Dealing with depression - suicidal thoughts - Join the conversation (including helpline details)

[Christoph1945]

We, the general public, often lead very sheltered lives and normally are untouched by many of the evils that take place around us but our police, military, and security services are frequently inundated by things that would haunt the strongest of us for the rest of our lives.

A friend, who served as a police sergeant, became an alcoholic and effectively drank himself to death and I don't have enough digits to count the number of people who I have known to have passed from this world prematurely; some by alcohol and drugs and some by suicide but if only I had known then what I know now, perhaps I could have made a difference for them.

Stay safe, stay well, and don't bottle things up.

 

[Martinamachine]

I completely misheard the doctor, citalopram is what they have given me.

yep I`m on 20mgs a day of that , been on them for 2 half years now did go up to 40mg but went down to 20mg earlier this year , I decided that not the doc as don`t want to be on them for ever

 

[troubled]

yep I`m on 20mgs a day of that , been on them for 2 half years now did go up to 40mg but went down to 20mg earlier this year , I decided that not the doc as don`t want to be on them for ever

I really think they are helping a lot, was on 10mg for two weeks and now on 20mg for the last week and I've find myself to be much more easy going with the kids than I had been. Think they are having a really positive effect on me

 

[Flossie]

Not sure if the link will work for those not on Facebook, but this lady talks a lot of sense -makes you realise it's not just you that gets fed up and angry with the world (swears a lot more usually too ) Don't want to go off on a tangent, but this popped up tonight (and I know every day is World something day )
https://www.facebook.com/peterandjaneandmummytoo/posts/351023318633699:0




Today is World Maternal Mental Health Day. Some of you might be wondering why this is important? This is important because it’s estimated that more than 1 in 10 women will develop a mental health illness during pregnancy or the first year after birth. This is important because 7 out of 10 of those women will try to hide that mental illness, or downplay its severity and because suicide is a leading cause of death for women during pregnancy and the first year of their baby’s life*. And it is a terrible and scandalous thing that in 2017 women are still taking their own lives because of this, and that anyone still feels that a maternal mental illness is something to be ashamed of; something to be hidden away; something that is in some way a ‘failing’ on their part.

The most well-known perinatal mental illness is, of course, post natal depression, but other common illnesses to affect expectant and new mothers include (but are not limited to) antenatal depression, anxiety, perinatal obsessive compulsive disorder, postpartum psychosis and post-traumatic stress disorder. There are varying degrees of severity for all of these of course, and everyone is affected differently, but although some women might be at a higher risk of developing one of these illnesses, the fact remains that perinatal mental illness does not respect any boundaries of age, or wealth, or relationship status, and can and does affect women from all walks of life, whether they are having their first baby, or their tenth.

So why? Why is this still happening in 2017? Why are women still suffering from these horrible illnesses and suffering in silence? Honestly? I don’t know. Maybe in some cases it’s because so many of us have lost the extended female family that once would have looked out for us and after us- the mums, the grannies, the aunties, the sisters, who once lived round the corner and might have recognised the signs and offered help are scattered across the country, if not the world, and this family has instead been replaced by over worked health care professionals. This is in no way a dig at those health visitors and midwives and GPs who have taken up the roles instead, but they are undoubtedly over stretched and under resourced and unless you are exceptionally lucky, they simply do not have the time to spend the whole day sitting with a struggling new mum trying to work out if she is coping as well as she claims to be, because they’ve got at least a dozen other mums they are expected to check in on and then write up as well. And the more we become distanced from the very people who might help us, who might tell us that we are doing a great job, and we are not the miserable failures we think we are, the more that allows the illness to get its claws in deeper.

That can’t be all of it though, because perinatal mental illness is still a problem in close knit communities, so maybe these illnesses are still allowed to take such a grip because they do make you feel so alone, so ashamed, such a failure. And those feelings feed off each other, and you become trapped in a downwards spiral. After my first child was born, I didn’t know any other mothers. I was the first of my friends to have a baby, and after they had dropped off some flowers and a baby gift and peered in the pram and made the appropriate noises, they drifted back to their own child free, non poo-scented lives and left me to it. And so began the loneliest and hardest time of my life.

