Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[Kiwi Pete]

Great Post, I actually feel gratitude that things got bad enough for me to stop and start again, picking apart who I am so that I can be the real me. Not there yet but have complete faith that I will. The link below is a good read, lots of great articles on that site actually. A thought that some of you may disagree with but it's the way I see it more and more- it's now very trendy to talk about mental health and say "It's OK not to be OK" actually I don't think it is ok. I listened to that message and thought there was something wrong with me and that's the way it is. Not being OK isn't OK. It's not living and that's what we are here to do. We are told if we are struggling then we just need to tell someone and ask for help. The truth is, good help is really hard to find and it's hard work even with the right help. But you are worth it. I hope this has come out OK and not as harsh because I believe in being kind to each other but more importantly ourselves. Ramble over.

How Following Someone Else's Path Can Lead to Depression - Tiny Buddha

I struggled with depression because I was living by other people's values. Here are four lessons that helped me overcome it.

tinybuddha.com

Nice one D

you got it - living up to someone elses standards and ideals might be "good" but it's not really good enough, not if you want a bit of fulfillment out of life.

My standard is to just keep getting up in the morning and giving it a go, if it's not a good day then tomorrow will bring a new one

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

Great Post, I actually feel gratitude that things got bad enough for me to stop and start again, picking apart who I am so that I can be the real me. Not there yet but have complete faith that I will. The link below is a good read, lots of great articles on that site actually. A thought that some of you may disagree with but it's the way I see it more and more- it's now very trendy to talk about mental health and say "It's OK not to be OK" actually I don't think it is ok. I listened to that message and thought there was something wrong with me and that's the way it is. Not being OK isn't OK. It's not living and that's what we are here to do. We are told if we are struggling then we just need to tell someone and ask for help. The truth is, good help is really hard to find and it's hard work even with the right help. But you are worth it. I hope this has come out OK and not as harsh because I believe in being kind to each other but more importantly ourselves. Ramble over.

How Following Someone Else's Path Can Lead to Depression - Tiny Buddha

I struggled with depression because I was living by other people's values. Here are four lessons that helped me overcome it.

tinybuddha.com

The intention of that message is really "its OK to tell someone you aren't OK" but that's not as snappy a "soundbite".....

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

If you're always looking at what everyone else has got, you won't be making time to see what you already have.

Absolutely. It's a message I often share.

We should spend at least a much time recognising what we DO have and HAVE achieved as we do looking at those things in others.

What does it actually matter what someone else has anyway?

 

[DrWazzock]

It seems to a trait in my family to take on lost causes inadvertently or with misplaced optimism, then after realising it’s a lost cause, spend a lot of resource trying to make something of it, getting it as good as it will ever be, but denying it is still fundamentally a lost cause. It keeps us “busy”, we make a basic living, but we never really prosper mightily. I wouldn’t say we are unhappy on balance either but it’s just how it is.
My grandfather always said he would have sold this farm the day after he bought it if he could have found a buyer but on we went pouring in time money and effort. Some said we should have sold it when we’d pulled it round but it really is a lovely place to live though as my cousin says it takes a lot and gives very little.
So yes @Kiwi Pete its good to step back and look ourselves with a neutral mind. Surprising what you see really. Helps in the general understanding and the formulation of a better way forward instead of “well this is how we always do it.”

 

[DrWazzock]

And the upshot is that ranch style extensive grazing would probably be more sensible than throwing ever more expensive inputs and worn out machinery at this sort of land.

 

[Kiwi Pete]

The intention of that message is really "its OK to tell someone you aren't OK" but that's not as snappy a "soundbite".....

Soundbites are quite a large part of our underlying communication problem, which is can be quite a large part of mental health issues

it isn't tennis, and words aren't balls to be knocked back and forth in order to score points

it's interesting to distinguish two distinct types of conversation, if you listen closely you'll hear most people are "up in the stands".... talking about what's going down

the players can't afford to have that in their heads when they're "on the court", so their own language [in their heads, or with their coach] has a much more purposeful structure

you may find that people who talk "up in the stands" are never really on the court, in terms of their own being and living life is more than a commentary if it isn't, then sometimes a coach can point out what we can't see in our self?

 

[Kiwi Pete]

And the upshot is that ranch style extensive grazing would probably be more sensible than throwing ever more expensive inputs and worn out machinery at this sort of land.

I love my intensive ranch, really is the best parts of both of those worlds.

No machinery to speak of

100 acres
550 paddocks
200 cattle (no need to own them!)
100 hours p.a. maximum

yes, we poured a good chunk of profit into setting the infrastructure in place, but I think of that as not much different to recarpeting a holiday home - it's only once, and you get to enjoy it always

especially those crappy cold days, when you don't want to go out, it only takes 5 minutes and you're done.

On a fine day, it's hard to stay inside, but there is nothing (expensive) to do with anything

 

[Humble Village Farmer]

It seems to a trait in my family to take on lost causes inadvertently or with misplaced optimism, then after realising it’s a lost cause, spend a lot of resource trying to make something of it, getting it as good as it will ever be, but denying it is still fundamentally a lost cause. It keeps us “busy”, we make a basic living, but we never really prosper mightily. I wouldn’t say we are unhappy on balance either but it’s just how it is.
My grandfather always said he would have sold this farm the day after he bought it if he could have found a buyer but on we went pouring in time money and effort. Some said we should have sold it when we’d pulled it round but it really is a lovely place to live though as my cousin says it takes a lot and gives very little.
So yes @Kiwi Pete its good to step back and look ourselves with a neutral mind. Surprising what you see really. Helps in the general understanding and the formulation of a better way forward instead of “well this is how we always do it.”

