diary of a comedy sheep farm

[carbonfibre farmer]

coupla mish/mash days

monday

got some lambs going in for freezer wednesday....logistically it meant we had to sort them monday...so we did....gotta coupla cull ewes to go to ....one of the culls is 'bleaty's' mum....she has the 'getting out gene' to add to her faults so she's gone

resta the day it's paperwork...sheep records up to date....and took van in for mot tuesday

tuesday

OFF TO THE SALE ....great exitement......went to farm sale at bircham.....had to take mrs spin's car though.....without my van i'm lost though....i keep lottsa handy stuff plus it's the exec boardroom....so i get there and 2wd cars got to park on grass verges near farm yard....i park up....coupla blokes get outta car next to me...one complains that he can't understand why this piece of grass isn't concreted....then he turns to me...points to my car and says 'how do ya get on with that?'....i explain we're happy with it and of course it's one of the last low tax models....'huh' he replies...'cars a car should all be the same tax'... turns on his heels and stomps off....actually more of a waddle cos i overhaul them pretty quickly .....i register ...have look about...i'm after some cell wheels for my webb beet drill....now i'm expecting a few in a bucket....but when i get there ...well... there musta been 200 all boxed on a pallet....maize/parsnip/beet/carrot different rates,,,,,i mouch on thinking......some other small lots take my eye but without the van the prospect of waiting about and filling mrs spin's car with agric bric a brac doesn't inspire me ...it starts raining....feck it i'll go home

later we pick up the van....£500 for service...few bits and mot....but it's all wearing parts....shes 10 yrs old...98k....getting to the stage of thinking about replacing....at this age what you save on depreciation you spend on repairs i reckon...then again we're 'comfortable' together.....both of us still go adequately but our bodywork is a bit scratched/ dented

rang norwich livestock market later....thinking about starting to sell there cos local abbatoir seems to be over subscribed at moment....it's 15 miles further and mum doesn't like the idea of our sheep potentially going ritual/ halal but beggars can't be choosers....had a good chat with their new bloke...so we'll see

It was a tad damp @spin cycle ...

I took @adzy along for a day out

Oh and had a good yarn with @robbie

And did that stupid thing of being uncertain of the lot I was bidding on and ended up with some expensive drain rods much to @adzy amusement.....

 

[adzy]

It was a tad damp @spin cycle ...
View attachment 844048

I took @adzy along for a day out

Lucky bugger parking in the farm yard. We nearly got stuck getting out of the swamp.

 

[delilah]

CONFESSION time....wrestling with whether to or not....but i did promise to 'tell as it is',,,,stupid stupid spin

Confession is good for the soul . We too have suffered an infestation, so have just acquired these two. They should do a fine job, you daren't put your fingers through the cage, think Jurassic Park

 

[spin cycle]

washed/shaved but grumpy....actually more the 'hump'

lie in today...K beat me to farm...she has a stinking cold so she just did bare min and i sent her home....her daughter fettles pony on saturdays so she had to come in anyway

SNOTTAGE.....remember those lively frisking ewes i told you about....well half of the fekkers decided to relocate to a grass field 'more to their liking'.....did this make me grumpy?....NO....i simply rearranged some fencing so the new field is the run back and rest the old

boy is home....23rd birthday earlier in week so he's home for prezzies......games night tonight .....roast lunch tommoz......BUT we are delayed.....cinders got hit by a hockey ball and is in A&E with suspected broken foot.....has this made me grumpy? ...NO

the reason i'm 'grumpy' is mum and arkwright......mum is bothering less and less....all she worries about is the pony not eating the medicated food....does she try anything different?...NO....she just tips new feed over the uneaten ......finally i have to take a hand....i mean why didn't she get K's daughter to clean out the feed bucket today....ARRRGH.....secondly she can't be bothered to think about her arkwright order...i did shopping for her thursday....told her what she didn't need yet when i get down to arkwright the order is unchanged...physically she has so much of certain items that her freezers are full....i then have to fight with arkwright to the extent of nearly falling out to put items back...i don't need that....it spoilt my sat...i get onto mum....'i'm old, depressed blah blah....so i've got the hump.....not about the issues themselves but the direction of mums mental health

better news is that abbatoir rang back....lambs going in tuesday....gonna have a change in strategy though....gonna book in when they hit 45kg for week in advance rather than wait til 'fit to kill'

dudes coming over tonight....now here's a question....he was told he'll be 'assisting the farm manager' in his new job......does that mean he'll be 'assistant farm manager' ....hellava leap from 'assistant to sheep farm bodger second class'

feckin emojis given me a hard time tonight

 

