diary of a comedy sheep farm

spin cycle

Member
Location
north norfolk
SO....up just before 7am...check emails...'do not reply you have two messages from RPA'....fudge me they've paid us(y)....havn't i always said how great stewardship is..i hope i can sign back up for another 10 years...no make that 15:D...i havn't got login details so up to farm in 'jim jams'...check ewes...texel x has nice set twins(y).....fudge me this is a good start to the day(y)......the way this is going that brunette from my vision'll be on the doorstop when i get back demanding a lovechild:D:D

arrive home...login(y)....'confirmation of land changes'...WTF....CONFIRMATION OF LAND CHANGES:banghead:...THEY'VE HAD THOSE FORMS 10 MONTHS AND ALL THEY CAN SAY IS 'CONFIRMATION OF LAND CHANGES...FUDGING STEWARDSHIP HAVN'T I ALWAYS SAID I'LL BE GLAD TO BE OUT OF IT....NO WAY AM I SIGNING BACK UP!!!!

'cinders' pipes up ' OH MY GAWD....give it a rest...do you know how long it took me to straighten my hair today'

'mrs spin' is in fits of laughter....i'm dumbstruck....i guess problems are relative to each of us:)

back to the farm but all my plans for the day are in bits....i mean my 'chakras' are completely fudged:eek:....i need an alternative,low intensity job.....i spot the rotospreader(y)

so it is i spend my day rotor spreading and doing odd jobs....a bit of string or a lost flail or a blockage are all small beer ...i don't care at 1pm when 'nelson' the elderly wilt with twins walks past the farmhouse door....she'll come back again:rolleyes:

i do move my pigeons into their new loft...they've had a fairly spartan 3 months since i saved them....fed every other day...but blimey the shape they're in they could do 300 mile....i guess in the end i do get to handle a fit bird:whistle:
 

spin cycle

Member
Location
north norfolk
few extra bits...
....seed + salt turned up today(y)
....lost that poorly wilt this afternoon...not to bad am...thought she was asleep later...but she'd died:(
....'her highness' (eldest daughter) returns from latest trip tonight....quick check round to make sure NOTHING has changed and her 'subjects are behaving themselves' :rolleyes:...then off to cambodia for next part of her 'gaap yaar':rolleyes:
....think 'mrs spin' and 'mum' are going to fallout tommoz over 'domestic issues'....not looking foward to that:(
...C'MON QPR:D:D
 

spin cycle

Member
Location
north norfolk
they heard you then :)

indeed they did(y)....more football banter later:)

So....today.....the cats are delighted at the return of her 'highness' and decided to decorate the house with baby rabbits in her honour:rolleyes:....last count...2 whole,.a half and an unaccounted for tail:D:D

the 'domestic issues' didn't materialise and mum went of to the centre....just as well she did:eek:....now yesterday she'd been complaining of a rash....we put it down to some new vests...but on arriving back this morning...she's only gone and got bloomin shingles:eek:....docs tommoz....mum doesn't seem unduly upset....'i'm highly contagious you know' she says..then somewhat smugly..'i'm not allowed to go to the centre for two weeks':rolleyes:

muck spreading just about finished(y).....had to bodge up some flails at lunchtime:whistle:....the 'devilish livestock farmer'....tear in his eye...'i'm so proud':D:D:D

sheep are quiet..again:scratchhead:

rightsie....bit slack news day...so i'll introduce you to two more members of our 'cast':).....now we have a few nags as paying guests and two of the other halves are avid footie fans...so we have a little banter:D
the 'CANARY'...thats me(y)....the 'OWL' thats our sheff wed fan:)...and the 'PEACOCK'...which is an old nickname for leeds...really i should call him 'DL' for dirty leeds...but i'm feeling kind:D:D
now 'the peacock' is an interesting subject as he supports leeds via his late wife...he himself is from...i don't how how to say this:bag:...ipswich:eek::D
now he does a little leeds/ipswich banter with his mates and occasionally i 'help him out':whistle:....like the other day...'oi.. i say have you heard?'...'what?' the 'peacock' replies cautiously.....'ipswich thought leeds were spying on them....turns out it wasn't leeds though ..it was the local knackerman looking for cart horses':D:D:whistle:......'oooh thats good' says the peacock....grabs his phone and i leave him tapping away feverishly:D
now the 'peacock' is normally a reticent fellow especially when it comes to me and footie...i don't know why:whistle:...anyhoo yesterday his guard slipped...'hey...do you know what...we can get 6 points before you kick a ball:D:D...qpr then wba'....oh how the poor fellow suffered this afternoon:D:D....'i saw you on the tractor down the field and hoped to get away before you got back'...no chance:D:D:D

