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- S E Glos
Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)
- Thread starter Andyrob
- Start date
Pieces_of_Eight
Member
My thoughts are definitely with you on this.
Once upon a time my ontological outlook was confined to a rigid positivist paradigm.
In other words I needed black & white answers to my questions (relating to the end of a relationship). I needed to know why.
These answers were not forthcoming, which tormented me and left me feeling chewed up.
After some fairly deep reflection (which required a complete change to my sub-conscious attitude) I have accepted that not every question is balanced with an answer, sometimes it's just not possible.
This acceptance has been accompanied by a great sense of relief, as the torment and internal chew has faded away.
Time may well bring you answers and understanding, but try to be prepared for a lack of answers and an absence of clarity.
Thank you
- Location
- Lincolnshire
I've lived with this separation for 15 years. Moved on before it chewed me up completely. I look back and wonder what could have been, but it did not work and had to end. C'est la vie.
Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
Bob; your acquaintances, are those who know what you are going through.
Your friends, are those who go through it with you.
Your friends, are those who go through it with you.
Well I got my answer surprisingly
After I had written her a 8 page letter and various text messages between us I hadn't managed to convince her to stop with me. It seems the anxiety has won
Bit of background. We have been together a year. Both of us divorced with children mine just about adults hers a bit younger. Me 10 years older than her. She has suffered for a long time on and off with anxiety/depression and has had a particular hard winter. I've stood by her though and when spring came felt she was coming out of it
She still was not sure about getting out or going away places all the things normal to relaitionships even though she kept saying she needed a break etc. I was patient though and prepared to wait for her but me working away and not being there for her when I was needed turned her away I feel. Lack of communication on both our parts
Anyway I have to let go now for my sake even though it hurts. I can't fight forever. Told her there's no hard feelings and I'll always be there for her but it's her decision and I respect that
Strange thing is I'm more cut up about it after only a year together than I ever was when ex wife walked away after 13 years
I do think though that doctors treat depression/anxiety too readily with pills and more thought should be given to find out the underlying reasons and causes
Anyway onwards and upwards. This thread has been most useful in understanding depression and realising that a lot of people suffer and probably do mainly in silence
Pieces_of_Eight
Member
Difficult to like your post, but it sounds like progress in a perverse sort of way.
Hope you can move on and not yet the past be an obstacle to the future.
bread bin
Member
How do others keep devil at the door as in just have struggled since lambing and calving. Normally I can power through just my anxiety, anger and low mood. I seem to go through cycles of doing heaps of work play sport and socialising to everything being a struggle and just hell to be honest. Been to doctor in the past, just just feel like I cause all my own problems as just pull myself to pieces.
Blod
Member
@bread bin if you are going through cycles, might you be pushing yourself too hard when you're in a proactive phase? Overworking, under sleeping, eating or drinking in a way that doesn't support your mind and body, generally not looking after yourself, can for some of us, hasten or even cause the onset of the down times, and we all have them to various degrees.
Is it possible that you expect too much of yourself? And I don't mean your ability to do anything, purely the amount of work (or socialising!)
Is it possible that you expect too much of yourself? And I don't mean your ability to do anything, purely the amount of work (or socialising!)
Pieces_of_Eight
Member
Cycles seems familiar.
Some days I can do everything and anything and feel almost invincible, other days I can barely manage to walk the dogs. I just have to accept that not every day will be a good day and hope that bad days don't come back to back.
Keeping to a routine helps, so harvest will be a good distraction. The difficult days are often the unplanned ones where everything is a bit up in the air.
Some days I can do everything and anything and feel almost invincible, other days I can barely manage to walk the dogs. I just have to accept that not every day will be a good day and hope that bad days don't come back to back.
Keeping to a routine helps, so harvest will be a good distraction. The difficult days are often the unplanned ones where everything is a bit up in the air.
Storeman
Member
- Location
- South East Englandshire
I have just spent the last few days reading this thread from start to finish.
To all those offering advice, help and support, thank you. You are all lovely people.
