Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[holwellcourtfarm]

Well, mojo has finally vanished. Told the children they could play Nintendo all day. Best laid plans have all ground to a halt. I can't be arsed any more. Have gone back to bed.

Sorry to hear that. I hope you soon regain some enthusiasm.

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

Post drilling anticlimax here, greatly aggravated by uncooperative weather. Can’t be bothered. Wake me when it gets to 15 deg C. And the spreader is running more out one side than to the other so that’s striped my first field of wheat. Springy crappy plastic Woolworths handles and jammy shutters aren’t a good combination. And it’s probably been backed into over winter.

It's shocking (or should be but we all get used to it) how unfit for purpose many agricultural machines really are, often for the sake of just slightly more spent in manufacture.

I bet the worst fertiliser striping is by a road too!

 

[DrWazzock]

It's shocking (or should be but we all get used to it) how unfit for purpose many agricultural machines really are, often for the sake of just slightly more spent in manufacture.

I bet the worst fertiliser striping is by a road too!

My twin disc spreader is the most annoying machine I operate. It just seems designed to cause maximum aggravation. Difficult to get both sides even, shutters creep open if you don’t lean out and close the hand valves, spills fertiliser all over the shop when calibrating, crappy border disc has to be fitted every time you do a field edge and then woodruff key gets lost. Combine it with a cheap lightbar guidance system and you have a recipe for a very tiresome day. Anyway, nearly done. Had it 21 years. If you are ever with 20 kg /ha of target consider yourself lucky. Maybe time for a change, but to be honest it’s been bother from day one.

 

[Bury the Trash]

No tramlines here.
First wheel marks are put in with sprayer with Foam markers for guidance, i find them reliable and simple to maintain if needed.
I prefer looking out of the window rather than at a screen.
2 12m sprayers in case one is not 'availiable' for use.

Vicon wagtail and Krm spreaders all bought good value. secondhand.

I'm not interested in what all big singing and dancing toys the neighbours got .

I enjoy it all really (on the whole) and something very useful is produced at the end of the season , (hopefully) which those in a lot of office type job cant really claim.

i mean, who in any other job can say that theyve grown all the food on their plate at Sunday lunchtime, Roast Beef , / Lamb /Chicken Potatoes, cauli, peas, carrots , ?

 

[KennyO]

My twin disc spreader is the most annoying machine I operate. It just seems designed to cause maximum aggravation. Difficult to get both sides even, shutters creep open if you don’t lean out and close the hand valves, spills fertiliser all over the shop when calibrating, crappy border disc has to be fitted every time you do a field edge and then woodruff key gets lost. Combine it with a cheap lightbar guidance system and you have a recipe for a very tiresome day. Anyway, nearly done. Had it 21 years. If you are ever with 20 kg /ha of target consider yourself lucky. Maybe time for a change, but to be honest it’s been bother from day one.

I guess that is an older amazone. Sold mine for another amazone and then quickly a Kuhn. Much nicer spreader to operate.

 

[DrWazzock]

I guess that is an older amazone. Sold mine for another amazone and then quickly a Kuhn. Much nicer spreader to operate.

It is. That’s interesting to know. I’m well ready for a change.

 

[DrWazzock]

Yes, mustn’t grumble. It could be far worse.

 

[Chae1]

Well, mojo has finally vanished. Told the children they could play Nintendo all day. Best laid plans have all ground to a halt. I can't be arsed any more. Have gone back to bed.

How are you today?

 

[ollie989898]

The menopause is not weird.

It's not actually unusual for men to take an interest in obstetrics or gynaecology.

I'm sure you mean well and will perhaps think a little more carefully before being quite so glib in your assessment of people's health issues.

My apologies for my poor choice of words used. I find it interesting because of how it affects some people quite drastically and others less so. The HRT is the same. Some people take to it and others do not.

It is a perfectly natural process and just one of those life things and a change in our bodies.

 

[teslacoils]

How are you today?

Crap. I did move some barley out of long term store. But that's about it. About an hour on the loader. Wife will be back in a couple of hours so better get a shift on.

 

[BlueSupreme]

I’ve lurked on this forum for a while now since starting a new job working from home. I’m not a farmer, don’t even live rural but my grandparents still own a farm nearby so I’ve always had an interest.
I like coming on here to see different opinions that often don’t agree with mine, but I find it good to see what people’s thoughts are like outside of my own bubble.
I’m posting in here because I’ve suffered through bad anxiety for the last decade really and more recently pretty severe depression too. I like reading other people’s stories so thought I’d chip in.

There’s a lot mental health issues out there today. I’m sorry a lot of you are going through similar to me

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

I’ve lurked on this forum for a while now since starting a new job working from home. I’m not a farmer, don’t even live rural but my grandparents still own a farm nearby so I’ve always had an interest.
I like coming on here to see different opinions that often don’t agree with mine, but I find it good to see what people’s thoughts are like outside of my own bubble.
I’m posting in here because I’ve suffered through bad anxiety for the last decade really and more recently pretty severe depression too. I like reading other people’s stories so thought I’d chip in.

There’s a lot mental health issues out there today. I’m sorry a lot of you are going through similar to me

Welcome to the judgement free thread.

Sorry to hear you struggle.

