Approval of the banner / link should be imminent - we did it all a month or so back but as an organisation they need committee approval and also needed to organise themselves to back up the proposed service
No problem with a sticky until then
Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)
- Thread starter Andyrob
- Start date
Approval of the banner / link should be imminent - we did it all a month or so back but as an organisation they need committee approval and also needed to organise themselves to back up the proposed service
No problem with a sticky until then
- Location
- Gainsborough, Lincolnshire
- Location
- Ceredigion
Spare a thought for those left behind
- Location
- Limavady, Northern Ireland
Yea I know but here is a very strange place.
There is one company and well if your over 18 your not welcome as it costs to much to employ you
blackbob
Member
- Location
- Aberdeenshire
And Chae1 said "Also people with certain personality traits are more likely to suffer from it, ie those people that will never say no when asked to do something and those that want everything to be perfect." which is me to a 'T'.
Ok here's my story. In the really bad snow in January, 3yrs ago, I lost control of things, pipes frozen, steering broke on Matbro so having to move silage bales in 2ft snow with a 2wd tractor/loader, cash-flow trouble, etc etc while working off farm so short of time, cows started dying, then Animal Health vet became involved. Our semi-retired neighbour would gladly have helped, I know he would, but I was too ashamed of the situation, I was too ashamed of the pile of dead animals to call the knackery even once the snow cleared, too ashamed to even tell my then-fiancee, although I couldn't help crying at night, she knew something was seriously wrong.
I arranged to sell the remaining animals and got away with only being charged with having the dead ones lying about ('by-products', as they call them) I loved my animals, had started from scratch in 1983 to 50 cows + youngstock.
I couldn't see any future, how could I look friends/neighbours in the eye again, who would employ me, why carry on living? And this was before the court case, when everything would be in the paper for all to see and sneer at! I got a ladder and hung a bit of rope from a rafter above the feed pass, ready.
Fiancee wouldn't let me out of her sight, marched me to the GP (female), we both sat and told her everything, she gave me prozac, saw me every day for a week, arranged to see a psychiatrist, offered me a hospital bed, really couldn't have done more.
The psychiatrist was great, he listened to my story, I could see he understood how and why I felt as I did. Then he asked, 'if you saw someone in the paper, who had neglected their animals even in difficult circumstances, would you think they should be punished?' Yes, I said. 'And would they deserve capital punishment, if that was an option?' Well, no, only serial killers etc would deserve that. 'Well why are you considering it for yourself then?'
Err...
I think we were with him for over an hour, he arranged with the Procurator Fiscal that the case would not be made public, you are the only people outside my family who I've told all this to.
I am now working on a farm, trying to rebuild self-respect, not seen any ex neighbours. Stopped the drugs after the court case, mainly because of the 'restless legs' side effect. May have cattle again one day, but will never let myself get in that mess
llamedos
New Member
A very honest post @blackbob and if this post serves as proof to anyone else that it is worth speaking out to someone, anyone, it was worth your sharing it with us. Thank you.
If anyone member or non member reads this thread, there are many one here my self included, who would willingly lend an ear and a shoulder by Private message.
Good luck with your future BB
blackbob
Member
- Location
- Aberdeenshire
Thanks @llamedos I am just so sorry that there are people like @Chae1 who feel that the NHS didn't help them, as I found that my GP and the psychiatrist were life-savers, perhaps it helped that I was able to put into words that I knew I had done wrong, I had allowed my beloved animals to suffer and in some cases die, I could have sought outside help but didn't because of misplaced pride/shame, I felt I deserved punishment, I felt I would never be able to hold my head up in public again, I was 49/over the hill/would never get a job either in or outside farming so faced a future as a dole 'scrounger', so putting myself out of my misery was the best way out. Yes looking back it's selfish and hard on those who love you, but at the time I felt absolutely worthless, a piece of sh!t.
As an aside I farm(ed) in partnership with my mum, and so she got a summons too although I had managed to keep from her the mess I was in, luckily I saw the postie the day the summonses came (had to sign for them of course) and I sent hers back saying, I am 81 and no longer involved in running the farm, hence not guilty, and forged her signature, yes it's Contempt of Court but WTF? I wouldn't be here to face the consequences..
I think I actually came out of the psychiatrist's with a smile on my face, he had listened and understood my point of view, and debated it and turned it round and showed me that I would be grossly over-reacting, that life in future might be different but still worth living, this was just a new chapter not the end of the book.
So yes go see your doctor, and if it's necessary seeing a psychiatrist is nothing to worry about, just because you don't have an infection or an injury doesn't mean you don't need medical help, and you can be cured and move on
As an aside I farm(ed) in partnership with my mum, and so she got a summons too although I had managed to keep from her the mess I was in, luckily I saw the postie the day the summonses came (had to sign for them of course) and I sent hers back saying, I am 81 and no longer involved in running the farm, hence not guilty, and forged her signature, yes it's Contempt of Court but WTF? I wouldn't be here to face the consequences..
I think I actually came out of the psychiatrist's with a smile on my face, he had listened and understood my point of view, and debated it and turned it round and showed me that I would be grossly over-reacting, that life in future might be different but still worth living, this was just a new chapter not the end of the book.
So yes go see your doctor, and if it's necessary seeing a psychiatrist is nothing to worry about, just because you don't have an infection or an injury doesn't mean you don't need medical help, and you can be cured and move on
Davos
Member
- Location
- East Yorks
This post has affected me all day.To say in no uncertain terms what happened really takes some courage.As llamedos says ,thank you.
PS .Thanks for the PM.
Global ovine
Member
- Location
- Central Otago NZ
Blackbob, for what you have written you deserve a bravery award. You and your fiancee have my admiration. Best of luck for achieving your goals.
blackbob
Member
- Location
- Aberdeenshire
Thanks folks, I just wanted to encourage others in difficulties to seek help and not be too proud, looking back I'm sure it would have given my neighbour a warm feeling to have come down with his loader and give me a hand, if only I had asked him.
Just a reminder to anyone who's feeling down, for goodness sake let people know. A problem shared is a problem halved and all that. No one will begrudge you a brew and a shoulder to cry on if things are getting too much for you.
Just been to a needless funeral this morning. Folk didn't have a clue
Just been to a needless funeral this morning. Folk didn't have a clue
Baling Hay
Member
2 farmers in our local area have tried it in the past few weeks and failed, now both in a coma. Who knows what permanent damage has been done?
This is after another farmer did commit suicide only last year as well. All within a few miles of each other!!!
This is after another farmer did commit suicide only last year as well. All within a few miles of each other!!!
Baling Hay
Member
I think dentistry is higher?
I suspect it is due to isolation and machoism being the biggest causes among farming.
i would expect that is so plus money worries.
dentistry? where did you dig that up from?
Baling Hay
Member
I have read it somewhere in the past, it is supposed to be the highest with farming not far behind. Access to means seem to increase the chances. Suppose that's obvious as it makes it a lot easier.
Today's not a farm one, but didn't know where to put it. Didn't want to start a new thread, just remind everyone,that whatever their job/problem/issue is, to let people know you're struggling
every days a school day i would have never imagined dentistry as being a stressful job where you are likely to top yourself,