right...'mrs spin' has gone out...i don't really fancy spag boll she's left + it'll keep = KEBAB:D:D
 
indeed they did(y)....more football banter later:)

So....today.....the cats are delighted at the return of her 'highness' and decided to decorate the house with baby rabbits in her honour:rolleyes:....last count...2 whole,.a half and an unaccounted for tail:D:D

the 'domestic issues' didn't materialise and mum went of to the centre....just as well she did:eek:....now yesterday she'd been complaining of a rash....we put it down to some new vests...but on arriving back this morning...she's only gone and got bloomin shingles:eek:....docs tommoz....mum doesn't seem unduly upset....'i'm highly contagious you know' she says..then somewhat smugly..'i'm not allowed to go to the centre for two weeks':rolleyes:

muck spreading just about finished(y).....had to bodge up some flails at lunchtime:whistle:....the 'devilish livestock farmer'....tear in his eye...'i'm so proud':D:D:D

sheep are quiet..again:scratchhead:

rightsie....bit slack news day...so i'll introduce you to two more members of our 'cast':).....now we have a few nags as paying guests and two of the other halves are avid footie fans...so we have a little banter:D
the 'CANARY'...thats me(y)....the 'OWL' thats our sheff wed fan:)...and the 'PEACOCK'...which is an old nickname for leeds...really i should call him 'DL' for dirty leeds...but i'm feeling kind:D:D
now 'the peacock' is an interesting subject as he supports leeds via his late wife...he himself is from...i don't how how to say this:bag:...ipswich:eek::D
now he does a little leeds/ipswich banter with his mates and occasionally i 'help him out':whistle:....like the other day...'oi.. i say have you heard?'...'what?' the 'peacock' replies cautiously.....'ipswich thought leeds were spying on them....turns out it wasn't leeds though ..it was the local knackerman looking for cart horses':D:D:whistle:......'oooh thats good' says the peacock....grabs his phone and i leave him tapping away feverishly:D
now the 'peacock' is normally a reticent fellow especially when it comes to me and footie...i don't know why:whistle:...anyhoo yesterday his guard slipped...'hey...do you know what...we can get 6 points before you kick a ball:D:D...qpr then wba'....oh how the poor fellow suffered this afternoon:D:D....'i saw you on the tractor down the field and hoped to get away before you got back'...no chance:D:D:D

right...'mrs spin' has gone out...i don't really fancy spag boll she's left + it'll keep = KEBAB:D:D

Enjoy the kebab.

The resident Norwich fans seemed happy at work today....the highlighted made me chuckle....very similar situations to my work :D
 

spin cycle

Member
Location
north norfolk
Enjoy the kebab.

The resident Norwich fans seemed happy at work today....the highlighted made me chuckle....very similar situations to my work :D

right....ready for this....a kebab shop with NO FUDGING KEBAB:eek::eek::eek:.....now it could be brexit:scratchhead:..OR..it could be that Holt is now so posh they're not allowed to sell doner meat after 7pm:scratchhead:

how posh is Holt i hear you ask?......well i'm bloomin gonna tell you anyway....it's that posh it has two joules shops...one each side of the high street:eek:
 

primmiemoo

Member
Location
Devon
right....ready for this....a kebab shop with NO FUDGING KEBAB:eek::eek::eek:.....now it could be brexit:scratchhead:..OR..it could be that Holt is now so posh they're not allowed to sell doner meat after 7pm:scratchhead:

how posh is Holt i hear you ask?......well i'm bloomin gonna tell you anyway....it's that posh it has two joules shops...one each side of the high street:eek:

