Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[blackbob]

I would maybe liken it to a slippery slope. You're tootling along, everything ok, then a couple of things go wrong and it knocks you. Something else happens that maybe wouldn't normally bother you, but because you're a bit down already, you sink a bit lower. You're now a bit more touchy, so even the slightest things send you off on one. Don't know if that makes sense, but it's how you deal with it that matters.

Sorry if I'm rewinding the thread a bit, but been a busy week.. This would be my analogy:

You're the one in the barn, and some unpredictable stranger (called Life) is on the trailer..
Your neighbours all seem to have neatly-stacked barns, and you're making a tidy enough job too. But then you have to deal with several awkward-length bales, and you get a thistle in your finger, and the engine seems to speed up, before you know it you have a heap at the end of the elevator, then a burst bale, and there's still more bales coming at you...

I would echo @Ali and others, to anyone reading this who feels they can't cope, that this is as good a place as any to start, it's easy to register if you aren't already a member, none of us know who you are (even if you live next door), put your thoughts and worries into words, then you can start making your life worthwhile again

 

[Flossie]

Sorry if I'm rewinding the thread a bit, but been a busy week.. This would be my analogy:
View attachment 54397
You're the one in the barn, and some unpredictable stranger (called Life) is on the trailer..
Your neighbours all seem to have neatly-stacked barns, and you're making a tidy enough job too. But then you have to deal with several awkward-length bales, and you get a thistle in your finger, and the engine seems to speed up, before you know it you have a heap at the end of the elevator, then a burst bale, and there's still more bales coming at you...

I would echo @Ali and others, to anyone reading this who feels they can't cope, that this is as good a place as any to start, it's easy to register if you aren't already a member, none of us know who you are (even if you live next door), put your thoughts and worries into words, then you can start making your life worthwhile again

Think yours is better

 

[Lofty1984]

@blackbob fair play to you for being so open and honest I hope others who feel like you did back then have the courage to talk too this place as you say is a good place to start you can stay anonymous and as well as the fantastic advice you will receive you will have some brilliant less serious comments that will hopefully get you smiling again! It amazes me the level of genuine interest and care some people on here manage to convey with just a few words there have been a few threads lately where the original poster has bravely opened up and put there feelings public for all to see and the responses have been genuine and caring!

 

[grumpy]

@blackbob fair play to you for being so open and honest I hope others who feel like you did back then have the courage to talk too this place as you say is a good place to start you can stay anonymous and as well as the fantastic advice you will receive you will have some brilliant less serious comments that will hopefully get you smiling again! It amazes me the level of genuine interest and care some people on here manage to convey with just a few words there have been a few threads lately where the original poster has bravely opened up and put there feelings public for all to see and the responses have been genuine and caring!

and i didnt say jump off a bridgei must be mellowing in my old age

 

[blackbob]

been a busy week

For the record, I have been piloting a MF 6495 carting silage, one of a 'team' of 6, including a farmer/son/grandson
We have had to deal with punctures, a tractor/trailer in the ditch on a narrow road, various bursts and blockages - and finding that the newly-bought year-old 7624 is not suitable for buckraking, as there is a flimsily-shielded pipe underneath joining the fuel tanks, which isn't strong enough to survive running over piles of grass

My point is, that even if you have to think the unthinkable and give up and go and do something else, it really really isn't the end of the world, you have skills and experience which are needed by others, but are being wasted while struggling on your own. You can be doing the same job and face the same challenges during the day, but go home at night and leave it behind you, not have the same worries. My feeling of being a failure is fading, I enjoy the banter and company working with other people, working with stuff I could never afford to buy, I know I am the best welder here and the only one who enjoys fencing, life is different to 10 years ago, but on balance, better.

 

[kneedeep]

I was in a fairly bad place when this forum started up.
Once you get brave enough to post., you can ask the daftest questions, or share your greatest fears under the cloak of anonymity , assured by the fact there are folk on here who have been there, got the t shirt , for just about every scenario you could imagine, and some you can't.!
I'll never forget a couple of members in particular who took the time to PM me, with messages of support. I'll forever be in their debt.
Very humbling indeed.
I look out of my window every morning at my mates farm, he just couldn't get out of his depression even though he had good mates and family round him,
WHO UNDERSTOOD.
It wasn't enough for him I really can't think how it could've been prevented , it seemed almost pre ordained.
What mess it leaves behind.

 

[grumpy]

ive posted this loads of times but can never get enough of it,i could write for hours on depression but this sums it up perfectly.ive made no secret that im bi polar all my friends on here know this and its hardly surprising with the life ive had,but generally speaking i have more highs than lows now a days.you can say what you like about forums but as soon as i have a low my friend carole @llamedos is on it in a flash asking if im ok as ive been quiet lately.

 

[llamedos]

I know it has been said time and again, but I will say it again, for anyone reading this thread who has yet to post, you are not nor ever will be alone on here. If you are not brave enough yet to join up and post in the open, there is a facility to start a conversation, many refer to it as a PM (private message) You will find this facility at the top of the page next to your user name.

click this and you are able to start a Private conversation with any of the registered members here, so if you are a bit shy about posting and want to chat with someone, this is a good way to start, not everyone wants to share their feelings with the world, but chatting does help.