To those who have been living under a cloud or three, I hope the sun is beginning to shine through and you are all beginning to find a way out of the darkness.
Most of the stuff written here makes my visits from the ole black dog seem very insignificant.
And besides, this current visit is only down to my own daft thoughts.
Onwards and upwards.
To all those offering advice, help and support, thank you. You are all lovely people.
To those who have been living under a cloud or three, I hope the sun is beginning to shine through and you are all beginning to find a way out of the darkness.
Most of the stuff written here makes my visits from the ole black dog seem very insignificant.
And besides, this current visit is only down to my own daft thoughts.
Onwards and upwards.
Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
Hi Storeman,
Sadly, our educational system teaches us all manner of things including physical exercise and fitness but unfortunately little is taught about mental hygiene and psychological care of the human psyche. It is only when we are wrecked upon the rocks of daily challenges that we start to seek answers to our conditions.
The daft thoughts that you write of can be minimised by sharing them and talking them through with any of the agencies that have been set up to rescue those who are struggling in the storms of life.
As I understand it, the agricultural industry has one of the highest suicide rates in the UK and my recent study of materials concerning the day to day problems facing our farming communities I am not surprised that good folk lose hope and give up. If I were a dairy farmer losing my lifes work in my heard, struggling with folk who don't give a feck that badgers are the culprits that brought TB into my property, and a government that are not prepared to adequately compensate me for the loss of my stock; I would be angry beyond comprehension but sadly anger can be that spark that initiates the downward travail into the valley of the black dog.
With the industry also having one of the highest UK accident death rates and most farms being family concerns, I imagine that a death on a farm brings more stress and possible recriminations than some industries. Once again doubt and guilt, either real or imagined, can draw us into that dark domain of the black dog.
Diet and chemical imbalance can also seriously reduce our ability to cope with every day stresses and challenges and disadvantage us when things start to go wrong.
No matter how silly you think your thoughts may be, share them with an other and begin to see them put into manageable proportions. It took me many years to learn and understand that consuming certain dietary items can magnify some thought patterns and blow them up out of all proportions. Rather like the folks who become irritable and belligerent after consuming caffeine or alcohols.
Stay safe, stay well, and be assured that there is a way through.
Chris
Sadly, our educational system teaches us all manner of things including physical exercise and fitness but unfortunately little is taught about mental hygiene and psychological care of the human psyche. It is only when we are wrecked upon the rocks of daily challenges that we start to seek answers to our conditions.
The daft thoughts that you write of can be minimised by sharing them and talking them through with any of the agencies that have been set up to rescue those who are struggling in the storms of life.
As I understand it, the agricultural industry has one of the highest suicide rates in the UK and my recent study of materials concerning the day to day problems facing our farming communities I am not surprised that good folk lose hope and give up. If I were a dairy farmer losing my lifes work in my heard, struggling with folk who don't give a feck that badgers are the culprits that brought TB into my property, and a government that are not prepared to adequately compensate me for the loss of my stock; I would be angry beyond comprehension but sadly anger can be that spark that initiates the downward travail into the valley of the black dog.
With the industry also having one of the highest UK accident death rates and most farms being family concerns, I imagine that a death on a farm brings more stress and possible recriminations than some industries. Once again doubt and guilt, either real or imagined, can draw us into that dark domain of the black dog.
Diet and chemical imbalance can also seriously reduce our ability to cope with every day stresses and challenges and disadvantage us when things start to go wrong.
No matter how silly you think your thoughts may be, share them with an other and begin to see them put into manageable proportions. It took me many years to learn and understand that consuming certain dietary items can magnify some thought patterns and blow them up out of all proportions. Rather like the folks who become irritable and belligerent after consuming caffeine or alcohols.
Stay safe, stay well, and be assured that there is a way through.
Chris
- Location
- Limavady, Northern Ireland
Well, since I started this thread I have been amazed at some of the responses and replies and at times when I'm suffering iv looked at this and wondered why I let some small things bug me.
