Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

SamN

Member
Mixed Farmer
Location
Cornwall
No was pretty much the answer to all of them. She said she had tried to find something anything but their just nothing. She said she doesn't hate me but there's just nothing.
I asked what's next are we done she nodded her head and with that 21 years is ended without a tear

Puts my problems into perspective. I can't begin to imagine your situation.
 

holwellcourtfarm

Member
Livestock Farmer
No was pretty much the answer to all of them. She said she had tried to find something anything but their just nothing. She said she doesn't hate me but there's just nothing.
I asked what's next are we done she nodded her head and with that 21 years is ended without a tear
If it IS beyond repair then an amicable separation is a very good outcome that few achieve. At least it sounds like she'd be up for that.
 
Digger,

Have you tried any joint counselling? I have heard tell that counselling can often help folk break out of the continuous roundabout of bickering and blame and come to a better understanding of each other's way of seeing the ongoing situation. Never tried it our selves, so can't really comment it.
Seconded.

Relate (or a similar counsellor specialising marriage guidance) is not just there to try and save a marriage but can also help with the breaking up process, how you tell children, how you deal with the grief.
 
No was pretty much the answer to all of them. She said she had tried to find something anything but their just nothing. She said she doesn't hate me but there's just nothing.
I asked what's next are we done she nodded her head and with that 21 years is ended without a tear
If it helps Digger, you can be pretty sure there will have been tears but you haven't been allowed to see them. If she is calmly and firmly telling you that it's definitely over, she has had a good while to come to terms with that decision and has most likely been thinking about it and chewing it over for quite a while, but pretending to you that everything is okay so as not to be forced into coming clean before she is as certain as she can be.

I'm impressed you went for a walk to talk things over as walking side-by-side is much less confrontational than face-to-face across the kitchen table. I've said from the start that Brexit would be a much smoother process if the negotiators all got their muddy boots and wellies on and go for a walk together.

Please do keep posting (you too, @SamN ). There must be a fair number of TFFers with pearls of wisdom and support to offer who have been in your shoes and have come through it okay, if a bit wabi-sabi. ;)
 

DrWazzock

Member
Arable Farmer
Location
Lincolnshire
Heartache is heartache no matter what age you are and it's something you never get use to.
It's 16 years since my first partner dumped me, not to put too a fine a point on it. It was the first time I knew what a broken heart felt like, and it really was like being ill. I hadn't realised until that time what a broken heart was. I had only known my partner for three years and it was bad enough. Stings like hell at the time. I'd like to say you will soon be over it, but that would be a lie. It will take time, but things will improve gradually. It's not necessarily anybody's fault as such but just one of those horrible things that happens as circumstances and expectations change. I don't and never will blame my ex partner. We just arrived at mismatch. Wounds heal with time but there will always be a pull on the heart strings at certain memories.
You sound like a decent bloke. Hope things work out best they can under the circumstances. There's probably a lot to sort out. For us there wasn't much as we'd no kids. I found that it was counterproductive to maintain anymore contact than was strictly necessary once the relationship was beyond salvaging. Contact just rubbed salt into wounds.
Best wishes.
Yes @Chopsy Varmint , your analogy that we are like a piece of broken china badly stuck back together will stay with me for a long time. It's very very apt.
 
I'm impressed you went for a walk to talk things over as walking side-by-side is much less confrontational than face-to-face across the kitchen table. I've said from the start that Brexit would be a much smoother process if the negotiators all got their muddy boots and wellies on and go for a walk together.

Perhaps that is why a round of golf can be such a good venue for business men to chew the fat and play with ideas and of course one can discreetly let your opponent win. ;)
 

Digger73

Member
Arable Farmer
Location
Fenland
I know her tears have been spent over the last few years when i have been working and not here with her. I know i have no right to say how can somebody make you feel this way
 
@Farmer Roy

In my opinion constant heat and sun can be as mentally wearing as rain and lack of sun.

Think I'm over the hill now but these past few weeks not been good with shortening days and colder temperatures.

I know a lot of you have been busy drilling, lifting tatties etc. But my mind and body misses the constant drive that's required from spring through till end of harvest.

Autumns kind of a comedown. Lack of adrenaline and living on the edge normally brings illness in my case.
Get a bit like that at times chae ,
But waitingbto get drilled up , so can have some workshop time
One of irish tatie lads ,asked what do you do in winter , i just laughed ,
Got a hay barn to build ,
2 old power harrows to rebuild ,
40 year old tye trailer to reboard ,
Little jd to finish
2 weeks in the highlands over christmas ,if government let us go ,
So if any one is bored and nowt to do ,over winter ,and fancy a bit of weekend ,work ,and some of wifes superb quality feed , let me know ,
Still got 300 acre to drill yet ,
 

Digger73

Member
Arable Farmer
Location
Fenland
Thank you it's funny after Saturday afternoon for a few hours we sat and laughed and cried as friends and it was heaven. But then she said goodnight and walked into a different room and that's when it really hurt
 

SFI - What % were you taking out of production?

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Red Tractor drops launch of green farming scheme amid anger from farmers

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As reported in Independent


quote: “Red Tractor has confirmed it is dropping plans to launch its green farming assurance standard in April“

read the TFF thread here: https://thefarmingforum.co.uk/index.php?threads/gfc-was-to-go-ahead-now-not-going-ahead.405234/
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