[spin cycle]

saturday evening was very nice....cinders hadn't broken anything....we got curry from melton spice then boy, dude and i played 'pandemic'...a boardgame boy had got for his birthday ......boy is really enjoying his teaching despite finding it hard work....one of the other teachers was amazed by his calmness...'i'dve been shouting at that lot at your age' he said

sunday morning the house lays in apart from dude and i....we do the sheep then work on the pigeon loft til lunch

full roast lunch in boy's honour.....i'm stuffed....fall asleep on sofa for an hour?.....mrs spin is great cook....better food than you can buy out IMO.....dude is a bit of an eating 'phenomenom' ....he doesn't shovel it in....doesn't talk with his mouthful....yet he started eating last....kept up the conversation and still finished first....i fully concentrate at the 'job at hand' but am only half finished

later cakes, weeta + brood turn up for tea

monday
fulla plans to move store lambs today....dude is retained and we take some fence down at home to transfer to fil's....K is poorly so she's not in.....mid morning we arrive at grass field but a few of fil's cows have trashed the fence on the field i was going to move lambs to...that and there's not that as much grass as i thought prompts a rethink....morning is a bit wasted TBH

afternoon i finally start end of yr book prep.....always difficult making a start but on this occasion got off to a flyer...really pleased and it mitigates morning fiasco

epilogue...talking of fiascos .....mrs spin ran out of petrol on school run....i told you she runs out a lot....fortunately weeta was close and came to the rescue

 

[Flat 10]

saturday evening was very nice....cinders hadn't broken anything....we got curry from melton spice then boy, dude and i played 'pandemic'...a boardgame boy had got for his birthday ......boy is really enjoying his teaching despite finding it hard work....one of the other teachers was amazed by his calmness...'i'dve been shouting at that lot at your age' he said

sunday morning the house lays in apart from dude and i....we do the sheep then work on the pigeon loft til lunch

full roast lunch in boy's honour.....i'm stuffed....fall asleep on sofa for an hour?.....mrs spin is great cook....better food than you can buy out IMO.....dude is a bit of an eating 'phenomenom' ....he doesn't shovel it in....doesn't talk with his mouthful....yet he started eating last....kept up the conversation and still finished first....i fully concentrate at the 'job at hand' but am only half finished

later cakes, weeta + brood turn up for tea

monday
fulla plans to move store lambs today....dude is retained and we take some fence down at home to transfer to fil's....K is poorly so she's not in.....mid morning we arrive at grass field but a few of fil's cows have trashed the fence on the field i was going to move lambs to...that and there's not that as much grass as i thought prompts a rethink....morning is a bit wasted TBH

afternoon i finally start end of yr book prep..... but on this occasion got off to a flyer...really pleased and it mitigates morning fiasco

Story of my life and at least 50% of the time it absolutely doesn't get off to a flyer! Sounds like a good weekend to me

 

[Flat 10]

Confession is good for the soul . We too have suffered an infestation, so have just acquired these two. They should do a fine job, you daren't put your fingers through the cage, think Jurassic Park

View attachment 844087

Very jealous. Busy main road means I daren't have any.

 

[spin cycle]

SAVED ....dude just rang....i was having trouble with 'baby' my elderly somewhat broken laptop....she started up but came on with the screen upside down.....fortunately dude knew what to do having experience with flipping screens on computers at school....not sure that bit was on the curriculum though....he a had decent day on the first day at new job

monday/tuesday
K still poorly...won't see her this week i reckon....she doesn't react well to antibiotics.....SO.....on me todd both days ...actually while its nice to have help it's sometimes equally nice to be on your own occasionally.....i've got lambs sorted into even numbers around the pens......got myself a spare pen for 40 ready....built myself a central drafting/weighing pen in the yard rather than move scales/hurdles around all the time and took some lambs into abbatoir ....my productivity i put down to extra moments of peace in exec. boardroom?

