Family issues....keep the peace?

[eternal peter pan]

non of that will probably have any success or effect.........please do yourself a favour and sit down at your computer and google /research PATHALOGICAL NARCASSISUM and then go more specific such as ( the effects a pathalogical narcassist has on their family /work coleeges) or what ever your relationship is with this person .. hopefully if this is the correct diognosis of this individual then it will give you some tools of understanding and dealing with these disfunctional people im dealing with a complete controlling entity that we would refer to as control freak/dictator /phyco /geriatric toddler etc ......stumbling accross the personality disorder called PATHALOGICAL NARCASSIST (BEAR IN MIND THAT A PERSONALITY DISORDER IS A DISORDER OF THAT PERSONS PERSONALITY AND PROBABLY CANNOT BE FIXED ) but your interactions /dealings/resolutions with this person can be adjusted to mitigate the detrimental effects....sorry to be blunt but you probably wont be able to fix them....please let me know if you do ,do a bit of research and if it shed light on why he probably behaves the way he does

 

[Kidds]

You must always remember not to count on the 100% backing of the rest of the family in a confrontation. They are so used to humouring him that when it comes to the crunch they may well do it again rather than put up a fight. People take the easy route even when it isn't the best route.
I learned that one the hard way and it quite knocked my morale at the time. I did win out in the end because I was right all along but it was a hard lesson.

 

[betweenthelines]

I don't think tackling this chap "mob handed" would be a good idea as he would say/feel he's being ganged up on if more than him and two other people are in the room, same if you wheel in the big guns in the form of a Solicitor. Just you, him and a person known and trusted by both of you to act as an emotional support and see fair play on both sides.

Also, the fewer people present, the less likely he is to "blow up" as he won't have an audience to play up to.

 

[eternal peter pan]

You must always remember not to count on the 100% backing of the rest of the family in a confrontation. They are so used to humouring him that when it comes to the crunch they may well do it again rather than put up a fight. People take the easy route even when it isn't the best route.
I learned that one the hard way and it quite knocked my morale at the time. I did win out in the end because I was right all along but it was a hard lesson.

just out of intrest have you read my new post...did itrelate to your situation atall

 

[Kidds]

just out of intrest have you read my new post

Isn't that question a bit narcissistic?

 

[eternal peter pan]

Isn't that question a bit narcissistic?

not really ..... usually when the rest of the family gangs up on one member then usually its because they are being inflenced by the one at the top

 

[Kidds]

I was joking.
Nobody ganged up on anyone, I just didn't get the backing I expected at the time. They got their back scratched so switched sides.
What puzzled me at the time was why I lost that battle as it was obvious it would lose us £30k and pointed out why. We still did it their way, still ended up exactly where I said we would and yes it did lose us £30k. That wasn't me being someone with incredible foresight it was them refusing to see what was in front of them, it was a simple sum not some clever business strategy.
The point being exactly as I posted previously about expecting support.

 

[chipchap]

I was joking.
Nobody ganged up on anyone, I just didn't get the backing I expected at the time. They got their back scratched so switched sides.
What puzzled me at the time was why I lost that battle as it was obvious it would lose us £30k and pointed out why. We still did it their way, still ended up exactly where I said we would and yes it did lose us £30k. That wasn't me being someone with incredible foresight it was them refusing to see what was in front of them, it was a simple sum not some clever business strategy.
The point being exactly as I posted previously about expecting support.

There are none more deaf than those who do not choose to listen.

Misplaced loyalty can take some leverage to shift it.

 

[Overby]

I was joking.
Nobody ganged up on anyone, I just didn't get the backing I expected at the time. They got their back scratched so switched sides.
What puzzled me at the time was why I lost that battle as it was obvious it would lose us £30k and pointed out why. We still did it their way, still ended up exactly where I said we would and yes it did lose us £30k. That wasn't me being someone with incredible foresight it was them refusing to see what was in front of them, it was a simple sum not some clever business strategy.
The point being exactly as I posted previously about expecting support.

This sadly rings so true here too. Losing thousands rather than upset the manchild.

