Family issues....keep the peace?

Fendt65

Member
Nobody ever wants to talk about family problems and i am strong believer in talking, you sir have done a courageous thing and talking about the elephant in the room.
good luck to you with your situation because their never seems to be a good outcome but if someone speaks out hopefully something will happen.
this is taking a huge toll on you and your family I hope their is a good outcome to your situation.
 

traineefarmer

Member
Mixed Farmer
Location
Mid Norfolk
If you are protected from any financial danger, then I think the time has come to "end the peace". This person has their mental health damaged for decades in the name of protection and to the detriment of everyone else around them. This cannot continue.

Drop some truth bombs. Be hard. Be tough and get this person disconnected from everyone's lives.
 

som farmer

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
somerset
l think you have your answer, from many who have/are going through similar.
Ours has no effect on the business, l was going to delete that last bit, because its wrong, it actually has serious long term effects, l have had to farm, for that long term effect, and without doubt, it effects all of us, in the longer term.
My biggest grudge/hate, is the fact that l could have sorted it out, for the last 26 yrs, but have been stopped from doing so, by other family members, and so it festers on.
One huge monumental upheaval, perhaps very unpleasant, and controversial, is the only long term answer. Not nice, but.
 

idgni

Member
Livestock Farmer
Location
Armagh
Our Ag Consultant chucked said individual out of the last meeting we had saying "I've never met anyone before who will not listen to anyone else's opinion. You are also utterly business inept. I refuse to deal with you any more".

The fella had just done something so unbelievably ridiculous that if I put it on here you wouldn't believe me. He wa still in the right though....of course.
He did what you need to Do,
My favorite term JFDI
pussy footing around the problem only makes it worse, as you have already said,
the sooner it's said the sooner it sorted.
 

Overby

Member
Mixed Farmer
Location
South West
The thread title says keeping the peace. You surely realise you are not keeping the peace at all, it doesn't sound very peaceful for any of you.
Don't allow it to carry on into your children's lives.
The whole family have done this for 60 years plus....I look like I'm creating problems when I'm actually the 1st one trying to sort them
 

Overby

Member
Mixed Farmer
Location
South West
l think you have your answer, from many who have/are going through similar.
Ours has no effect on the business, l was going to delete that last bit, because its wrong, it actually has serious long term effects, l have had to farm, for that long term effect, and without doubt, it effects all of us, in the longer term.
My biggest grudge/hate, is the fact that l could have sorted it out, for the last 26 yrs, but have been stopped from doing so, by other family members, and so it festers on.
One huge monumental upheaval, perhaps very unpleasant, and controversial, is the only long term answer. Not nice, but.
The similarities here are astonishing
 

Overby

Member
Mixed Farmer
Location
South West
Is it time to disband the partnership and each partner staring his own business with his own bit of land ??
( or her )
You would think that would solve things....but when everything has to stay the same 'in case Mr X has a funny turn', or things agreed are ignored by Mr X because ' he's got his issues you know;' it just goes on and on and on.
 

Overby

Member
Mixed Farmer
Location
South West
And I just thought I was going daft .....

'Could have swore he had a different user name yesterday '...... 🙄
Haha, please believe me when I say the username change was underway before this topic started... (which it was, there's always a delay for admin to approve), name change was for something different.....cover is deep enough here for me to be relaxed. .....the lunatic doesn't use computers anyway
 

Old Tup

Member
Two meetings….
First one everyone else involved excluding the “Topic” of the thread attends with the Business Accountant and the Business Solicitor.
Establish what is and what is not possible.
Formulate a plan to solve and end the situation to everyone’s or the majorities benefit that is in the room that resolves the situation.

Second meeting .
Attending will be Solicitor and Accountant and whoever from the first meeting that feels happy to attend Plus the “Topic” of the thread.
Probably the Business Solicitor will read out a prepared document entitled “This what is going to happen…”
The result will no doubt be Nuclear…..but it will pass…
It can be dressed up in a Charitable way (£‘s) or as brutal as necessary …
Until then the “Can“ will continue to be kicked down the road…life is too short
 
Location
southwest
Almost certainly, but that wasn't a label back then....cue 50 years of keeping him happy hidden playing on his tractor

Lots of people are on the autistic spectrum-that doesn't make them mad, crazy insane or whatever term you want to use-they just see the World in a slightly different way.

You/someone needs to sit down with this chap and talk about how everyone has always known he was slightly different, but out of love and respect for him, they chose to accept him as he was and they have made allowances to help him live a full and happy life.

But, unfortunately, at times, things have gone too far (mention a couple of examples) and gently explain how these sort of things have affected everyone else (he will never have considered how his behaviour has affected others) and everyone now feels that it's the right time for him to realise and accept he must make allowances for how his actions affect people.

Suggest a few minor ways he could change.

After a few days, have another chat about how things are going.

Take it slowly, no one change totally overnight.
 

Overby

Member
Mixed Farmer
Location
South West
Well, now I really want to know what this fella did.
You wouldn't believe me! From personal; to business...the incidents are ASTONISHING, and they span 65 plus years....right up until now, literally this week.

I'm not being a pain by keeping quiet, bringing them up on here would be going too far, sorry.
 
Last edited:

Overby

Member
Mixed Farmer
Location
South West
Lots of people are on the autistic spectrum-that doesn't make them mad, crazy insane or whatever term you want to use-they just see the World in a slightly different way.

You/someone needs to sit down with this chap and talk about how everyone has always known he was slightly different, but out of love and respect for him, they chose to accept him as he was and they have made allowances to help him live a full and happy life.

But, unfortunately, at times, things have gone too far (mention a couple of examples) and gently explain how these sort of things have affected everyone else (he will never have considered how his behaviour has affected others) and everyone now feels that it's the right time for him to realise and accept he must make allowances for how his actions affect people.

Suggest a few minor ways he could change.

After a few days, have another chat about how things are going.

Take it slowly, no one change totally overnight.
Very sensible advice, it's very difficult after so many years and he is so deluded and arrogant (and foul tempered) I just can't see him accepting any of it.

I genuinely worry what harm he may do to himself or try to do to me (he'd best not, he'll get 30 years of frustration quickly introducing his teeth to his colon) as " I am amazing, no one says no to me".

There's not just the mental bit, there's an appalling level of arrogance, which does tie in but isn't directly related.

I know I need to get past that, and will.

Thanks for the advice.
 

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