Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[Lili]

I feel i should post this here, yesterday was a very dark day , my uncle who i was very close to and lived and farmed next door to me tragically commited suicide , he had suffered from a bad bout of depression a year or so ago but seemed to be on the mend , he had good family, farming friends and neighbours close by , but sadly i think he had just given up on his life, and couldn't for whatever reason reach out for help , such a tragic loss of a humble kind hearted man that will be very much missed by all who knew him

So sorry to hear your news. Can't write anything that will help but I'm sure that plenty who read this thread will be thinking of you and your family.

 

[Alicecow]

@Jameshenry
I'm so very sorry to hear about your uncle. I can't think of anything to say other that to agree with @Christoph1945
A good cry in an empty field can be very therapeutic, but the tears will hit you at any time and in any place, however there is absolutely no shame in that and under no circumstances should you bottle things up.
Make sure you all talk to each other, it won't change anything (oh that it would ), neither will it enable you to understand why, but it is essential for you who are left behind.
Just do the minimum for now, nothing will suffer for that. Accept as much help as is offered, and remember that alcohol never solved anything.
Thinking of you and praying for you.

 

[Jameshenry]

Just had the vicar pay a visit , very nice she is

So sorry to hear your news. Can't write anything that will help but I'm sure that plenty who read this thread will be thinking of you and your family.

There are no words , i'm lucky to have spent so much time with him and all the good times we shared , the farm just seems so quiet today

 

[Christoph1945]

I have shed many a tear in here Alicecow! Some for those that we missed and they slipped though the safety net and some in sharing the memories of dark days long passed.

Perhaps our tears are indications of sensitive souls? After all, even Jesus wept!

One of the saddest things about people who commit suicide, is that they are sensitive souls and they still have so much to offer; even in old age and sickness.

 

[Christoph1945]

Some facts that may help to shed a little light on the matter of suicide and sharing.

The UK suicide rates among (Males) men are at their highest since 2001 and you are all aware that our farming communities have been having higher than the national averages for males.

It is said that women, on average, tend to live a longer life than their male counterparts and this is generally put down to the fact that women tend to share their problems and are prepared to cry more readily; both big stress reducers.

 

[Texel Tup]

@Jameshenry I'm so sorry to read of your loss. I do so understand the dreadful loss, and if it can be worse, the sense of frustration, futility and every other word that starts with an F, such is the sense of grief and the 'If onlies' …….. if only we'd been there to offer hope …. if only.
Whilst I wouldn't want this to seem as insensitive, it's often the case that we can feel a sense of anger too. Did the person who's left us consider the dreadful sorrow that would follow in the wake of their actions? The only thing of which I'm quite certain is that whatever we feel and how ever we grieve, is acceptable and normal. We (you, everyone) will have enough inner turmoil to deal with without worrying about or doubting our own thoughts.
jameshenry, this time will pass for you, though that's of little help at the moment I do understand.

 

[glow worm]

Just a reminder to those of us who have friends, acquaintances, family etc who suffered a bereavment 6 weeks ago. NOW is the time to give support and friendship. All support that was there when the bereavment happened will have largely dissipated as life moves on for those not directly involved. 6 weeks after the event can be the most lonely of times. Just a thought.

 

[Christoph1945]

Thanks for the timely reminder Glow worm.

 

[Texel Tup]

Just a reminder to those of us who have friends, acquaintances, family etc who suffered a bereavment 6 weeks ago. NOW is the time to give support and friendship. All support that was there when the bereavment happened will have largely dissipated as life moves on for those not directly involved. 6 weeks after the event can be the most lonely of times. Just a thought.

A valid point. When the dust has settled, when everyone's offered their heart felt and well intentioned condolences, when everyone has gone, that's when we're truly alone with our thoughts and that awful chasm. Then is when support is most needed.
Deciding whether we intrude on the grief of another is difficult.

 

[Alicecow]

Someone told me the other day that it can actually take between 3 and 5 years to fully get through the feelings surrounding the loss of a loved one.

