diary of a comedy sheep farm

spin cycle · Aug 21, 2019

STARSHIP 'COMPLETLY WRECKED'.......capatain's log.....supplental

the reason behind 'car chaos' was we had to keep cuddles away from ours.....thats because her highness was planning a surprise 21st party.....hired a small mq....sound system......the 'domestic project' was to build a stage +bar

....my only other job was to be the 'barman' :scratchhead:

......i know nothing about drink....anyhoo there were some plastic cocktail glasses so i had a go mixing my own cocktail

......started serving them out and kids said...'i'll only have one if you do...so i did........i quite like them

......then...emergency

...i loose my baccy....fortunately i find dudes.....man!!! his baccy is much better than mine

......must remember to get the brand tommoz

more to tell....but soooo.... tired.........

spin cycle · Aug 21, 2019

i've been a little poorly today

.......actually now i think about it was a sort of reverse dettox which probably did me good in a peverse way

......apparently though my mix of pink gin and vodka isn't a recognised cocktail :scratchhead:

.....we only had 2 'casualties'....one lad fell over in the hedge...lost his glasses and scratched his face.....we found the glasses this morning but they had a lense missing

.....the other was very sick most of the night....we got him in and provided a bucket...this morning he raised his head said 'good morning' and then returned to the bucket

....these two lads had been playing 'beer pong' long after cocktails were finished

......my plan at such parties is to get alcohol flowing....get em merry....then cut off the alcohol flow

.....it worked reasonably well i suppose

i was 'fragile' this morning....limped up the farm....saw mum and K started on the rounds then went home.......her highness made me a bacon buttie....i snacked on that + some frosties+ iboproferen in between morning naps

........had to take cinders to meet friends at cromer carnival at 1pm....in another life i was a sound engineer on the side....that carnival was my biggest customer

....anyhoo i was feeling better

so managed to tidy up some book work this afternoon

summary of other news.....first load o lambs av'ed £74/hd after deductions.....mum says the corn is fit .....'spk' rang monday to say he's coming next week

.....K reminded me we have the 'odd entire ram' in the wrong place

spin cycle · Aug 23, 2019

thursday

back to full steam....which is actually crawl

.....anhoo caught up the ewes....extracted the lambs that'd escaped.....had a bit of a look round/weigh up and found some more lambs to go

.....back from abbatoir by 3pm.....started to wash down grain store

.....pressure washer went phut

home in disgust but not dispirited

today....did the rounds....we have various snottage...don't know where from :scratchhead:

......rounded them up+ secured

.....now mcenroe and her m8 followed us down the field the other day and very magnaminously rejoined the main flock but just as i was checking the water around the pens they reapeared.....jumped the hurdle into the yard and made for the part cleaned grainstore

......i'm one step ahead though

......lambing hurdles span the open doors

......have i really been reduced to congratulating myself for out witting two gangly shedding ewes

finished grainstore with hose and brush

.....pondering my next move when i realised i'd forgotten all about that dead ewe

.... i'd put her in a muck bucket out the way....got her in a bag ..yeuch...off to knacker yard

back home lunch...post has been.....results from second lambs....av £82 after deductions

.....these are first lambs sired by last years ram purchases....beltex/texel and beltex.....ii'm finally getting the hang of it

......nothing can go wrong now apart from brexit

got myself in a bit of a 'tiz'.....combining....not the amount just the potential for breakdown (ever the optimist

).....heat......new grass not fenced....heat.....cricket

.....spk coming next week....and BTW..the heat

......also bit worried lambs in shed might get to hot :scratchhead:

.........lambs look very comfortable though so calmed down

mums mobile hairdresser turned up so i got a haircut....mum's depression means she looks for excuses not to do stuff....she reckoned she was to hot/tired....we bullied her into a dry cut at least

popped upto bank...paying in

.....then over to fil's to see how mrs spin ,who was car less today, was getting on making icecream......good job i did...fil was struggling to put haybob on mcormick....so i helped

.....the cat was up to his neck in broken cream separator

....bits everywhere

.....mind you he'll be at footy tommoz while i'll be hoping my dominator holds together

spin cycle · Aug 24, 2019

why is it every time i show signs of 'competency' events quickly dispel the illusion

the morning was quite normal.....mum asked if i'd put combine on charge....i was confident she'd be ok.....i had a coupla little jobs on her....anyway i'm a bit undecided what time to start....i decide 12:30......so having an hour to kill i pop home....i'm soon nabbed by cinders...'can you take me to lulu's?'.......'mum only picked you up from there last night

'.......anyhow off we go ....i get back to farm 1pm....try combine....won't start

