Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[RobFZS]

I thought my partner/ girl friend (or whatever you're supposed to call love of my life when you get to 58) had turned the corner with her depression/anxiety
She had seen consultant and put on Pregbalin and also Vitamin D and iron supplement and with Spring around the corner and sun out there seemed to be a light at end of a dark tunnel.
This week however has been tough. Her mood has gone very low again, not sleeping well and pushing me away and lashing out (verbally not physically)
The side effects of the medication are hard to cope with
Her ex husband and older children are stirring things up and she thinks turning younger children against her
She complains she's lonely and has been asking me to find her a dog for company Didn't go down well when I explained you can't just turn up at rescue centres, pick a dog and take it home without any checks

The text I got tonight was heartbreaking when she said " I see no light at the end of this dark tunnel babe, and I'm tired of life to be honest "

I've begged her to talk to some professional to help her to feel good about herself. Myself, her family and friends constantly reassure her we are here for her all the time but it seems to have little effect
Hopefully tomorrow will be better. This has been going on now for about 6 months and now beginning to take its toll on me as well

I'm in the same boat, my girlfriend has finally decided to go and see a doctor after months of mood swings and deep depression amongst those swings, possibly escalated from working stupid hours, starting in the dark, finishing in the dark ,inside all the time, annoyingly she wants to sort herself out on her own and thus we're on a partial break and i'm caught now between a rock and a hard place, very frustrating, upsetting there's not much i can do without pushing her away even more.

 

[BobGreen]

Hmmm, I see; no help there then! It is, without doubt, a difficult situation for both you and your partner to be in but there will be a way through into better times.

Perhaps he hasn't really let go and is trying to still own her. I use the word own, because some folk do in fact see their partner on equal terms to objects that they they own.

Sure you've a point there about owning. I know he's trying to buy children with promises of fancy holidays etc. Don't know where money is coming from though as it wasn't too long age he didn't have a pot to pee in !

 

[BobGreen]

I'm in the same boat, my girlfriend has finally decided to go and see a doctor after months of mood swings and deep depression amongst those swings, possibly escalated from working stupid hours, starting in the dark, finishing in the dark ,inside all the time, annoyingly she wants to sort herself out on her own and thus we're on a partial break and i'm caught now between a rock and a hard place, very frustrating, upsetting there's not much i can do without pushing her away even more.

Hang on in there if you want her
It's the depression making her act the way she is
It's making her push you away and she is perhaps giving you an escape route without actually saying it
Mine has lashed out and treated me pretty bad but I've hung on
Just had a night with her when we had a good talk and cleared the air. It's going to be a long journey with no doubt some problems along the way but as I told her I'm not going to give up on her

 

[Christoph1945]

Bob,

how many and how old are the kids who are still at home with her? Do you and the good lady have any shared interests that can include the kids? Hobbies, crafts, or past times? For Gawd's sake, not shooting!

Although not a solution; a shared interest can act as a distraction from conflict or ongoing problems. Of course shared interests in them selves can sometimes lead to conflict......."anything you can do, I can do better!"

Me n the Mrs often share crosswords and I have learned to show genuine interest in soaps and crime series, neither of which enthral me. Sounds all rather shallow, I suppose.

 

[theboytheboy]

When I was having a very bad time with depression I was pushing my partner away (one of the ways i did this was to say i didnt want to have kids which is something she really wanted)

We did have a long break living apart.

I can see with hindsight it was my way of giving her a way out and a chance to ditch me and move on to somone better.
To a person thinking rationally it makes little sense but I was not thinking clearly and to be honest don't even think it was a conscious decision.

Thankfully after a break and moving back to farm and finally getting myself to doctors and onto medication I realised how foolish I had been. We are now married with a young son.

The point I try to make with my rambling is that I've been on the other side of the situation to you guys and was very lucky to have a partner who was willing to give me space but not give up on me. It sounds like you guys are not going anywhere and hopefully your partners can weather the storm and find you waiting patiently or them on the other side.
Try not to take it personally. It almost certainly isn't. I really remember thinking I was doing the best thing for my partner by giving her a way out.

 

[Christoph1945]

Thank God for loyal partners! My wife stuck by me through troubling times and refused to abandon me when others suggested otherwise.

 

[RobFZS]

Hang on in there if you want her
It's the depression making her act the way she is
It's making her push you away and she is perhaps giving you an escape route without actually saying it
Mine has lashed out and treated me pretty bad but I've hung on
Just had a night with her when we had a good talk and cleared the air. It's going to be a long journey with no doubt some problems along the way but as I told her I'm not going to give up on her

She tells me she has this Seasonal affective disorder, and all the symptoms are there looking it up, i knew there was something up months ago, but she never did anything about it until now, i just hope she can be seen quickly, they find a way of dealing with it and then she allows me back in her life as the depression is locking me out of her life, i just wish there was more certainty over the whole thing

 

[Alicecow]

Some say that Day Light light bulbs can help combat SAD. B&Q have them for about £5 each.

