Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

Discussion in 'Agricultural Matters' started by Andyrob, Jun 21, 2013.

  1. Christoph1945

    Christoph1945 Member

    The most dangerous section of an iceberg is that which sits below the suface of the sea; ask the catpain of the Titanic. Hopefully this thread, in some small way, may function like the gulf stream and help to melt away some ice; or give some people time to take fresh navigational bearings and thus avoid being totally sunk.

    At all costs; try to avoid being judgemental,
  2. Spartacus

    Spartacus Member

    Been reading this thread more and more recently, not read all posts but dipping in and out.

    Have been feeling down for a while (probably call it depressed, even more so now I have actually opened up to a friend and said it out loud).

    I have written out a lot more than this twice then deleted it as im not sure I want to post it on a public forum. Im going to see a counselor soon to see if they can help with things.
  3. spin cycle

    spin cycle Member

    north norfolk
    well you've made a start(y)....i've written a few 'out there' posts myself.....i found it's not that helps me by thinking i'm helping to tackle any stigma ppl give to mental health issues....there's a lot of us posting on here and i've 2 or 3 members who i chat to by pm:) if that's a route?.....anyhoo ATB:)
    Friesianfan, Alicecow, Timbo and 3 others like this.
  4. Chasingmytail

    Chasingmytail Member

    Newport, SE Wales
    Yes its horrible I had horrific panic attacks when my 1st marriage ended. I was just 30 no children. The loneliness was horrific even though I had friends I had lost my best friend I felt alone on an iceberg - Luckily I remarried 3 years later. Now, as a mum in an intense lifestyle I also wonder what will happen when the boys grow up and I'm left here finding things to do I can understand why farmers wives go because they have given everything to be superwomen and its a hard and lonely life. Its important that we have hobbies and interests that involves social and freedom to escape. I always say its like a death. So many years together then gone. But its important to make some serious changes that suit you, change everything in the house, find a hobby or passion but make sure you have time to grieve. Being lonely and having to learn to be domestic must be tough. Dont expect to bounce back and dont knock yourself for struggling. Give yourself tiny goals.
    Osca, glow worm, Alicecow and 5 others like this.
  5. Spartacus

    Spartacus Member

    How does anyone else deal with the highs and the lows? I felt very much on the road to feeling fairly happy last night but this morning it's back down to earth with a big thump.
    willy and Buzzy like this.
  6. spin cycle

    spin cycle Member

    north norfolk
    if you're depressed then at night you can put your 'problems' aside telling yourself you'll deal with it in the morning.....trouble is then morning solution i've found is to get up and get going(y)
  7. DrWazzock

    DrWazzock Member

    One of the problems of being self employed is that sometimes I have less motivation to do something. For one thing the returns are a bit low at the moment that it's easy to think "why bother" and the other thing is we don't have set hours or a boss on our tail. At harvest time and lambing time the farm provides the motivation as there is a sense of purpose and of urgency to get things done but it's during the slack times that lethargy and demotivation can set in, particularly at this time of year.

    So I think it's important to keep on setting goals and targets and to try and stick to them, however difficult it is to get motivated and get on with it. It's always a boost to morale to be able to say I have achieved something at the end of the day, no matter how small or even financially unprofitable. Just having tidied something up or cleaned it down helps improve self worth and happiness.

    I know it's easier said than done when a low mood sets in, but for me it's the only way I can lift myself out of one.
    Osca, Funny Farmer, Flossie and 11 others like this.
  8. marcusthehat

    marcusthehat Member

    At 58 I now accept ,the natural cycle of the year, "joking" that I hibernate for the winter months, "a full belly and a warm bed" being all I need.
    But! in the realization that some spring morning I will leap outta bed and hit the ground running, as if someone flicked a switch and turned my power back on.
    Also prone to *manic depressive episodes, which again, I have at least learned to recognise & survive.
    *more manic when younger, definately more depressive with age.
    We are all different.
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2017
    Osca, Alicecow, dstudent and 2 others like this.
  9. Blod

    Blod Member

    E Carmarthenshire
    I imagine how I would like to feel, whether about a situation or an individual. Always positive, and then I let my mind "play" in the sensation of being at peace, rest or just comfortable. We are all different I know so of course it isn't something that most would even consider trying. It works for me though and after years of restless nights I now sleep like a log. :)
    Alicecow and DrWazzock like this.
  10. theboytheboy

    theboytheboy Member

    I agree. You've made a start. I wrote an "out there" post awhile back now and said things to you guys I've not said to anyone else.

    It helped me to start being able to say out loud to people I had suffered very badly from depression. I was amazed how good the reaction I got was. I expected people to feel awkward and embarrassed but nearly everyone either had a close family member of friend that had suffered from depression or admitted they had themselves.

    This helped make it seem more normal and made it even easier to talk about. I found it quite cathartic just being able to say it out load. It was like a release of pressure. It doesn't make it go away but it just seemed to help.