.......get battery booster

....no joy

.....leave on charge for 1/2 hour....zilch

......mum rides past on mule giving me 'i told you so' stare....the fat spaniel pants away....is she grinning :scratchhead:

......desperate times and all that :scratchhead:

.....EUREKA....easy start

.....now i know it's naughty but i swear this can has lasted 4 years and only used medicinally on my elderly nashes in cold weather

.....i can give it up anytime i like

.......so out comes can....combine groans then splutters into life

.......it must be a fairly elite club...those who use easy start to get combine going in 25c temps

back combine out.....put dividers on.....start trundling up yard...'K' and daughter hove into view....this can't be good

......we've some shearlings and culls in a paddock in a coastal village.....normally the house owner checks....but he's not very well so K's been to check.....and found....wait for it

.....a freshly lambed ewe

....we discuss :scratchhead:

......K offers to put them in her car and bring home....i ask what sorta ewe....'a white one' replies K.....that narrows it down

.....i take her up on the offer and press on with combine

'THE JAMB ROUND'
now apparently 'jamb' ,as a verb, is obsolete.....but to us it was the first act of harvest.....going out combining a trailer load late afternoon....check combine....sample....tip next morning and start proper.....these days though two 'jamb rounds' and harvest is over

....i cut a trailer load....leave combine in field (she'll start fine tommoz

).........bring grain cart home....roll cover over

.......go and look at our new 'arrival'......fecking great beltex/texel x wilt ewe

.....exlana girl lamb at foot.....how K managed that in her car i don't know

so today boys & girls i've managed to start combining and lambing

spin cycle · Aug 25, 2019

so just off the phone from weeta....he's corn carting for the estate local to him which,in it's portfolio,has some land in sight of me.....my dominator sat on the hill today... him wondering where i was....i don't turn up til 6pm though....chew round for a coupla hours

.......their combine has an adblue problem....he says 'look theres my brother in law going in his 30yr old claas'

....why was i so late?...i was 'malingering'

this morning...blimey it got hot quick....few odd jobs...then few more odd jobs in grainstore....then tipped trailer....feck it was hard work though....trouble with low input barley cos seedrate is low it's a job to get enough material through to get it threshed nicely.....tipping into my elevator the b'stard stuff would not flow consistently

....get done....home and shower....three line whip for lunch at in laws....youngest brother in law is home (bib) plus his 'brood' ( 7&9 yr old boys)....now i was going to have lunch and go combining but my nephews 'want to play 'dungeons&dragons' with uncle jimmy like we did at christmas'....what could i say

.....meanwhile i was keeping an ear to cricket,,,,we couldn't ...could we

so we set up the game.....our heroic band must enter the domain of the 'zombie dragon' ...seek out his lair and rid the world of this foul beast....simples

....except trying to do this with my very exited nephews was akin to playing twister and chess with box of frogs

....bib seeing me struggling joined our 'intrepid band' to help out

......in we go

.....vile creatures....animated skeletons.ghouls,zombies attempt to stop us but are slain

.....then disaster,,,,wolves attack....the barbarian drops his battle axe and as he bends over to pick it up a wolf bites him on the bottom

......the barbarian retreats to his mum distraught.....his brother trailing along soothing 'it can happen to anyone'......bib makes a cuppa....i retreat to exec boardroom....check cricket score ...311 for 9....ah well

.........after a bit the barbarian returns and we continue our quest.....finally the zombie dragon's lair is located and we prepare for the showdown

.....fil enters room...'england need nine to win'

....we relocate to tv.....3 generations watch the drama as england level the series.....occasions like this don't occur very often...sweet

after watching 'sir ben stokes' slay the aussie serpent a zombie dragon is pure childs play and we emerge victorious......my nephews head off looking for another distraction......i make a run for the combine

yellowbelly · Aug 26, 2019

Got your priorities right there, Spin - got to see Stokesy hit the winning runs. I'm guessing your old Claas doesn't have anything to tune into TMS

spin cycle · Aug 27, 2019

MONDAY
mrs spin has left me

......i should've noticed the signs

.....the 'you spend to much time on the computer'....'you spoke longer on the phone to weeta than you did all day to me'....so wrapped up in my little 'bubble' even the half packed suitcases didn't sound any alarm bells

...........it wasn't til she said 'don't forget you're taking me to the train station for 7am in the morning' that i remembered she and cinders were off to france to see her old boss for a week on eurostar

......c'mon...did i have you for a sec

workwise it was a morning of 'securing from stations'......bitta combing....tip trailer,,,decent heap of corn with vent spear in

........afternoon feet up

......sparked right out

........woke up up 6pm,,,,,checked mum and housed sheep......home.....bitta tea.....bed....sparked out til

