Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[Christoph1945]

Although I wouldn't deny that many depressions are genetically disseminated, I do think that some are learned and some are induced by dietary means. I also think that some depressive episodes are as a reactionary result to major life situations and events. My hatred and despisement of an other, hurts only my self and not them; been there, done that, and paid the price.

Just recently, since the government has decided to reduce the countries overseas aid contributions, I have heard many saying that 'charity' begins at home but sadly I think most are just thinking of gifting cash when they speak of charity and not thinking of the alternative word 'Love', with a capital L, and truly .... love begins at home.

As a five-year old and even later, I never really understood my mothers explosive reactions and heavy hand but then I knew nothing of post natal depression or the female hormone imbalance caused by the change of life but eventual understanding brings about forgiveness and healing, even at this late date and even death and the grave cannot stand in the way of such.

 

[teslacoils]

I'm not a scientist, but I'd put more down to learnt that genetic. I see exactly how my eldest reacts to bad news and see it's just like me. Either way, my first reaction now is "are they watching" before the waves of dispair crash over due to something as minor as not defrosting the chicken.

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

I can fully relate to this. In 2015 everything came to a head, and what with my wife being diagnosed with Emphysema I had a bit of a wobble. It wasn’t long after that I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder. After being on lots of different meds, I had to come off them as I just couldn’t function on them.

With the help of my hobby, I‘ve been off medication now for 3 years. It’s good that us men are starting to speak up about our mental health, because I know I wouldn’t have said anything a few years ago about how I was feeling. To tell the truth, I’m sure I’ve had bipolar all my life but just thought it was normal to be a bit nuts

Like a few here, anti-depressants did nothing useful for me in the long-term apart from numb everything, which was initially a relief. However I know people who have been on them for years and fair play if they work. After all, we wouldn't expect people with arthritis to live without pain relief.

The things that keep me going when down the well of despair and unable to climb out are my dogs, and for years I've found this thought quite motivating, which recently went viral on on Twitter:

View attachment 923658

It doesn't matter if you think you've failed at life, or if you can't face trying again. You just have to outlive those who p!ss you off to be a winner. I have a list... Grrrr

Antidepressants need using very carefully. Sadly they are often prescribed and the patient left to get on with it rather than being carefully monitored.

 

[Clive65]

Antidepressants need using very carefully. Sadly they are often prescribed and the patient left to get on with it rather than being carefully monitored.

Yes you are so right there. They started me on antidepressants, because they thought they were treating depression, but it was bipolarity I have so the depressants actually made me worse as it caused a more manic episode!

Im just so glad I’m off the meds, and I can manage without them with the help of my hobby. But sadly I cannot do what I love as much as I would like, as it’s so hard in my area to find places I can go. ☹

 

[Christoph1945]

What is your hobby Clive, just remind me if you would; It's not wrestling wild hogs through the bush is it?

Aaaah, just had a peek at your interest; metal detecting! Beach, or inland? I can't understand why more farmers don't take up the hobby, it makes for a superb form of meditation and relaxation.

Take care that we don't slide too far off topic.

 

[Clive65]

What is your hobby Clive, just remind me if you would; It's not wrestling wild hogs through the bush is it?

Aaaah, just had a peek at your interest; metal detecting! Beach, or inland? I can't understand why more farmers don't take up the hobby, it makes for a superb form of meditation and relaxation.

Take care that we don't slide too far off topic.

Hi Christoph1945. No sadly it’s not wrestling wild hogs, although that does sound like fun
I detect inland whenever I can, but like I said it’s very difficult to gain permission as you probably know. I suppose farmers are way to busy in their fields to do metal detecting as well. Its probably the last place they want to be after being there all day long!

 

[Christoph1945]

If meds need to be closely monitored, coming off meds need to be monitored even more closely. When I was slip sliding away into mental aberrations they pumped me full of Valium and life was like living on cloud nine, with not a worry in the world but when they swiftly took them away I slipped into an abys of unreality, descending to the very bottom of the pit of depression from where many do not return but thanks to the help, support, and understanding I eventually returned to reality and some form of stability.

