diary of a comedy sheep farm

spin cycle

Member
Location
north norfolk
taking a cue from others with their own threads....and upon a suggestion of a friend whom i keep 'entertained':rolleyes:

so today.....up at the sheds at 6am to check for lambings although we're not supposed to start for a month:banghead:....just a single....penned it up and back for school run....youngest daughter 'cinders':rolleyes:....13 yrs old and into her 4th yr as a teenager:android:....not that she's 'peaked yet':banghead:......mrs spin on airport run taking eldest daughter (her highness:rolleyes:) for next set of travels in her 'gaap yaar'.....did school run but on way home found our helper (also on school run) conked out:(....said 'don't worry we'll manage'.......translated really as 'f**king hell i'm in sh!t':D

so to the farm...fed round....just time to go through the fat lambs before i take mum to oap centre for bath/haircut.....she hates it BTW ...'i'm the only one with any marbles....don't leave me there to long'....anyhow our helper arrives thank fudge...goes round with the bottles/does lambing pens while i go through the 'fats'....just finished (12 selected) when i hear a massive grunt from lambing shed and arrive to see a lamb hanging ot of a ewe but with head still inside....just in time(y)...got her in a pen (she'll have another(y)) ......but a 'crash' alerts me that something is not ok at the fat shed and i arrive to see the last of the 36 lambs not selected heading off to the fields.....turning round mum is there on her gator telling me it's time to go:rolleyes:

so off to the oap centre with further reminders to pick her up on time:rolleyes:.....back to the farm helper wants to know what to do about the lambs...'on the lamb':scratchhead:....meanwhile the ewe has had her second(y)....i decide to let the escapees alone for time being.....helper leaves...i look round and a wilt drops a lamb....pen her up and back off to pick up mum.....mum's in a grump 'they were playing bingo'.....'oh' i said 'how did that go?'....'i didn't bloody well play' was the retort:eek:.....back to farm...wilt has had second(y)

LUNCH....well 10 mins....watched them loose money on bargin hunt and time to load 12 lambs for abbatoir .....postie arrives....last bunch did ok(y)......another grunt from lambing shed as loading:eek:....texel x drops one....penned up....off to abbatoir.....my fave radio show...radio norfolks 'fudge i cant remember the name'....anyhow turns out it's all 70's rubbish:wtf:.....try my rave cd(y).....ecxept the years of coffee spills finally have taken their toll and the buttons are all gummed up:banghead:....70's music it is then:banghead:

arrive at the abbatoir....time for a bit of banter with lairage chap....who i know is a keen fisherman;)
'hello mark (name changed to protect his innocence)....lovely day like this i thought you'd be fishing'....but mark's face darkened:eek:...'sore point james..i was supposed to be off today but they've sent sid to newark so i had to come in'.....thats my foot in it again:banghead:

back to farm still with some bloomin psydelic crap on radio:banghead:......arriving back the escaped lambs ....having decided 'grass is not really what we want'...are back in the yard busy turning their noses up at the hay/fodder beet....waiting for the gator to deliver some conc...at least they were easily caught:rolleyes:........though i've just remembered i havn't fixed the feed barrier properly:eek:....so they'll probably be out tommoz:banghead:....tex x has had another(y)

back in lambing shed....difficult lambing...dead twins:(....poor old girl....but give her a triplet to cheer her up hopefully:)

right....last check round then canaries on ifollow(y)
 

spin cycle

Member
Location
north norfolk
Bugger 1 nil down.

