Different expectations on a family farm

[suzie]

How many of you farm wives fell in love with the handsome farmer on his big tractor but failed to look into the future and appreciate the difficulties of life on a family farm? Each generation has had different expectations: Grandfather worked 24/7 and never went out of the county. Father worked as hard but looked for a little more freedom and perhaps some time off. Now son wants time to be with his family and see his children going to bed, and he wants to take his wife away on holiday.. There is no right or wrong - just different ideals

 

[kiwi pom]

It's never really changed that much. Those that enjoy family life will want to spend time with their partner and children, whenever they can and try to make it happen, although things do get in the way sometimes.
There's also those that want a partner and children but really don't like/want to be with them all the time (this is true outside of farming too) so they'll blame the farm and say they're too busy.

It's always been like this, the only difference being the partner is more likely to walk away nowadays if things are going wrong.

Here in NZ non farmers that go into the industry often say the reason for it is you can spend more time with your family than you can doing other things.

 

[Whitewalker]

Coming from a father who was 24/7 working and really didn’t see the need for family time, I spend time with my wife and kids cos I want to. Like @kiwi pom says if you want to you make it happen. Not always easy and there are sacrifices too but I have made the choice to always be at school sports and plays and important occasions because time flies by and the little things will be the big things some day .

 

[suzie]

You will never regret any sacrifices you make for your family and children. The relationships and memories you build in early years are so crucial

 

[Whitewalker]

You will never regret any sacrifices you make for your family and children. The relationships and memories you build in early years are so crucial

Has it impacted you negatively?

 

[Y Fan Wen]

It's never really changed that much. Those that enjoy family life will want to spend time with their partner and children, whenever they can and try to make it happen, although things do get in the way sometimes.
There's also those that want a partner and children but really don't like/want to be with them all the time (this is true outside of farming too) so they'll blame the farm and say they're too busy.

It's always been like this, the only difference being the partner is more likely to walk away nowadays if things are going wrong.

Here in NZ non farmers that go into the industry often say the reason for it is you can spend more time with your family than you can doing other things.

I met a chap who worked in the city and lived in Portsmouth. I was amazed to find he drove to work every day when there is a good train service. When I met his wife I understood why!

 

[shumungus]

If you look closely, those that appear to have to work 24/7 all the time are doing it for one of two reasons, either because they enjoy their own company and don't want to spend time with their family or the more common, bad management. Yes there are unavoidable times in our industry where extra hours have to be worked but these pass, if they don't pass it is for one of the afore mentioned reasons.

 

[suzie]

Has it impacted you negatively?

Never in a million years. My motto has always been ' family first'

 

[capfits]

Presentism is the ruination of enthusiasm.

 

[Whitewalker]

Presentism is the ruination of enthusiasm.

That’s deep!

 

[ARW]

How about the ugly peasant farmer and scrap machinery?
much more fitting to us

 

[Chasingmytail]

What concerns me if the modern woman will not forgo much. Compare myself to my friends they expect so much. This concerns me for the future of this farm with my two boys. In comp now the girls spend so much time worrying about how they look its more about appearance then any content. Go inside most modern homes are clinical a farmhouse is not. Putting up with the daily stress and anguish. Not being a princess or centre of attention.

But again there is a lot to be said for the stress of being employed in the city leaving the home at 6am to get home at 7pm to be exhausted at the weekend drinking themselves to death many relationships break down and children spoilt to fill the gaps.

The first few years were pretty lonely but now the boys are a massive part of the team - we taught them that the more they work the more effort the money money for boys toys. I dont think you lose out that much on the very early years. I feel the years 7yrs plus are more value. Missing out on bedtimes Ive never really bothered about that - my fella wasnt here much did it have much effect - no not really. Perhaps its a modern phenomena my father in the 70s was an engineer left the home early and got home late. If you look at history men went down the pits - did they get involved in the domestic/childcare?

I took the boys camping last year. Had a brilliant time. Man came down on motorbike for a few days. We havent had many hols but the quality of our breaks away seem to be 10 x better then the friends 3 packages a year.

I agree my idea of being the farmers wife is nothing like I envisaged.

 

[Pennine Ploughing]

its not just farming, all industries across the board, are working less than the generation before, and it will continue to do so

 

[Whitewalker]

What concerns me if the modern woman will not forgo much. Compare myself to my friends they expect so much. This concerns me for the future of this farm with my two boys. In comp now the girls spend so much time worrying about how they look its more about appearance then any content. Go inside most modern homes are clinical a farmhouse is not. Putting up with the daily stress and anguish. Not being a princess or centre of attention.

But again there is a lot to be said for the stress of being employed in the city leaving the home at 6am to get home at 7pm to be exhausted at the weekend drinking themselves to death many relationships break down and children spoilt to fill the gaps.

The first few years were pretty lonely but now the boys are a massive part of the team - we taught them that the more they work the more effort the money money for boys toys. I dont think you lose out that much on the very early years. I feel the years 7yrs plus are more value. Missing out on bedtimes Ive never really bothered about that - my fella wasnt here much did it have much effect - no not really. Perhaps its a modern phenomena my father in the 70s was an engineer left the home early and got home late. If you look at history men went down the pits - did they get involved in the domestic/childcare?

I took the boys camping last year. Had a brilliant time. Man came down on motorbike for a few days. We havent had many hols but the quality of our breaks away seem to be 10 x better then the friends 3 packages a year.

I agree my idea of being the farmers wife is nothing like I envisaged.

I do agree however relationships are important and both parties gain immensely and when you boil it all down for me , if I can work a little less and play with my wife and kids it’s better than head stuck under a cow at 9pm

 

[Contrattacker]

You can spend time on the farm with your family. For example, the other day my family and I went to the forest for firewood and had a great time. You can make a holiday out of each business if you want.