Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

CornishRanger

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
Cornwall
I've just started reading this thread as I recently have been having some therapy to try to sort myself out, I was you typical male, I didn't think I had depression because I wasn't "sad" all of the time but it turns out I have ! I'm basically "burnt out" and after speaking to someone I feel better and have a greater understanding of what has been happening to me. Basically my head is clouded with a million things going on all the time in there and a inability to relax and switch off coupled with anxiety has made me exhausted. Not physically exhausted but emotionally exhausted. The therapist explained that it's something very common for a man of my age (early 40s) and it could have been at one time called a mid life crisis but instead of drinking/affairs/fast cars etc some people suffer what I'm going through. Lots of worries (elderly parents, busy work, kids at school, problems with siblings, I could go on) and it leaves you with no time to relax and be yourself and switch off from life for a little time now and again. Sorry for the length of the post but please if anyone is feeling that way tell someone a problem shared is one halfed and it's nothing to be ashamed of !
Well said that man, (y)(y)(y)
 

Landrover

Member
So. How do they suggest you deal with it if all the shìt is still there?? Buy a fast car and have an affair?? (Not making light of anything..just curious)
That's the difficult bit ! Try and figure out what's actually important and needs thought about and not all the other stuff and in my case learn to say no to people instead of trying to please everyone !
And learn to relax again
 

scottrac

Member
Location
lincolnshire
Today hit home as I heard the conversation to the doctor by my OH and all the stress and tears rolled down her cheeks.Her illness and the big black dog in her head she had been hiding so well ,oh how those words rang in my head .She does so much and stresses over everything and everyone,I try to help but how do you help someone who is constantly worrying over everyone and everything,and I mean everything from the minute she gets up ,infact sleep brings no rest.This all started because of the actions of someone causing us trouble .Never let your guard down and keep those loved ones safe
hope you don't think i'm prying but what happened to cause this?
You say other people causing you trouble?
I understand if you don't want to explain.
 

Clive65

Member
Location
Essex
Well said that man, (y)(y)(y)
Well said that man, (y)(y)(y)
I can fully relate to this. In 2015 everything came to a head, and what with my wife being diagnosed with Emphysema I had a bit of a wobble. It wasn’t long after that I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder. After being on lots of different meds, I had to come off them as I just couldn’t function on them.

With the help of my hobby, I‘ve been off medication now for 3 years. It’s good that us men are starting to speak up about our mental health, because I know I wouldn’t have said anything a few years ago about how I was feeling. To tell the truth, I’m sure I’ve had bipolar all my life but just thought it was normal to be a bit nuts 😂👍
 
Last edited:

Clive65

Member
Location
Essex
We all think it's normal to just be........ I've stopped taking my depression tablets because they didn't do much. I've found it harder to talk to the older generation about mental health as their mentality is just grin and carry on. Hopefully everyone here feels they can be listened to and supported!!!!
Dangerous Dan. I see where your coming from. I’m always happy to listen to anyone, so feel free to message me if you need to talk. I’m 55 so might fall into the category of the older generation? 😬 but I’ve been there too so can relate to others going through a similar situation 👍
 
Dangerous Dan. I see where your coming from. I’m always happy to listen to anyone, so feel free to message me if you need to talk. I’m 55 so might fall into the category of the older generation? 😬 but I’ve been there too so can relate to others going through a similar situation 👍
I can give you several years! I was brought up in a house where mental health difficulties had dictated my dad's life as a child and his life in his thirties and forties but which were never talked about in straightforward terms. It was only when my dad died that I talked to a lady who was and adult when he was a child that I actually grasped just how grim it had been due to my grandfather's incapacity. The idea of a seven year old and his little brother borrowing the bull from a neighbouring farm and walking it give miles home is either charming or child abuse depending on the colour of your specs!

This is really to say that, and definitely just my opinion, although we think of the older generation as not being aware or able to discuss mental health problems that in fact they are often really aware and articulate about it. It's as much the fact that they had no where to turn that made them "grin and bare it".

What's changed a lot I'd that it has now become more acceptable to talk and accept help.

I work with a lot if old people (over 80) in the community, many suffer mental health problems and need anti depressants, just like they need blood pressure tablets etc. It's wrong to see the younger generation as weak (which goes along with awful phrases like "uh millennials" because that's also part of the thirty pluses denying they need the same support.

If we can change our language and lose phrases like "man up", "grow a pair" (and was ever a piece of anatomy more sensitive) etc we'll be doing ourselves a real service.

