farming family relationships......

[Doitzland]

Hello all. What to do about this. Hope anyone can have an insight into this to help me understand how to navigate myself out of this one.
right here goes and I am up for constructive criticism and positive ways.
All my life I have grown up between two farms I was always the fella who does the buckraking from early 90s till I went to university which I now run a successful CCTV farm business and silage time has always been a passion of mine that wasn't "allowed" to do other jobs such as mowing, carting the grass (which I done when I came back from uni and its a role that my uncle or father is comfortable for me to do) my father and I rowed a lot about the nitty gritty details about silage he refuses to let me in to it into the past and today. my uncle is more willing to share the roles but even then in the past can be reluctant partner in silage times. I have always wanted to mow the grass at home ground and get a hand at the harvester. my father always gives the work to other people or my younger brother and he's away over seas to do some custom harvesting by himself.
when I finished uni I worked in Scotland for 5 years then came home and start again I had asked my father could use his tractor and I buy a mower to get me started for summer contracting and use his mart contacts to get me started he said no way so I'm still angry about because then theres people who didn't contract as much around as there is now and he that said I wouldn't make any money and F**K off.
so then I left the country again for a 2 or 3 years and came back to work to start a business in cameras (2009) its working well I had a house that my father got me to rent with land beside it. I had thought he was giving me a chance to buy it with non financial help from him just as guarantor turned out he bought it for himself he wasn't interested in the house but just the land and my mother wanted the house its a small bit of land 5 acres and and small house needless to say I was raging mad at the them for being selfish for what I wanted out of life and not helping at all.so then later on about a year later I married someone and we bought a house with 4 acres of land theres was sneering from people in my area cos I'm not a "farmer" or what u need 4 acres for that kind of attitude point is I wanted land to do what I wanted to do look after it and do all the tractor work needed to keep it and make a few pound out of it. but now I am going through separation with my wife due to a woman who is far too controlling I must attract those types!!!
I am now back in the house my father bought its been sitting empty since I left it haha but shouldn't be like that really. so lately he's put in his silage around he has a cousin he's very friendly with who does a lot of the tractor work for him and his friend puts in the silage for him with the mower and harvester. I did draw silage last week with my own tractor (Valtra) he recently used my tractor to top grass as he assumed he could use my tractor without permission so I'm still angry with my dad for his attitude cos today I asked him I've some quiet time coming up and could I put the slurry out for you with my tractor and what he do he called his mate and asked him to do it for him. im like unbelieveable.!!!
so my question to anyone who could help? I want to do silage for myself without being branded as childish or foolish yes I do have good business and make decent pound but why can't I do what I would enjoy doing as well that is mowing raking slurry silage harvester etc without having to put myself in debt in trying to get at it. I don't ask for much or am I?
btw this cousins friend started contract work with a leg up from his father 6 years ago his father had a tractor and he bought the rest and now works 800 acres a year and sometimes my father would help him too give him contacts give him a turn 10 years ago I wanted to do this. but my main question what do I do now and or will I take it lying down and let my dream go.....

 

[Chae1]

How old are you now ?

Sounds complicated.

Driving tractors is over rated. Can do it all on farm simulator.

 

[RobFZS]

Wasting your time with family, if you want to do silage, go work for a contractor away from the place, sad as it might be, you cant win with some people

 

[Yale]

Sounds like you had a lucky escape from the contracting and the wife.

Follow your dreams,use your qualifications,travel,meet people,you have a second chance.

Run boy,run......

 

[Doitzland]

its very frustrating though im not looking to be a die hard contractor as such just get a mower and harvester and contract out its very much competitive nowadays which is big problem thats why I felt its easy on family home ground but they treat me so badly with it my uncle is more open minded doing those things but my old boy could f**k it up on me telling his brother what to do. your man seems right wasting my time with family and lucky escape with wife lol

 

[Doitzland]

don't get me wrong I've thousands of tractor hours on my belt but its feels like glass ceiling doing mowing and harvester unless I get a spiffing new kit or plenty of willing contacts....

 

[Doitzland]

can anyone else have a deeper insight for me? one is to stay away from family on silage or farm matters one is to work for another contractor. what about contracting myself ? im pretty angry at my family cos they know I would jump at the chance but deny me the options or the experience

 

[ARW]

Long story short, you are all fighting over the tractor driving jobs?
Me and my brother used to do that, when we were 15.

 

[Doitzland]

not fighting over it its more im prevented from doing it as a fathers son and nephew from farms and I always wanted a hand at mowing or harvesting. now I have to go else where because they are being c**nts about it. even now..but praise others for doing it though. I did ask not to see it as childish its more of a case of farming family hierarchy. so if you used to do it with your brother then so what do nowadays ARW? did you do al the jobs did you get all the experience?

 

[Spud]

Is there any liklihood that your dad has a succession plan? That (given you have an uncle involved too) that you may one day get to farm the family farm? Dont forget that silage needs men and machinery, which costs money. Lots of competition = less profit. More people and machines need more management, which means less time in the seat yourself, which kind of defeats the object.
I'm not sure how old you are, but you do sound young. My advice? Bugger off and make your way elsewhere - if thats driving a tractor for a contractor for 3000hrs a year, do it. If its chasing a quid contracting, fine. Best to move on before an irepairable fall out occurs.