One green shop, and one yellow?
 

spin cycle

Member
Location
north norfolk
just in...going out...abridged version :)

first thing...finished rotaspreading(y)

littering...bale broke:banghead::banghead::banghead:

merchant rings up:scratchhead:...wants seed back for someone else....it's complicated:rolleyes:

go get mums pills

mark out part of field for fodder beet(y).....salt on tommoz hopefully:)

guy turns up for seed:rolleyes:

lunch

bit of hedgecutting...finished(y)

incorporated (cultivated) muck into stubble.....whilst doing so reflect on last nights kebab fiasco....i can't really work out why they were short of doner meat :scratchhead:.....during the day Holt is full of 'mutton dressed as lamb':D:D:D
 

Wurzeetoo

Member
That had me laughing spent New Years in holt had the rather awkward situation of being invited to the feathers for a drink never have I felt so under dressed in a seemingly run of the mill bar! The kings head was great though spent many a happy hour in there. Keep up with your diary it’s the funniest bit of my day :ROFLMAO:
 

spin cycle

Member
Location
north norfolk
i am f**king knackered....i must be a total lightweight i suppose:(

anyhow....today...all quiet apart for another old wilt with,i think, tld:(.....mrs spin told me not to put the tup to them...that said two have lambed ok and will have another summer on grass(y) and we are in or 'suicide fortnight'

first up feed round...the 'help' doesn't come in fridays so i'm on my todd.....apart from 'her highness' who soon gets stuck in and is a real help:).....mum doesn't want to come out to drive the gator with feed on around..but i make her....cooped up all day is no good for her IMO....nearing the end of feeding the gator runs out of petrol:banghead:...none in cans:banghead:....to the garage then:rolleyes:....get my fuel and find my 'lidl trolley' £1 coin in my pocket...choccky bar:D:D....i'm tempted by 'yorkies' at mo....no not raisen+biscuit (yesterday:whistle:)...plain choc....now 70p/bar or two for a pound:scratchhead:..'two bars is just glutenous,,,whats this?..a third option?....yorkie duo 99p'...i go for it:)....back in the van the 'duo' has two bars of 3 chunks....driving home i do the maths:scratchhead:....now this bar has cost me 16.5p a chunk....but yesterdays bar had 5 chunks for 70p....a mere 14p/chunk:eek:.....worse:banghead:...if i'dve bought 2 for a pound my 'chunkage' would've been a mere 10p:inpain:...the b'stards... they'll shaft you everytime:android:

left the hedgecutter tractor out in field last night...only option for a quick start....dreaded 'easy start':eek::eek:.....i know...i know...i don't use it regular i swear and i can give it up anytime i like...honest:rolleyes:....the angelic arable farmer sighs....the devilish livestock farmer is already shaking the can:D

next up is salt on fodder beet ground...her highness marks for me(y)...job done:)

early lunch....go to funeral of the neighbours mum at 2pm:(....lovely selection of hymns though:)

back to the farm...check round....dead lamb in ewe lambs pen:(....turns out it actually belonged to 'cinders' pet lamb fluttershy from 2017.....worse follows in another section a wilt has a head hanging out and lamb is active...i'm looking at a hatrick of disasters:(.....fortunately she's well dilated and he's not that big so i manage one leg and he comes....ewe is fed up though...another lamb is coming so i get him out....first lamb is up and hungry:eek:...get second one going then navels and leave them to it whilst i feed round....back with colostrum and first little fudger is out of the pen halfway across shed:rolleyes:

right....'cinders' to scouts next...she's a 'delight tonight':rolleyes::banghead:.....back to shed later:rolleyes:

leeds v wba...draw please:)
 
Last edited:

Rebecca

Member
right....ready for this....a kebab shop with NO FUDGING KEBAB:eek::eek::eek:.....now it could be brexit:scratchhead:..OR..it could be that Holt is now so posh they're not allowed to sell doner meat after 7pm:scratchhead:

how posh is Holt i hear you ask?......well i'm bloomin gonna tell you anyway....it's that posh it has two joules shops...one each side of the high street:eek:

Love this thread :ROFLMAO: I nearly fainted when I ventured into holt, even a pair of socks (admittedly le chameau!) were out my price range :cry:
 
image.jpeg
This photo was secretly taken by Holt neighborhood watch recently, during the warm spell , outside the Joules shop. They felt the man was lowering the tone, but where afraid to approach him. Spin , can you confirm this isn't you.
 

spin cycle

Member
Location
north norfolk
not a great start....mum fell over twice in the night 3am and 7am.....hopefully it's just pills overload...anyhow after second 'pick up'....i check round then an early visit to 'arkwrights' (who's same age as mum BTW)
anyhoo it's heaving down there...granville is at swaffam market so he's on his todd...2 ppl are waiting for petrol....i don't mind waiting so he clears shop customers...'c'mon i say i'll help yo do those petrols'....'no,,no..no' he says 'you watch the shop'....you're not going to believe this he locks me in:eek:....a few minutes later our neighbour and retired lady vicar(geraldine...gerry) is at the shop door..'he won't let me out til i pay my bill' i say...she laughs....then arkwrights daughter 'annie' arrives as reinforcements...not far behind is the returning 'arkwright'....'oooh have i locked you in with annie' he chuckles wickedly.....'thirty bloomin yrs to late' i reply 'plus the vicar's at the door'....'arkwright' is amused...'annie' blushes....'gerry' rolls her eyes
groceries checked while i explain recent events....'oooh those bloomin pills boy...i once took one and it laid me right out' says 'arkwright....'yes but that was a viagra' i quip....'arkwright' is in fits 'no...no ..no...' he tries....'annie' blushes...'gerry' rolls her eyes:D:D:D

back at the farm i start feeding then the 'help' arrives (thank fudge)...i jab poor fluttershy:(....plus puffa who's lame:banghead::scratchhead:.....not scald or footrot i think....more fresh grass and concs....laminitis:rolleyes:....pulp for them now

then it's 'operation wilt'....5 at risk ewes removed to where the rams were + 1 who jumped out to join them:banghead:.....hay plus bitta grass hopefully might help(y)....turn out couple of sets twins but i can't find right colour marker...which doesn't bode well for my heptavac colour coding:banghead:

mum has recovered a bit...i found the zimmer frame ....and she's soon up and moving about(y)

home and nap....i've a feeling from now on the clock will have little influence....just work.. rest...ect...i don't know 'whats round the corner'
blimey i sparked out for 2 hours:eek::eek:.....mrs spin came home and snuggled up:)....no not like that/i wish/kids in house:rolleyes:....anyhow apparently one of my few redeeming features is i'm nice and warm:)

'boy' texts to say he's now provisional second dan karate:scratchhead:....and got 68% in his dissertation(y)...an outside chance of a first but i'll take a 2-1 right now....mind you he has the capacity to surprise...he turned an unclassified mock A level into a fudging C :eek::eek: ....i remember after the mock thinking that they'll pressure him to drop it....so i took the offensive....marched in bollocked the maths teachers and grilled the head of year;).....two yrs later her son 'cuddles' is the boyfriend of 'her highness':whistle:

back to farm...lions 1..canaries 1 halftime:scratchhead:.....all goes quietly except the rogue wilt that jumped out this morning is now in the field with the oldest ewes+lambs...i'm to tired to care:rolleyes::D

finish up canaries win 3-1...toppa the league(y).....our 'mates' down the A140....not so chirpy:whistle::whistle:....oh fudge it:D:D:D:D:D

chinky for tea...back to check mum and ewes at 9:)
 

yellowbelly

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
N.Lincs
I must hold my hand up to a @spin cycle episode today :rolleyes: We had a shedder from the late group (due to start lambing on March 28th) have triplets today :facepalm:

On consulting last year's diary, I see a Lincoln tup lamb got in with the shedders for about an hour on the 7th October.

God knows what the lambs out of a shedder, by a Lincoln Longwool will look like:scratchhead:....

......probably something like this.....
hamlet1_3221187b.jpg

:p:p
 

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