 

[spin cycle]

sunlight makes vit d which is critical to seratonin....gp should be able to help with seratonin uptake inhibitor pills

 

[BobGreen]

She tells me she has this Seasonal affective disorder, and all the symptoms are there looking it up, i knew there was something up months ago, but she never did anything about it until now, i just hope she can be seen quickly, they find a way of dealing with it and then she allows me back in her life as the depression is locking me out of her life, i just wish there was more certainty over the whole thing

This could be a mirror image of my relationship
Though Rachel has always been prone to anxiety from before I met her she started to go down hill in Sept and got steadily worse
Finally saw consultant in January after a long wait who diagnosed anxiety disorder and seasonal disorder
At the same time a blood test result came back after 3 months! showing Vit D and iron low
She admitted that every winter she has felt the same
She has been started on medication with some improvement but the side effects are a problem
I have been pushed away and I know it's giving me a way out and sometimes I've thought sod it but I'm hanging in there. There's good days and bad days
If you want her just keep letting her know that you're there for her. It will be a long journey but she will improve eventually

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

She tells me she has this Seasonal affective disorder, and all the symptoms are there looking it up, i knew there was something up months ago, but she never did anything about it until now, i just hope she can be seen quickly, they find a way of dealing with it and then she allows me back in her life as the depression is locking me out of her life, i just wish there was more certainty over the whole thing

You know SAD my nan has that, as well as me and a few other relatives. You can buy a special light to use in the winter and it does really help Also if out in the sun it is very good to uncover the arms and let the sun on them for a bit, a good way of getting Vitamin D careful of cold though I would like to tell you guys something... It may be an idea to listen to this last, yesterday's in fact, desert island discs. Marian Keyes, the author, talks about her dealing with manic depression, it is really horrible and sad to hear what happened to her, also alcoholism and how she was feeling. It really helped me to listen to it...

 

[waterbuffalofarmer]

I was also on at Johns wort for a time, which helped after about a week of being on it. Always check with a Dr/medical herbalist beforehand though in case and if you do take it be careful when out in the sun, as it makes the skin more vulnerable to sunburn. I always found too that emergency essence was good to have in just in case of anxious attacks, i was on it pretty much all of 2014, careful though cause you can get addicted to it... Evening primrose tablets can help women with hormonal changes, i take mine most evenings, nature's best website supply me. Again consult your Dr.

 

[SilliamWhale]

Very interesting discussion about depression on stephen nolan show on 5 live last night. Ill try and link the clips later.

 

[RobFZS]

You know SAD my nan has that, as well as me and a few other relatives. You can buy a special light to use in the winter and it does really help Also if out in the sun it is very good to uncover the arms and let the sun on them for a bit, a good way of getting Vitamin D careful of cold though I would like to tell you guys something... It may be an idea to listen to this last, yesterday's in fact, desert island discs. Marian Keyes, the author, talks about her dealing with manic depression, it is really horrible and sad to hear what happened to her, also alcoholism and how she was feeling. It really helped me to listen to it...

yerr i've had a look at them lamps. hopefully she will let me get her one when we next talk, i've spoken to her sister and she knows she's not been right recently, but once again, she's not told anyone

 

[Gong Farmer]

I have a daylight lamp and have used it to good effect in previous winters. However the wife has had us both on high strength Vitamin D all winter and I haven't needed it. WBF's post above supports the idea of a link between the two.

 

[Old Boar]

Just a quick note for those taking Vit D. You should take K2 with this. Vit D3 aids absorption of calcium from food and K2-MK7 directs it to bones and teeth where it is needed rather than arteries and soft tissues where it can cause problems. D3 and K2 are fat soluble so should be taken with the fattiest meal of the day. K2 - MK7 is widely available.

 

[Steevo]

Just a quick note for those taking Vit D. You should take K2 with this. Vit D3 aids absorption of calcium from food and K2-MK7 directs it to bones and teeth where it is needed rather than arteries and soft tissues where it can cause problems. D3 and K2 are fat soluble so should be taken with the fattiest meal of the day. K2 - MK7 is widely available.

Just tried local chemist for K2 but they don't stock. Can you suggest anywhere?

 

[Lili]

I think good natural sources of K2 are egg yolk, meat and milk (so butter and cheese as well) from animals fed on grass. I don't know what the recommended amounts are per day or whether you could get enough from diet alone if deficient in vitamin D.

 

[Old Boar]

Most health food shops should stock it, but try a search on the old pooter. Make sure it is the K2-MK7 type. WARNING - do not take if you are on blood thinners.

 

[Christoph1945]

yerr i've had a look at them lamps. hopefully she will let me get her one when we next talk, i've spoken to her sister and she knows she's not been right recently, but once again, she's not told anyone

Sounds like a good investment.