Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

Andyrob

Moderator
Media
You know, I can relate to a lot of that post.(y)

The daft thing is for me, it feels like I have lost someone, but the reality is, we were never together.
Meet someone, the laws of attraction kick in big time and I fall head over heels for her. Then, getting to know her slowly as I only see her every few weeks, the reality hits like a brick wall. Due to various circumstances, we will never be together. And that's enough to just tip me over into a visit from the black dog. Although I feel he has been lurking, waiting near by for a while.

It really is bloody daft when I see it written down there.

Ah well.


Tbh the black dog i think is always with us and at times of doubt he shows more than we like but I get cold at times and think that bar steward would make a good coat
 

spin cycle

Member
Location
north norfolk
You know, I can relate to a lot of that post.(y)

The daft thing is for me, it feels like I have lost someone, but the reality is, we were never together.
Meet someone, the laws of attraction kick in big time and I fall head over heels for her. Then, getting to know her slowly as I only see her every few weeks, the reality hits like a brick wall. Due to various circumstances, we will never be together. And that's enough to just tip me over into a visit from the black dog. Although I feel he has been lurking, waiting near by for a while.

It really is bloody daft when I see it written down there.

Ah well.

you're not daft... you're normal:)
 

Andyrob

Moderator
Media
Well, today was a very hard day for me.

Not only did a few things hit home a few things got realised by me and tbh not gonna bore you guys about it.

Met someone today who i look up to seek wisdom and advice from and well he broke me and i broke down a bit with him not only did it make me emotional but
also gave me more self worth as well.

But this helped 340kg car for deadlift and i couldnt budge the b**** but today a few inches off the floor.

Also in 8 weeks iv lost 14kg of body weight bringing me down to 164.4kg or 25stone 8 i think

https://www.instagram.com/p/BW0UH3Qgr6X/?taken-by=andy_rob_&hl=en
 

choochter

Member
Location
aberdeenshire
Well, today was a very hard day for me.

Not only did a few things hit home a few things got realised by me and tbh not gonna bore you guys about it.

Met someone today who i look up to seek wisdom and advice from and well he broke me and i broke down a bit with him not only did it make me emotional but
also gave me more self worth as well.

But this helped 340kg car for deadlift and i couldnt budge the b**** but today a few inches off the floor.

Also in 8 weeks iv lost 14kg of body weight bringing me down to 164.4kg or 25stone 8 i think

https://www.instagram.com/p/BW0UH3Qgr6X/?taken-by=andy_rob_&hl=en
you be careful now you don't hurt yourself, that looks very challenging
 
Last edited:
Who moved all the bloomin goalposts?

Just the other week, my wife's cousin dropped dead in London and the funeral was arranged for yesterday at Golders Green Crematorium. We finally decided to travel down by car and stop over at the King Solomon Hotel;
a good name for a hotel in Golders Green but sadly no "Full English" for breakfast.

I can't remember the last time that I drove down to "The Big Smoke" but it must have been some considerable time, cos someone has been mucking about with the M6 and the M1. Variable speed signs, hundred of speed monitors, and a multitude of vehicle recognition systems. Oh, and the hard shoulder repeatedly changed it's duty, depending on traffic flow. We must be one of the most watched and monitored nation in the world!

Fortunately, having learned to recognise the symptoms, emotional and driver fatigue will be easily coped with and resolved. The avoidance of gluten and alcohol made for an easier day but foolishly I imbibed in an over indulgence of strong Italian coffee but that will soon be out of the system and the jangling nervous system will be back on an even keel.

Stay safe, stay well, and watch those diets.

Chris :)


 

Gong Farmer

Member
BASIS
Location
S E Glos
Sorry to hear the sad news.
M6/M1: Are you referring to the Catthorpe interchange? It's an absolute dream now compared to what it was. If just the M6 and M1 generally, they are like all motorways, gradually becoming 'smart'.
 
Spot on there with "smart"! Just how smart, I wonder? It all did make for an easier drive than I could remember from the last funeral we attended in London. The whole driving experience felt as though all we motorists were being choreographed and it's starting to look as though the whole of our motorway complex will go the same way. I have no complaint with the system but I'm guessing that the mentally ill may be troubled by it.

Being the only driver in our vehicle, we started out early and dawdled down to Golders Green, taking five hours for the journey; which included an hour's pitstop halfway. We had plenty of time to discuss the deceased, family history, and recent events. The Skoda Octavia clocked up a fuel efficiency of 99.5 ml/gal for the downward journey but only 80.0 ml/gal for the return trip. I kept the speeds to maximum permitted speeds all the way home and we only stopped for one 20min pitstop.

