Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[DrWazzock]

That it does, the irony of that situation is "if" you do talk you'd know how many other people you know have been in a similar situation but you never realised it.

Indeed.
Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen.

To all of you. You can only do what you think is right at the time. And you cant do everything.....I know this , even though I try to do as much as I can myself. I'm way behind where and what I need to have done atm ....But I know this year (well I hope it is.....) is an exception as an extra 320 ac on top of 1100 this year has brought many unique and one off challenges and winter (and summer and autumn jobs...) . Theres only so many hours in a day and whilst it's still winter here. I'm working 12 of them 7 days a week. Stress only becomes an issue if you let it take hold.
For me. As I've said before , dont over think things.... (well, just the one job at a time...) just concentrate on one thing and try and tick it off... I know it's hard. Trust me. Relying on irrigation and the massive workload that it entails takes its toll. It's been my "quiet" time here being winter.... only 84hrs a week as opposed to 116....
I guess what I'm trying to say is keeping busy and ticking off one thing at a time stops me from procrastinating and stressing. That and treating yourself occasionally....I guess I'm a bit of a magpie. I like shiny new things.....doesn't matter how big. Just something to make the effort seem worthwhile.... it helps ease the loneliness.
I still ponder what the point of it all is though.... 50 now. And I do wonder sometimes what's the point in flogging your guts out .....20 years from now, will it have been worth it?? Who knows... that's why I just take it a day and a job at a time....over thinking things can be self destructive.

Good plan. I liken it to a horse working with blinkers on. Keep focussed on the job in hand and don’t scare yourself by looking round and seeing all the other jobs that are waiting.

 

[FonterraFarmer]

I've replied to Christoph1945 by PM, and the gist of it was that I intended that Exit was to have the same meaning Rural or Urban ~ I'm currently seeking accommodation elsewhere ~ I shall be living alone.

Good for you if you realise that's what you need to do to move forward.
Occasionally even with a common language, things get lost in "translation".
What you must remember regardless of being on you own or thinking that you are alone is "You are never alone", you would be surprised by how many people that are out there that will help if asked.

 

[Texel Tup]

Good for you if you realise that's what you need to do to move forward.
Occasionally even with a common language, things get lost in "translation".
What you must remember regardless of being on you own or thinking that you are alone is "You are never alone", you would be surprised by how many people that are out there that will help if asked.

Thank you for your understanding. When I left my last boarding school, the Headmaster asked me "I have to write a report of you, would you say that it's true that you're happiest in your own company"? Strange that, and perceptive too.
Though naturally a gregarious person and loud too when in my cups! I really don't fear loneliness, when living alone previously, I often only had my dogs, horses and sheep and often didn't speak to a soul for days ~ and I was happy with that.
If I've learned nothing else of myself, it's that I'm really not too skilled at relationships - don't misunderstand me, girls are lovely and I constantly live in hope, but …….. I think that most blokes quite simply, take girls to seriously!

 

[cows sh#t me to tears]

I resonate with the above. And 99% of the time I am completely fine working alone or just being in my own company (despite a wife and kids) .
I do struggle though at times of the year when your supposed to be happy, jolly and social....Aka xmas....

 

[DrWazzock]

I resonate with the above. And 99% of the time I am completely fine working alone or just being in my own company (despite a wife and kids) .
I do struggle though at times of the year when your supposed to be happy, jolly and social....Aka xmas....

It’s all very well keeping our heads down and soldiering on but sometimes I do ask myself what is the point of it all? Have i got the balance right? Am I working to live or living to work. Why am I not happy unless I’m working? I’m 52 and sometimes thinking I’ve achieved nothing other than keeping a business which is well past it’s sell by date afloat due to some kind of duty to “keep it going” or not wanting to be the one “who let it go.” Sometimes I think I will just do what pleases myself and sod the duty but probably I’m too cowardly for that. Hmmmmm.

 

[DrWazzock]

But folks who went before me didn’t just cash it in and pleased themselves even though they could have done and for that reason I too keep on carrying on. And there probably isn’t a better way anyway. Grass always looks greener but never is. Just keep on carrying on as dad said before he passed on. Suppose he might have been right. He generally was, being older and all that.

 

[cows sh#t me to tears]

I enjoy the challenge of building stuff and improving the farm . Wasnt till recently when looking at a project I have planned for next winter that it dawned on me that in 30 years time no one else will give a toss.... It will just be an asset for someone else (still hold out hope one of my boys might take it on at some point).
Reason? I knew the previous owner (4 owners back now) who has since died of cancer. He was our neighbor at the time 25 years ago. And he had the sheds put up. But now they're just sheds....And I think what good did it do him... This is what I mean by over thinking things and self destructiveness.... I know I'm better off just concentrating on the day at hand or week ahead ....That being said. Forward planning and goals or dreams are still important or else it can feel tiresomely monotonous....

 

[cows sh#t me to tears]

It’s all very well keeping our heads down and soldiering on but sometimes I do ask myself what is the point of it all? Have i got the balance right? Am I working to live or living to work. Why am I not happy unless I’m working? I’m 52 and sometimes thinking I’ve achieved nothing other than keeping a business which is well past it’s sell by date afloat due to some kind of duty to “keep it going” or not wanting to be the one “who let it go.” Sometimes I think I will just do what pleases myself and sod the duty but probably I’m too cowardly for that. Hmmmmm.

