Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[Crofter64]

nope. Don’t think twice about it.

When I put in my application to emigrate to Canada I needed to get references from as many people I’d done welding work for as possible.
Quite a few people whom I’d dropped everything to rush off to repair a machine, friends who I gave a good deal to and a few who bitched and moaned about the price until I dropped it a bit, never bothered their arse to help me when I needed something from them.
Made me realise I was being the mug for bending over backwards for them and in future there was going to be a lot less being generous.
Takes practice though, not easy to say no, but it’s worth it.

So, will you be coming to Canada afterall?

 

[Shavings man]

An odd one but a bit of a moral dilemma. I have moved horse muck for years from several customers in the next village. I probably just cover my costs doing it and no doubt if somebody went through it with a fine tooth comb I’d have broken many regulations on everything from NVZ regs to waste carrier regs to insurance. Anyway now we have no stock it’s an even bigger pain dealing with it as we have no muck heap I can add it to etc and would rather sell the spreader while it’s still got life in it and free up the considerable shed space it uses. I won’t miss the hassle, the narrow gateways and cramped yards, mud, ménage tyre shreds and rubble in the muck or some of their patronising arrogant attitudes. So it should be an easy decision to just ditch that job as well but I always feel bad about letting people down. I feel though in the long run I’ll be better focussing on my core business rather than being constantly distracted by these PITA “charity” jobs. So I’m ditching them, rightly or wrongly and being more mercenary. Feels wrong but right. Next year will be the year when somebody else’s problem doesn’t necessarily have to be my problem.

Been around horse folk all my life. 99.9 % couldn't give a toss about you just so long as there alright sod every body else dont you feel guilty one bit just tell them you know longer able to do it let them find someone else who charges proper prices you can be to daft with them I am leaning slowly would they put them self out for you ? All the best to you and happy new year.

 

[davieh3350]

So, will you be coming to Canada afterall?

To be honest I don’t know.
I applied through a scheme the town of Morden was running. They needed welders, but I didn’t like the place that much.
You were to stay in/around the town and work, I’d always been self employed and the thought of working full time for someone else in a workshop didn’t appeal (I’m working for someone just now but on a farm an doing maintenance and repairs, hate it!)
I went to Winnipeg for an interview with the immigration people (a smoking hot Polish woman) and I confessed to her that I didn’t like the place and wouldn’t have stuck around.
I told her that I’d seen a baling contractor further north advertising for drivers and would have gone and got a job with them, got myself known around the area and gradually gather some work till I had enough to go on my own again. She thought that would’ve been fine, but agreed that it wasn’t fair on the town.
I should have gone through with it and used the town, but honesty and not wanting to let people down got the better of me.
I want to be back home on the farm I grew up on, but with a father and stepmother who don’t want to move out of the farmhouse (it’s really the yard and sheds I’m after) then it’s pointless holding on for it.
Jacked most of it in and came up to Iceland for a while.
I’m tempted to have another go at Canada, maybe a working visa as a cattleman or some mobile welder out in the sticks.

 

[Crofter64]

I’m tempted to have another go at Canada, maybe a working visa as a cattleman or some mobile welder out in the sticks.

That sounds like an idea. Have some adventures. I think a working visa is the way to go. Less hassle , more varied experience than being stuck in Morden.

 

[Lazy Eric]

My new years resolution needs to be able to say no! It has caused me so much hassle and unhappiness over the years always agreeing to other peoples wants and needs just to people please.
The the barstewards I’ve been pleasing wouldn’t give me a second thought.

Tell them to get someone else to shift their shite, if they can’t sell the bloody horse !

 

[Christoph1945]

I have often wondered about horse muck and muck contaminated shavings and wondered if there is a market for it. Councils all over the country have issued plastic composting bins free of charge to gardening residents who then compost garden waste and organic kitchen scraps. I have two large composting bins and recycle as much kitchen waste as possible but both could do with some straw, shavings, or horse poop contaminated bedding to augment the process.

My wife's grandpa was an old Yorkshire man and would have been familiar with the saying that 'where there's muck there's brass'!

Time for a rethink, perhaps?

 

[dragonfly]

An odd one but a bit of a moral dilemma. I have moved horse muck for years from several customers in the next village. I probably just cover my costs doing it and no doubt if somebody went through it with a fine tooth comb I’d hav

My new years resolution needs to be able to say no! It has caused me so much hassle and unhappiness over the years always agreeing to other peoples wants and needs just to people please.
The the barstewards I’ve been pleasing wouldn’t give me a second thought.

Tell them to get someone else to shift their shite, if they can’t sell the bloody horse !