 

[grumpy]

pm me i love to chat and will tell you all my woes then you will think life aint that bad

 

[llamedos]

pm me i love to chat and will tell you all my woes then you will think life aint that bad

Sometimes That is just about the sum of it, you think life has dealt you the bum hand, and no one else has the same woes. Then you scratch the surface and discover things aint quite so bad at all, Or that by chatting here, find someone else has been through similar and come out the other side.
All the different stories on here, the main theme is, talking helps.

 

[grumpy]

Sometimes That is just about the sum of it, you think life has dealt you the bum hand, and no one else has the same woes. Then you scratch the surface and discover things aint quite so bad at all, Or that by chatting here, find someone else has been through similar and come out the other side.
All the different stories on here, the main theme is, talking helps.

i wont go into to all again ive bored folks enough in the past,but some minister saying he is in a better place now is just a patronising prat who was lucky to have left my house with his teeth,but these folks were great and they have been through it them selves so they know what they are talking about so i could respect them.its ok talking to professionals but thats their job ye canny beat talking to some one who has seen and done it so to speak
http://www.scottishcotdeathtrust.org/

 

[lazy farmer]

Just wanted to say this is a fantastic thread on a very inclusive forum. I have had some very dark days over the past 9 months or so and its only by talking about my problems with trusted friends that I now have far fewer dark days. It also transpired that when friends tell you their fine they may well not be and need to talk just as much as you do but may not feel brave enough or articulate enough to start the conversation.

lazy

 

[gone up the hill]

Just wanted to say this is a fantastic thread on a very inclusive forum. I have had some very dark days over the past 9 months or so and its only by talking about my problems with trusted friends that I now have far fewer dark days. It also transpired that when friends tell you their fine they may well not be and need to talk just as much as you do but may not feel brave enough or articulate enough to start the conversation.

lazy

Old saying that I think of often is thus : a problem shared is a problem halved and its very true..

Farming is a tough industry to be in no doubt about it, the workload is massive yet the workforce shrinks year on year... not healthy at all for anyone to work day in/ out without seeing/ help from another person but with the margins being so tight as they are this will only get worse...

Thing is we ALL only get one stab at life and while farming is a great industry to be in there is more to life at the end of the day, people in ALL WALKS OF LIFE struggle at some point and nothing to be ashamed of if you are struggling and need help, we have some great support networks for the farming industry so if you need help/ are stressed/ just need to talk then please call them for a listening ear/ help/ advice.. the person that makes that call is the bigger person than the one who just struggles on alone!!

 

[snarling bee]

I know different things help different people but I read a book depression curse of the strong by Tim Cantopher after hearing him speaking about the subject on radio 2. It helped me understand and explained that as mentioned above it is a chemical imbalance and can be seen in tests. Also people with certain personality traits are more likely to suffer from it, ie those people that will never say no when asked to do something and those that want everything to be perfect. I'm sure the NHS are bogged down with time wasters who just want signed off work. Pity they can t do some sort of test to show chemical imbalance to show genuine sufferers.

Interesting comment. Sums up my daughter to a tee. A real perfectionist, and always wanting to please/help others.

 

[shepherdess]

I joined this forum just a few days ago, i had already joined another 2 farming forums in the hope of starting to chat to others in subjects about farming, its pretty much all i know, bar shooting and horses, which the latter 2 i get little time to enjoy due to work load.

When i saw this thread it made me join, i was feeling pretty low and lonely, like i do some days, my social life is almost none excistant i can count on one hand friends i can call friends and even them i dont fully trust, (one of my main problems) i dont trust anyone, some way or another they all seem to let out something you have confided in them in secrete.
I did write a fairly long post about how i felt, problem i saw not only did it not all add up from farming related reasoning, it stems from school bullying right through to today, just writing it, kinda made me feel of ease.
I did not post it as some could have worked out who i was, or in future posts could have worked out who i was.
I know what you are saying about PM maybe a way to go, were see.

But like the video posted, infact very like the video posted, i have many a different day, i can go several days on a high life seems fairly good, jobs up together, animals looking nice. then something will change, i have had a few difficult yrs and it has been a challenge. i almost single handily run my own flock, sure i have help at lambing but the rest is up to me, if my decisions cost our partnership money its down to me, and i havent had a lot of luck the last few year's

I guess it does not help i cant really talk to anyone about it as i and my family are fairly private people, + again it comes down to trust. and thats where loneliness comes back in, i shut people out, and also have limited conversation when out, many of my friends have given up and moved on. i have always kept myself to myself, and many i guess think im weird, a bit thick or boring.

I am far from thinking of doing anything stupid, i can see life is worth living, even on a day everything is going wrong. but the pit of sadness is something i cant seem to find the words to discribe, where i struggle to explain, so i guess where my issues are? if only i could work out how to start conversation with people without thinking what i say is stupid or even having something to talk about i might start getting somewhere. i feel what i talk about sounds all I. as it is just me really doing the same job each day almost. Seeing very little else.
i feel better writing this, though worried about posting, but maybe their is others feeling the same and it may help them do the same.