6 am

TUESDAY
7am...off to check coastal sheep......on the way blakeney spar for baccy.....+ hot crossiant and apple juice

......back home i pick up dude....he's been over but his bike has a puncture.....take him to fils....show him leccy fencing i want doing...pick up ice cream for her highness then home...unload....farm.....phew only 9am now

hitched up welgar and got 'fettling'....she has issues

......plan was to get her ready then go in cool of evening but lunchtime forecast was for poss thunderstorms

......off i go baling......it's slow and hot

.....then mum on the mule approaches at speed....that can't be good

......but NO

.....fil has offered to bring his baler to help and is on his way

......he arrives and it's showdown time jd 592....versus my ancient welgar 150

........it's not an even contest.....he whizzs round while i plod

......he gets netwrap probs.....welgar throwing lovely bales

.......welgar pick up jams

.......can't see why :scratchhead:

......so at 4pm there we both are stopped

.....i adandon welgar and together we tackle the netwrap....get going fin

....thank feck

domestically ...without mrs spin.....i wonder how long before we degenerate into something resembling 'the lord of the flies' :scratchhead:

......already i can't find clean pants and hence i'm going 'commando'

........i wonder if thats 'to much information' for a diary entry :scratchhead:

Flat 10 · Aug 27, 2019

Apparently I go feral in the words of the lovely Mrs Flat 10 if I’m left alone for more than 48hours......

spin cycle · Aug 28, 2019

SPECIAL BIRTHDAY EDITION

so it's my birthday

..i've reached 55 the age i promised myself i'd quit farming....hmmm :scratchhead:

hows that going james :scratchhead:

now i have to say i'm a little dissapointed with you lot for not realising....there i am 'entertaining' you lot with my calamities and incompetance and none of you visited my profile page

.....i'll forgive you in exchange for a 'likey' though

.......now i don't want to freak you out but it's also mrs spin's birthday

.....we share the same birthday albeit 7 years apart

...it's the first time in 30 years we've not seen each other on our birthday.....right enough of this.. except to say happy birthday to @Lincs Lass

......she made the 'cut' onto todays birthday page.....but not me

.....thank you admin

......Soooo bitter

didn't have the best nights sleep....first i stayed up on here to late

.......then neighbours alarm went off at 4 am

.....TBH it goes off quite often so i ignore it ...though i guess that kinda makes it pointless :scratchhead:

spk cancelled today on me....i wasn't sorry....i'd got sunstroke yesterday....knackered so i've had an easy day

......i did have quick look at welgar :scratchhead:

....can't see it catching/jammed....only thing is the drive chain from which it takes it's belt drive is incredibly slack.....pondering taking a whole link out

domestically the 'ship' is running quite well.....kitchen is tidy (boy)....boy and her highness went shopping.....the latter also cooked us brunch......she also arranged a 'breakfast birthday' table but slept through her alarm so i had a 'billy no mates' brekkie

.......big news,and i'm sure with much relief for those with a good mental picture, i found the clean under pant stash

......mrs spin had hidden them in something called an 'airing cupboard :scratchhead:

fil has suggested we go halves on the jd 592 baler he's on approval from 'the yard of many bargains' :scratchhead:

.....i don't want to spend the money....but then i never do

......thing is it looks a decent machine and at £4800...so £2400 each.......it looks a good buy.....i can't find a similar machine listed less than £6000....and up to £11000

........looks like i'll fold

right boy and her highness taking me out for steak

Lincs Lass · Aug 28, 2019

spin cycle said:
except to say happy birthday to @Lincs Lass

Thankyou ,,made it through another year

primmiemoo · Aug 28, 2019

Happy Birthdays one and all ???

yellowbelly · Aug 28, 2019

Many happy returns @spin cycle

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CaliMo · Aug 28, 2019

Happy Birthday to you and the Mrs.!

Lili · Aug 28, 2019

Happy Birthday to you both.

Spuddler · Aug 28, 2019

Happy birthday spin

(and Mrs spin)
Hopefully you'll make it another winter to keep us entertained

swt · Aug 28, 2019

?Happy birthday to everyone. You always put a smile on my face,

spin cycle · Aug 30, 2019

ROOFING

so spk turned up thursday....first thing he said...'i see 5 sheep on the road,,,not yours are they?'