At least you are happy when your working.... Things would be unbearable if you wernt....
So, like it or not, if it makes you happy, keep at it. Perhaps set some goals off farm to break it up..(I know....easier said than done...)

 

[DrWazzock]

Ha ha. An old neighbour is 80 this year. One step away from the nursing home but has put in for planning permission for a new cattle shed. I asked him why he was doing that at his age. He reckoned it would be difficult to fill his time without such projects and that’s when problems set in.

 

[cows sh#t me to tears]

One time of the year I really did look forward too in spring here was the annual machinery field days. We have 2 major ones 2 weeks apart and about 160kms away in opposite directions.... Its a great day out.
Unfortunately they have been cancelled for the second year in a row because of the rona. It truly is becoming tiresome....That said, I guess we are lucky to have the freedom of working on a farm and life being relatively normal...

 

[Christoph1945]

I've replied to Christoph1945 by PM, and the gist of it was that I intended that Exit was to have the same meaning Rural or Urban ~ I'm currently seeking accommodation elsewhere ~ I shall be living alone.

Many thanks for the clarification and the pm; I had misinterpreted your statement and thought that you were starting to contemplate suicide, despite your declaration that you were not!

 

[Christoph1945]

Ha ha. An old neighbour is 80 this year. One step away from the nursing home but has put in for planning permission for a new cattle shed. I asked him why he was doing that at his age. He reckoned it would be difficult to fill his time without such projects and that’s when problems set in.

I have known men who, upon retirement, just lost their will to live and faded away to meet their maker. Sounds like your old neighbour is a very wise man!

 

[cows sh#t me to tears]

I have known men who, upon retirement, just lost their will to live and faded away to meet their maker. Sounds like your old neighbour is a very wise man!

We all have to do or find something that fulfills our mental needs. For some like my father, working until he drops is his goal. I'll possibly be the same?? Only time will tell. But I do know I need stuff to do daily. I dont do "nothing" that well.....a few hours or a rainy day , yeah fine. Anymore than that and I'm climbing the walls.

 

[cows sh#t me to tears]

Bit of foilage sunshine for you all. Neighbors canola.

 

[Texel Tup]

We all have to do or find something that fulfills our mental needs. ……..

A man much older than I at the time, once said to me "Find a job that you enjoy doing, and you'll never do another day's work, in your life". I get the sentiment.

For some we toil and that's the reward ~ for others we're not where we are when at our labours, we're miles away ~ for some, perhaps we don't know anything else. Perhaps the lucky ones are empire building and planning for the future - even if we do occasionally step outside, look down and wonder why. I'm with you, in that Nothing isn't an option.

 

[cows sh#t me to tears]

I have a friend whom is rapidly drinking himself to death. Both his parents were the same. Hes happy to do nothing.... Hasnt worked for best part of 10 years. I just dont get it....Another friend whom when his working week finished. That was it, tools down so to speak and he wouldn't lift a finger till back at work....his mrs ended up leaving him because of it...As you said. All you know.....5am 365 days a year for 33 years. I wonder what ill do with my time when the cows eventually go...

 

[harrow]

I resonate with the above. And 99% of the time I am completely fine working alone or just being in my own company (despite a wife and kids) .
I do struggle though at times of the year when your supposed to be happy, jolly and social....Aka xmas....

Yes xmas your expected to be happy, happy happy we just treat it as another day

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

Yes xmas your expected to be happy, happy happy we just treat it as another day

The irony is that that very expectation makes it the least happy day of the year for some.

It has been thoroughly hijacked by consumerism now in most cases and so become meaningless. Add in the dysfunctionality of many families and it becomes a day to endure.

I'm not religious but, on that day, I think the deeply religious families probably have their attitude right.

 

[cows sh#t me to tears]

The irony is that that very expectation makes it the least happy day of the year for some.

It has been thoroughly hijacked by consumerism now in most cases and do become meaningless. As in the dysfunctionality of many families and it becomes a day to endure.

I'm not religious but, on that day, I think the deeply religious families probably have their attitude right.

It means little to me. In fact I resent it. I've never had a xmas day off. Even with a worker, he has more rights than we do. I resent people taking religious holidays whom dont have a religious bone in their bodies.... to me it's just a pita as if something breaks its 4 days most times before you can fix it...
Bah humbug....

 

[GeorgeK]

This is just a personal opinion but I think there are too many farmers who keep farming because they think they owe it to someone, worry about what the neighbours will think or are fearful of what lies beyond. I think people should farm because they believe it's the best thing for themselves and their families. Rather then living with the mindset of being 'trapped' what if we visualised and planned for what it would be like to move on? Mentally coming to terms with those challenges and opportunities even if we have no intention of doing so could help us feel more free and that farming is a choice rather than a life sentence. I think it's all about keeping an open mind, a wide perspective and as farmers we should know more than anyone that every ending is a new beginning.