 

[ARW]

I'm a fencing contractor and my brother runs the family farm.
We were held back from certain jobs at certain times, only because the job needed doing well and on time, then other times we were thrown in at the deep end.
If you want to drive a tractor then find a local contractor, leave the family to it if they won't let you have a go

 

[Spud]

not fighting over it its more im prevented from doing it as a fathers son and nephew from farms and I always wanted a hand at mowing or harvesting. now I have to go else where because they are being c**nts about it. even now..but praise others for doing it though. I did ask not to see it as childish its more of a case of farming family hierarchy. so if you used to do it with your brother then so what do nowadays ARW? did you do al the jobs did you get all the experience?

Have you started at the bottom, doing all the crap jobs, or have you come home from travelling and expected to do the top jobs?

 

[hindmaist]

What did you study at university?

 

[Doitzland]

im not disagreeing with any of you in fact is sound advice im actually 38 yrs old like I say I run a business for nearly 10 years travelled in between yes I've done al the crap jobs when I was a teenager then asking to do mowing after uni which my uncle let me do a wee bit of it not all of it my dad did too but under protest its true I never stayed home but every time I comeback age old issues come back and its probably sad its like that but I do realise its never gonna change. but it does. annoy me when I see what I seen back then would have worked out for me if I had of been helped and I see my younger brother doing the jobs I didn't get doing I think he probably will get the farm anyway. all I ever wanted to do is the tractor work without expense. I think its more of top down thinking on the family part.
I studied computer networks...discouraged to do agriculture though.
I am also deaf but I do hear and speak well though.
local contractors will take me on with their tractors but not with mine even then they might take the P when it comes to the coin fobbing off comes to mind and then when they complain they can't get the help....

 

[Thomas5060]

Where are you from?

 

[Doitzland]

NI why do you ask Thomas?

 

[Thick Farmer]

Boohoo, my dad won't let me mow a field. You're 38, not 12!!

Use your computer degree to make some serious money and buy your own farm that you can mow to your hearts content!

 

[Doitzland]

Have you started at the bottom, doing all the crap jobs, or have you come home from travelling and expected to do the top jobs?

might have been seen like that.. its very possible

Is there any liklihood that your dad has a succession plan? That (given you have an uncle involved too) that you may one day get to farm the family farm? Dont forget that silage needs men and machinery, which costs money. Lots of competition = less profit. More people and machines need more management, which means less time in the seat yourself, which kind of defeats the object.
I'm not sure how old you are, but you do sound young. My advice? Bugger off and make your way elsewhere - if thats driving a tractor for a contractor for 3000hrs a year, do it. If its chasing a quid contracting, fine. Best to move on before an irepairable fall out occurs.

your quite right about this the only reason I talk about it on here is to get a sense of reason it may be im at fault and not anyone else. so I do consider the brutal truth if need be. btw spud im only 2 years younger than you. do you agree its more of a case of not allowing to tread on the toes of the bosses cos your its your family or and outsiders are no threat. family is more important than falling out over tractors for sure.

 

[Doitzland]

Boohoo, my dad won't let me mow a field. You're 38, not 12!!

Use your computer degree to make some serious money and buy your own farm that you can mow to your hearts content!

your tactful to be sure. im just pee'd off that im still treated the same way I was when I was 12 in fact thats the problem so il just expand the business and get myself a farm or some ground I did have 4 acres with the wife though was fun while it lasted.....

 

[Spud]

might have been seen like that.. its very possible

your quite right about this the only reason I talk about it on here is to get a sense of reason it may be im at fault and not anyone else. so I do consider the brutal truth if need be. btw spud im only 2 years younger than you. do you agree its more of a case of not allowing to tread on the toes of the bosses cos your its your family or and outsiders are no threat. family is more important than falling out over tractors for sure.

Thats a bit jumbled, but I think I understand. It sounds like you've popped in and out of the family farm a bit. Has kid brother been there pretty much school? It may be they all have their own jobs/responsibilities/ways of doing things, and your returning upsets the dynamic, with them wondering how long you will stick around? Theres more to this than mowing, for sure.
Divided responsibilities often help, look at bigger businesses like Metcalfe Farms for example, three brothers, all do very different things in the business. If they all tried to do bits of everything, I doubt theyd be as successful as they are.
Here? I do day to day (and have final say, though I do consider fathers opinion) on the farm, particularly the spuds. Father until recently did day to day on the diversification, and has final say on that, though considers my veiw on major decisions). Both enterprises being about a third of the business financially. The other third? Day to day mostly me, father does some of the assurance stuff, drys grain, and markets most of it, but does very little tractor work these days.
I am a partner (have been for 14yrs iirc) and my profit share reflects the level of responsibility (risk) I undertake. Had I been still employed labour, with no say, responsibility, or chance to build my share of the business, theres a very high chance I would of moved on long ago, perhaps returning in fathers dotage, who knows.

Do you get on with your brother? (I couldn't work for more than a few days with mine!) Maybe have a conversation re his plans/thoughts on what happens when your dad and uncle get to a physical point of having to retire (I'm assuming, as you are 38, they may be nicely into their 60's?). You will need to be compatible to consider running it together, should you want such a thing.
The other alternative is to get away from the family farm. Maybe get a small holding to build your own business from, and pay for it with the day job. Learn with your own money, and from your own mistakes, and earn the respect of your farming family. 'computer geek wants to go mowing' isn't really the way.

Good luck

Spud