you're not wrong:banghead:.....not that i'm watching but at least i've saved a tenner:rolleyes:....found two sets of new twins when i went back....1 abandoned halfway cross the shed:rolleyes:.....both char x with no milk.....seems some of them are taking 12 hrs to let milk down:banghead: :scratchhead:.....so spectam and back later with some colostrum (i swear volac profits are solely down to me....nb other colostrums are available)

i mean as a former 'arable farmer' i'm outraged at how my sheep misbehave...i never had any barley/wheat/beet get out of a field or need attention when the footy is on:arghh:
 

yellowbelly

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
N.Lincs
I think I've just realised who you really are...
dontlaughtillhesoutofsight1.jpg
:p:p
 

le bon paysan

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
Limousin, France
taking a cue from others with their own threads....and upon a suggestion of a friend whom i keep 'entertained':rolleyes:

so today.....up at the sheds at 6am to check for lambings although we're not supposed to start for a month:banghead:....just a single....penned it up and back for school run....youngest daughter 'cinders':rolleyes:....13 yrs old and into her 4th yr as a teenager:android:....not that she's 'peaked yet':banghead:......mrs spin on airport run taking eldest daughter (her highness:rolleyes:) for next set of travels in her 'gaap yaar'.....did school run but on way home found our helper (also on school run) conked out:(....said 'don't worry we'll manage'.......translated really as 'fudgeing hell i'm in sh!t':D

so to the farm...fed round....just time to go through the fat lambs before i take mum to oap centre for bath/haircut.....she hates it BTW ...'i'm the only one with any marbles....don't leave me there to long'....anyhow our helper arrives thank fudge...goes round with the bottles/does lambing pens while i go through the 'fats'....just finished (12 selected) when i hear a massive grunt from lambing shed and arrive to see a lamb hanging ot of a ewe but with head still inside....just in time(y)...got her in a pen (she'll have another(y)) ......but a 'crash' alerts me that something is not ok at the fat shed and i arrive to see the last of the 36 lambs not selected heading off to the fields.....turning round mum is there on her gator telling me it's time to go:rolleyes:

so off to the oap centre with further reminders to pick her up on time:rolleyes:.....back to the farm helper wants to know what to do about the lambs...'on the lamb':scratchhead:....meanwhile the ewe has had her second(y)....i decide to let the escapees alone for time being.....helper leaves...i look round and a wilt drops a lamb....pen her up and back off to pick up mum.....mum's in a grump 'they were playing bingo'.....'oh' i said 'how did that go?'....'i didn't bloody well play' was the retort:eek:.....back to farm...wilt has had second(y)

LUNCH....well 10 mins....watched them loose money on bargin hunt and time to load 12 lambs for abbatoir .....postie arrives....last bunch did ok(y)......another grunt from lambing shed as loading:eek:....texel x drops one....penned up....off to abbatoir.....my fave radio show...radio norfolks 'fudge i cant remember the name'....anyhow turns out it's all 70's rubbish:wtf:.....try my rave cd(y).....ecxept the years of coffee spills finally have taken their toll and the buttons are all gummed up:banghead:....70's music it is then:banghead:

arrive at the abbatoir....time for a bit of banter with lairage chap....who i know is a keen fisherman;)
'hello mark (name changed to protect his innocence)....lovely day like this i thought you'd be fishing'....but mark's face darkened:eek:...'sore point james..i was supposed to be off today but they've sent sid to newark so i had to come in'.....thats my foot in it again:banghead:

back to farm still with some bloomin psydelic crap on radio:banghead:......arriving back the escaped lambs ....having decided 'grass is not really what we want'...are back in the yard busy turning their noses up at the hay/fodder beet....waiting for the gator to deliver some conc...at least they were easily caught:rolleyes:........though i've just remembered i havn't fixed the feed barrier properly:eek:....so they'll probably be out tommoz:banghead:....tex x has had another(y)

back in lambing shed....difficult lambing...dead twins:(....poor old girl....but give her a triplet to cheer her up hopefully:)

right....last check round then canaries on ifollow(y)
Reading this after checking cows, and looking at the Henry Brewis books on the shelf. You may have a second career waiting(y)
Edit, yellowbelly beat me to it
 