 

[spin cycle]

today didn't go according to plan....but we got there in the end

first up ....after feeding round.....it was off to arkwrights cos i needed some hose fittings....i enter and there is granville emptying a sack of walnuts into a box...'hey up granville' i say 'fiddling with your nuts i see' .....'trust you to say suffun' like that' chuckles arkwright who is serving...his rather posh customer grants himself a little laugh .....explaining what i need i'm directed round the corner....he hasn't got what i want ....returning to the till i find arkwright now hugging the bag of nuts emptying them into the box extolling granville to stroke them gently level lest they crack....i leave without further ado?

tuesday when i was coming home from abbatoir i lost right hand indicator,,,,,NO MATTER....i had a few mins to spare i grab a screwdriver and set to?.....5 mins later no lights work.....now you can spend hours finding/fixing trailer lights so i opt to buy a new lightboard and be done.....so its off to the YOMB then i'll get hose fittings from B&Q on way home....arriving at YOMB...feck me....6 new deutz tractors....4 new mcormicks....3 new telehandlers out front....'there's some money out front' i say in stores....'we havn't had to pay for them all' says storeman 'do you want one?' he teases......i do enquire about a s/h bag lifter that might do as bale spike

coming out of B&Q....i bump into one of our binmen....turns out he's just retired....his broker says he's got enough pension til he's 91 so he thought sod it.....i thank him for his efforts over the years....he thanks me for the cuppas i've made him.....really pleased for him

home ...mum informs me that tenants been round....something's been nibbling her front door and her gutters are blocked.....i've a bait station round there from last year....i bait it then check rest of the stations....run out of bait....i suppose the 25kg has lasted over a year so not to bad

fix the tailboard....meant to attach to the top grill of trailer....cept i'd taken it off and stored in 'somewhere safe' ...so i need a plank....where's the tape measure.....dude had it sunday...bollox if i can find it so i 'improvise'?......goes ok....coupla final cable ties to tidy the cable....reach in my pocket for my stanley knife to trim off excess....pull out my tape measure

lunch

power washed holiday let patio.....fed lambs....home.......check emails ....decent kill sheet......aim is 22kg u3l..... 2 r3h,1 u3h ,1 r3l and 5 u3l bang on 22kg

 

[Cmoran]

Great diary look forward to reading everyday. what live weight do you kill at to get 22kgs? It seems to me I need them to be heavier every year to achieve them weights.

 

[spin cycle]

Great diary look forward to reading everyday. what live weight do you kill at to get 22kgs? It seems to me I need them to be heavier every year to achieve them weights.

thank you ....i aim for 47kg lwt....truthfully i'dve liked them gone a week earlier....i cut the feed down last few days to try keep them steady....as it was the u3h was over 50kg lwt and produced a 25kg carcass

 

[Cmoran]

thank you ....i aim for 47kg lwt....truthfully i'dve liked them gone a week earlier....i cut the feed down last few days to try keep them steady....as it was the u3h was over 50kg lwt and produced a 25kg carcass

I’m the same once they hit 47kgs I kill them but finding that some are only dying 18.5kgs I reckon they must be trimming them very hard

 

[spin cycle]

bitta beast of a day....to most of you i expect moving 93 store lambs 3 miles is not much of a task but to me armed with just a little berlingo van + 8x5 ifor it is.....i don't really want to be moving sheep about in truth....their role in the business is to contribute financially using the ring fence land with as little effort as possible leaving me free to do other stuff....HMMmm hows that going spin ....that said the aftermath grazing at fil's has been a godsend....i sent over a lot of very ordinary little lambs and got back some very tidy 35kg ones

dude and i arrive at fil's about 9:30....first problem is only half the lambs are in the correct field....the rest are in the field next door with fil's cattle.....ho hum....we set up as before then dude toddles off to get the cat's dog and mrs spin... who is torn from her ice cream making?....we catch them up in two batches really easily.....mrs spin departs.....dude and i sort sheep....plan is 30 odd smaller types to go to fresh grazing in bale....rest back to the barn to be sorted again...replacement ewe lambs in with flock leaving a pen of forty to fatten .....then things start to go wrong....load up but van can't grip on wet grass.......dude and i struggle....scratch heads....in the end unload....reposition and try again with a couple less lambs....it works ....trouble is i calculate it'll take 7 trips ...@40 mins trip....will i have enough daylight

anyway we start....dude rides on first trip....helps me load second but then has to leave for his new job......i crack on.....back/forth ...all back roads ......on one stretch i'm following the progress of some spud lifters....they seem to have been in that field for weeks....anyway two self propelled harvester cept one lies idle......the other being serviced by jcb fastrac/trailers but it's so wet a case quadtrac is towing them.....they've not much left to do and i ponder which of us will finish our task first

