diary of a comedy sheep farm

[adzy]

'FARMER WHO' and 'THE FARM THAT TIME FORGOT'

friday afternoon...feet up it's a toss up.....rerun binge of juliet bravo or clean out the berli .....it's alright having a 'berli tardis' but it doesn't matter how much junk you throw in the back it never fills up and you can never find anything......the number of hammers i've bought over the years...but can i find one......i'm interrupted....the 'intergalactic fax machine' from the 'time masters'......'ffs' think i 'why can't they just text instead of communicating like it's 1983'....i get up....rip off the msg and read 'strange goings on in breckland earth...investigate please....co ordinates follow'.....i sigh 'for heaven sake 'breckland earth' ....of course it's strange going on....the whole fekkin place isn't right....what now?......ppl running round naked amongst gorse bushes wearing animal masks?....i keep telling them....thats 'normal for norfolk' but 'oh no' will they listen.....besides why can't they send that 'doctor'.....bloomin b'strd.....police box that can materialise wherever it likes....but it's me gets the gig....fekkin 100 mile round trip in the berli only to find the locals romping about 'in the nip'...i suppose i could divert after mart.......lets see.....looks like 45 mins from mart....hour on site....hour and a half home.....leave mart 7:45 ?....i should be home just in time for 'homes under the hammer' at 11am

saturday comes...i'm off...it all goes according to plan until i'm nearly at the co'ordinates ...near a pit hole on a lunar type lane and the old 'temporal disturbance mointor' goes haywire....'ah' thinks i 'nothing new...i mean for a start it's french electronics and secondly i spilt a costa vanilla latte t'other day...thats probably it'......i approach the steading....'' oh god if there's a lad in a rocking chair playing a banjo...i'm off...i'm not going thru that...again' ....however the 'natives' are friendly.....if a touch 'eccentric'.....the younger seems to fashioning some kinda 'shrine' out of cage wheels whilst the older,sieve in hand, seems prospecting thru the yard dust....occasionally whooping with delight with a 'find'....a very shiney 11mm spanner hangs like a medallion.....i give them the old 'i'm a sheep farmer looking for feed grains' cover story that satisfies them.....again the loading weighing is eccentric but nowt that odd....somehow i'm sold a wheel....'ah i'll chuck it berli ...plenty of room'.....i depart....'fekkin wild goose chase' i start to say but then the monitor goes again....same place.....then signal's gone....'meh' thinks i.......arriving home..it'll be tight but....i switch on the telly....'WTF....closing credits...i'll never know how much that 2 bed semi in Dudley made'....checking the clock its 'NOON'......an hour lost......'bloomin great...i'm gonna miss 'football focus' now writing this lot up'

REPORT....standard time bubble anomaly discovered at co ordinates....time distortion of slowing time 100% whilst inside that is compensated 2 to 1 once outside.....no ongoing problem....natives friendly but quaint' END REPORT.....ps any further news on my request for a netflix subscription?

You've not lived until you've seen Charles snr balanced precariously on the back of a power Harrow "adding ballast" whilst a visibly annoyed Charles jnr rags the guts out of the elderly Ford 4000 its attached to in a vain attempt to break the surface of the iron like hard pan that passes for potato ground.

And that's before the trays of flints and mummified apples come out...

Talk about strange goings on in breckland.

 

[robbie]

All the above makes our place seem normal!!!!!!

 

[robbie]

@spin cycle are you running your saw on cheap supermarket fuel????
We had no end of trouble with mowers, strimmers and chainsaws when running them on normal E7 pump petrol as soon as we changed to E5 (bp ultimate, she'll vpower) we didnt have any more problems.
The increased bio diesel content was f**king them up.

The missus used to work in the fuel industry and supermarket fuel was even worse and only just passed the spec to keep the price competitive.

 

[carbonfibre farmer]

All the above makes our place seem normal!!!!!!

You and your dad have been to the yard of many bargains.....and took something away......after spending most of the visit in our wheat

 

[carbonfibre farmer]

You've not lived until you've seen Charles snr balanced precariously on the back of a power Harrow "adding ballast" whilst a visibly annoyed Charles jnr rags the guts out of the elderly Ford 4000 its attached to in a vain attempt to break the surface of the iron like hard pan that passes for potato ground.

And that's before the trays of flints and mummified apples come out...

Talk about strange goings on in breckland.

And you keep coming back to serve penance on the planter with snr

 

[spin cycle]

@spin cycle are you running your saw on cheap supermarket fuel????
We had no end of trouble with mowers, strimmers and chainsaws when running them on normal E7 pump petrol as soon as we changed to E5 (bp ultimate, she'll vpower) we didnt have any more problems.
The increased bio diesel content was f**king them up.

The missus used to work in the fuel industry and supermarket fuel was even worse and only just passed the spec to keep the price competitive.

bp e5 ....occasional use....fuel old may be problem but nev fired her up on new

 

[adzy]

And you keep coming back to serve penance on the planter with snr
View attachment 1176434View attachment 1176435View attachment 1176436

Happy days.

 

[robbie]

bp e5 ....occasional use....fuel old may be problem but nev fired her up on new

The higher bio content doesn't suit them engines and goes off quickly.

 

[johnb5555]

Occasional use, I get the Aspen stuff, not meant to go off

 

[spin cycle]

lambing is 80% done....things getting easier ....the hoggs have been disastrous but the ewes have done better so the target i hoped for should be reached .....a miracle considering our start......the hoggs might be just one of those things OR it could be my fault....so petrified of big lambs and fat hoggs i maybe didn't feed well enough?......in our accident prone days we had hoggs lambing good lambs in the fattening pens on 1kg conc/day....something to ponder

wednesday was grim.....weather....picked another sick ewe and twins off the field....forgot admirals prescription repeat last week so had to arrange an emergency supply....i was really low come days end.....sick mum and sick sheep

thursday/today things improved....all the sick ewes have responded to tlc and meds and will go back out tomorrow .......thoughts turn to other jobs.....get sprayer out to tackle our 'biblical thistles'.....a by product of being such a 'greeny' i'm afraid.....anyhoo smeg was parked in the way....she's had the winter off tucked up in the barn.....would she start.......'old is gold' of course she did......only took a new battery...half a can of easy start.....15 mins on battery boost and she was away third attempt

 

[primmiemoo]

Is this better weather cheering everyone else, then? I didn't need my "easy start" strong coffee to feel like cracking on this morning, for once.

 

[wrenbird]

I’ve reached an age of such general decrepitude that I need at least two strong coffees to start the day, one for each eyelid. ☕️☕️

 

[primmiemoo]

 

[wrenbird]

Youm got it exact right there @primmiemoo