GrannyAching
Member
- Location
- Mynyddoedd Preseli
Let's not stereo type here (again
) purleeeeeeease. These are "personality types" I accept. 
Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)
- Thread starter Andyrob
- Start date
Let's not stereo type here (again
) purleeeeeeease. These are "personality types" I accept. 
- Location
- Owaka, New Zealand
Yes.
A lot of people listen to form a reply, they don't listen to gain understanding, or simply listen for listening's sake....
Then there's games, like "oh, aint it awful" or "mine's worse than yours" which tend to be counterproductive if you're depressed, in my experience with talking... which is why I'm a good listener!
GrannyAching
Member
- Location
- Mynyddoedd Preseli
It's the thing of being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes. Not using your experience/feelings to decide what they need.
Listening (and indeed reading a whole post before reply) is a real skill and for so many people not one they get to practice often enough especially in the times we live in.
I can't help thinking @Cowslip s receptionist (for whatever reason or cause) used no listening skills at all. How terrible is that for such an important job?
- Location
- Glen Clova, Angus, DD8 4RD
Mrs Holwell spent 20 years managing doctors practices. She despaired of receptionists who felt it was their job to be the doctor's gatekeepers and sometimes disciplined staff for seeking medical information to justify an appointment when they were not competent to understand the implications of it. If it happens repeatedly then complain to the practice manager.
- Location
- Lincolnshire
It's the getting it out.
Have you ever heard a joke, giggled, laughed, and within minutes your almost dying with laughter? It's being caught in a "giggle loop".
Same goes for sadness and worry. A little worry can snowball easily. Then your sleep goes, you get cross with the children and it all keeps getting worse.
In Lincoln we have a network of nighttime cafes, which were set up so there was always somewhere you could just turn up at, have a coffee, and have a chat with a stranger. We're often very isolated - not just by our jobs, but as a 41 year old adult I'm socially apart from all my childhood friends who now live overseas. As a stay at home parent, I've very little to say to the mummies at the gate who talk of hair and nails and stuff. I can't very much say to them I'm so terrified at night it can result in zero "attention" in the trouser department.
Men's worries are often quite radically different and you benefit from laying them out to men. Men's conversation is also different - we tend to just shut up and nod along rather than keep interrupting. A worry about money will turn into no sleep, that turns into agitation, then family strife and before you know it you've alienated everyone from you.
Mrs teslacoils has the list and has put things in a
1) totally irrational
2) nothing anyone can do
3) things I can help sort out
4) things you've got to do yourself.
It's in both our interests to share our worries just as we share our joys.
- Location
- Glen Clova, Angus, DD8 4RD
Those cafés sound a great idea.
- Location
- Lincolnshire
So sorry if it offends, but face to face, there's no way a lady can offer the same support as a man for most of my concerns. Empathy yes, a different side, but a lot of the things I worry about are fairly shameful to admit. And while that may be stereotypical, that's as real as a 4am worrry.
Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
Which, I suppose, could be why many decline to write down matters that are haunting them: lest anyone else should read them.
Of course writing down and then burning the document helps folk to get matters out of their heads but puts them safe from discovery by others.
Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
Let's not stereo type here (again
primmiemoo
Member
- Location
- Devon
Hi @JWL , I'm sorry if this is nothing new to you, but just wondering if you'd come across the covid related updates from the National Autistic Society about vaccinations, and I'm sure, plenty more:
404
www.autism.org.uk
At the bottom of the page in the link, they invite parents of children with autism to share their experiences of life at the moment.
You and your family sound like a good, loving, team, despite the obvious hard work for you. There's something about horses that's good for all of us.
Lili
Member
- Location
- Aberystwyth hinterland
Please dont forget that by overcoming the biggest hurdle and managing to talk/post about a problem, you may very well provide a lifeline to someone else who is also having worries and thinks they are alone. Sharing could give somebody else the confidence to take that first step too.
Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
Perhaps it's time to reestablish that old habit of sitting around the dining table and discussing the day's events as a family; a bit like the Waltons, I suppose.
Of course such events can turn into bun fights ......... anything I have done, you have dome worser, you have done many things worser than me!
Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
Welcome to the pool; your input and support will always be more than welcome in here.