No one wants to admit they are failing as a mother. No one even wants to admit they are finding it hard, and so we hide it. I hid it by obsessive cleaning. If I could only keep everything perfectly clean and tidy, NO ONE WOULD KNOW. And it was hugely important that no one knew. It was a terrible and shameful secret, but as long as that glass was washed up the minute the last sip had been taken, as long as the carpets were hoovered three times a day lest there be a speck of dirt, and every surface kept clean and wiped, then my secret was safe, because I didn’t recognise that I was ill- I genuinely thought I was just an awful person to feel this despair, and that was why I had no friends, and my baby cried all night, and I deserved this, but if I could just stay on top of things, no one would realise the truth, which was obviously that everyone would be far, far better off without me.

One might have thought that when it got to the stage where I cleaned the loo and sink after every single use, and I would sit on the floor rather than risk messing up the sofa and once suggested to a rare visitor that they might like to do the same because I could not stand the thought of things being disordered, because if there was any disorder at all PEOPLE WOULD KNOW that I wasn't coping, that I was the worst person in the world, and then I would have failed even more and that would be it, the last thing I was needed for would be gone- then alarm bells might have rung, but we get very good at hiding the truth from other people and ourselves- even my husband didn’t really know how bad things were for a long time, as I constantly reassured him I was totally fine, fine, it’s COMPLETELY NORMAL to be dusting skirting boards at 3am, in between walking the streets trying to get the baby to sleep (these days I try to convince him that I carefully keep the skirting boards undusted as a sign that I really am fine now).

So what do we do to improve this situation? Mainly, we talk about it. And talk about it, and talk about it, and talk about it. Women are really good at talking, as male comedians like to point out, but this is one thing we don’t talk about and it is probably the most important thing we SHOULD be talking about, and that is something that desperately needs to change.

If you are pregnant, or a new mum, or even a not so new mum who feels like they are struggling to cope, or overwhelmed, or even just not quite yourself, don’t hide it; don’t be ashamed of it- TALK about it. Talk to your health visitor, or your GP, or your partner if you have one. Or talk to a friend, or a relative, but tell someone. If you honestly feel unable to talk to anyone in person about how you are feeling, the wonderful organisation PANDAS http://www.pandasfoundation.org.uk/ offers a helpline, as well as online and email support, and can also help you to find a support group in your area. The simple but oh so brilliant and helpful phrase ‘it’s OK not to be OK’ comes from PANDAS. And if you are currently not OK, just remember that’s OK.

As well as professional care and support groups, try and get out and just talk to other people generally. Go to the Mother and Baby groups, and the baby massage or baby yoga or baby music groups (apart from anything else, wanting to smack your head off the floor at baby music when they make you sing Wind The Bobbin Up for the eleventy billionth time will make a change from wanting to smack your head off the floor with feelings of failure and despair), and talk to people. You don’t have to blurt out your innermost feelings to strangers, and maybe you will look around and think how much better all those other mums are coping than you, but they’re not, I promise you, almost of all them are probably finding it at least as hard as you, or maybe even harder. But just getting out and meeting people, however impossible it might seem, is another step towards getting better. Also, there are almost always biscuits at these groups. Sometimes there is even cake. And, if you are really lucky, you might even meet a kindred spirit and one day, unlikely as it might seem right now, you will sit and laugh and drink wine, or gin or tea with her.

And if you are out of the darkness now, talk about that too. It is nothing to be ashamed of, and the more we all talk about our experiences of it, the more we can de-stigmatise it. Maternal mental illnesses are never going to go away, they are not something that can be eradicated like polio, but the shame and despair that leads women to hide these illnesses, and let them go untreated to the point they feel they have no option but to take their own lives- these can be massively reduced if we shine a light on it, and talk about it, and show that there is hope, however black the hole they are in right now might seem, there is hope, because they are not failures, they are not terrible people, they are ill, and they can get better, with the right help.

