diary of a comedy sheep farm

[spin cycle]

glum mood today...everything i've tried in life i think i've made a pretty decent fist of....except these fudging sheep....i'd like to let my arable land out ...few ewes on the pp and get on renovating the farmhouse.....i have the money to do it....just...but i'm dipping into it to prop up the sheep

why don't i ?....well combination of factors....i don't like to get beat and but for the drought it would be working....i also know i'm very lucky to be in the position i am...thousands of ppl would trade places with me or would've liked the opportunities i've had (guilt)....lastly,the biggest, mum would be devastated if i packed in (duty)

do you know what..writing it down has helped

anyhoo....all quiet...so litter round....with high winds later and tomorrow the barn doors on 'the big hut' are vulnerable...it houses the forklift and two ewe sections....it's ex ww2 from langham airfield put up by grandfather.....this straw is a lot better and ewes tuck in...don't know if thats a good thing though...prolapse?....no cases yet touchwood

mum ventures out on the gator....flag waving excersize to rally 'troops'?

home for lunch....lasagne....mrs spin busy ferrying 'cinders' and 'her highness' about...'her highness' departs for 'Caamboidya'...next stage of 'GAP YAAAR'

the 'owl' departs to sheffield for steel city derby....the 'canary' and 'peacock' wish him and wednesday well

good rest then do rounds pm....bitta 'hatch battening' ready for winds....cold spring roll from last night...yum....sit down...pick up 'cinders' +check mum later

 

[spin cycle]

day starts with cats playing rugby with unfortunate rodent

up the farm today....rat sized triplets sitting in the sun...poll dorset mum at the hay rack....i'dve rather had a bigger set of twins..on the other hand a triplet is handy for fostering...i think to myself...get them sorted + colostrum...bloomin stuff is 'clumpy'...won't tube

guy turns up to service rayburn (house) and gas cooker (holiday let)

do the rounds...put the pony back in the field....someone left her stable door open

heptavac the ewe lambs + few lambs

last check round before lunch....bloody great head sticking out of a ewe....get it out but it was dead before i got there......what did i say about having a spare triplet earlier...bit a smudging...she takes it

lunch...i'm glum...glass half empty...worried about mum TBH

my tubby buckets arrive....i've not bought any in over a year but my 'gut' says it might be a good idea

couple of ewes with oedemas under the jaw....to you folks it probably means fluke...but to me its my old mate haemonchus.....should've wormed on housing but i was busy cleaning out the farmhouse attic...80 yrs untouched.....lathe /plaster/detritis a top wormy floorboards....it wasn't a job for the faint hearted

onto the vat...i'm late

do the 'rounds'.....grass has got hold of the N....do i need more FB?

home..lasagne +fries...then back to shed/check mum 9pm

 

[yellowbelly]

home..lasagne +fries...then back to shed/check mum 9pm

Can't help thinking you're being a tad harsh keeping your old mum in a shed

 

[wdah/him]

Can't help thinking you're being a tad harsh keeping your old mum in a shed

the time he saves checking both mum and sheep would all add up, sure alls not in the house though?

 

[spin cycle]

can't write to full o pancakes

today...stuff happened...some funny....5pm went round 'gerrys'(retired vicar next door) for village pancake party....said 'sorry i'm late vicar i had a sheep explode' (aka owen ..vicar of dibley).....ate in excess 15 pancakes (finished mix)...to full...beached on sofa

more tommoz.....never eating pancakes again

 

[Netherfield]

can't write to full o pancakes

today...stuff happened...some funny....5pm went round 'gerrys'(retired vicar next door) for village pancake party....said 'sorry i'm late vicar i had a sheep explode' (aka owen ..vicar of dibley).....ate in excess 15 pancakes (finished mix)...to full...beached on sofa

more tommoz.....never eating pancakes again

Or at least until this time next year

 

[spin cycle]

ok so today i aimed to be at farm 6am (mums got doctors at 9am).....so there i am toddling thru village at 1/4 to seven....at the junction a brand new auidi 4x4 screeches to a halt....he pulls out behind me....thinks about overtaking before accepting his fate...i'm doing 24mph...anymore and managing my rollie and coffee becomes tricky....i imagine what he's thinking ' bloody hell !!! ...i didn't move up from london to get stuck behind bumpkins like you!!'.......fact that north norfolk is the way it is ..is because of thousands of us 'bumpkins' never occurs to them....trust me i've asked them

