diary of a comedy sheep farm

[spin cycle]

have any of you..i dunno .....for example been driving along with a trailer on.....seen smoke coming from a wheel.....then the hub cap come off....then some flames.....then stopped and thrown water from a muddy puddle on it to put it out before carrying on?

asking for a friend

 

[Flat 10]

have any of you..i dunno .....for example been driving along with a trailer on.....seen smoke coming from a wheel.....then the hub cap come off....then some flames.....then stopped and thrown water from a muddy puddle on it to put it out before carrying on?

asking for a friend

No but I have stopped and urinated on some straw that caught fire on the Merlo’s brakes……

 

[robbie]

have any of you..i dunno .....for example been driving along with a trailer on.....seen smoke coming from a wheel.....then the hub cap come off....then some flames.....then stopped and thrown water from a muddy puddle on it to put it out before carrying on?

asking for a friend

Nope, I did once get over taken by a wheel that looked just like the ones that were behind me!!!!!

 

[robbie]

No but I have stopped and urinated on some straw that caught fire on the Merlo’s brakes……

I once had to tip my bottle of squash over a hand brake hub.....and that smelt bad enough

 

[valtra]

got 'made' at abattoir today by m8 of @yellowbelly .....more later

saturday night was really nice...the bowling alley broke down but that didn't matter....had a lovely meal at norwich's 'cosy club' which is in the old nat west bank.....didn't look like a plateful but was filling...i had a good steak and best of all mrs spin paid.....still cheaper than around here

laid in a tad sunday ....it was 11:30pm sat night by the time we'd got home....anyway we'd lent K the vw fox cos her car in garage and she volunteered a sunday shift in exchange......by the time i arrived admiral + K were doing the rounds.....i pitched in and we were done by 10am....i had planned to go to church but i picked up a 'neglected' vibe from admiral so i drove her around the out lying sheep which she enjoyed....i have to keep in mind she's on her own a lot......by the time i got home it was to late for church so i watched /observed the remembrance silence via bbciplayer

FIL had come over to do some plaster repairs on landing....i'm not trusted with such things...oh dear.....anyhoo once he was away i ran down to the recycling centre with some 'bits'

afternoon ...watching movie on netflix...phone goes...it's HH who's at farm with mrs spin fettlin pony....only she went to see 'bhuna' but couldn't find him in the ram lamb pens...up i go....we find him in with ewes fancying his chances with a couple of 'amenable' suffolk x's.......rope round the horns and off on mule....fights for about 200m then gets knacked so we put him on back to take home.....little further the pony gallops past us having evaded mrs spin and gone looking for HH.......our little 'caravan' eventually returns to the yard

monday

humdrum morning....sorted 8 ram lambs for abattoir.....all horns + balls....not the best looking bunch TBH.....rang market about 'the £10 cull ewe'...they didn't seem surprised

off to abattoir after lunch....arriving they were just unloading some pigs....lorry+trailer outfit....lorry part unloaded onto trailer then out #feckin clever...glanced outta nearside wing mirror and back tyre on my trailer looked flat.....out to have a look..it was....looking up a lad in a little white lorry gesturing me to approach....my saviour...he's obviously gotta solution......winds down window.....'shall i take a picture for internet' he says...i'm a little taken aback...is it for 'tff' or 'ijits section of faceache'...keeping calm i 'nonchelently' return to van....i'm signalled...i unload....lorry goes into next bay and my new 'acquaintance' identifies himself



it's @drk .....and the above comment is a rare honour....anyway we have a good old 'norfolk mardle'...he reckons he knows the 'yellowbellies'.......our conversation is ended by lairage lads ready for him to unload

NOW ....drk reckons he reads my diary regular.....really he should know how i'm likely to behave in a given situation .....but he asks nonetheless 'what you gonna do about that tyre?....so todays quiz question is 'what did i do?'

A/ pump it up and drive home?
b/ whip out a jack/wheel brace/spare wheel and change?
c/ drive it home 25 miles flat?

C.. definitely..C

 

[Sharpy]

I once had to tip my bottle of squash over a hand brake hub.....and that smelt bad enough

I know a lad that put out a fire on a bus using a shaken bottle of Irn Bru as a fire extinguisher!

 

[spin cycle]

I once had to tip my bottle of squash over a hand brake hub.....and that smelt bad enough

'my bottle of squash'????....euphemism

 

[ImLost]

Caught up on last 2 pages....

.... My crap day just went away

 

[robbie]

'my bottle of squash'????....euphemism

No worse that @Flat 10 playing fireman Sam!!!!!!!

 

[spin cycle]

No worse that @Flat 10 playing fireman Sam!!!!!!!

strange that i always had him down as more of a 'postman pat'

 

[Flat 10]

strange that i always had him down as more of a 'postman pat'

Oi, postman pat, how very dare you?

 

[Flat 10]

I’m actually more Charlie chalk……
I always thought spin was bungle

 

[yellowbelly]

Oi, postman pat, how very dare you?