spin cycle

Member
Location
north norfolk
it's quiet....to quiet:scratchhead:.....finished up getting to bed at midnight last night:banghead:....colostrum check.... a single then just about to leave when i see a waterbag:banghead:....amused myself re littering lambing pens....each armful of straw a trip past the hedgecutter tractor....stepping over the cutting head.....two pens from finishing i thought 'why didn't i just move the tractor':banghead::banghead:.....anyhow nice set of twins(y)....ewe was one of my first exlana cross shearlings.....i thought i'd try the leftover dregs of cold colostrum on them....blimey the first latched on and the other bit my nuckle:eek:

this morning...all quiet....all day....nothing...nil...zilch:scratchhead:.....what are the feckers planning:scratchhead:.....could be?,looking back thru records, worming ewes 20-25th sept.....whilst doing so i numbered each ewe...so i would've been bound to spot a rogue ram lamb?...if so it could be over for now(y).....mind you some of the udders in the shed tell a different story:eek:

heptevac ing tommoz ...perhaps..maybe:scratchhead:......mind you some doses not needed will be used on first of this years lambs:rolleyes:

on the domestic front i recieved special dispensation from mrs spin to get valentine flowers later....but the longer i leave it the bigger the bunch:rolleyes:.....my bil ...the b'stard... has already set the bar pretty high with mrs spin's sister:inpain:

nice romantic tea especially to torment 'cinders'....cue 'OMG...THATS DISGUSTING....EARRGH'....then again...where's the point of having kids if you can't torment them:D:D

edit....is it sad that mrs spin handed me the prosseco to open and instinctively shook it aka meds bottle...that went well:banghead:
 
Last edited:

spin cycle

Member
Location
north norfolk
quiet day today....time to have a bit of a sort out and make a few phone calls....order feed....ih cs needs new door after a little mishap:whistle:...........check fert order made jan...delivered spread ideal(y).....but no sign:scratchhead:......merchant answers phone...'i'm sorry we've no more orders in your area so we can't do it':eek:....'thanks for telling me' i reply:rolleyes:.......mum volunteers to take on the task and credit to her gets bagged order + haulage more/less sorted(y)

bank statement arrives in post:X3:....pleasantly surprised(y).....despite the drought and sheep things going ok....mind you could do NE paying up for stewardship....no money for a year:banghead:

tenants water tank overflowing so finally a trip to town for an eclectic list after lunch....blimey the van smells bad..like wee:eek:
1/ diy store for ball cock...do i need 'side' or 'rear' entry the assistant asks:D:D:D
2/ dealers....20l hyd oil + oil filler cap (gawd knows how i lost that)....change outta £60 though..not bad(y)....opening back of the van i locate the 'smell'....a cat basket...turns out mrs spin wants to wash it out...i wonder why:poop:

right town centre next....blimey must be 'kinky boots friday' in fakenham today....they're everywhere:eek:

3/ CARD FACTORY.....shout it out cos this place is a must for harassed blokes like me....cheesy, over the top, sloppy it's got the lot(y)......anyhow i toddle over to the valentines section and select a card just as the store manager pipes up 'oooh you're in trouble'......i explain i'm not and why....she directs me to the 1/2 price valentines balloons
i get to the counter she says... 'i don't think you want that card luv...it's same sex'
'i'm sorry' says i.....then i look at the card.. 'to the woman who's made me the happiest woman in the world'.....i return to the shelves:bag:
4/ the bank....got some cheques to pay in and bugger me i find another couple in the bag:eek:.....todays going well(y)
5/ striding into the chemist in good spirits i look like a man about to order 3 packs of viagra and a party pack of durex elite.....in reality i pick up mums order....48 large ladies bladder weakness pants:sorry:....how the mighty have fallen:(
6/ morrisons.....flowers/chocs.....plus frijj milk and a three pack of turkish delight....well it's a 'three pack':rolleyes::D .....but embarrasment strikes again.....at the checkout i find i've left my money in the van:banghead:

back home...mrs spin and the 'help' have done the sheep....but we've a few pot bellies developing amongst those we're supplementing.....perhaps i should take them away put on hay /creep with bottle night+morning:scratchhead:....ADVICE REQUIRED:)