 

[Christoph1945]

I’ve lurked on this forum for a while now since starting a new job working from home. I’m not a farmer, don’t even live rural but my grandparents still own a farm nearby so I’ve always had an interest.
I like coming on here to see different opinions that often don’t agree with mine, but I find it good to see what people’s thoughts are like outside of my own bubble.
I’m posting in here because I’ve suffered through bad anxiety for the last decade really and more recently pretty severe depression too. I like reading other people’s stories so thought I’d chip in.

There’s a lot mental health issues out there today. I’m sorry a lot of you are going through similar to me

Welcome aboard the good ship survival.

You will have noticed, no doubt, that we frequently click like for posts but we are not liking the situation that folk have found them selves in but rather liking the fact that they have chosen to share their situation with others.

Anxiety and depression are frequent bedfellows but there is a third member of the deadly brigade that is often missed when psychological problems are debated and for me that is anger; ie anger/anxiety/depression.

A point worth noting is that TFF has an international membership and the sun never sets on TFF.

Chris

 

[BlueSupreme]

Welcome aboard the good ship survival.

You will have noticed, no doubt, that we frequently click like for posts but we are not liking the situation that folk have found them selves in but rather liking the fact that they have chosen to share their situation with others.

Anxiety and depression are frequent bedfellows but there is a third member of the deadly brigade that is often missed when psychological problems are debated and for me that is anger; ie anger/anxiety/depression.

A point worth noting is that TFF has an international membership and the sun never sets on TFF.

Chris

Thanks for the warm welcome (both!). I understand that, luckily for me anger is not an issue. If anything I’m probably too laid back in that regard! I suppose that’s a good thing but it has made me easy to walk over in my career. I work in tech and have done for about 6 years since graduating, it can be a cut throat world which no doubt doesn’t help people like me.

I’ve noticed a few people sharing experiences of SSRIs. I’ve been taking paroxetine for about 7 years. Probably has the worst side effects but it’s the only that’s worked for me and coming off it is a nightmare.

 

[Christoph1945]

Hi Blue,

an interesting reply; I am somewhat surprised that you feel no anger upon being walked all over but how about resentment?

 

[BlueSupreme]

Hi Blue,

an interesting reply; I am somewhat surprised that you feel no anger upon being walked all over but how about resentment?

I think I’m just not the type to get angry with people, but I definitely feel resentment towards people in my past jobs that treated me bad. I’m better at it now and have learned to speak up more, it’s probably got a lot to do with growing up and age as well

 

[Christoph1945]

I think I’m just not the type to get angry with people, but I definitely feel resentment towards people in my past jobs that treated me bad. I’m better at it now and have learned to speak up more, it’s probably got a lot to do with growing up and age as well

I'm not a highly educated person; nor am I particularly articulate but believe that anger has many shades and degrees to it's nature and a variety of words describe the different degrees of anger ......... anger, bitterness, resentment, hate, rage and a whole list of other words describe different shades of anger. There are times when we fear that we may express our anger we supress, or repress, it and it can bring on anxiety.

There are lots of agencies just waiting for folks to contact them and share their troubles, have you tried any talking therapy?

 

[Christoph1945]

Of course, anxiety also comes in a number of different shades ..... anxiety, fear, and even terror; with numerous hues in between.

 

[Kiwi Pete]

No tramlines here.
First wheel marks are put in with sprayer with Foam markers for guidance, i find them reliable and simple to maintain if needed.
I prefer looking out of the window rather than at a screen.
2 12m sprayers in case one is not 'availiable' for use.

Vicon wagtail and Krm spreaders all bought good value. secondhand.

I'm not interested in what all big singing and dancing toys the neighbours got .

I enjoy it all really (on the whole) and something very useful is produced at the end of the season , (hopefully) which those in a lot of office type job cant really claim.

i mean, who in any other job can say that theyve grown all the food on their plate at Sunday lunchtime, Roast Beef , / Lamb /Chicken Potatoes, cauli, peas, carrots , ?

It's bloody marvellous what can be done when the will is there to do it.
And it's even more rewarding when the next gen decide "that looks fun, can I have a go at growing that next year?" or to see the footprints on the garden where they've been in seeing if their corn is getting close

Thanks for sharing @BlueSupreme
You sound a lot like my old man, in temperament.... I've tied myself in knots wondering just how he managed to stay so calm and be such a gentleman, when I have a temper that I struggle with.
Much of my depression came from comparing me to he, I always felt like I came up short in that respect.
But we are us, our own selves, and I find it a lot easier not making those comparisons all the time. Instead of looking back, I try to look forward to how I want to be, and it slowly happens

 

[DrWazzock]

Yesterday I completely lost patience on the phone with somebody for first time ever. I’m normally a very patient polite person. It was a call to the electricity company about fitting a remotely monitored meter. They sent a man out in a van to fit one and without even getting out of his van he said there is no mobile signal here and drove off. I find it difficult to believe that was true as we already a remotely read meter here in the shed and we have good 4g and 3G plus we rely on mobiles and have never had poor reception. Anyway I put in a complaint about my time being wasted. So I had a call from them saying they’d like to attempt to fit a remotely monitored meter again and would I ring them back on a certain number. So I rang them only to be passed from one one person to another and back to the first person I’d contacted. They then said they would have to ring me back later. Having already been messed around for another half an hour I really lost it with the bloke and told him he could either arrange another visit now or don’t bother ringing me again. To my surprise he did make the appointment there and then though I’ll believe it if they turn up and actually do the job.
Office definition of depression : suppressed anger.