 

[spin cycle]

tuesday

seems an age since yesterday when i was joking with drk about why we put with livestock...it's been quite a day

phone goes 7:30...admiral relaying chinese whispers via peacock from our holiday guests that they've got no water.....FAWK......throw my clothes on and down to the water meter.....sure enough the 'water boards' 'temporary repair' had failed.....turned it off....tracked him down.....read meter....circa 400m3 lost....phoned nfu later..i could claim then they'd go after him.....pondering.....he got a professional outfit out TBF ....BUT....i'm still not to happy with it

as i said i phone 'nfu first' for advice whilst waiting for a call back i get ready to do a quarterly vat return.....only to find i've missed the previous return completely......due week of boating holiday....FEKKIN MAJOR PANIC...online status says 'overdue'......cracking on with that but not in best mental mindset TBH

grabbed the toffee vodka tea time and thats helped quite a bit......so if i suddenly stopped posting it's cos the vat men have 'swooped' and taken me to 'guantameno bay'

 

[drk]

tuesday

seems an age since yesterday when i was joking with drk about why we put with livestock...it's been quite a day

phone goes 7:30...admiral relaying chinese whispers via peacock from our holiday guests that they've got no water.....FAWK......throw my clothes on and down to the water meter.....sure enough the 'water boards' 'temporary repair' had failed.....turned it off....tracked him down.....read meter....circa 400m3 lost....phoned nfu later..i could claim then they'd go after him.....pondering.....he got a professional outfit out TBF ....BUT....i'm still not to happy with it

as i said i phone 'nfu first' for advice whilst waiting for a call back i get ready to do a quarterly vat return.....only to find i've missed the previous return completely......due week of boating holiday....FEKKIN MAJOR PANIC...online status says 'overdue'......cracking on with that but not in best mental mindset TBH

grabbed the toffee vodka tea time and thats helped quite a bit......so if i suddenly stopped posting it's cos the vat men have 'swooped' and taken me to 'guantameno bay'

said you were happy with 3 wheels, be like that next week.

 

[AftonShepherd]

tuesday

seems an age since yesterday when i was joking with drk about why we put with livestock...it's been quite a day

phone goes 7:30...admiral relaying chinese whispers via peacock from our holiday guests that they've got no water.....FAWK......throw my clothes on and down to the water meter.....sure enough the 'water boards' 'temporary repair' had failed.....turned it off....tracked him down.....read meter....circa 400m3 lost....phoned nfu later..i could claim then they'd go after him.....pondering.....he got a professional outfit out TBF ....BUT....i'm still not to happy with it

as i said i phone 'nfu first' for advice whilst waiting for a call back i get ready to do a quarterly vat return.....only to find i've missed the previous return completely......due week of boating holiday....FEKKIN MAJOR PANIC...online status says 'overdue'......cracking on with that but not in best mental mindset TBH

grabbed the toffee vodka tea time and thats helped quite a bit......so if i suddenly stopped posting it's cos the vat men have 'swooped' and taken me to 'guantameno bay'

Surely as a farmer, you reclaim more VAT than you pay? They're hardly going to be too annoyed!

 

[spin cycle]

epilogue/wednesday..... apres toffee vodka and days 'events' went very sleepy and went to bed early......woke up 1:30am and did coupla hours on vat before going back to sleep.....phone went 7:15 am......jumped outta me feckin skin.....admiral 'there are sheep in the yard'......after a moment of 'reflection' i reply 'SHEEP IN THE YARD? there's always sheep in the yard for feck sake'.....'i can't help that the dog's to frightened to go outside' the admiral unrepentant

up to farm i go....i needed some bits from our 'filing cabinet*' to finish vat anyway...did chores...checked in with K for instructions...back home and back to work...until 10:30 when needed to take admiral for a blood test.....on the way we see a slurry tanker...'ooh' says admiral 'holiday barn must need an empty/wash'......she's right but just now......'i don't know why i do it' i grumble....admiral rebukes 'because thats what ppl like us do'

admiral goes in for blood test....i put my 'pharmacist' hat on and try to sort her pills into a single monthly order ....back in car admiral pipes up....'i can't remember what that blood test was for anyway'..........'because that private shrink wanted one before he alters your depression meds?' i wearily reply....'oh thats it' admiral grunts 'he's a waste a time anyway'.......me

.bit further on i yawn......'too many late nights' announces admiral...she oft refers to my perceived ' debauched playboy' lifestyle......'i was up in the night doing the books' i retort......'whatever for?' says admiral........'COS THATS WHAT I THOUGHT PPL LIKE US DID'

somehow it's noon by the time we're home.....i'm in two minds about mart sat ,,,but just in case i take punctured wheel off trailer and into garage arranging for a replacement headlamp bulb when i go back to collect

very quick lunch.......mrs spin takes over totting up my book 'keepings'.....yes we're still on paper....til next april when we've to change.....i ,in turn, do some painting cos it's mrs spin's 'brand new carpet day' friday

3:30pm.....to farm chores....4:30pm home.....submit first (overdue) vat return

'MATTERS ARISING'

it is my sad duty to inform you all that one of our small ,but very merry, band may be suffering 'delusions of grandeur'...i refer ,of course, to 'flatty' comparing himself to a certain 'charlie chalk'

now i'd never heard of 'charlie chalk' but a quick google and after watching a coupla episodes i can inform you it is top class entertainment.....ok so the intro is a bit lame but it's created by a guy called 'ivor wood'......the premise is that the aforementioned 'charlie chalk' is a clown who whilst out fishing in his boat drifts astray to an island and is marooned there with various characters etc

HOWEVER....charlie chalk is no fool and in just TWO EPISODES has built himself a caravan...got credit from the island's store...done several cartwheels AND produced two cups of hot chocolate magically from a hapless duck's hat.......i think it scurilous that flatty could achieve such........here is episode 1.....judge for yourselves.....BTW i wanna be the gorilla but i fear i'm the elephant

*filing heap

 

[Flat 10]

Oh no what have I done?
i wasn't expecting such in depth analysis, more admitting i am a clown..........

 

[Flat 10]

I can't build caravans, do cartwheels or magic hot chocolate from a hat............
Sorry. Admit you enjoyed watching it tho spin

 

[spin cycle]

I can't build caravans, do cartwheels or magic hot chocolate from a hat............
Sorry. Admit you enjoyed watching it tho spin

actually i do old 'cc' a disservice ....not a 'caravan' more a 'bijou shepherds hut'

damn right i like watching it ...having to ration myself to one episode/day cos they only made 13