catch a 'flying' lunch...soup ...and at 3pm a tin of rice pud......disaster at one stage when a dozen or so lambs get out.....mrs spin is on hand to recapture......i'm calculating i'll finish about 4:30 if i'm lucky.....now you know in them james bond movies where he's just thwarted the villain and is escaping with the femme fatale cos,with his dying breath, the villain activated the self destruct sequence and the place is going to blow?....yeah?.....ok ....y'know also the countdown comes over the tannoy....in a sexy voice....'self destruct in 42 minutes and 39 seconds' ect .......repeating the decscending time to up the tension at regular intervals?.....well i've got that voice in my head saying 'you have 1 hr and 10 minutes of daylight left'.....then at 4pm she says....'you have 35 minutes and 10 seconds of daylight left...oh and BTW don't even think about doing the rest tomorrow you lazy b'stard cos it's going to pee down tonight'

spud boys finish before me but i get mission accomplished as well

 

[yellowbelly]

spud boys finish before me but i get mission accomplished as well

??

 

[spin cycle]

city win 2-0 and i've a lamb steam pud cooking

last week the peacock hailed me...caught me off guard....'blimey you've a strong team' he said....i looked quizzically....'well you're holding the rest of the league up' he laughed

my steam pud is a traditional 'spin' concoction ....lamb mince...spud...carrot....onions and of course the suet dough.....traditionally steamed

K back today ...mum and i were already feeding....she took over....she's still a bit under the weather but she insisted....probably bit of fresh air + stir crazy

i'm off to collect the freezer lambs from butcher in wells.....get there ...loaded up ...chat with butcher... my culls are being snaffled up by a local gastro pub...whatever one of them is....runner up in 2019 gastro pub of the year

back home.....lambs delivered/collected/frozen for later.....pop up to xmas fair in village hall....it's nearly over but we have a cuppa tea + mince pie

nap after lunch + wake up grumpy.....back to farm did chores.....tune into footie....instantly cheer up......right off to monitor me pud

 

[delilah]

my culls are being snaffled up by a local gastro pub...whatever one of them is....runner up in 2019 gastro pub of the year

you can be fairly certain that on the menu it will be 'locally reared, free range, dry aged mutton', rather than 'cull'.

On the ball city

 

[spin cycle]

the steam pud was excellent i ended up eating the lot cos mrs spin+ cinders didn't like the look or smell.....i left them to cheesy pasta

sunday was a relaxing day..just chores...running cinders over to friends.....mrs spin cooked a lovely roast and nev + mrs nev came over....it was a sorta thank you for 'babysitting' farm + mum when we went to nottingham......mrs nev has recently started working as a carer at the same place dude now works as 'assistant farm manager'.....nev works at a local tourist attraction...groundworks and vehicle repairs....the firm has arranged a 'meeting' with the maintenance dept....worries of cuts?....nev won't be affected though as he doesn't work for any one dept....'the MD calls me his floater' nev says.....i collapse in laughter ....my boy/toilet humour in overdrive?

monday

nfu insurance lady came out for annual run thru which went fine....we get on really well....some nfu 'goodies' are presented...pen + notelet pad....reusable coffee cups,,,,it's left me with a bit of a dilemma....on the one hand the mugs would be handy for exec boardroom...but how can a rebel like me be seen driving around with nfu merchandise on my dash...i could put a sticky label over the nfu badge i suppose....but thats just churlish.....damn these tempting cups

the merchandise was leftover from an event when MB was up in norfolk recently but a quarter of the guests cancelled cos it was a rare drilling day....anyhoo MB tells a story about how nfu were sweating over tories ag spending....apparently MB speaks to george useless every week normally....but it all went very quiet for 3 weeks...no returned calls...nadda.....last tuesday she got a call 'we got the money' useless tells MB....close call?

we're going thru the policies...almost done...check pollution cover.....i ask if they've had any big claims....she goes onto telling me about a gamekeeper who was making a real effort with illegal hare coursers....one night he had a good go.....next morning they found someone had taken a sledge hammer to the liquid fert tank.....close as they are to a river she reckons the clean up could be £10 million

last up another gentle nudge for nfu membership...extolling virtues of their experts...i've told the stories of my stewardship nightmares and episodes with proff.s A&B.....'we could help with all that' she enthuses.....trouble is i still hold them accountable for RT and they arn't the most 'transparent' bunch...now where did i leave those sticky labels?