Had I known to follow much of my own advice on here my journey could have been avoided, or at least my recovery to stability could have been much faster.

If you are on meds, please keep your doctor informed of your progress and even more so if you are being weened off them; keep notes if need be.

 

[Clive65]

If meds need to be closely monitored, coming off meds need to be monitored even more closely. When I was slip sliding away into mental aberrations they pumped me full of Valium and life was like living on cloud nine, with not a worry in the world but when they swiftly took them away I slipped into an abys of unreality, descending to the very bottom of the pit of depression from where many do not return but thanks to the help, support, and understanding I eventually returned to reality and some form of stability.

Had I known to follow much of my own advice on here my journey could have been avoided, or at least my recovery to stability could have been much faster.

If you are on meds, please keep your doctor informed of your progress and even more so if you are being weened off them; keep notes if need be.

I’m glad you got yourself back to reality. Yes you definitely have to ween yourself off meds, and most importantly let your doctor know what your doing. The worst thing anyone can do is just suddenly stop taking their meds. Then you most certainly would crash and burn

 

[BobGreen]

Antidepressants need using very carefully. Sadly they are often prescribed and the patient left to get on with it rather than being carefully monitored.

So true. I feel like some doctors just prescribe to try to see if it works. My ex partner was prescribed Pregabalin , a controlled drug used as a pain killer, but also for anxiety. She was also on ADs at the same time. The side effects caused severe mood swings at first which I have always felt caused her to push me away
She has got through a bad time but her anxiety still persists. As to genetic, her mother and uncle both have suffered. Her sister at the moment is in hospital suffering severe depression and wants to end her life and even her own daughters have suffered to some degree
I was once one of the “pull yourself together and what have you got to be depressed about” type of thinkers but now know much better after suffering myself. It is so good that people are talking more about mental health then in the past but there is so many who don’t understand

 

[Clive65]

So true. I feel like some doctors just prescribe to try to see if it works. My ex partner was prescribed Pregabalin , a controlled drug used as a pain killer, but also for anxiety. She was also on ADs at the same time. The side effects caused severe mood swings at first which I have always felt caused her to push me away
She has got through a bad time but her anxiety still persists. As to genetic, her mother and uncle both have suffered. Her sister at the moment is in hospital suffering severe depression and wants to end her life and even her own daughters have suffered to some degree
I was once one of the “pull yourself together and what have you got to be depressed about” type of thinkers but now know much better after suffering myself. It is so good that people are talking more about mental health then in the past but there is so many who don’t understand

Well said Bob Green

 

[ollie989898]

I believe anxiety and depression are possibly two different sides of the same dice, there are probably a couple of other manifestations, panic attacks perhaps.

The medications available are pretty funky, may have side effects or just not suit you so it may mean trying a few different ones. The thing to be aware of if you suddenly stop taking them is that it make you feel suddenly quite suicidal in a big way if you just cease taking medication. If you are going to stop taking tablets then at least forewarn the people around you so they know about it. A telephone conversation with your GP or nurse practitioner might be useful, they are hardly going to scold a grown adult and I suspect they know it happens a lot anyway.

Of course in the rural world people facing any kind of mental health problem are often quite disconnected from each other. It's a lonely way to earn a living in many ways and you don't exactly meet people in droves throughout the working day. I can appreciate that a lot of people traditionally would have simply buried themselves in their work, keeping busy (and the physical exertion) being a good way to stave it off. I can appreciate that farmers in particular are often master and commander of all they can see around them, so it's easy to become wrapped up in your own insulative cocoon in a way which is possibly as much of a hindrance as a help in some ways. Which is why I think it is important that people make every effort to get off the farm for at least some time regularly and spend it with family and friends- a problem shared and all that.

And lastly, the 'you'll get over it' brigade pish me off no end. Such comments are not in the least bit helpful and demonstrate genuine ignorance of mental health. I have been working with mental health patients a lot recently and I would never try to trivialise any kind of mental health issue. People can (and unfortunately do) die from them with the same certainty as a heart attack.

 

[Clive65]

I believe anxiety and depression are possibly two different sides of the same dice, there are probably a couple of other manifestations, panic attacks perhaps.