 

[grumpy]

I joined this forum just a few days ago, i had already joined another 2 farming forums in the hope of starting to chat to others in subjects about farming, its pretty much all i know, bar shooting and horses, which the latter 2 i get little time to enjoy due to work load.

When i saw this thread it made me join, i was feeling pretty low and lonely, like i do some days, my social life is almost none excistant i can count on one hand friends i can call friends and even them i dont fully trust, (one of my main problems) i dont trust anyone, some way or another they all seem to let out something you have confided in them in secrete.
I did write a fairly long post about how i felt, problem i saw not only did it not all add up from farming related reasoning, it stems from school bullying right through to today, just writing it, kinda made me feel of ease.
I did not post it as some could have worked out who i was, or in future posts could have worked out who i was.
I know what you are saying about PM maybe a way to go, were see.

But like the video posted, infact very like the video posted, i have many a different day, i can go several days on a high life seems fairly good, jobs up together, animals looking nice. then something will change, i have had a few difficult yrs and it has been a challenge. i almost single handily run my own flock, sure i have help at lambing but the rest is up to me, if my decisions cost our partnership money its down to me, and i havent had a lot of luck the last few year's

I guess it does not help i cant really talk to anyone about it as i and my family are fairly private people, + again it comes down to trust. and thats where loneliness comes back in, i shut people out, and also have limited conversation when out, many of my friends have given up and moved on. i have always kept myself to myself, and many i guess think im weird, a bit thick or boring.

I am far from thinking of doing anything stupid, i can see life is worth living, even on a day everything is going wrong. but the pit of sadness is something i cant seem to find the words to discribe, where i struggle to explain, so i guess where my issues are? if only i could work out how to start conversation with people without thinking what i say is stupid or even having something to talk about i might start getting somewhere. i feel what i talk about sounds all I. as it is just me really doing the same job each day almost. Seeing very little else.
i feel better writing this, though worried about posting, but maybe their is others feeling the same and it may help them do the same.

we are kindred spirits pm me and we will chat.

 

[marco]

I'm not so sure about this farming being a great life thing is so true. Most of the time spent on your own, pressure of jobs mounting up, prices going down, costs going up. The good life my arse.

I was helping out a friend doing some machinery work in a housing estate a while ago. And the amount of people out and about having chats groups of kids running around playing. Even just waving at people as they pass by has to better for you

 

[llamedos]

I joined this forum just a few days ago, i had already joined another 2 farming forums in the hope of starting to chat to others in subjects about farming, its pretty much all i know, bar shooting and horses, which the latter 2 i get little time to enjoy due to work load.

When i saw this thread it made me join, i was feeling pretty low and lonely, like i do some days, my social life is almost none excistant i can count on one hand friends i can call friends and even them i dont fully trust, (one of my main problems) i dont trust anyone, some way or another they all seem to let out something you have confided in them in secrete.
I did write a fairly long post about how i felt, problem i saw not only did it not all add up from farming related reasoning, it stems from school bullying right through to today, just writing it, kinda made me feel of ease.
I did not post it as some could have worked out who i was, or in future posts could have worked out who i was.
I know what you are saying about PM maybe a way to go, were see.

But like the video posted, infact very like the video posted, i have many a different day, i can go several days on a high life seems fairly good, jobs up together, animals looking nice. then something will change, i have had a few difficult yrs and it has been a challenge. i almost single handily run my own flock, sure i have help at lambing but the rest is up to me, if my decisions cost our partnership money its down to me, and i havent had a lot of luck the last few year's

I guess it does not help i cant really talk to anyone about it as i and my family are fairly private people, + again it comes down to trust. and thats where loneliness comes back in, i shut people out, and also have limited conversation when out, many of my friends have given up and moved on. i have always kept myself to myself, and many i guess think im weird, a bit thick or boring.

I am far from thinking of doing anything stupid, i can see life is worth living, even on a day everything is going wrong. but the pit of sadness is something i cant seem to find the words to discribe, where i struggle to explain, so i guess where my issues are? if only i could work out how to start conversation with people without thinking what i say is stupid or even having something to talk about i might start getting somewhere. i feel what i talk about sounds all I. as it is just me really doing the same job each day almost. Seeing very little else.
i feel better writing this, though worried about posting, but maybe their is others feeling the same and it may help them do the same.

@shepherdess welcome along

 

[kneedeep]

Hi shepherdess
Welcome aboard
Don't worry about how to start a conversation on here, whatever comes into your head ,write it down, sometimes it'll be ignored (yesterday's chip paper)
Sometimes it'll run and run.
One things for sure, there's a lot of folk on here that share very common thoughts and experiences,
You are never alone.
P's
Grumpy'll start the chat up lines very shortly,
that'll put a smile on your face.

 

[Rarebreedewe]

Knew a farmer who I worked for and heard he'd topped himself by drinking herbicide. What a waste of chemical! So would there have been a big brown patch round his grave where the he'd killed the grass? Seriously though I've suffered from depression for years and I overcome it, just give yourself a huge kick up the jacksee n geddon with it. Jeez we only get a few years so enjoy it! I wasted years moping about, never again!!!