I applaud anyone who has accepted they have a problem and who has sort help. As regards anti depressants, please remember that they do take a while to work and that many people need to try two or three to find one that works.

🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
 

Christoph1945

Member
Location
Cheshire
I suppose that with age comes wisdom; or so they used to say!

Because mental health, like cancer, was generally never spoken of openly amongst folks of the older generations, people never learned how to really cope with the subjects and hence find them selves unable to listen closely, or advise on the matters.

Words are powerful and can do all manner of things; they can destroy or repair, they can build up or tear down, they can break or mend hearts, and they (like arrows and bullets) can not be recalled but a strong shield can stop or deflect them. Sometimes the most powerful words in our lives will be ..... I have a problem! I need help! Not always easy to admit and sometimes even harder to say but all great journey begin with small steps.

I assure you that, with help and support, it is possible to recover from the very depths of the deepest depression and despair but earlier intervention, before we hit rock-bottom, is better advised.

If I have prattled on and made little sense, I am more than happy to remove this post.
 

Clive65

Member
Location
Essex
I’m going to spill my guts now! 😲😬

Like I said on a reply I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2015, although I think I’ve had this all my life! A couple of years before this my wife was diagnosed with emphysema (amongst other health issues) and shortly after I had to pack up full time work to become her carer.

What with her health and financial issues at the time, things started to go tits up in my head, and the doctor said was suffering from depression. To cut a long story short it wasn’t long before I had a major breakdown, and ended up in hospital for a few days. It was then I was diagnosed with bipolar.

I was put on these meds, that I can only describe as zombie pills! I just couldn’t function on them, so they changed my meds to umpteen different others, but they all had the same affect on me. I couldn’t even get out of bed to take my youngest son to school.

Shortly after I weened myself off them and have been off them ever since. But please don’t get me wrong, a lot of people need these meds to keep them safe. I actually ended up writing and self publishing a memoir, which is ironic really as I’ve never liked writing, probably the manic side of bipolar 🤔 😬

But all I can say is I’m glad I got the diagnosis as it now makes sense of some of my actions over the years! My father committed suicide in 1972 when I was six years old, they said he suffered from depression after the breakup of the marriage to my mum. But I’m sure he suffered from bipolar too, by his actions from what I can remember. If there wasn’t so much stigma back then regarding mental health then maybe my dad could have received the help he so desperately needed.

I count myself as lucky, as I discovered a great hobby in 2016. My hobby is more like therapy for me, and I’m sure it’s saved me from tipping over the edge. I’m more than happy to receive any messages from anyone wanting to talk? Thanks for reading 👍
 
Last edited:
I’m going to spill my guts now! 😲😬

Like I said on a reply I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2015, although I think I’ve had this all my life! A couple of years before this my wife was diagnosed with emphysema (amongst other health issues) and shortly after I had to pack up full time work to become her carer.

What with her health and financial issues at the time, things started to go tits up in my head, and the doctor said was suffering from depression. To cut a long story short it wasn’t long before I had a major breakdown, and ended up in hospital for a few days. It was then I was diagnosed with bipolar.

I was put on these meds, that I can only describe as zombie pills! I just couldn’t function on them, so they changed my meds to umpteen different others, but they all had the same affect on me. I couldn’t even get out of bed to take my youngest son to school.

Shortly after I weened myself off them and have been off them ever since. But please don’t get me wrong, a lot of people need these meds to keep them safe. I actually ended up writing and self publishing a book, which is ironic really as I’ve never liked writing, probably the manic side of bipolar 🤔 😬

But all I can say is I’m glad I got the diagnosis as it now makes sense of some of my actions over the years! My father committed suicide in 1972 when I was six years old, they said he suffered from depression after the breakup of the marriage to my mum. But I’m sure he suffered from bipolar too, by his actions from what I can remember. If there wasn’t so much stigma back then regarding mental health then maybe my dad could have received the help he so desperately needed.

I count myself as lucky, as I discovered a great hobby in 2016. My hobby is more like therapy for me, and I’m sure it’s saved me from tipping over the edge. I’m more than happy to receive any messages from anyone wanting to talk? Thanks for reading 👍
I think it's brilliant that you can manage your illness through what is effectively behavioural therapy. Both me and one if my children can say the same not so the other.

There are always more options when a difficulty is shared than when it's bottled up or talked about in euphemisms.
 
Thanks GrannyAching. Thats great to hear you and one of your children can do the same, but I’m sorry to hear the other can’t! I hope that one day they will find something that can help them 🤞
It's not really for me to talk about my youngsters especially as they are adults but she has a really wearing illness.