As we passed mile after mile of farmland on either side of the motorway, I also thought of all you folk and wondered how you were all doing. Only saw one dead badger but there seemed to be plenty of stubble in some of the fields.
 

jade35

Member
Location
S E Cornwall
As we passed mile after mile of farmland on either side of the motorway, I also thought of all you folk and wondered how you were all doing. Only saw one dead badger but there seemed to be plenty of stubble in some of the fields.
Christoph 1945, you will have to be careful looking over the hedges:cautious: looks like we will turn you into a farmer yet:whistle::D

and noting the dead badgers(y) I am impressed:) so many people seem to drive on the roads and not see anything around them or the beautiful landscapes. Of course, being too interested in what is in the fields may not always be the safest way to get from A to B :eek::eek::censored::censored:
 
Some good points Jade but it was only on the outward journey, at lower speeds, that I noticed the things that I wrote of and I'm sure that I missed an awful lot due to concentrating on my driving. On the return journey, I noticed far less; other than the jet fighter and personnel carrier that some farmer had parked in the corner of one of his fields close to the perimeter fence.

As for making a farmer of me, I'm not so sure. I often thought that I would like to own some land and a few horses if I ever won the lottery but the more I learn about farming and all it's associated problems, the less appealing do I find it. If I should ever win the lottery, perhaps I could use the money to work in bringing about better understanding of your needs and your position within our present day society.

ps...............I also saw the masses of ragwort, who could miss it and who is doing anything about it?
 
Last edited:

RobFZS

Member
I spoke too soon !
After standing by her while she's been in a very dark place I've now been told that we have to go separate ways
She will love me forever but can't be with me anymore !
One day I might understand this woman's thinking
i don't think you can understand the thinking when the depression hits, i try and keep one step ahead of it as it starts to become predictable, a normal person would see you're there for them and trying, but the depression just blocks this out, maybe there's some combination of pills that keeps people on a level playing field while allowing them to actually love properly without becoming numb, but i don't know, there's only soo much you can do

i have alot of bad do's myself at the moment but i always think someone out there's having it worse so it's not all bad

Ragworts starting to come up here again annoyingly, hopefully i'll be able to pull them out soon after my accident a few weeks back
 
Very often the individual will be noticeably more talkative or perhaps more insular and less talkative. Knowing the person and their day to day norms is of great assistance in spotting the onset of a problem and "maybe" avoiding them sliding in deeper, or getting them to professional support. Perhaps it is the deep introspection of the individual that cuts them off from others and makes it all that more difficult for them to appreciate those around them.

Looking back (reluctantly) and recalling some of my darkest days I can remember the almost total loss of reality. Already having problems with depression/anxiety, the situation was exacerbated by drug withdrawal symptoms when a wrongly prescribed drug was withdrawn. A total living nightmare took over every moment. They, whoever they were, were going to steal my brain, nail me to the church floor, or poison me. Things only eased when my mind crashed and like exploding stars in my scull memory bade me goodbye.

I had been readmitted to the mental hospital and tucked up safe and sound in bed. Having once read of people who had suffered similar symptoms to my present state, I spent the dark hours of the night repeating to my self, my name, address, and the names of my wife and children. Upon waking the next morning and telling a nurse of my symptoms that night, she asked me if I knew who I was.................I said of course I did but just didn't realize what I "had" forgotten.

In today's world there is far greater understanding of mental issues and far more support agencies to lend a listening ear and direction to those in need. Our words have the power to both heal and to wound, use them wisely but above all listen closely and today you may save a life. Even what we say to our selves can be injurious to our psyches.

Rob............no one to help with the ragwort?
 

Alan88

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
Northern Ireland
Found myself getting more angry agitated upset over the last few weeks. I did have problems with anxiety and depression a number of years ago. Reading a few things last night online I decided to get my bike out today and try and do some cycling for exercise. Good for health physically and mentally so hope it helps.

Cycled home for lunch today 1.5 miles (mostly downhill) going to try up hill back to the farm tomorrow morning and hopefully I can just do small bits like that each day to build it up. Only exercise I do was working on the farm and while I'm always busy maybe some 'proper' exercise will help

Want to stay away from medication if I can didn't seem to do much before from what I remember
 

Wiking

Member
Location
Sweden
Exercise is a great way to feel better - I've been biking and lifting weights for ten years now.
However, some people do need medication and they've come a long way in the past five years. I've been like you, trying to stay away from medication but at one point I had to accept that I couldn't live a normal life without them. But everyone is different of course, for me it's the medication and an active life style that keeps me in check...

@Christoph1945 that sounds like some dark days mate, I do hope mental care has progressed since. Hope all is well :)
 

spin cycle

Member
Location
north norfolk
Found myself getting more angry agitated upset over the last few weeks. I did have problems with anxiety and depression a number of years ago. Reading a few things last night online I decided to get my bike out today and try and do some cycling for exercise. Good for health physically and mentally so hope it helps.