......off i go but by the time i get there they've retreated to the field edge

......back at the yard mum,K and boy are sent to move whole mob onto another field

......spk and i discuss tactics....he makes a start....i'll go get some bits & pieces......first i have a doctors appointment

BORIS
earlier in the year i had a wart come up on my arm....unfortunately,lacking self discipline

, i 've fiddling with it when stressed

......it got a bit bigger....i called it 'boris' and was happy to adopt it as a 'familar'

.......mum and mrs spin agreed this was the last straw and booked me in to see a doc....mum said it was 10am....it was 10:20....then doc was running 20 mins late.....anyhoo in i go....lady doc...i prefer lady docs TBH

.....so she examines 'boris' :scratchhead:

...... she thinks it's a viral wart but decides to refer me....'while i'm here' i whip my shirt off 'have a look at these' i say....she checks coupla moles...they're ok....i've a stem wart...'just tie some dental floss round and it'll drop off' she advises

off to thackos.....bits for roof.....back to farm....spk repairing timbers....boy stripping last of felt batten.....i start treating timber.....it's got cypermethin but 1/100th strength of crovect....still ppe...hot work

FRIDAY

we lost a little pet lamb called 'bleaty'.....he was born late...ewe never had much milk and he bleated....mum's been bottle supplementing once a day since...he was 3 months old...never going to amount to anything but mum was fond of him as he'd come and find her every morning

cracked on with roof really well

....timber repairs....treated...membrane + batten whole of one side....spk rings scaff...he's coming tuesday to put up other side

i get home ....dude phones...i knew it was going to well

....and so starts 2 hours of chaos entirely created by my own fair hand

.....dude is going to put some leccy fence at fil's for some store lambs

.....except i'd 'adapted' the fencing plan from what i'd agreed with fil.....my plan,i thought was much better,....fencing the other side of the hedge and a diagonal across another field to a water trough

.....fil is not impressed....'they'll make gaps in the hedge' he says....'clear out rabbits' i reply hopefully....he's havin none of it so i concede....HMMmm can i blame him

i mean as he drove the baler thru the yard the other day mcenroe and billabong were sitting on the grainstore apron

.....'they followed me down so far til they got to the fodder beet' he said quizzickly :scratchhead:

..'can't you keep them in?'......WElllll

anyway i head over to smooth things over....which i do

except dude is not there....i'm keen he's not stressed.....so i visit his known 'haunts'....not to be seen :scratchhead:

....i return to fils....chat...he turns up....he heads back with me

....meanwhile her highness has been telling tales to her grandma 'i hear it was like taking a 5 yr old out last night'

....i did misbehave but it was a lovely steak

Flat 10 · Aug 30, 2019

Another gripping instalment, verging on TMI at the Drs......
Anyhoo as an arable farmer- are you finished with the binder?

spin cycle · Aug 31, 2019

my plans change with alarming regularity.....sometimes thru 'chaos' sometimes thru 'opportunity'......nev phoned late last night....he could come look at the jd gator thats been sat stopped.....i had briefly considered going to a short notice sale nr aylsham....not widely advertised.....harvest....could be some bargains :scratchhead:

...on the other hand i could trawl round and buy some junk :scratchhead:

......didn't matter i wasn't going now

nev thought he was just looking at the gator....but i seconded him to the welgar.....he quickly blew my chain theory....needing to delve deeper i left him and flitted off to put some hay round fattening lambs.....mrs spin is not back til tommoz so mrs kirk did barn turnaround...i still checked backyard...good job needed sweeping and bin smelt terrible

......what had that alsatian been eating

......back to nev...he thinks some belts on way out.....adjust up for now.....'how long you had this' nev asks.....'since 1994' i reply.....'see these?' he points to a chain...'can't you manage to oil these every 10 years'

.....suitably chastened

we're on to the gator next....except i keep having to flit off to do something else.....like charge the gator battery that i was supposed to do while we looked at the welgar

......the ignition is not totally buggered but needs replacing....also having trouble getting fuel through....we get her running on easy start....but as soon as she's drunk it she stops.....i leave nev again....he cleans/primes carb/ fuel system ....she's working

ok....everybody's been/gone....long lunch then finish combining that headland that wasn't fit last sat ....shut @Flat 10 up

...he's an unhealthy obsession with my combing habits i think :scratchhead:

..........city 1 nil down

.......get down field where i left her....climb into cab.....ignition is on

......miraculously she turns

......just needs a bit of easy start......which the gator has just 'drunk' the last of

........at yard for the jump leads....tired headache...can't find

.....i retire defeated it's been a long week

....city loose 2 nil....we've no defenders left

.....PLF....toppa lg 1

some good news ...latest lambs av £78/hd.....gotta do bills which don't look to bad

delilah · Aug 31, 2019

spin cycle said:
.....PLF....toppa lg 1

you're going to have to help us here....PLF......PL is I am guessing Paul Lambert ?.....dare I ask on a polite forum what the F is...?

diary of a comedy sheep farm

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