 

[Overby]

non of that will probably have any success or effect.........please do yourself a favour and sit down at your computer and google /research PATHALOGICAL NARCASSISUM and then go more specific such as ( the effects a pathalogical narcassist has on their family /work coleeges) or what ever your relationship is with this person .. hopefully if this is the correct diognosis of this individual then it will give you some tools of understanding and dealing with these disfunctional people im dealing with a complete controlling entity that we would refer to as control freak/dictator /phyco /geriatric toddler etc ......stumbling accross the personality disorder called PATHALOGICAL NARCASSIST (BEAR IN MIND THAT A PERSONALITY DISORDER IS A DISORDER OF THAT PERSONS PERSONALITY AND PROBABLY CANNOT BE FIXED ) but your interactions /dealings/resolutions with this person can be adjusted to mitigate the detrimental effects....sorry to be blunt but you probably wont be able to fix them....please let me know if you do ,do a bit of research and if it shed light on why he probably behaves the way he does

I know what's wrong with him, he has another condition (which has been untreated since childhood) which shows many of the signs of narcissism, BUT crucially, he also has narcicisstic tendencies (which other family members have historically shown too). It's a nightmare, he has a genuine condition but is also and arrogant, deluded fool who has been spoilt and shielded his whole life.

 

[Reluctant PT Farmer]

Very sensible advice, it's very difficult after so many years and he is so deluded and arrogant (and foul tempered) I just can't see him accepting any of it.

I genuinely worry what harm he may do to himself or try to do to me (he'd best not, he'll get 30 years of frustration quickly introducing his teeth to his colon) as " I am amazing, no one says no to me".

There's not just the mental bit, there's an appalling level of arrogance, which does tie in but isn't directly related.

I know I need to get past that, and will.

Thanks for the advice.

I think this is excellent advice and unfortunately I also have direct family experience - the anger, arrogance and financial impacts all are very familiar but as the comments suggested I think mental health and some variant of a spectrum issue mean you are not always dealing with a rational person who deals with things the way you might. I’d suggest contacting the organisation Farmwell (https://farmwell.org.uk/). No personal experience as we have ‘managed’ within the family to a certain extent but like you a bit by tolerating the bad behaviour and marginalising what they can influence. Good luck as families are difficult at the best of times but more so when there is someone so challengIng but you are right to address fort the benefit of the next generation.

 

[Overby]

I think this is excellent advice and unfortunately I also have direct family experience - the anger, arrogance and financial impacts all are very familiar but as the comments suggested I think mental health and some variant of a spectrum issue mean you are not always dealing with a rational person who deals with things the way you might. I’d suggest contacting the organisation Farmwell (https://farmwell.org.uk/). No personal experience as we have ‘managed’ within the family to a certain extent but like you a bit by tolerating the bad behaviour and marginalising what they can influence. Good luck as families are difficult at the best of times but more so when there is someone so challengIng but you are right to address fort the benefit of the next generation.

That's why i'm going to address it now, it's already affected 2 generations, the selfish fool isn't getting a pass to ruin a 3rd.

 

[Weare Cham]

Any chance of a live feed?

Pay per view?

 

[eternal peter pan]

That's why i'm going to address it now, it's already affected 2 generations, the selfish fool isn't getting a pass to ruin a 3rd.

If you have the success with addressing the situation and sorting it out ........Please share with us all, as this issue is probably the biggest strain, on a large minority of family farms. Especially if the person with the condition also happens to be the one with all the clout (been going on since time began, but no solutions to date ) racism / sexism and coertion in a marrage is illegal but coertion in buisness hasn't caught up yet One day hopefully Good luck

 

[Landrover]

I wonder if there's been an outcome yet ?

 

[betweenthelines]

Overby spoke to Mr X who blew his top. Overby now in hospital while Mr X is in custody awaiting a physc evaluation.

 

[Overby]

Haha, it's imminent....difficulty ensuring timing is correct for all involved. A tiny, tiny, bit of me hopes Mr X does blow his top, and 30 years of frustration is unleashed. It would lead to a hospital visit, but the psych evaluation would have to wait as they'd be extracting his teeth from his fundament first!

 

[Thick Farmer]

You should have done it on April 1st. Then if it all drastically backfired you could have just said it was an April fools trick that went wrong!

 

[bobajob]

How’s it going now.? Any updates you can post?!

 

[YELROM]

How’s it going now.? Any updates you can post?!

He’s not allowed his phone in jail so can’t post any updates