GrannyAching
Member
- Location
- Mynyddoedd Preseli
I think when it comes to giving one to one support you are entitled to find someone you are comfortable with. Samaritan call operatives are trained to be prepared to hand a call on. That in itself is a skill as it's a rejection of their good intentions.
I wouldn't pretend that in our society people haven't been schooled to behave in a certain way according to their fe/male upbringing. I'm simply trying to help make sure that we avoid perpetuating what I believe are unhelpful labels which may allow us to avoid seeking help.
This is not aimed at you at all but, if say someone in your position took help from someone of the opposite sex they might at least agree to talk about the things that they didn't feel were limited by their sexualities. Even if these were not the biggest worries on the list they would be getting addressed. At the same time the support worker could be working in the clients behalf to find a same sex person to hand over to.
I've probably explained that badly. I mean absolutely no offense. I am just keen that people don't create more barriers than there already are in being prepared to ask for help and I'm also a great believer in getting through the door then allowing you to access other rooms and levels of support.
- Location
- Lincolnshire
Not at all. But we currently have put mental health squarely in the "caring" domain, which at the moment is a female-dominated domain. There needs to be an awareness that serious self destruction due to mental health is a predominantly male issue and that there should be access to male staff in local authority mental health.
While I've flopped the old chap out for a female gp, I'd much rather discuss various male problems with other men. I'm sure there are certain medical things that most females would prefer attended to by women. There are still certain aspects of masculinity that are ingrained and discussion with a lady about finance, confidence and sexual aspects *may* be empathised, they cannot be truely culturally be understood.
Again, no offense meant. If I was going to damage myself I'd talk to anyone. But given a choice and dependent on concern, I'd prefer another man. And I did ring my friend to speak yesterday......even though he lives in Brunei and it's an 8hr difference. He didn't mind. He had some crap to unload as well.
Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
One to one counselling by persons of the opposite sex can, of it's self, bring about more problems for the vulnerable.
From childhood indoctrination I had accepted that only men could be priests, doctoors, or psychiatrists but my nature has allowed me to accept differnt but I do respect that others may still have difficulty accepting female equality in some professions.
From childhood indoctrination I had accepted that only men could be priests, doctoors, or psychiatrists but my nature has allowed me to accept differnt but I do respect that others may still have difficulty accepting female equality in some professions.
Dangerous Dan
Member
Hi guys, long time lurker here. I hope you dont mind but just wanted to share this with you all . i wrote this a few months back after getting out of a little tunnel. After the most recent tunnel experience, i decided to share this with a church group but they either didnt respond ir did the whole "how brave for sharing" comments.
Im not entirely sure what i want to do.with it or or what to expect from it but its a brain dump and maybe sometimes thats what is needed ....
When the day comes,
will my mind stop,
or will it carry on,
as it always has.
Will it keep playing tricks,
behind my back,
without my consent,
or understanding,
or realisation.
When will the day come,
when the mind will stop,
telling me lies about myself,
about how others think,
about how I feel.
When will the day come,
when my mind can be,
happy with what is ahead,
with what the future holds,
with the here and now,
with the past that has gone.
When will the day come,
when the sun will shine,
and make everything good and happy,
without the dark cloud,
getting ever closer,
like a rainstorm that is ready,
ready to shower oppression and misery,
like confetti in a snowstorm.
When will the day come,
when seeing people is fun,
not a challenge to overcome,
to have friendships that last,
that mean something to both sides.
When will the day come,
when new situations aren’t scary,
like a huge spider,
that’s about to sit on your head,
and make you scream like mad.
When will the day come,
when I have energy to burn,
where tiredness doesn’t overcome,
like a wave of duvets all ready,
to cover you and smother you to sleep.
When will the day come,
when peace will be the norm,
when the quiet wont make the voices louder,
will I get a reprieve from the days
of sleeping in bed to make time disappear
~Lonely in your own mind!
Lonely in your own mind!
Watching the world pass you by,
one lonely day at a time.
Lonely in your own mind!
Whilst others sing and play,
Around you in your bubble.
When will the day come,
when we can burst the bubble,
and see the light for the colour that it is,
to hear the beauty in the sound,
of nature, of life, of birds,
of lambs, of children having fun,
to not feel the weight of expectation,
from your own mind, let alone others,
to feel comfortable in how you look,
how you smell, how you walk and talk.