I will add that the "depression gene"seems incredibly strong as it's fourth generation for us so it's very important to give offspring the heads up without wishing problems on them.
 

teslacoils

Member
Location
Lincolnshire
In years to come they will consider depression as an inherited illness. The need to shield my children from it is a big motivation to get help. Although, and this is a generalisation, the last thing I want is to have to travel over my personal failings as a man to a female therapist. Talking to anyone is better than noone, but some things can only be understood by another chap.
 

Clive65

Member
Location
Essex
It's not really for me to talk about my youngsters especially as they are adults but she has a really wearing illness.

I will add that the "depression gene"seems incredibly strong as it's fourth generation for us so it's very important to give offspring the heads up without wishing problems on them.
Yes you are right regarding it being hereditary. My father had it, and as far as I know his mother had mental health issues too. It probably goes back further for all I know, but that’s something I will never find out. I have 3 grown up kids with the youngest being 20 years old. He’s the main one I think I need to keep my eye on.
 
Like a few here, anti-depressants did nothing useful for me in the long-term apart from numb everything, which was initially a relief. However I know people who have been on them for years and fair play if they work. After all, we wouldn't expect people with arthritis to live without pain relief.

The things that keep me going when down the well of despair and unable to climb out are my dogs, and for years I've found this thought quite motivating, which recently went viral on on Twitter:

suicide.jpg


It doesn't matter if you think you've failed at life, or if you can't face trying again. You just have to outlive those who p!ss you off to be a winner. I have a list... Grrrr 😁
 
Last edited:

CornishRanger

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
Cornwall
I wonder to what degree is the hereditary aspect of mental illness in the genes, and how much is the environment in all which you grow up?

Also there are so many ways you can read outlive your enemies, you can live longer, or you can live a better life, or..... ensure they don't live as long as you? Obviously the first two options are preferable!

I think I'll stop rambling now....
 
In years to come they will consider depression as an inherited illness. The need to shield my children from it is a big motivation to get help. Although, and this is a generalisation, the last thing I want is to have to travel over my personal failings as a man to a female therapist. Talking to anyone is better than noone, but some things can only be understood by another chap.
Yes you are right regarding it being hereditary. My father had it, and as far as I know his mother had mental health issues too. It probably goes back further for all I know, but that’s something I will never find out. I have 3 grown up kids with the youngest being 20 years old. He’s the main one I think I need to keep my eye on.
There's definitely a genetic predisposition backed up by childhood experience of a depressed and maybe untreated adult close relative. Both my sister and I have had depression since our teens and we talk openly about it between ourselves and with friends, which is no doubt easier as women. However, our mother also suffered and still does but we've both got sort shrift when trying to speak to her about it.

I don't think you protect your children from it if they have the genes because inevitable life events will bring it down on them, but you can be role models and show them how to experience and manage it. I think this is particularly important as blokes and is a vital gift to your kids.

The Men's Shed movement is a great development for supporting mental health and I'm wondering if that would be something to do together with teenage and adult sons?

https://menssheds.org.uk/
 
I wonder to what degree is the hereditary aspect of mental illness in the genes, and how much is the environment in all which you grow up?

Also there are so many ways you can read outlive your enemies, you can live longer, or you can live a better life, or..... ensure they don't live as long as you? Obviously the first two options are preferable!

I think I'll stop rambling now....
I'm too lazy to do any heavy lifting but I have hexed a few people which makes me feel much better. :D

One thing that helps with enemies is to keep a Sharpie marker pen in the loo and write their name on the loo roll before wiping your arse. That's very cheering, especially when you next see them and they have no idea.
 

Clive65

Member
Location
Essex
In years to come they will consider depression as an inherited illness. The need to shield my children from it is a big motivation to get help. Although, and this is a generalisation, the last thing I want is to have to travel over my personal failings as a man to a female therapist. Talking to anyone is better than noone, but some things can only be understood by another chap.
In years to come they will consider depression as an inherited illness. The need to shield my children from it is a big motivation to get help. Although, and this is a generalisation, the last thing I want is to have to travel over my personal failings as a man to a female therapist. Talking to anyone is better than noone, but some things can only be understood by another chap.
I‘m only an envelope icon away if you want a chat mate? 👍
 

The new Sustainable Farming Incentive

  • 127
  • 0


The new Sustainable Farming Incentive

Written by Tom Lewis


Source: Natural England

At NFU21, The Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs...
Top