 

[BobGreen]

Someone told me the other day that it can actually take between 3 and 5 years to fully get through the feelings surrounding the loss of a loved one.

This doesn't just apply to death. It can also be for divorce, relationship breakdown as well

 

[glow worm]

I have always regretted not giving my best friend a hug when she lost her husband very suddenly and in tragic circumstances. Regretted all the more when she told me at a later date, how very much she needed a hug then but I had been brought up in a very stand offish family and I just couldn't do it. Fear of rejection I suppose. Its not a mistake I make nowadays. I have been working with a widow recently and she told me that was just one of the things she missed the most, her husband's hugs.

 

[Weasel]

This doesn't just apply to death. It can also be for divorce, relationship breakdown as well

Some people seem to get over a relationship break down pretty quick

 

[Gong Farmer]

I have always regretted not giving my best friend a hug when she lost her husband very suddenly and in tragic circumstances. Regretted all the more when she told me at a later date, how very much she needed a hug then but I had been brought up in a very stand offish family and I just couldn't do it. Fear of rejection I suppose. Its not a mistake I make nowadays. I have been working with a widow recently and she told me that was just one of the things she missed the most, her husband's hugs.

I've always been amazed at the power of a hug. For some reason, with nothing else to watch, wife and I have been seeing back issues of Long Lost Family in ITV player. That's got more hugs than a Care Bear Movie, and neither of us came from huggy or tactile families so can't relate to it, but I have hugged my kids in times of strife and it works wonders on their feelings. Obviously I hug the wife every now and then and feel the same empowerment. It's not just a way of showing friendship or sympathy, it does something else as well.

 

[spin cycle]

i'm a fan of hugs....giving and recieving

 

[Christoph1945]

Hugs are good and handshakes go a long way as well. As one who spent a third of my life in a Roman Catholic community a third in an Anglican community,
and a third in a Pentecostal one by the time I was sixty; I moved from no contact onto hand shakes and later occasional hugs. But perhaps above all, one needs to talk and be heard. Words are very powerful things. They can relieve pressure, guilt, and anxiety. They can sooth wrath, pain, and anguish but they can also damage, wound, and destroy and once spoken they are like arrows, very difficult to recall.

As for what should we say?...............How are you keeping?................And then listen intently!

Intense grief can come from the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a job, a farm, or even a most beloved pet. but there is life and hope after the loss of the one that we loved so deeply.

Where there are tears, there is healing! Don't be afraid to cry.

 

[Elpresidente]

just wanted to mention that i'm sure I ve been suffering from SAD over the last few days no sun here since the weekend and boy does it affect my state of mind.

Lack of sunlight affects me significantly and I take vitamin d and St. John's wort now which seems to help a lot.

 

[Elpresidente]

Have you tried taking 5HTP? I used to take it in the winter and it really helped me a lot.
https://www.naturesbest.co.uk/rest-sleep-cailres/
Natures best are really good, I buy from them all the time

Natures best products are excellent been taking them for years. Their high strength fish oil is brilliant for creaky knees

 

[Elpresidente]

I feel i should post this here, yesterday was a very dark day , my uncle who i was very close to and lived and farmed next door to me tragically commited suicide , he had suffered from a bad bout of depression a year or so ago but seemed to be on the mend , he had good family, farming friends and neighbours close by , but sadly i think he had just given up on his life, and couldn't for whatever reason reach out for help , such a tragic loss of a humble kind hearted man that will be very much missed by all who knew him

Having lost a great friend and neighbour to suicide over 2 years ago all I can say is that I am really sorry to hear of another farmer that has succumbed to depressions worst ending. It takes a lot of time for the pain and numbness to begin healing but it does get better. In the meantime do all you can to support each other especially his closest family especially later on after all the people who suddenly appear on the scene disappear again, long term ongoing care and support are often overlooked. Once again you have my deepest sympathy.

 

[Christoph1945]

Anyone watch Country File this evening?

Did you watch and listen closely to young Logan and his dad?