After reading yesterdasy's post from Dr Wazzock, I decided that in the new year, 2021, I am going to say no, more often.
To stop trying to please everyone and try and look after myself more often. In 2019 and 2020, I have found out the hard way, that most people don't appreciate you and the more you do, the more they want!
2021, the year to say no! (politely)

 

[cows sh#t me to tears]

After reading yesterdasy's post from Dr Wazzock, I decided that in the new year, 2021, I am going to say no, more often.
To stop trying to please everyone and try and look after myself more often. In 2019 and 2020, I have found out the hard way, that most people don't appreciate you and the more you do, the more they want!
2021, the year to say no! (politely)

Not so easy when it's your immediate family expecting more and more of you. When you have less and less to give....

 

[Kiwi Pete]

Not so easy when it's your immediate family expecting more and more of you. When you have less and less to give....

Makes it all the more satisfying when you say the magic word! How's it going with you?

 

[DrWazzock]

I have often wondered about horse muck and muck contaminated shavings and wondered if there is a market for it. Councils all over the country have issued plastic composting bins free of charge to gardening residents who then compost garden waste and organic kitchen scraps. I have two large composting bins and recycle as much kitchen waste as possible but both could do with some straw, shavings, or horse poop contaminated bedding to augment the process.

My wife's grandpa was an old Yorkshire man and would have been familiar with the saying that 'where there's muck there's brass'!

Time for a rethink, perhaps?

Believe me I take no pleasure in ceasing my horse muck removal service but it’s become difficult and problematic.
The muck heaps or clamps are difficult to access or poorly built and one or two look like the walls will collapse, so the last half tonne or so has to be hand shovelled away. And you can bet I’ll be blamed if I push the clamp wall over with my loader. Others store the muck on the ground on a rubble base, swimming in water and effluent. Inevitably rubble ends up being scooped up and damages the spreader. Others contaminate the horse muck with weed seed from their paddocks and shredded tyre waste that they use in their menages. This has become noticeable when spreading the muck. I have written to my customers about these problems about two years ago, warning that I can’t accept the muck with such contamination. I have asked them to coordinate collection so I can do all of them in one hit to save travelling and washing out time moving the loader etc. Nobody takes a bit of notice, but treats you like a serf and expects you to attend at the drop of a hat. Then there is the paperwork, the manure management plan and records that must be completed because we are in a nitrate vulnerable zone. And it even features in the Red Tractor inspection. So that’s it. No more. I tried my best.

 

[cows sh#t me to tears]

Makes it all the more satisfying when you say the magic word! How's it going with you?

Been better Pete. Thought I was doing ok till yesterday.

 

[Kiwi Pete]

Been better Pete. Thought I was doing ok till yesterday.

Bugger . Sorry to hear that! Always here if you need to let out a ripper

 

[GrannyAching]

Believe me I take no pleasure in ceasing my horse muck removal service but it’s become difficult and problematic.
The muck heaps or clamps are difficult to access or poorly built and one or two look like the walls will collapse, so the last half tonne or so has to be hand shovelled away. And you can bet I’ll be blamed if I push the clamp wall over with my loader. Others store the muck on the ground on a rubble base, swimming in water and effluent. Inevitably rubble ends up being scooped up and damages the spreader. Others contaminate the horse muck with weed seed from their paddocks and shredded tyre waste that they use in their menages. This has become noticeable when spreading the muck. I have written to my customers about these problems about two years ago, warning that I can’t accept the muck with such contamination. I have asked them to coordinate collection so I can do all of them in one hit to save travelling and washing out time moving the loader etc. Nobody takes a bit of notice, but treats you like a serf and expects you to attend at the drop of a hat. Then there is the paperwork, the manure management plan and records that must be completed because we are in a nitrate vulnerable zone. And it even features in the Red Tractor inspection. So that’s it. No more. I tried my best.

Not exactly thread related but do you ever notice problems with Forefront (aminopyralid) type chemicals in the straw/muck? As a gardener, I have had to find neighbours with horse or cattle much where they know exactly where the straw has come from and can guarantee their grass hasn't been sprayed.

It might not affect you if you aren't growing any broad leaves crops. I know, partly in answer to @Christoph1945 , a lot of allotments won't have it because it causes so many long term problems

 

[DrWazzock]

Not so easy when it's your immediate family expecting more and more of you. When you have less and less to give....

Too right. There is a limit. We like to do our bit but when it gets to the stage we are being walked on or seen as a limitless resource then maybe change is needed.
What never fails to surprise me is that others never see it coming though it’s been building up for years.
Look after yourself.

 

[cows sh#t me to tears]

Too right. There is a limit. We like to do our bit but when it gets to the stage we are being walked on or seen as a limitless resource then maybe change is needed.
What never fails to surprise me is that others never see it coming though it’s been building up for years.
Look after yourself.

That's what being taken for granted does.....
I guess we are all guilty to some extent.

