Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
It's all a bit like "Snakes n Ladders", I suppose. The problem that I tended to find, was that the snakes were not always in the same place and would sometimes catch me unawares.
Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)
- Thread starter Andyrob
- Start date
I have just left a job because I was being bullied. My colleague suffered from it for almost three years, it undermined her confidence and on top of other stresses it led to depression, which she got treatment for through her GP.
For two years we stuck together, got through it and got a new manager and thought things would improve, and it all started again, so we both have left. I take quiet satisfaction that our jobs are still vacant.
We a taught not to give up, my friend was told not to mention the bully word by her sister, but the people that to it are damaging other people. I made a stink before I left, I do not know if it will do any good but I feel much better for it.
Over the years I have worked with lovely people, and some that were absolute *****, they make you doubt your competence just to make themselves feel better. You can not please them, in fact the more you try and please them they take a perverted pleasure in your efforts. Just remember its them not you.
Onwards and up wards.
Friesianfan
Member
- Location
- Cornwall
I think it's the time of year. I struggle with the short dark days. I had problems with my milk cooling today too. Thankfully I've got the children's Christmas activities to take my mind off thingsIt does knock your confidence somewhat to have a milking parlour breaking down on a fairly regular basis, milk cooling equipment going bang today, bulling heifer do the splits and needing to be dispatched, leaky water troughs and it being a little bit chilly today as well. But hey, we're living the dream right?
Was wondering if anybody had any experience with divorce? she's been gone for 8 weeks now and I feel I'm going backwards. Does it ever feel OK? When i came home from work and she had gone out of the blue i Desperately wanted to end amicably was willing to give her anything she wanted and although I have taken ownership in my faults in the marriage (working too much) and laziness among other things I can honestly hand on heart say I was a good husband and just can't get my head around the hatred she feels for me. I strangely had respect for her when she left until the allegations of being abusive started then the midnight and 7am phonecalls just to let me know she intended on making me homeless. I can't get my head around if you ever loved somebody why you would take such joy in openly hurting them. I have sat in the dark every night since she left and cried I didn't know a man could do this I cry when I'm driving I even wake up at 3am already crying? Yet I'm told tonight she was in a nightclub with a banner round her saying just divorced happy as anything. I'm sorry for rambling but like I say would love to not feel anything have trawled Internet pages and all the articles are how terrible it is yet there is nowhere that says one day you will wake up OK no crying no days of migraines. Feels like I should have made some progress by now. Have tried to say this to friends and family but I'm fine usually comes out thanks for reading
- Location
- Limousin/Charentes toad land
So sorry to read that. I have been just there. Thankfully, nearly 20 years ago. It was awful. I am afraid 8 weeks is nothing, so don't be disappointed you don't feel any improvement yet. It does go away though
.You just have to get through this bit and one day you will look back and think "yup, I made it
"It doesn't sound like she is helping one bit which is a shame. Don't fall to her level and you will be the one who can hold your head high (at least look in a mirror)
well ,having had a brother go thru the same shite,you know in your mind and heart that you were a goodish husband,she seems to be having the midlife crisis,stick with it tell yourself it will get better,get a solictor and record everything
- Location
- Limousin/Charentes toad land
Any kids?
stick in there ,get proffesional advise ,you might not want to but you must
Jameshenry
Member
- Location
- Cornwall
If she really was in a nightclub with a just divorced banner on !! i got to say fella she really isn't worth your tears and you are probably better off without her , i know it's not easy but you will get over it ,
- Location
- Limousin/Charentes toad land
No kids yet another thing that has been crushing me was so looking forward to starting a family. She is 24 I'm 28 we have been working towards a family or so I thought lately. I bought the super safe family car. Spent my life savings and everything else I could sell on the new 2 bedroom house 5 months ago. Should have seen it coming really when I look back the little pointers like being obsessed with being on the deeds. Only found out when she had left she stopped paying the bills 4 weeks after moving in so she knew she was going. In all honesty I've been a real numpty I had the sob story how bad her family were I felt I needed to save her so to speak the first time I met her father he told her I hope you die. Their house was horrific to put it politely absolutely filthy If I sat back and looked that's exactly how she acts and talks she was far more at home in that situation. For a few years now her mood and temper have been intolerable I escaped by working stupid hours I certainly feel happier she's left and it is helping me that she isn't a sobbing mess like me as I would struggle with the guilt. It's just deciding whether to call it a day and just pack a bag and leave her the lot to stop all the upset. She doesn't want the house and acknowledges she hasn't put a penny into it but wants money that simply isn't there .
- Location
- Limousin/Charentes toad land
Well as you said her name is on the deeds so you have kind of lost half of the house (been there too
).You need to prioritise getting a solicitor. Try and stop dwelling on your past. By the sounds of it she has done you a favour, you will see it one day.
28 is no age, plenty of time to pick yourself up and start over
I'm sure as you say in time it will get better. will pull my head out of the sand and arrange solicitor. Thanks again have never found myself in this situation and the emotions you can feel are incredible but to know this isn't out of the ordinary or as you confirm 8 weeks isnt enough time to question my sanity yet. There is no equity in the house as only just bought it have offered to take on all debt if she left but that hasn't happened. She came out with a ridiculous figure in mediation that if i payed her she would go. Feels quite fitting to sell up like you say and give her half the debt. Thanks again it really has made a difference I can see a way out amazing how long you can struggle to ask for help yet as soon as you do a weight is lifted
there are people on here who have been in deeper holes,you have talked about it ,have you mates /brothers etc to talk to ,when the shite hit the fan with me ,i found it hard ,but the old man to my surprise was a star /hero,completley dumfounded me with his sense,and helped me sort it.we are here you are not alone
MF 168
Member
- Location
- Laois, Ireland
Jesus sorry to read this, stick with it is all I can say and it does get better with time. Get some of your friends and organize a good old booze up or something that you all used do. Nothing clears the head better then a good chat and laugh over funny stories that happened years ago. Do stuff that you enjoy or something you've wanted to do but never got round to. Main thing is keep an open mind, you never know who you might bump into along the way and they will make the world turn again.
Christoph1945
Member
- Location
- Widnes West Cheshire
Letting go is the hardest thing to do!
Holsteinfriesian90
Member
- Location
- Cornwall
Saw this on fb.
Blod
Member
@Wurzeetoo dont just get a solicitor, act on the advice! Get the Form E done ASAP and you might not lose as much as you think. You’ll possibly argue with yourself all sorts of reasons not to do it but if there is one thing you do, and fast, is that form.
You cannot change how anyone else thinks but you can make changes to yourself so, grieve for a while, accept that waves of sadness will wash over you and then you’ll start to move on. You’ve no children so a clean break could be sorted quite quickly. As for her taking half the house...why? You will have all the evidence to show your input so could well get that all back and split what’s left after any mortgage. Get that form filled.
Chin up Laddy, you’ll be ok.
You cannot change how anyone else thinks but you can make changes to yourself so, grieve for a while, accept that waves of sadness will wash over you and then you’ll start to move on. You’ve no children so a clean break could be sorted quite quickly. As for her taking half the house...why? You will have all the evidence to show your input so could well get that all back and split what’s left after any mortgage. Get that form filled.
Chin up Laddy, you’ll be ok.