The medications available are pretty funky, may have side effects or just not suit you so it may mean trying a few different ones. The thing to be aware of if you suddenly stop taking them is that it make you feel suddenly quite suicidal in a big way if you just cease taking medication. If you are going to stop taking tablets then at least forewarn the people around you so they know about it. A telephone conversation with your GP or nurse practitioner might be useful, they are hardly going to scold a grown adult and I suspect they know it happens a lot anyway.

Of course in the rural world people facing any kind of mental health problem are often quite disconnected from each other. It's a lonely way to earn a living in many ways and you don't exactly meet people in droves throughout the working day. I can appreciate that a lot of people traditionally would have simply buried themselves in their work, keeping busy (and the physical exertion) being a good way to stave it off. I can appreciate that farmers in particular are often master and commander of all they can see around them, so it's easy to become wrapped up in your own insulative cocoon in a way which is possibly as much of a hindrance as a help in some ways. Which is why I think it is important that people make every effort to get off the farm for at least some time regularly and spend it with family and friends- a problem shared and all that.

And lastly, the 'you'll get over it' brigade pish me off no end. Such comments are not in the least bit helpful and demonstrate genuine ignorance of mental health. I have been working with mental health patients a lot recently and I would never try to trivialise any kind of mental health issue. People can (and unfortunately do) die from them with the same certainty as a heart attack.

Well said Ollie

 

[Christoph1945]

Like a few here, anti-depressants did nothing useful for me in the long-term apart from numb everything, which was initially a relief. However I know people who have been on them for years and fair play if they work. After all, we wouldn't expect people with arthritis to live without pain relief.

The things that keep me going when down the well of despair and unable to climb out are my dogs, and for years I've found this thought quite motivating, which recently went viral on on Twitter:

View attachment 923658

It doesn't matter if you think you've failed at life, or if you can't face trying again. You just have to outlive those who p!ss you off to be a winner. I have a list... Grrrr

I remember listening to an old black lady describing how fellow Americans mistreated her so badly for her colour and how she just couldn't understand why they did so and she then went on to tell us how she had outlived them all but her address was delivered without bitterness; perhaps she understood that prejudice isn't a decision but is inbred.

I have recently been thinking about you Chopsy; no lass, not like that. I was thinking of how you lost your loved one. No, not the sh!t who walked out on you but your first love, who died. May I ask how that came about and how it was?

 

[ollie989898]

I can say this with genuine sincerity mind you and would be as guilty as the next man I am sure but patients electing to cease taking their medication or just taking it and then choosing not to make repeat appointments with the GP or similar services is a very regular and common occurrence. Don't feel bad about it. Anyone involved in healthcare will recognise this. People feel better or move on through a period of their life or find a way of coping and they just aren't seen again until next time, if they experience a next time.

I can agree with what others have said mind, where kids are concerned, I too tend to try to adopt the: 'not giving a fudge about this' train of thought because I am hoping that will instil a similar mindset in the children. Of course, from time to time you then start to have an argument with yourself regarding am I giving them too stern an rigid an upbringing? What if I am too lax though?

 

[Clive65]

I can say this with genuine sincerity mind you and would be as guilty as the next man I am sure but patients electing to cease taking their medication or just taking it and then choosing not to make repeat appointments with the GP or similar services is a very regular and common occurrence. Don't feel bad about it. Anyone involved in healthcare will recognise this. People feel better or move on through a period of their life or find a way of coping and they just aren't seen again until next time, if they experience a next time.

I can agree with what others have said mind, where kids are concerned, I too tend to try to adopt the: 'not giving a fudge about this' train of thought because I am hoping that will instil a similar mindset in the children. Of course, from time to time you then start to have an argument with yourself regarding am I giving them too stern an rigid an upbringing? What if I am too lax though?