 

[Bury the Trash]

the steam pud was excellent i ended up eating the lot cos mrs spin+ cinders didn't like the look or smell.....i left them to cheesy pasta

sunday was a relaxing day..just chores...running cinders over to friends.....mrs spin cooked a lovely roast and nev + mrs nev came over....it was a sorta thank you for 'babysitting' farm + mum when we went to nottingham......mrs nev has recently started working as a carer at the same place dude now works as 'assistant farm manager'.....nev works at a local tourist attraction...groundworks and vehicle repairs....the firm has arranged a 'meeting' with the maintenance dept....worries of cuts?....nev won't be affected though as he doesn't work for any one dept....'the MD calls me his floater' nev says.....i collapse in laughter ....my boy/toilet humour in overdrive?

monday

nfu insurance lady came out for annual run thru which went fine....we get on really well....some nfu 'goodies' are presented...pen + notelet pad....reusable coffee cups,,,,it's left me with a bit of a dilemma....on the one hand the mugs would be handy for exec boardroom...but how can a rebel like me be seen driving around with nfu merchandise on my dash...i could put a sticky label over the nfu badge i suppose....but thats just churlish.....damn these tempting cups

the merchandise was leftover from an event when MB was up in norfolk recently but a quarter of the guests cancelled cos it was a rare drilling day....anyhoo MB tells a story about how nfu were sweating over tories ag spending....apparently MB speaks to george useless every week normally....but it all went very quiet for 3 weeks...no returned calls...nadda.....last tuesday she got a call 'we got the money' useless tells MB....close call?

we're going thru the policies...almost done...check pollution cover.....i ask if they've had any big claims....she goes onto telling me about a gamekeeper who was making a real effort with illegal hare coursers....one night he had a good go.....next morning they found someone had taken a sledge hammer to the liquid fert tank.....close as they are to a river she reckons the clean up could be £10 million

last up another gentle nudge for nfu membership...extolling virtues of their experts...i've told the stories of my stewardship nightmares and episodes with proff.s A&B.....'we could help with all that' she enthuses.....trouble is i still hold them accountable for RT and they arn't the most 'transparent' bunch...now where did i leave those sticky labels?

It would be I interesting to know how much commision that nfu secretary gets these days, Years ago they used to earn a big wack on it, does it not make you wonder how keen to be helpful she would offer to be if you didnt insure with them ?

 

[spin cycle]

It would be I interesting to know how much commision that nfu secretary gets these days, Years ago they used to earn a big wack on it, does it not make you wonder how keen to be helpful she would offer to be if you didnt insure with them ?

my rep is worth every penny IME.....thats an odd thing for me to say cos generally i regard so called 'proffesionals' as over paid/under whelming

didn't say but had a good day yesterday getting books ready for accountant .....just the dreaded bus. barclaycard to reconcile...i set aside most of today to do it

mum had a doctors appointment at 10am....slap bang in middle of morning.....anyhoo K +mum did yard...i attack barclaycard ....mum hails me to go down to ewes while she 'prepares' for doc.....K and i check....find a tex x ewe miserable...we bring her home...jab/ worm...she's unsteady on her feet/wet....in the barn she sticks her head into a hay bale......mum to docs next....shes gone about her depression meds....theres not much else they can do TBH...it does flag up that her blood pressure is elevated....whilst waiting for her i have an 'epiphany' about barclaycard and when i return i reconcile it in minutes

only 11:30 am ....i decide to got to fil's and pick up some hurdles....arrive....get stuck......fil pulls me out calling me 'wally brain' along the way?....get home....lunch

feck me the weather is miserable....everything damp....yard is muddy but it's mostly decayed leaves....but pm is dry overhead so i go thru the 60 odd lambs i housed last friday.....extra hurdles allow easy penning but lambs don't like yard....anyhow i get set up...thru weigher....picking out the double tagged replacements...weighing a sample of the rest...35kg mode.....seems slow...then speeds up...'feck me' i think 'not many to go'....then i glance and a hurdle has come undone and lambs are escaping one by one....i'm very relaxed these days...no banana splits music.... i just trudge round 'thinking sheep'...i'm able to outwit them...just.....finish

in other news HH is poorly...virus......campus docs can't see her til next tuesday.....mrs spin advises rest.......you know what though....the uni lecturers are on strike....if HH had got a docs appointment she would have had to cross a picket line to take it

 

[yellowbelly]

the uni lecturers are on strike....

On strike...well, I never.
Come the revolution (when me and Spin are running the country) they'll be the first ones 'up against the wall'