tonight mrs spin is helping to do teas at village bingo (and we're back to bladder weakness:D:D)....anyhow she's volunteered me to:banghead:....in between 'cinders' scout run hey ho:rolleyes:
 

spin cycle

Member
Location
north norfolk
'boy' is home:)....my eldest has a reading week so mrs spin goes to get him from UEA....earlier than planned as he's got a cold....bloomin snowflake:rolleyes::D

anyhow 'help' comes in to do the lot so i can concentrate on heptavac the ewes....towards the end of the first pen two lads from local pigeon club arrive to look at a stable i'm offering the club as a clubhose as they've lost the last place....cup of tea + rollie..bit of a chat:)

the 'helps' hubby is also on site stripping some old plaster from a room in the farmhouse....exposing lovely old flint that i don't want to cover up....trouble is my main builder is pigeon fancier so i have to ensure the two lads don't learn of my 'treachery':eek::D

finish the 'hepping' .....got 12 doses spare.....lunch...tons of odd jobs i could do but i opt for a nap:rolleyes:...i find hardest bit of being self employed is the 'elan' needed...suffering as i do from mild depression it is particularly hard sometimes:(.....knowing the more you do the better the situation/chance you have is sometimes the only motivation ....it's been hard 3 years since dad died...lots of bad luck at work but balanced out by family and humour:D

back to the shed at 4pm (city 3-0 up(y))....tex x had a single....nothing like giving the hep a chance to work:rolleyes:....doing the neccessary plus decide to use up remaining 12 doses of hep on some early born lambs...fudge catching them up was worse than doing 137 ewes this morning:banghead:......i've 30 odd teggs left to do...but i can do those in a couple of weeks with last weeks lambs

fulltime city 4-0 win(y)

time to evaluate my temporary opportunity....lull in lambing...boy home...good weather:scratchhead:......i could go ploughing/drilling my cs low input barley.....but if march is wet the low rate seed barley could struggle:scratchhead:....on the other hand if i plough and march is wet i won't be able to drill it:scratchhead:......i think i'll opt to plough(y)......just gotta find the grease gun:whistle:

i can set 'boy' some odd jobs during week:D:D

curry from melton spice on the way(y)
 

yellowbelly

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
N.Lincs
2/ dealers....20l hyd oil + oil filler cap (gawd knows how i lost that).
I feel that you've not yet fully embraced this sheep farming malarky - the dyed-in-the-wool shepherd would never do such a thing as check the oil level on anything let alone top it up with oil :rolleyes:

Once you get into the 'if it aint broke, don't mend it' mentality, you'll find you won't even know where the filler cap is, so you won't be able to lose it ;)
 

spin cycle

Member
Location
north norfolk
I feel that you've not yet fully embraced this sheep farming malarky - the dyed-in-the-wool shepherd would never do such a thing as check the oil level on anything let alone top it up with oil :rolleyes:

Once you get into the 'if it aint broke, don't mend it' mentality, you'll find you won't even know where the filler cap is, so you won't be able to lose it ;)

i'm finding it hard fully 'embracing the light':D:D...plus i thought 'zero maintenance' was only allowed on dairy farms:scratchhead:
 

yellowbelly

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
N.Lincs
i thought 'zero maintenance' was only allowed on dairy farms:scratchhead:
No, it's part of Gove's new vision for a brighter future and encompasses all livestock sectors.

The aim is to provide more work for the Ag machinery sector by ensuring they have a steady stream of seized engines, etc to compensate for the absence of new sales 'cos none of us have any money to spend on new kit.
 

CHAP Webinar - Innovative tools to overcome the challenges of Regen Ag

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Applying principles of regen ag can incur a range of on-farm challenges. Learn how innovative tools & machinery can help with these hurdles.

This event will be held online from 1pm to 2pm on Thursday 2nd December 2021 so please block it out in your diary.

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