When will the day come,
when my mind wont take stray words,
and hold onto them for hours, days or weeks,
eventually twisting them into sharp edged barbs,
and stabbing me in the back.
When will the day come,
when my body will be rested,
when sleep is for the night,
not for the day when hiding from myself,
and the self weary soul that lies within.
When will the day come,
when putting these words to paper,
isn’t the only way to release,
all that is penned up within,
when the spoken word is dangerous,
and tinged with strong words,
that have no place other than in my mind.
~Lonely in your own mind!
Lonely in your own mind!
Watching the world pass you by,
one lonely day at a time.
Lonely in your own mind.
Im not entirely sure what i want to do.with it or or what to expect from it but its a brain dump and maybe sometimes thats what is needed ....
When the day comes,
will my mind stop,
or will it carry on,
as it always has.
Will it keep playing tricks,
behind my back,
without my consent,
or understanding,
or realisation.
When will the day come,
when the mind will stop,
telling me lies about myself,
about how others think,
about how I feel.
When will the day come,
when my mind can be,
happy with what is ahead,
with what the future holds,
with the here and now,
with the past that has gone.
When will the day come,
when the sun will shine,
and make everything good and happy,
without the dark cloud,
getting ever closer,
like a rainstorm that is ready,
ready to shower oppression and misery,
like confetti in a snowstorm.
When will the day come,
when seeing people is fun,
not a challenge to overcome,
to have friendships that last,
that mean something to both sides.
When will the day come,
when new situations aren’t scary,
like a huge spider,
that’s about to sit on your head,
and make you scream like mad.
When will the day come,
when I have energy to burn,
where tiredness doesn’t overcome,
like a wave of duvets all ready,
to cover you and smother you to sleep.
When will the day come,
when peace will be the norm,
when the quiet wont make the voices louder,
will I get a reprieve from the days
of sleeping in bed to make time disappear
~Lonely in your own mind!
Lonely in your own mind!
Watching the world pass you by,
one lonely day at a time.
Lonely in your own mind!
Whilst others sing and play,
Around you in your bubble.
When will the day come,
when we can burst the bubble,
and see the light for the colour that it is,
to hear the beauty in the sound,
of nature, of life, of birds,
of lambs, of children having fun,
to not feel the weight of expectation,
from your own mind, let alone others,
to feel comfortable in how you look,
how you smell, how you walk and talk.
When will the day come,
when my mind wont take stray words,
and hold onto them for hours, days or weeks,
eventually twisting them into sharp edged barbs,
and stabbing me in the back.
When will the day come,
when my body will be rested,
when sleep is for the night,
not for the day when hiding from myself,
and the self weary soul that lies within.
When will the day come,
when putting these words to paper,
isn’t the only way to release,
all that is penned up within,
when the spoken word is dangerous,
and tinged with strong words,
that have no place other than in my mind.
~Lonely in your own mind!
Lonely in your own mind!
Watching the world pass you by,
one lonely day at a time.
Lonely in your own mind.
Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
Many thanks for posting and being prepared to share those innermost thoughts. As a young man, bereft of any close friends, I often dined alone but was quite adventurous in my tastes. Once, having dined in a local Chinese restaurant, I talked to my mother about the meal and with something of a scowl she said 'You! You would eat sh!t with hairs on!' Cut me to the quick it did but as you can guess, I never bothered sharing such information with her again.
As well as helping you get your thoughts together and share them you will be helping and encouraging others. I remember once attending a Pentecostal church sevice were the speaker, with some reluctance, shared his recent psychological challenges and was amazed by the number of folk who spoke to him after the service and said that they found encouragement in his words.
Always remember that the sun never sets on TFF.
Some of us may be asleep though!
- Location
- Glen Clova, Angus, DD8 4RD
I can't answer your question but I can offer hope and support. Had not been anything like you write for me since my late teens. Even then I didn't have the self doubt you describe but I certainly had the sensitivity to other's words.
- Location
- Limousin/Charentes toad land
You need Ian Curtis to sing it
I hope you don’t mind, I’ll delete if it’s inappropriate