at the farm...a rat sized lamb heralds more triplets...i pen her and move on...a single in the 'big hut' is exiting because it is my 'helps' first lamb...'help' is going to be renamed 'K'
......now 'K'...is married to a builder in the next village...always dreams of a smallholding ... has a daughter same age as 'cinders' and an autistic son a bit older....and 2 horses at ours...last year during lambing i sensed she was struggling with livery so i suggested she worked at lambing to help....this developed into a deal where she has 12 ewes of her own...nags free and a small monthly salary....touch wood it's working really well....the salary means she can spend as long as she likes fussing her fave sheep.....anyhow she's not impressed with the wrinkly skinned lamb....i say i'm sure i can swap later for something more cute
....back at the triplets the final 'rat' appears....the ones from the other day are going ok

feed round then mum off to docs...i have to change though as my trousers are covered in 'ectoplasm' from lambing

on the way out of yard she chastises me over a puddle in front yard...i bite... 'get rid of the sheep and i'll have time for jobs like that'...she rolls her eyes....anyhoo doc is nice chap...chat it over....some ointment to help
now i've been changing the dressing on mum's rash...and it's in rather an embarrassing place...under her boobs.....so first dressing change i have a plan to spare our dignity...if mum just rolls up her top while lifting her boobs clear jobs a good un.....i start to explain to mum.....she doesn't wait....'OOO...OK...there they are...havn't seen those in fifty four years...not sure i wanted to now'
we start again

'gerry' comes up at 10:30 to visit mum....i tell mum 5 mins before she arrives 'oh james not today'....she chats away like mad to 'gerry' when she arrives

rest of day is chores + vat....vat comes to more than i thought....but discover a decent sized cheque not been banked yet....net result i'm down

should go church 6pm....but in a heap....check round later

 

[primmiemoo]

Ectoplasm!

You do know that shepherds are exempted from regular attendance at lambing time? (Or any time that's busy with sheeps [fingers crossed emoji]).
Can you clone gerry and send to hereabouts, please

 

[spin cycle]

FRESH OUTTA THE BATH....not that the bath was fresh...'mrs spin' + 'cinders' first...i know we live like savages..IIRC...in days of yore the man went in first then so on in seniority until the baby...the water was so dirty you could barely see the baby....hence the expression...'don't throw the baby out with the bathwater'

this morning...decent set of twins....sorted them out then brekkie and phone calls....did necessary round yard....want to go fencing but expecting feed delivery so can't really leave yard....knackerman turns up...he's a bit pushed cos his brother left a while back and he can't get 'commercial insurance' for his lad til he's 25....'bloomin nuts...they can drive an artic at 21 but no-one'll touch him for this job'....i can see his point.....the dead single i had the other day had an enlarged head..'water on the brain' he says....he tells me he also had to go on a speed awareness course....anyhoo he toddles off smoking a rollie fresh from ungloved loading...he's top bloke though does his job kindly despite his tough demeanor

indoors and mum has had a phone call from company i've ordered 20 hurdles off....coming tommoz...it's cash or cheque on delivery...taking a cheque is very trusting IMO but there .....'i had a bit of trouble understanding him...is it from away?' mum says.....'staffordhire' i reply.....'ah...i thought i detected some welsh' she retorts

just before lunch it starts to rain and the feed arrives...i unload...'cor it's nice to go somewhere where they know how to use a forklift' he says....'really?' i say....'oh you wouldn't believe what some do' he continues ' i've had tines through the curtain and allsorts' .....i think he's relieved to be rid of the tonne bag that was leaning badly on the pallet

so thats two compliments i've had this week...cos apparently 'arkwright' said to 'gerry' after i left the shop sat...'there goes a really good man'

afternoon is horrible so i put my feet up....being so bloody great is ,after all, exhausting

 

[Man_in_black]

Can anyone add their daily calamity here? I'm hoping I'll find it cathartic...

Had a new hay customer come to pick up from the yard. 2 big rounds & 45 small square (hate small bales).

Nice enough horsey lady.

Handball the smalls on, at least it warmed me up. Chit chat (well I listened she whinnied) then said cheerio.

The the itching starts...down front of bib/brace, down shirt, inside vest. Try to ignore it but it's maddening.

Fine, I'm in the yard alone all day. Good brisk westerly gusting through, that'll shift it. Braces off, shirt off, quickly followed by vest...brrr colder than thought, but quickly get jeans down and begin to shake, wiggle & dance about.

Dusting myself down, time suddenly freezes as I hear a high pitched "Oh, excuse me" immediately approaching behind the corner.... It felt like a slow mo film scene "Nooooooooooooo". I was caught in no man's land, too far from my clothes to try make amends, and then it happened, a stranger finds me in middle of farm yard, just outside cattle shed, wearing grey pants & buckler boots.

