dogs are just about the only thing that makes me keep going and are just about the only thing that I have that is mine, and which makes me feel like me. I dont really struggle to make a living from them (in terms of the actual pounds and pence), but I do struggle with all of the politics and bullpoo that goes along with it in this country.

I already shepherd a couple of other peoples sheep - and although this is successful to a point, i.e it pays the bills and its enjoyable enough at times. Working for someone else has a lot of pitt falls, we dont need to go into them too much here, but we all know what they are. Also when you have worked for yourself, and run your own business, going back to be a rich estates lackey, with little route for progression. . . . . is not the easiest thing to get your head around.

With regard to the compulsory thing - I dont come from a farming background, I decided to do it myself, and have built up a half decent business. I own some ground, I rent lots more. I own a bunch of sheep, and some cattle, a load of equipment and some good dogs. I have done other things, and I have other qualifications (a degree and two masters amongst others). However, interestingly, its in farming that I have found the only place where I get some peace inside my head. Its just a shame that I farm in a part of the world, where the noise from all of the people kind of shatters that sometimes. Ive done other things - I've counselled kids, run a record label, lectured, amongst other things. But like i said, ironically farming is the only thing I've found where I've managed some semblance of happiness and peace!

I know it looks like I'm throwing all of your kind words and suggestions back at you. But I dont mean to be, i'm listening and I'm taking them in.

But I just needed to say what I said in my initial post as its going round and round inside my head.

Well that puts some flesh on the bones of the situation. You are obviously no fool and must have considerable aptitude for what you do. Its a real shame the rug is being pulled from under you. Only you really know the best way forward and from what you say, you seem to have a good handle on it as far as I can tell. Tough times, but I hope you can find alternative premises or a way to continue what you have built up so far. Best of luck with it and let us know what happens.

 

[czechmate]

I've read through this thread and can't comprehend how you guys carry on through the hardships you do, and can only take my hat off to you.

I'm sure some of you have probably come across my thread, but you are all more than welcome to pm me and bend my ear if you just want a chat.

Are you for real?
You are the true hero of this whole forum

 

[Alternativedairy]

Are you for real?
You are the true hero of this whole forum

@czechmate don't be daft, farmers are the true heroes here. I know I've said it before, but seriously guys, you don't know important you all are.

Our entire country is indebted to you and how do you get repaid? Rules, constricting restrictions and a never end list of moronic twit-bags who belittle and undermine one of the greatest achievements of great Britain. It's farming heritage.

In some ways, I'm glad to be out of it, yet in others I miss it more than breathing.

The ability you guys have to keep going when the public, the government and the people who sell your hard grafted products constantly belittle your achievements?

Im no hero, I'm just in a forum full of them [emoji4]