But two weeks ago I lost a girl who meant a lot to me, and this last two weeks iv been down in the dumps
Not often I get rock bottom but this left me at the very bottom with a few other things not going my way as well i didn't see any light at the end of the tunnel.
What helped change things around from me from a friend iv not known very long who said to
"your a good guy but you care too much"
This really made me wake up and catch a grip. I care too much and it's not a good thing either because i care i take too much to heart which works against me.
But going out with my camera seeing who was really my friend, who cared who didn't a lot in 2 weeks have been realised by me.
Toxic friends removed, changes to see how i see things and also to learn that why care be more ruthless!
Might I add, lack of sleep training hard, high calorie days and generally pushing my limits didnt help me more i get a proper sleep the more it helped me.
But two weeks ago I lost a girl who meant a lot to me, and this last two weeks iv been down in the dumps
Not often I get rock bottom but this left me at the very bottom with a few other things not going my way as well i didn't see any light at the end of the tunnel.
What helped change things around from me from a friend iv not known very long who said to
"your a good guy but you care too much"
This really made me wake up and catch a grip. I care too much and it's not a good thing either because i care i take too much to heart which works against me.
But going out with my camera seeing who was really my friend, who cared who didn't a lot in 2 weeks have been realised by me.
Toxic friends removed, changes to see how i see things and also to learn that why care be more ruthless!
Might I add, lack of sleep training hard, high calorie days and generally pushing my limits didnt help me more i get a proper sleep the more it helped me.
Last edited:
Blod
Member
To those likely to be at the Royal Welsh Show on Thursday; https://www.facebook.com/events/243220106195437/?acontext={"ref":"106","action_history":"null"}
Storeman
Member
- Location
- South East Englandshire
You know, I can relate to a lot of that post.
The daft thing is for me, it feels like I have lost someone, but the reality is, we were never together.
Meet someone, the laws of attraction kick in big time and I fall head over heels for her. Then, getting to know her slowly as I only see her every few weeks, the reality hits like a brick wall. Due to various circumstances, we will never be together. And that's enough to just tip me over into a visit from the black dog. Although I feel he has been lurking, waiting near by for a while.
It really is bloody daft when I see it written down there.
Ah well.
Just want to say "Thank you" for starting this thread, it has helped a lot of people
Hope things improve, and continue to improve for you.
Take care.
Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to let go and get on with a life renewed after heartache caused by a broken relationship, the loss of a loved one to death, or perceived career failure.
Would have loved to have attended the Royal Welsh Show but will be heading down to Golders Green Crematorium to say goodbye to a lifelong friend. I will, of course, be saddened by missed opportunities and moved by memories of our friends life struggles, his heroism in life's tribulations, and his determination to live life to the full.
Would have loved to have attended the Royal Welsh Show but will be heading down to Golders Green Crematorium to say goodbye to a lifelong friend. I will, of course, be saddened by missed opportunities and moved by memories of our friends life struggles, his heroism in life's tribulations, and his determination to live life to the full.
- Location
- Limavady, Northern Ireland
You know, I can relate to a lot of that post.
The daft thing is for me, it feels like I have lost someone, but the reality is, we were never together.
Meet someone, the laws of attraction kick in big time and I fall head over heels for her. Then, getting to know her slowly as I only see her every few weeks, the reality hits like a brick wall. Due to various circumstances, we will never be together. And that's enough to just tip me over into a visit from the black dog. Although I feel he has been lurking, waiting near by for a while.
It really is bloody daft when I see it written down there.
Ah well.
Hey we all care we all love its just how we handle the heartbreak.
Just want to say "Thank you" for starting this thread, it has helped a lot of people
Hope things improve, and continue to improve for you.
Take care.
Tbh it helped me that night get stuff off my chest and tbh I should of added more but I never did.
I think at times it's easier to say nothing than speak up. But I found it hard last few weeks to think straight some of the time let alone function but if we don't talk we make it harder to see the good