If you suspect your partner, or friend, or relative might be suffering from any of these illnesses, talk to them too. They might deny anything is wrong, but keep talking to them, keep letting them know you are there, that you love them. They might not feel worthy of anyone loving them right now, but keep telling them and telling them and try and encourage them to start talking, or to see someone they feel they can talk to. If you are really concerned and you can’t get them to talk to you, or seek help, please contact PANDAS for more advice on how to help them.

We might not be able to make these illnesses go away. But we can stop them beating us. Together, we can stop women feeling they need to hide their illness, we can take away the shame, and hopefully, one day, we can stop women taking their own lives due to these illnesses.

Meanwhile, here’s loads of love to everyone who is currently suffering, you DON’T deserve this, but you CAN get through this, and a massive cheers to everyone who has beaten these buggers xxxx
#itsoknottobeok #pandas #maternalmentalhealth #maternalMHmatters#PND

*Maternal Mental Health Alliance stats

 

[Old earwig]

Thanks sheepdip,this case was particularly nasty which then seeing the long term affect on the victims,leaves me worried about my loved one

Six Dogs
Sometime since I have been on jury service but from what I was then told the only parts you must not talk about are what goes on in the jury room so there is nothing to stop you talking your problems over.

From my length of tooth I would say open the problems it's giving you to your other half. To keep to the point then do write it out. You are in a "post war" situation that you were placed in for the sake of the of our society; so thank you for the work that you did to protect the rest of us.

Time tends to amplify bad things and the worry of the gap between you so I would say write it in a short way, 10 lines max. Go for a walk together and hand it over... then have a good long hug!!

 

[Six Dogs]

Thanks Old earwig,you are right I have discussed the case with her and she knows about the assault afterwards,I'm sorry but it's more the affect it is still having I can't talk about

 

[Alicecow]

Writing it down, even if no one else ever sees it, will help.

 

[Old earwig]

Thanks Old earwig,you are right I have discussed the case with her and she knows about the assault afterwards,I'm sorry but it's more the affect it is still having I can't talk about

One case I was on the jury for (~1975) a man had beaten his girls bum and back raw in places to the bone and did it with a hose pipe. Like you, it kept coming into my mind and in the end I just had to keep saying "not my world, not my kind of people"...it took time, may be 6 months till it went of my minds front page.
So I guess I'm saying try to get a mantra that is short, easy and clear and EVERY time the image etc comes to you turn the mantra on and stay in our honest world.

 

[llamedos]

Farming's vulnerability

http://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/local-news/anglesey-farmers-son-probes-dads-12984093

 

[Blod]

@Six Dogs if I'm right in thinking that you are disturbed by your thoughts and not actions (i.e. No body is acting against you) then a Cognitive approach could really help you. For many, exploring your thought process can make a profound difference to your emotional reaction,

 

[Blod]

Did anyone see the programme on tv last night about stress? I caught the tail end of it and it looked good. I'll dig it out and post a link, might take me a while though as I am technically challenged today.

 

[llamedos]

Did anyone see the programme on tv last night about stress? I caught the tail end of it and it looked good. I'll dig it out and post a link, might take me a while though as I am technically challenged today.

The truth about stress?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p04yy2n4

 

[Pieces_of_Eight]

@Six Dogs if I'm right in thinking that you are disturbed by your thoughts and not actions (i.e. No body is acting against you) then a Cognitive approach could really help you. For many, exploring your thought process can make a profound difference to your emotional reaction,

I did exactly this,

I explored my thoughts, feelings and behaviours in great depth by recording (writing) and analysing my past and present.

This helped me to gain a better understanding of why I felt the way I did and has helped me enormously.

I you can't talk, write it down. Doesn't matter if it's one sentence or 30,000 words.

I explained a bit more last year (post #1027)

 

[Blod]

The truth about stress?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p04yy2n4

That's the one.

 

[Blod]

I did exactly this,

I explored my thoughts, feelings and behaviours in great depth by recording (writing) and analysing my past and present.

This helped me to gain a better understanding of why I felt the way I did and has helped me enormously.

I you can't talk, write it down. Doesn't matter if it's one sentence or 30,000 words.