Cycled home for lunch today 1.5 miles (mostly downhill) going to try up hill back to the farm tomorrow morning and hopefully I can just do small bits like that each day to build it up. Only exercise I do was working on the farm and while I'm always busy maybe some 'proper' exercise will help

Want to stay away from medication if I can didn't seem to do much before from what I remember

who said you never see a farmer on a bike(y)

excersize/work/going out can help a lot.....but depression de motivates you and gets into that spiral....less you do less you want to do:(

if you're getting 'angry/agitated' i wouldn't rule out a visit to your gp.....something like citalopram for seratonin uptake control might help?

ATB:)
 
Very often, long held and suppressed or repressed anger leads us onto the slippery slope of depression/anxiety; even anger at our selves! It don't do the blood pressure much good either. Been there, done that, and paid the price of a ticket to darkness.

I understand, perhaps falsely, that students of kabbalah see nothing as being good or bad but only as we see them so. Their aim is to resist reacting to life events and respond proactively to them. I suppose that it is rather like the Christian concept of turning the other cheek, or going the extra mile. Far easier said than done though.

As for me; I have discovered that alcohol, caffeine, gluten and some food additives make it more difficult to not instantaneously react and respond proactively. all a bit like toting round a loaded twelve bore with a hair trigger and no safety. First jolt and somebody gets both barrels or I shoot my self in the foot! But then that's my old soapbox again and you have all heard it before.

There is no shame in breaking a leg but I would be highly embarrassed at having run over it with my own car! I remember being told of a guy who drained his petrol tank into a large open tray in his garage and it took fire. The fire moved to the house where he had gas canisters in the loft. As the fireman tried to console him in his total anguish, he said................"you don't understand; I'm a safety officer"!

Don't let embarrassment put you off seeking help and advice; there is plenty out here.
 
Had a much better day today, haven't felt this good for several weeks.
Last week was a big improvement on the two weeks previous, but the weekend was a low point.

Thing is, I can feel it start to slip back over me, get a knot type feeling in the stomach, mind starts to drift to thinking of someone I should really keep out of my head and before I know it, I'm down again.
It's always hanging there, in the background, just waiting.
Back end of last week, was ok-ish, better than I have been for a while. Then for some reason, woke up Sunday and it was as if a huge dark cloud was just hovering over me. Couldn't shake it off.

Still, today was ok.
 
Try smelly vision!

A senior aviation security training office once told us of a crash investigator that he had spoken with him concerning a major incident. Surrounded by plane wreckage, corpses, body parts, and items of children's clothing; he picked up a ladies expensive fur and found the perfume that was on it to be as fresh as the moment that the lady had sprayed her self, ready for the day's flight. From that moment on, whenever he would get a whiff of the same perfume he would be transported back to the time he spent in the wreckage that day.

Perfumes and odors are sometimes used to open up long lost memories and also to invoke good feelings. The smell of fresh cut hay may bring to you thoughts and memories of open fields, tractors, and wildlife. For me it brings back the memory of the deadly gas "phosgene"..

Is there an odor that would bring back thoughts of comfort, security, and safety for you? If you can't access the actual odor, think hard upon it until you can almost smell it and then gently squeeze your right ear lobe. Then, whenever you feel the need for that comfort and security, just gently squeeze that right ear lobe and see what happens.

No guarantees, but it must be worth a try.

If it be the odor of your first dog/horse, stick with that moment of sheer joy and excitement of being totally accepted by an other creature and don't slip past that moment or you may move to the day that you lost your pal, Stick with the moment and gently squeeze!

If you do try it and it works for you; do let us know. Oh, and do let us know if it don't work for you. If, whilst trying this, you find troublesome thoughts arise, please do share them with someone.

Not sure how this will be received but if you think it "stinks", do tell me!

Chris :)
 
Going off line for a wee while.

As we returned from Golders Green on Saturday the wife came down with the sniffles and by Sunday she was struggling with a full blown infection. Doctor came on Monday and confirmed a major chest infection and prescribed antibiotics and steroids but suggested that hospitalization may be the best option. We eventually opted for home treatment and the doc is calling again, later today.

Never seen the wife sweat so much; I have had to change the bed linen three times.

Waiting on the doc now but am not sure which way things will go.

Catch you all some time later.

Chris :)
 

SFI - What % were you taking out of production?

  • 0 %

    Votes: 77 43.5%
  • Up to 25%

    Votes: 62 35.0%
  • 25-50%

    Votes: 28 15.8%
  • 50-75%

    Votes: 3 1.7%
  • 75-100%

    Votes: 3 1.7%
  • 100% I’ve had enough of farming!

    Votes: 4 2.3%

Red Tractor drops launch of green farming scheme amid anger from farmers

  • 1,286
  • 1
As reported in Independent


quote: “Red Tractor has confirmed it is dropping plans to launch its green farming assurance standard in April“

read the TFF thread here: https://thefarmingforum.co.uk/index.php?threads/gfc-was-to-go-ahead-now-not-going-ahead.405234/
Top