 

[Christoph1945]

Believe me I take no pleasure in ceasing my horse muck removal service but it’s become difficult and problematic.
The muck heaps or clamps are difficult to access or poorly built and one or two look like the walls will collapse, so the last half tonne or so has to be hand shovelled away. And you can bet I’ll be blamed if I push the clamp wall over with my loader. Others store the muck on the ground on a rubble base, swimming in water and effluent. Inevitably rubble ends up being scooped up and damages the spreader. Others contaminate the horse muck with weed seed from their paddocks and shredded tyre waste that they use in their menages. This has become noticeable when spreading the muck. I have written to my customers about these problems about two years ago, warning that I can’t accept the muck with such contamination. I have asked them to coordinate collection so I can do all of them in one hit to save travelling and washing out time moving the loader etc. Nobody takes a bit of notice, but treats you like a serf and expects you to attend at the drop of a hat. Then there is the paperwork, the manure management plan and records that must be completed because we are in a nitrate vulnerable zone. And it even features in the Red Tractor inspection. So that’s it. No more. I tried my best.

Many thanks for taking the time and trouble to enlighten me on your situation Doc; being the farm ignorant townie that I am I just didn't realise, or visualise, all the complications involved with the disposal of horse manure and bedding.

Once it's gone you will probably feel somewhat better for not having to face the dilemma of deciding to continue, or not. Please don't forget to keep us all informed of your ptogress, as you activate the cessation of the horse muck collections.

As a slight aside ...... I often find that problems can be magnified by my diet and I have to try to wait until whatever has worked it's way through my sytem before actually acting upon my line of thinking.

 

[davieh3350]

Many thanks for taking the time and trouble to enlighten me on your situation Doc; being the farm ignorant townie that I am I just didn't realise, or visualise, all the complications involved with the disposal of horse manure and bedding.

Once it's gone you will probably feel somewhat better for not having to face the dilemma of deciding to continue, or not. Please don't forget to keep us all informed of your ptogress, as you activate the cessation of the horse muck collection's.

As a slight aside ...... I often find that problems can be magnified by my diet and I have to try to wait until whatever has worked it's way through my sytem before actually acting upon my line of thinking.

Do you keep yourself well topped up with water (not that nasty town stuff if you can avoid it )
Dehydration is seemingly a fairly big deal when it comes to making your head work properly.

 

[Will 1594]

Maybe this ones a better fit? View attachment 929542

I really like that ,have screen shot it

 

[DrWazzock]

Not exactly thread related but do you ever notice problems with Forefront (aminopyralid) type chemicals in the straw/muck? As a gardener, I have had to find neighbours with horse or cattle much where they know exactly where the straw has come from and can guarantee their grass hasn't been sprayed.

It might not affect you if you aren't growing any broad leaves crops. I know, partly in answer to @Christoph1945 , a lot of allotments won't have it because it causes so many long term problems

We have seen poorer patches sometimes where the muck has been spread probably down to hormone weed killers as you say and also N lock up due to the amount of wood shavings in it. It’s another reason I don’t really want it. Anyway I have found my customers some possible alternative commercial grab lorry type waste removal contractors who can move the muck and deal with it how they see fit..,at a price .... so I haven’t left them completely in the lurch, not that it’s my problem really. No other farmer in the area will have anything to do with them.
I was programmed to take on and solve problems at an early age by my father. It’s a habit that takes some breaking. My uncle had a slightly different take on things. “Sorry but not my problem, mate.” At the time he seemed a bit heartless but I can see why he acted that way. A sort of self preservation. We have enough to do here. Just trying to strike a balance.

 

[Shavings man]

My new years resolution needs to be able to say no! It has caused me so much hassle and unhappiness over the years always agreeing to other peoples wants and needs just to people please.
The the barstewards I’ve been pleasing wouldn’t give me a second thought.

Tell them to get someone else to shift their shite, if they can’t sell the bloody horse !

Believe me I take no pleasure in ceasing my horse muck removal service but it’s become difficult and problematic.
The muck heaps or clamps are difficult to access or poorly built and one or two look like the walls will collapse, so the last half tonne or so has to be hand shovelled away. And you can bet I’ll be blamed if I push the clamp wall over with my loader. Others store the muck on the ground on a rubble base, swimming in water and effluent. Inevitably rubble ends up being scooped up and damages the spreader. Others contaminate the horse muck with weed seed from their paddocks and shredded tyre waste that they use in their menages. This has become noticeable when spreading the muck. I have written to my customers about these problems about two years ago, warning that I can’t accept the muck with such contamination. I have asked them to coordinate collection so I can do all of them in one hit to save travelling and washing out time moving the loader etc. Nobody takes a bit of notice, but treats you like a serf and expects you to attend at the drop of a hat. Then there is the paperwork, the manure management plan and records that must be completed because we are in a nitrate vulnerable zone. And it even features in the Red Tractor inspection. So that’s it. No more. I tried my best.

Good on you sod em .