    Over Christmas I met with a friend who was back from abroad. I've not seen him for years. The first thing he did was look me in the eyes and ask how I was doing and I knew that he meant my mental health......later on he admitted he had recently had a very bad time and it was finding it hard to talk to anyone but had been able to talk to me.

    I was able to give him the benefit of hindsight and my personal experience. Hopefully that will help him.

    What I'm trying to say in a long winded way is, i went from agonising over putting some pretty personal stuff on here to being able to give advice to somone and potentially help them. It's nice to be able to reduce the stigma etc but I think the real benefit of an "out there" post will be to you and your ability to start talking about things a bit more easily.
    Osca, Alicecow, dstudent and 2 others like this.
  11. Christoph1945

    Christoph1945 Member

    Depression/anxiety, the "black dog" we all write of, is a wee bit like the beast in the old monster movies that kept us all on the edge of our seats (just as long as we couldn't see it) but once we saw the thing turn up, we all said shucks that's daft. We also, from infancy to addulthood, take on other peoples opinions of our selves and finish up with a self immage like one of those distorted mirrors in fairground shows.

    Looks to me like you guys are realy getting it all together here and this thread will go from strength to strength, supporting and redirecting many in their hours of need.

    Thank you all for allowing me, an ignorant townie, to share with you. Thank you for all the work you good folk do in providing food for the nation. Thank you for suffering those icy cold morning when fingers are feeling like they may drop off and it may feel like uncooperative animals may have it in for you. Thank you for the days working in mud that threatens to swallow the tractor or Landrover. And above all, thank you for being you.

    Stay safe, stay well, and may God bless your every endevour.
  12. Fromebridge

    Fromebridge Member

    Simply persuading your mind it's in a better place than it thinks it is can be effective. It's not that much different to the idea, which does work, of just looking in a mirror and smiling at yourself, however difficult it may be.
    Alicecow likes this.

  13. As a cereal farmer I struggled with the lack of routine/urgency of the winter. I am sure I am much better off with cows, always having a need to get on and being motivated from the outside rather than having to self motivate.
    A day off would be nice though:facepalm:
    Tompkins, DrWazzock and Wiking like this.
  14. Spartacus

    Spartacus Member

    I dont think pursuading my mind is going to do anything just now, I feel I am in deep turmoil at the moment. Saw a councillor yesterday and maybe thats why I felt better later on yesterday, I just dont know. Booked in to go again on Tuesday.

    In all honestly I am just lost at the moment, dont want to be in the house, dont want to look after the kids as I am snappy, im not eating, not sleeping not thinking of anything but the main big problem in my life.
  15. Wiking

    Wiking Member

    I agree completly, I only have 25 odd cows but they give me a reason to get out of bed in the winter months, I also do some work in the forest... I think not doing anything at all is dangerous since that's when you start overthinking things.
    DrWazzock and czechmate like this.
  16. spin cycle

    spin cycle Member

    north norfolk
    have you seen a gp?.....when my doctor told me i was depressed i didn't believe him.....your symptoms sound a lot like mine in 2008.....seratonin uptake inhibitors changed my life(y)
    theboytheboy likes this.
  17. glasshouse

    glasshouse Member

    I have a pet theory about how the bi polar condition is somehow connected to the seasons, as in you have to work like mad in spring and autumn, and hibernate in winter. Was it natures way of getting primitive man to work like hell to get him through winter.?
    Chae1 and marcusthehat like this.
  18. marcusthehat

    marcusthehat Member

    This would make a lot of sense.
    I re-read the thread title, and should have mentioned, in my initial post above, that oddly or otherwise, despite being glum, depressed and uncommunicative to the point of absolute dysfunction, I never have nor have had any suicidal thoughts.
    Others, however, may have felt like doing it to me/for me.

    Last edited: Jan 8, 2017
    Pieces_of_Eight and czechmate like this.
  19. Chae1

    Chae1 Member

    In the same way when your on a up you never get ill. As soon as you stop your defences drop and illness sets in.
  20. Roy Baty

    Roy Baty New Member

    I see my children picking up on the worse aspects of my personality now. Certainly the eldest is beginning to develop my stresses and panic. There is always that clamour "but what about your children?" - who I am supposed to be building this business for - but are they going to want to be farming after another 10/15 years of seeing the effects on their father? So much pressure now, and its not at all financial, but so little fun.

    I do wonder if this drives farmers to generally taking poor care of themselves? I'd not want to have any of my family finding me strung up from a beam, but often think if I could just have a heart attack, or hit by a car, or something like that then no-one would really need to know would they?

    It wasnt supposed to be like this. But seeing so many of my friends in a similar position.....such high potential but in the end I've just been a disappointment for the last 20 years.

    Ah well. Tears mopped up and will go and slap on the happy face before I go out of the house.
    Osca and willy like this.

Share This Page