That’s a hard one Ollie regarding the kids! I think we are all different in the way we try to educate them regarding their mental health. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way, we just have to hope we’re doing the right thing at the time

 

[Christoph1945]

I can say this with genuine sincerity mind you and would be as guilty as the next man I am sure but patients electing to cease taking their medication or just taking it and then choosing not to make repeat appointments with the GP or similar services is a very regular and common occurrence. Don't feel bad about it. Anyone involved in healthcare will recognise this. People feel better or move on through a period of their life or find a way of coping and they just aren't seen again until next time, if they experience a next time.

I can agree with what others have said mind, where kids are concerned, I too tend to try to adopt the: 'not giving a fudge about this' train of thought because I am hoping that will instil a similar mindset in the children. Of course, from time to time you then start to have an argument with yourself regarding am I giving them too stern an rigid an upbringing? What if I am too lax though?

Olly, have you ever asked the kids what 'they' think?

 

[Chopsy Varmint]

I have recently been thinking about you Chopsy; no lass, not like that. I was thinking of how you lost your loved one. No, not the sh!t who walked out on you but your first love, who died. May I ask how that came about and how it was?

Bless you for thinking of me!

Well, it was a long time ago, a fairly common sort of motorbike accident and pretty much instantly fatal. It was devastating because we were in our 20s and I believed he was my 'happy ever after' bloke. Sudden traumatic death isn't an acceptable fairytale ending and it never occurred to me that either of us could be there one day and dead the next. Instead, you end up living a life that doesn't feel like yours without a future and you're adrift for a long time, unable to get back to where you want to be.

Even now 20-odd years later, I still miss him and can get frustrated at the injustice of it all. There's no way to rationalise it other than to try and find acceptance that terrible things happen to good people.

 

[Christoph1945]

Bless you for thinking of me!

Well, it was a long time ago, a fairly common sort of motorbike accident and pretty much instantly fatal. It was devastating because we were in our 20s and I believed he was my 'happy ever after' bloke. Sudden traumatic death isn't an acceptable fairytale ending and it never occurred to me that either of us could be there one day and dead the next. Instead, you end up living a life that doesn't feel like yours without a future and you're adrift for a long time, unable to get back to where you want to be.

Even now 20-odd years later, I still miss him and can get frustrated at the injustice of it all. There's no way to rationalise it other than to try and find acceptance that terrible things happen to good people.

Many thanks for the reply lass. Lost a much loved brother in a similar fashion in the days before hard hats were compulsory on motorcycles but unfortunately we, due to a misunderstanding, had something of a falling out and hadn't had the opportunity to put things right before the accident.

My brother had accepted a lift home from work on the pillion of a work mates bike and I suspect that the guy gunned the bike, misjudged a bend, clipped the kerb and hit a lamp post. I never felt any animosity towards the driver but I don't think mother ever forgave him; she may well have done, had he told her how sorry he was.

 

[ollie989898]

Olly, have you ever asked the kids what 'they' think?

Cripes no, in fairness they are still very young and seem quite relaxed and enjoy what I would consider a very reasonable and care-free childhood that many of us could only have wished for 30-40 years ago.

It still seems nearly crazy that many of our parents could never afford a car when they were in the position we are today.

 

[Dangerous Dan]

Genetics or experiences....Both are true for me i think. My grandad almost certainly had depression pretty much most of his life. He never got it seen to. I reckon my nana and mam have had depression over the years as well. My childhood wasn't horrendous but the councillor i saw understood where the depression might gave been started. I was always of the "it's just life, this is me" group. Every now and then there would be the big black dog just pushing and pushing till i felt like doing something really daft. Had a bit of a wake up one day. Just had this experience of how crap it would be if my wife had to tell the children daddy was never coming home. That hurt like hell and i decided i didn't want my children seeing me go through this time and time again. Got a counsellor quite quick due to having children and suicidal thoughts. Counselling helped but only for 2 out of 12 or so weeks. Tried 4 or 5 different AD's. Non help. Now AD free and have more motivation to do days to day stuff, just not the energy.

Two different Farm owners realised what was happening and were shocked. They offered help but as with most things in life, you say thanks and leave it at that. Church friends know but apart from one person, after the pleasantries, no one is really that bothered. The amount of times I've asked for people to look out for my wife.... no one does and that's worse than having the depression. Sorry. Bit of a ramble.