At least she didn't scream!

 

[yellowbelly]

At least she didn't scream!

Poor woman wouldn't be able to............she'd be laughing too much

 

[Man_in_black]

Poor woman wouldn't be able to............she'd be laughing too much

Well, let's wait & see if she becomes a repeat customer!!

 

[Cab-over Pete]

@spin cycle. Thank you, top entertainment!

Just remember, on your glass half empty days, that there is always somebody worse off than you.


I can’t think of anybody to suggest just now, but there’s bound to be somebody!!

 

[Hesstondriver]

this is fantastic, it is really good that if making us all laugh make you feel better about stuff to then it has a a deeper meaningful purpose,

knowing your local area very well just makes this funnier

 

[spin cycle]

so yesterday wasn't quite finished....checking back 9pm a ewe after lambing but uncomfortable....having a look it looked like a single...it came out ok..covered in yellow gunk that i associate with the last lamb...a quick feel...yup a single...i consider a 'rat triplet' foster....but decide agin it....one last check and i feel a bottom....quick rearrange and a cleaner lamb draws out backwards....i leave to go have a coffee....taking it back outside to the van for a rollie....i struggle to locate it....thing is night is black and my van is...well black....i walk straight into it...net result i'm covered in coffee (and ectoplasm it turns out)

this morning i had another of my 'visions'....no brunette .....instead mrs spin heading down to the lambing shed only to see a 5'8 welsh scrum half type wearing only rigger boots and grey speedos....can't shake it outta my mind.....'perhaps i should make a little more effort'.. i think...'y'know wash/shave a bit more....NAH...i'm adorable.....i think i've lost wt....i'll weigh myself'....i won't bore you with the result....we all know scales are inaccurate and ,anyway, muscle weighs more than fat....i resort to my other test...if i put my chin on my chest,relax....now if i can see my 'bits' i can't be that fat...i pass ...just

mid morning another ewe looks uncomfortable....but some new hurdles arrive so i tend to that before having a little look....another bloomin head but no legs.....out it comes....'stormin normans' first of the season.....now he's my nz suffolk bought from a forum member described as 'in his working clothes'.....turns out he hasn't got any other 'clothes'.....somehow he throws nice lambs though
...first lamb out...then two more....iodine ,dry off..leave for a bit...they're shivering so i slip on some 'macs' (i know..but it does work)....trot off for some colostrum cos milk only just coming and they're up and at her....when i return one is at milk bar..one has ripped it's coat off and the other is trying drown itself in the water bucket.....colostrum is gobbled up though

as i go into lunch tyre marks show the postie has been...indoors mum is waving a piece of paper...is that a 'wanted poster'.....fudge me no it's anglia farmer...he looks familiar....'look' says mum 'he's making money out of sheep'....i read the article ...and ..y'know ..one of these perfect types...all electronic recording and prattley ....'i wonder if his replacement policy is based on looks and personality' i say...'you're full of excuses' retorts mum
seriously though..really nice piece about fellow forum member...lovely family....coulda smiled though

after lunch...pick up mums pills and scrape the yard...there's still mud...just less of it

RIGHT...tonites plan....check shed 7pm...over to fil's to watch canaries v swans....back to check and home...what could possibly go wrong

 

[Gator]

Brilliant, i think most of us can relate to some of your days, just nice to know its not just me.
keep it up , love it

 

[RMSLLOYD]

Have only just discovered this thread. I have spent the last 45 mins reading all the posts. Absolutely brilliant. The honest and light hearted spin on a quite often lonely and demoralizing (which we also get to touch upon in your posts) way of life really have given us something enjoyable to read. Keep up the good work. Favourite bits so far; abbatoir weights in spam box and the Staffordshire Welsh accent

 

[yellowbelly]

Have only just discovered this thread. I have spent the last 45 mins reading all the posts. Absolutely brilliant. The honest and light hearted spin on a quite often lonely and demoralizing (which we also get to touch upon in your posts) way of life really have given us something enjoyable to read. Keep up the good work. Favourite bits so far; abbatoir weights in spam box and the Staffordshire Welsh accent

......he's also introduced a new word into the 'lambing lexicon'......ECTOPLASM

IMHO, all veterinary books should be immediately recalled so the new word can be included.

 

[Gator]

......he's also introduced a new word into the 'lambing lexicon'......ECTOPLASM

IMHO, all veterinary books should be immediately recalled so the new word can be included.

Also know as Gusset Juice

 

[Cab-over Pete]

Mmmmmm.....,,