You have to do something, you have to live somewhere. Most of the general public would swap in a twink. Admittedly, they are mostly unaware of the stresses and strains of the realities of farming.

The real problem with people's well being is caused by the creation of money and the inequality of capitalism.

 

[holwellcourtfarm]

The real problem with people's well being is caused by the creation of money and the inequality of capitalism.

and is cunningly stoked up by "marketing" at every opportunity.

 

[Big_D]

My brain and
heart divorced

a decade ago

over who was
to blame about
how big of a mess
I have become

eventually,
they couldn't be
in the same room
with each other

now my head and heart
share custody of me

I stay with my brain
during the week

and my heart
gets me on weekends

they never speak to one another
- instead, they give me
- the same note to pass
- to each other every week
and their notes they
send to one another always
says the same thing:

"This is all your fault"

on Sundays
my heart complains
about how my
head has let me down
in the past

and on Wednesday
my head lists all
of the times my
heart has screwed
things up for me
in the future

they blame each
other for the
state of my life

there's been a lot
of yelling - and crying

so,

lately, I've been
spending a lot of
time with my gut
who serves as my
unofficial therapist

most nights, I sneak out of the
window in my ribcage

and slide down my spine
and collapse on my
gut's plush leather chair
that's always open for me

~ and I just sit sit sit sit
until the sun comes up

last evening,
my gut asked me
if I was having a hard
time being caught
between my heart
and my head

I nodded

I said I didn't know
if I could live with
either of them anymore

"my heart is always sad about
something that happened yesterday
while my head is always worried
about something that may happen tomorrow,"
I lamented

my gut squeezed my hand

"I just can't live with
my mistakes of the past
or my anxiety about the future,"
I sighed

my gut smiled and said:

"in that case,
you should
go stay with your
lungs for a while,"

I was confused
- the look on my face gave it away
"if you are exhausted about
your heart's obsession with
the fixed past and your mind's focus
on the uncertain future

your lungs are the perfect place for you

there is no yesterday in your lungs
there is no tomorrow there either

there is only now
there is only inhale
there is only exhale
there is only this moment

there is only breath

and in that breath
you can rest while your
heart and head work
their relationship out."

this morning,
while my brain
was busy reading
tea leaves

and while my
heart was staring
at old photographs

I packed a little
bag and walked
to the door of
my lungs

before I could even knock
she opened the door
with a smile and as
a gust of air embraced me
she said

"what took you so long?"

———-

Powerful words by @John Roedel (johnroedel.com)

 

[Christoph1945]

You have to do something, you have to live somewhere. Most of the general public would swap in a twink. Admittedly, they are mostly unaware of the stresses and strains of the realities of farming.

The real problem with people's well being is caused by the creation of money and the inequality of capitalism.

Interestingly I spent 1984 in Communist Eastern Europe, a land of equality, but was amazed to discover that some had more equality than others!

 

[Humble Village Farmer]

Communism isn't the answer either

 

[DrWazzock]

Time is the most valuable thing really. There never seems to be enough of it. As I’m only on 200 acres, something must not be right for me to have no spare time. There isn’t even time for nice pottering jobs let alone leisure. It needs a rethink.

 

[Juggler]

there is no yesterday in your lungs
there is no tomorrow there either

there is only now
there is only inhale
there is only exhale
there is only this moment

there is only breath

This made me inadvertently well up.

 

[Juggler]

Time is the most valuable thing really. There never seems to be enough of it. As I’m only on 200 acres, something must not be right for me to have no spare time. There isn’t even time for nice pottering jobs let alone leisure. It needs a rethink.

This is why I made the difficult decision back in 2015 to sell the cattle, followed by the sheep the following year, Time.. there wasn't enough of it.
I wouldn't put myself back on the treadmill I was on but I really really miss cows.

Was maybe a bit different for me as I wasn't farming full time so all that's changed is I have evenings and weekends to do stuff with my family now. We re-structured everything, now have different income streams from the place and it's ok, I still have this little voice that sometimes whispers in my ear 'You failed you know...' But that's just me.

It was a very difficult call to make and when the final decision was made it all happened very quickly, the relief was immediate, but I will always have a little part of me that wishes I could still stand in the mid-winter stillness of a freshly bedded cowshed and listen to the ladies contentedly chew their cud...
Then I remind myself of the 3am calving's with work the next morning and the baxxxrd calf that wont suck etc...

 

[Christoph1945]

Communism isn't the answer either

Like organised Christianity, it initially sounded good but left in the hands of human beings it totally lost it's way!

 

[BuskhillFarm]

Interestingly I spent 1984 in Communist Eastern Europe, a land of equality, but was amazed to discover that some had more equality than others!

I seen a quote. Communism is men exploiting men, capitalism is the opposite.

 

[Christoph1945]

I seen a quote. Communism is men exploiting men, capitalism is the opposite.

And conflict atwix the two cost many a life but then again so did differing religious points of view!

 

[Chae1]

Absolutely. It's a message I often share.

We should spend at least a much time recognising what we DO have and HAVE achieved as we do looking at those things in others.

What does it actually matter what someone else has anyway?

This is a problem I can identify with.

There's things in work/life that really stress me out. I then sort them out, I don't really feel any elation that the task has been achieved, problem sorted out.

Just seem to move onto the next one.

We need to celebrate the small victories.

 

[Christoph1945]

We need to celebrate the small victories.

And feel the contentment; elation will follow eventually but elation is often short lived but contentment provides us with a good foundation on which to build.