I explained a bit more last year (post #1027)

There are all sorts of ways of questioning your own thoughts. For many it can help to have a framework.

One way is to ask yourself if there is evidence that your understanding or thought is true.
If it is, then ask yourself if it follows that it is always true. If one person does this does it follow that they all will. ( Sometimes BRIEFLY assuming the emotional intelligence of a computer helps.at this point)
Finish with asking yourself how it serves you to hold this thought or belief. Does thinking it help you or anyone else?
How will you feel in 6 months if you take no action to change either your thought or your response to the thought ? In a year? 5 years?

Fast track CBC! And you're quite right, if you can either say it out loud in a conversation or write it down it can make a huge difference though one wouldn't know unless one tried.

 

[wr.]

S4C are advertising some programes for Mental Health Awareness Week. They are in Welsh but have English subtitles.

http://www.s4c.cymru/caban/?p=9079&lang=en

 

[Christoph1945]

A great many folk are slowly waking up to the facts of mental health problems and are no longer sweeping them under the psychological carpet.

There is no longer the stigma that used to be associated with many of the psychological problems that can assail any of us; regardless of our age, profession, rank, or social standing.

Openness and communication are two of the major keys opening up the road to recovery for many now suffering from anxiety/depression and other mental ailments.

Thanks for the heads up on the S4C channel.

Chris

 

[7830AP]

Found this thread 3 days ago,have read all pages from start.
For one who suffers from anxiety/depression, like myself,it is of help and comfort to read people's posts,especially with the farming aspect included.l have suffered more intensely for he last 20 yrs,but in hindsight this goes further back.
Had cbt ,am on antidepressants which have helped.
Just think some of use are born like this,of course,nurture plays a equal roll too.
Just slowly coming out of a dark 3 month period,of which past experience has helped me,had stupid thouhts too,but know how much pain this can leave behind,but that's at its worst.
A plus point of this last bout,was the realization that I was becoming addicted to prescription sleeping tablets,of which I have not taken for 10 weeks.suffered reverse insomnia for 3 nights,but now worth it.Determined
Never to take a sleeping tablet again,can't beat green tea.
This is my first post on this subject,but if it helps me and others,then great.
I am trying to be more open to others about mental health,l am sure this helps,even though some have little knowledge or time,but l am determined this will never break me,I must be strong and good for the wife and kids and parents .
Take care all.

 

[Texel Tup]

…….. ,I must be strong and good for the wife and kids and parents .
Take care all.

And there, all so often lays the problem. We're men, real men, we're providers and we're strong and big and butch and we tough it out and sometimes, just sometimes the weight of responsibility, the one group that are our world revolves around, are actually the problem.
We have to find a way of sharing the burden. All so often, the 'burden' simply has no idea that we struggle (see the previous para), and it isn't the burden's fault. We have to find a way of opening both our hearts and our mouths, we need to explain that we aren't superman and that sometimes we're fallible and frail.
The simple fact is that we need to ask for help.
NB: For further instructions, seek help elsewhere, I'm equally crap at it!

 

[Lili]

Found this thread 3 days ago,have read all pages from start.
For one who suffers from anxiety/depression, like myself,it is of help and comfort to read people's posts,especially with the farming aspect included.l have suffered more intensely for he last 20 yrs,but in hindsight this goes further back.
Had cbt ,am on antidepressants which have helped.
Just think some of use are born like this,of course,nurture plays a equal roll too.
Just slowly coming out of a dark 3 month period,of which past experience has helped me,had stupid thouhts too,but know how much pain this can leave behind,but that's at its worst.
A plus point of this last bout,was the realization that I was becoming addicted to prescription sleeping tablets,of which I have not taken for 10 weeks.suffered reverse insomnia for 3 nights,but now worth it.Determined
Never to take a sleeping tablet again,can't beat green tea.
This is my first post on this subject,but if it helps me and others,then great.
I am trying to be more open to others about mental health,l am sure this helps,even though some have little knowledge or time,but l am determined this will never break me,I must be strong and good for the wife and kids and parents .
Take care all.

It's good coming on here has helped you. Very best wishes and remember you are not alone struggling sometimes.